MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

[Raw Shark]

Heh, I'm reminded of something I said a while ago, people would all get along a bit better if they just ate more of each other's food...

Yeah, I dated a Jewish girl for two years once, and would've married her if she wanted to do it. I had a great time at all of their shit, except that I cannot keep a yarmulke on my head to save my life. I just can't. If it could talk, it would shout, "Goy!" as it jumped off with all of its might.

I did manage to catch one out of the air and keep it from touching the ground while walking behind an Orthodox guy down the street on a windy Saturday once, though. He was sincerely grateful.

[Raw Shark]

NOTE: Yes, this is the cleaned-up version. There was much umming, uhhing, and giggling between lines by the white boys)

BAKED HIPSTER: Are we at Colfax and Broadway right now?

YOUR DRIVER: Yeah.

BAKED HIPSTER: Broadway has a reputation for being sketchy, but I've lived a couple blocks off it for years and I've never had a problem.

YOUR DRIVER: Yeah, I live a couple blocks from Colfax, and I've never had any trouble. Broadway doesn't even compare to Colfax for dirty.

BAKED HIPSTER: Oooooooh! We've got fightin' words here, ladies and gentlemen. It is time... for the Broadway vs Colfax EPIC RAP BATTLE!

YOUR DRIVER: [laughing uncontrollably as he realizes that this guy is actually serious]

BAKED HIPSTER: [lays down some beat box] Check, check, one two, do you see something you like? This is MC B'Way taking over the mic:

They call me Broadway, but that's not my thing.
I'm here to spit some sick rhymes, not to sing.
You've got a smell like piss and have busted pot holes.
I'm home to the antique shops and Green Mile pot. Sold!
Yeah, I'm where everything awesome is bought.
VP-17, let's see what you've got.

YOUR DRIVER: [takes a few moments to compose himself and some rhymes]

My first name is Col, and I've got the Fax.
You wanna step to me? Son you better relax.
Antique shops? You are the antique.
You're a place for hipsters; I'm no place for the weak.
My rhymes will take you right out of the equation.
You run back to Littleton; I'm the longest in the nation.

BAKED HIPSTER: [laughs] We should do guest verses, featuring [bus lines] 0 and 15.

YOUR DRIVER: [cackles] You're up.

BAKED HIPSTER: [clears his throat and takes a few moments]

My name is Zero, and I'm anything but one.
A bus superhero, so I don't need a gun.
I run off of clean-burning natural gas.
Yield to the bus, or I'll bus' yo ass!

YOUR DRIVER: [laughs and thinks for a few moments; emulates the voice of Ad Rock from the Beastie Boys]

I'm the big One Five. I'm dirty and cleh-ver.
My floors are sticky and I'm on time neh-ver.
I've got character, and if you could ask for more,
Do you want crackheads, or junkies, or beggars, or whores?

BOTH: [laughing too hard to continue]

[Broomstick]

I had no idea motor oil moved that fast.

We've had motor oil on sale for a couple weeks now. I've been loading a skid or two of mutli-quart jugs every morning to keep the shelves full, and also to get it out of the back room where it does no one any good.

Yesterday, a gentleman came down the aisle as I approached holding out a jug of T6 Rotella diesel oil. Asked if we had any more in the back. I said sure (had seen several boxes of the jugs the day before) and asked how many he wanted, expecting the usual request for 1 or 2 jugs.

He said how many you got? And were they still in the crates/boxes?

Long story short, he bought out our entire stock, all nine crates, and wiped out our Mobil 0W-40 High Mileage, too.

Apparently, he owns a small delivery service and a fleet of trucks and vans.

So... around $900 of motor oil of various sorts. Made sure the Store Director heard about that and took credit for the auto supply sales being up the week.

Needless to say, Mr. Oil there was not the only customer buying oil. Some people do spring cleaning, I guess others do spring oil changing.

[Zaune]

Makes sense, I guess. From what little I know of what the process entails it's something you'd want to do outside.

[Venator]

As far as I understand Broomstick, you work in publicly-open retail?

Great sale to get credit for, but I'm shocked he didn't have a commercial supplier to order at wholesale rates from.

Considering what most shops charge for one pil change, though, I'm sure his margins are fine.

[LadyTevar]

*dies laughing at the Rap Battle* I'm old enough to hear the Beastie Boys in that last one....
.

[Broomstick]

As far as I understand Broomstick, you work in publicly-open retail?

Great sale to get credit for, but I'm shocked he didn't have a commercial supplier to order at wholesale rates from.

Considering what most shops charge for one pil change, though, I'm sure his margins are fine.

Yep, big-box public retail, a bit upscale from Wal-Mart.

A lot depends on the exact size of his business - he may not need it enough often enough to make buying wholesale truly feasible - there are usually rules about minimum quantities and such. He did say he did his own oil changes, and since ours was on sale maybe the price difference was enough that he came out ahead for the next couple months or whatever. Probably watches for sales.

[Elheru Aran]

It occurs to me he could be what they call a 'shade tree mechanic'. That guy down the street who's always fixing cars, or has a small garage in his backyard. Something along those lines.

[Raw Shark]

*dies laughing at the Rap Battle* I'm old enough to hear the Beastie Boys in that last one....

Thanks! I was going for License to Ill pissant teenager-era Horowitz, because (ghetto edit ahoy) Hipster did the Zero verse imitating the style of Busta Rhymes. I was like, "Oh, we're doing impersonations now? What would Ad Rock do?" The version in my head has Mike D and MCA punctuating the words crackheads, junkies, beggars, (and) whores in harmony with Ad Rock.

(WWARD) (RIP, MCA)

[Dalton]

Shark, do you have an eidetic memory or just record all this shit? Wow.

[Raw Shark]

Shark, do you have an eidetic memory or just record all this shit? Wow.

I'm pretty sure that I do have an eidetic memory that's reliable in the short-term, and sometimes inconveniently-reliable in the long-term, to a minor extent. That's how I faked being smarter than I am and coasted through school, not to mention memorized lines for theatrical performances after one or two run-throughs. Part of it is the tendency to go over and over things in my head after they happen, which is typical to my pathology. According to the one neuropsych class I took, this is how the hippocampus sets things in stone anyway; autistic people are just especially apt at it because we can't stop ourselves. Most people primarily do it while they're sleeping, which is believed to be part of the purpose of the deep-REM dreams that you usually won't wake up remembering (but honestly nobody has any conclusive idea about it that has been proven yet). I also take notes by hand sometimes, after the passenger gets out.

[Lagmonster]

He's probably primarily a really good writer. I learned a shitload about turning a few serrated drunken inbred hobo stories into first-rate horror fiction from the folklore writers I used to know.

[FireNexus]

Overheard in the bathroom:

GUY AT URINAL: "I have a small bladder and a large prostate."

[Broomstick]

So, there's this dumb bitch at work...

In order to deal with a massive back load of stock in the back room of the store, 3rd shift has been drafted to run skids of merchandise out to the floor overnight. In preparation for this, many many skids were arranged in rows on the floor, each row labeled with the specific name of a 3rd shift worker.

Dumb Bitch (DB) is 1st shift and not named Steve or Bob or Darlice or any of the other names on those organized rows of pallets and merchandise. Nonetheless, first thing she starts re-arranging them and selecting skids to run. A manager comes by, tells her not to do that but run merchandise carts to the floor instead.

An hour later, another manager comes by, tells her to stop running skids, and run the carts.

An hour later, a third manager comes by, tells her to stop running skids...

Does anyone else see a pattern here?

Her justifications:
- it's her job to run skids, then put the backstock up on the racks
- someone else can run the carts
- she's been there 16 years and knows this area, this is how it's done
- the general merchandise manager told her to run skids

Um... no, DB, your job is to do what you are told to do (within the law and company policy, of course), you can run the carts, honey (the easy stuff was done and she doesn't like the tedious shit, leaving it for others), it doesn't matter how we've been doing it if management wants to make changes, and the general merchandise manager wasn't in this morning, she's running second shift this Monday, and even if she had told you that yesterday things can change.

Finally, the new Store Director comes out and tells her to start running carts or go home. And no, you won't be paid for the balance of the day and yes you'll get attendance points and written up, so you'll get conduct points. (Enough points you lose your job)

No, we won't get someone else to run those carts. Stop complaining Broom isn't helping you - she's dealing with the Health, Beauty, and Cosmetics department today, would you prefer to stock vitamins? (That's in the Top 5 Most Tedious Things to Stock in the store, two others being paint and craft ribbon. Our HBC person went to another store so we're taking turns dealing with the area until they get a permanent replacement). Stop complaining that Broom and Skinny Girl are "just walking around holding papers" instead of helping you. First of all, they're inventory analysts and their primary duty is to deal with anomalies in the inventory (hence, the papers and walking around - we're trying to correct product counts in the system and it requires physically counting shit in several locations. We were also dealing with five recalls yesterday, which also requires a lot of checking multiple locations); second, their job isn't to help you, YOUR job is to help THEM; third, worry about your job, not what other people are doing. It's even more hilarious when she starts "reporting" Manager J for not doing her job, she seems to think recently promoted J is still a peon like herself and not an actual manager because, you know, DB remember when J started working at the store and therefore DB knows more about what she should be doing than anyone else!

DB is one of those stupid people who don't understand that they are on the bottom of the totem pole for a reason, change happens, and she is NOT the boss. Also seems at a loss as to why she's not the most popular person in the store.

Remember I mentioned an in-store love triangle and one of the parties turning into a stalker? DB is the stalker bitch. Seriously, I'm starting to think there's something not right between her ears.

[U.P. Cinnabar]

Remember I mentioned an in-store love triangle and one of the parties turning into a stalker? DB is the stalker bitch. Seriously, I'm starting to think there's something not right between her ears.

I was about to ask.

I'm starting to think the only thing between her ears is space, the final frontier.

[Purple]

I am genuinely surprised that she has managed to hold on to her job acting like that. I mean, I am from Europe where we have all sorts of worker protection laws but I think even here that sort of behavior (assuming it's not a one time thing but like a long term trend) would probably be justification to throw her out. Let alone in the "right to work" climate you guys have going.

[U.P. Cinnabar]

I am genuinely surprised that she has managed to hold on to her job acting like that. I mean, I am from Europe where we have all sorts of worker protection laws but I think even here that sort of behavior (assuming it's not a one time thing but like a long term trend) would probably be justification to throw her out. Let alone in the "right to work" climate you guys have going.

Strangely enough, in the States, people like Dumb Bitch actually thrive in the "right to work" climate. It's the ones who actually do their jobs that end up getting screwed.

Also, DB did have a dalliance with one of the managers; if she makes a habit of it(yes, it's possible she stalks her ex-boyfriend and still sleeps around, Purple)that might also explain her longevity.

[Elheru Aran]

I am genuinely surprised that she has managed to hold on to her job acting like that. I mean, I am from Europe where we have all sorts of worker protection laws but I think even here that sort of behavior (assuming it's not a one time thing but like a long term trend) would probably be justification to throw her out. Let alone in the "right to work" climate you guys have going.

Strangely enough, in the States, people like Dumb Bitch actually thrive in the "right to work" climate. It's the ones who actually do their jobs that end up getting screwed.

Also, DB did have a dalliance with one of the managers; if she makes a habit of it(yes, it's possible she stalks her ex-boyfriend and still sleeps around, Purple)that might also explain her longevity.

Generally the worst employees manage to last as long as they do by either: a.) sucking up to the management, b.) faking it when the management is around, c.) pulling the minimum amount of work required in their position, d.) simply not being worth noticing (night shifts will often have this problem as the management almost always tries to not work that time, cause nobody really wants to spend 8 hours working in the middle of the night), or e.) some combination of the above.

[U.P. Cinnabar]

Usually e). Good employees, on the other hand, make themselves easy targets by actually doing their jobs, thus being more visible to management, especially, if they don't kiss ass.

[Dalton]

We have a saying around here that idiots tend to fail upwards into positions where they can't do too much damage

[Broomstick]

I am genuinely surprised that she has managed to hold on to her job acting like that. I mean, I am from Europe where we have all sorts of worker protection laws but I think even here that sort of behavior (assuming it's not a one time thing but like a long term trend) would probably be justification to throw her out. Let alone in the "right to work" climate you guys have going.

The whole "right to work" thing varies not only with the state but also with the company.

Our employer's work force in its main state were unionized decades ago, and to minimize differences in policies the non-union stores (such as I work in) mirror a lot of the worker protections and disciplinary processes of the unionized stores. That's for the company's convenience.

Other than something blatant like, say, theft or assault, you have to screw up multiple times to get fired. Sub-standard employees can skate by for a long time by doing the minimum and showing up to work on time, even if they don't expend much effort.

Also, DB did have a dalliance with one of the managers; if she makes a habit of it(yes, it's possible she stalks her ex-boyfriend and still sleeps around, Purple)that might also explain her longevity.

That might make more sense if we had a preponderance of either heterosexual men as managers or a lot of lesbian managers, but in fact the vast majority of managers at my particular store are straight women. Who tend to not look favorably on women who sleep around with their superiors.

Generally the worst employees manage to last as long as they do by either: a.) sucking up to the management, b.) faking it when the management is around, c.) pulling the minimum amount of work required in their position, d.) simply not being worth noticing (night shifts will often have this problem as the management almost always tries to not work that time, cause nobody really wants to spend 8 hours working in the middle of the night), or e.) some combination of the above.

Yeah, for her it's “combination of the above”.

Today DB was bitching because “her” floor was “cluttered” up with skids (again, staging for the ones the 3rd shift will run tonight, with the approval of the store director) and I'm not doing my job by putting them away. DB was told (again) that I was assigned to other tasks today and it was HER job to take care of what was done, and NOT touch the rest of it.

[Simon_Jester]

Strangely enough, in the States, people like Dumb Bitch actually thrive in the "right to work" climate. It's the ones who actually do their jobs that end up getting screwed.

"Right to work," as implemented when a merely-average person is managing your business, often translates to "fire people I don't like." Individuals with a highly specific gift for just not angering the handful of people who have the power to fire them, and no other talents, thus retain their "right to work" (yes I know that's not how the term is meant).

Whereas people whose talents are focused in the area of being very good at their job may not enjoy such protection. And they are more likely to be fired by a manager seeking to protect their own position (by firing someone who might get promoted into their shoes). Or to become irritating to said manager because they are not by nature dumber and/or more submissive and/or more easily intimidated than their manager.

It's like any other kind of Darwinian selection pressure. It selects for "fitness," but what evolution defines as 'fit' and what human intuition defines as 'fit' are not the same thing.

[Purple]

Still I figure openly arguing with the supervisors to the point of being threatened with being sent home should be a serious thing. Especially if my assumption is right and she does that sort of thing on a regular basis.

[U.P. Cinnabar]

That might make more sense if we had a preponderance of either heterosexual men as managers or a lot of lesbian managers, but in fact the vast majority of managers at my particular store are straight women. Who tend to not look favorably on women who sleep around with their superiors.

Oh. Never mind then.

"Right to work," as implemented when a merely-average person is managing your business, often translates to "fire people I don't like." Individuals with a highly specific gift for just not angering the handful of people who have the power to fire them, and no other talents, thus retain their "right to work" (yes I know that's not how the term is meant).

Whereas people whose talents are focused in the area of being very good at their job may not enjoy such protection. And they are more likely to be fired by a manager seeking to protect their own position (by firing someone who might get promoted into their shoes). Or to become irritating to said manager because they are not by nature dumber and/or more submissive and/or more easily intimidated than their manager.

It's like any other kind of Darwinian selection pressure. It selects for "fitness," but what evolution defines as 'fit' and what human intuition defines as 'fit' are not the same thing.

You mean kissing the boss' ass is not conducive to the continued survival of the species?!

[U.P. Cinnabar]

Still I figure openly arguing with the supervisors to the point of being threatened with being sent home should be a serious thing. Especially if my assumption is right and she does that sort of thing on a regular basis.

Shit sandwiches like DB also know how to game the system in order to stay in the game.