Don't watch the war, I'll summarize

[aerius]

Found this one on another forum that I'm on. My comments are in blue.




Don't watch the war, I'll summarize.

This just in ...war is out.

It will be televised on CNN, but they can't charge for it because it comes in your basic cable package.
The best thing you can do:
DON'T WATCH.
Cnn sells commericals, and they are making money as you tune in to watch bombs blow up.
So you don't watch, and don't buy into the hype...here, is my list of the only things you will see as the war "progresses".

1. Speculation. And lots of it. Most common uses will be "we believe that", "a possibility of", "a strong indication", and my favourite "our sources tell us". Check

2. Night Vision. You will only see bombs dropped in Night-vision because the distorting green image attracts the masses like moths, all the while distorting the carnage......you know, to give it a "PG" rating. What you can't see cant hurt you. Yup, but they also showed the nice fireworks in Baghdad in full colour

3. Burning Jeeps. I CAN guarantee you that you will see burning jeeps. These are far less diturbing than burning women and children, and are a sure sign of victory. Burning jeeps. Victory. I've seen burnt out vehicles but not burning ones yet, but I haven't been watching TV that much

4. The deteriorating news anchor. As the war goes on, probably over the course of a week or two, you will notice news anchors wearing progressively less makeup, their ties becoming progreesively looser, and their hair less and less kempt. You know, because they are in danger of the big bad war. Yup

5. "Reactions from the home front". First of all its not a front, its a back, ok? It could not be farther from the front. In fact, geograhically, its on the exact other side of earth. Secondly, you will see endless reactionary footage of wives and mothers crying for their husbands safety overseas. I also, would be afraid, should one of my loved ones was bombing machine gun carrying savages from 45,000' in a radar evading-bomb laden- technogically superior stealth jet. "Savages". Anyone who doesnt envy western society must be....right?....musnt they? Saw that too

6. Tracers. Anti-aircraft fire from Baghdad again, in the cool green-glow of night vision. Spectacularly sterilized, good-clean fun. Like fireworks!

7. Daytime-Propaganda. Desert shots of American troops, smiling, punching each other on the arm, and writing clever slogans on the side of daisy cutters. You know, because when you drop a bomb on an Iraqi official with the words "eat this saddam" scrawled on the side, the Iraqis automatically go to the trouble of reading their last words.....in english. Stunned.

8. Messages TO the home front. "This is Staff SGt Jim Smith of the 108th battalion, in Kuwait, just want to send my love to Patty, Ricky, and Kate back in Seattle, miss you guys! Be home soon!". I think they should only do these video messages holding their smoking M4 with one foot firmly planted on the head of a dead or dying Iraqi. What? Cause that would be WORSE than what they are already doing?

9. Politicians. Every fat, middle aged, sweaty poitician who ever had an opinion on warfare or battlefield experience, battling it out with Tom Brokaw and Larry King as to when and how THEY think the "war" will come to an end. Saw way too much of that and shit is beginning to make me sick. WTF do these people know about fighting a war anyways?

10. Reporters "braving it" on the front. Fuck you. Bravery is those left to sweat it out as their homes and lives are bombed away by a ruthless and terrifying force they don't understand, and can't begin to imagine, flattens their lives and home from the air. At night. From a distance. The reporters will be scared because of the "big loud noises", "explosions in the distance", and a startling lack of Starbucks. For now. But its the fast- track to a pulitzer, so I hear.

That is all you will see, that, and MacDonalds commercials. Maybe if MacDonals put their logos on all the bullets and bombs and sponsored the "war effort", their really would be "a little MacDonalds in everyone.....". Ouch? I can only imagine.....

This is Mark Armitage reminding you to read a book, and stay the fuck away from the TV.

-M

[theski]

Can we come and play on your forum

[RogueIce]

5. "Reactions from the home front". First of all its not a front, its a back, ok? It could not be farther from the front. In fact, geograhically, its on the exact other side of earth. Secondly, you will see endless reactionary footage of wives and mothers crying for their husbands safety overseas. I also, would be afraid, should one of my loved ones was bombing machine gun carrying savages from 45,000' in a radar evading-bomb laden- technogically superior stealth jet. "Savages". Anyone who doesnt envy western society must be....right?....musnt they? Saw that too

Yeah, I know it's meant as a joke, but that's still not fair to the grunts out on the front lines.

[irishmick79]

Here....let me take a shot at summerizing the war -

Sand. Lots of Sand.

The end.

[kojikun]

mick, your summary can be summarised like this:

"The End."

[Warspite]

1. Speculation. And lots of it. Most common uses will be "we believe that", "a possibility of", "a strong indication", and my favourite "our sources tell us".

Maybe someone should tell him that news agencies are reporting the war as it happens, and as such there is always lots os speculation, and claims, and breaking news. One didn't saw that in the old war news... Besides, they aren't in the Command and Control facilities, or listening to the inteligence sources, they can only speculate about what they hear and see.

2. Night Vision. You will only see bombs dropped in Night-vision because the distorting green image attracts the masses like moths, all the while distorting the carnage......you know, to give it a "PG" rating. What you can't see cant hurt you.

Only idiots that don't understand what war is, and that there are people dying out there, would enjoy the entertainment value of night vision images.

3. Burning Jeeps. I CAN guarantee you that you will see burning jeeps. These are far less diturbing than burning women and children, and are a sure sign of victory. Burning jeeps. Victory.

So? Jeeps most likely outnumber tanks, and they are lightly armoured, you do the math. Besides, weren't there CNN exclusives about Marines destroying tanks????? (Yes, there were, past Saturday, actually)

4. The deteriorating news anchor. As the war goes on, probably over the course of a week or two, you will notice news anchors wearing progressively less makeup, their ties becoming progreesively looser, and their hair less and less kempt. You know, because they are in danger of the big bad war.

Sorry, but I don't see any of that, then again, I watch several other news services, were people have a make-up department.

5. "Reactions from the home front". First of all its not a front, its a back, ok? It could not be farther from the front. In fact, geograhically, its on the exact other side of earth. Secondly, you will see endless reactionary footage of wives and mothers crying for their husbands safety overseas. I also, would be afraid, should one of my loved ones was bombing machine gun carrying savages from 45,000' in a radar evading-bomb laden- technogically superior stealth jet. "Savages". Anyone who doesnt envy western society must be....right?....musnt they?

6. Tracers. Anti-aircraft fire from Baghdad again, in the cool green-glow of night vision. Spectacularly sterilized, good-clean fun. Like fireworks!

Errr, huh?

7. Daytime-Propaganda. Desert shots of American troops, smiling, punching each other on the arm, and writing clever slogans on the side of daisy cutters. You know, because when you drop a bomb on an Iraqi official with the words "eat this saddam" scrawled on the side, the Iraqis automatically go to the trouble of reading their last words.....in english. Stunned.

As opposed to the Iraqi TV showing mistreated PoWs or dead bodies?

8. Messages TO the home front. "This is Staff SGt Jim Smith of the 108th battalion, in Kuwait, just want to send my love to Patty, Ricky, and Kate back in Seattle, miss you guys! Be home soon!". I think they should only do these video messages holding their smoking M4 with one foot firmly planted on the head of a dead or dying Iraqi. What? Cause that would be WORSE than what they are already doing?

OK, this guy doesn't know the value of moral in the battlefield, doesn't he? He's one of the peaceniks, right? Since the Coalition forces are the agressors, then they are the bad guys, right?

9. Politicians. Every fat, middle aged, sweaty poitician who ever had an opinion on warfare or battlefield experience, battling it out with Tom Brokaw and Larry King as to when and how THEY think the "war" will come to an end.

So? Politicians points of views are to be expected. Usually, when that happens I change channel to another news service, were some military analyst may be talking about the war. There are more news channels then CNN, you know.

10. Reporters "braving it" on the front. Fuck you. Bravery is those left to sweat it out as their homes and lives are bombed away by a ruthless and terrifying force they don't understand, and can't begin to imagine, flattens their lives and home from the air. At night. From a distance. The reporters will be scared because of the "big loud noises", "explosions in the distance", and a startling lack of Starbucks. For now. But its the fast- track to a pulitzer, so I hear.

Personnaly, I haven't seen much of that, even the ones involved in firefights (Marine action in Um Qasr) kept their heads low most of the time, and at the back of the engaging troops. Taking a comment and generalizing it for the whole reporter comunity, oh joy!

That is all you will see, that, and MacDonalds commercials. Maybe if MacDonals put their logos on all the bullets and bombs and sponsored the "war effort", their really would be "a little MacDonalds in everyone.....". Ouch? I can only imagine.....

This is Mark Armitage reminding you to read a book, and stay the fuck away from the TV.

-M

I read books, Mark, along with TV. Unlike you, I like to know how the war is going, through a number of news services, not only from the CNN, they're not the only ones in Iraq, you know.


Sorry about the rant, it pisses me off these people going about CNN, like it was the only TV reporting about the war.

[K. A. Pital]

Nice summary.

[HemlockGrey]

The bit about reporters is rather irritating; they're still risking their lives and their still going into a combat situation, even if they're surrounded by friendly troops.