Arranged Marriage or Mail Order Spouse?

[aerius]

I've been informed I'm not allowed to follow my grandfather's example of having a mistress. So much for family tradition.

I guess this comes down to when I get married, if it's right now I'm taking the arranged marriage, if it happens when I was first engaged to my wife I'm taking my chances with a mail order bride. My parents choosing a wife for me pretty much means my dad is picking the woman based on what he thinks good wife material is. Since I'm now halfway to being a grouchy old fuck, I actually tend to agree with my dad on most things. The wife he picks out for me will be a good wife & mother, and personality wise we should get along well enough that someone doesn't end up getting killed in their sleep. Might not be the best possible match but definitely better than anything I could manage with a mail order bride, and should be functional enough for us to raise a couple kids.

Back then, well, let's just say I didn't see eye to eye on much with my dad. His idea of a good wife would be totally different from what I think, pretty much guaranteed that it was going to be fireworks in a bad way and end up with someone getting stabbed to the death in their sleep. A mail order bride would likely end the same way but at least I get to sleep with a hot blond wife for however long it is before she puts a kitchen knife through my neck.

[bilateralrope]

It is interesting the number of people who are apparently horrified by the idea of having children under a system which has been used by many cultures for a very long time.

- I have one issue relevant to this scenario which might get it's own thread in ARSE at some point. I will ignore any questions about this issue unless I make that thread.
- I am not ruling out raising children completely. If the relationship works out, adoption or having someone else impregnate my wife will be considered.
- I can't guarantee that my wife in this scenario can find employment. Supporting two people on my income will be a stretch, but possible. I can't afford children.
- I don't want any children caught up in the middle of a relationship that would be better for everyone involved if we separate when divorce is forbidden in this scenario.
- I can also see scenarios where I could come to a manageable understanding with the wife if there are no children to complicate things.

[General Zod]

It is interesting the number of people who are apparently horrified by the idea of having children under a system which has been used by many cultures for a very long time.

I don't consider myself suitable to be a parent in general.

[Raw Shark]

Mail Order. My Dad has always consistently judged my girlfriends by whiteness and breast size in roughly that order (if I met a g-cup albino he could die happy), and my Mom is super-Catholic and hates all of them except the one who she thought wasn't fucking me (spoiler: we actually fucked like rabbits, in every room of their house including theirs and in their swimming pool, and in my childhood tree fort, and shit I'm probably forgetting something here... we just had it under wraps because she was engaged to somebody else) and would probably try to set me up with a nun.

[ArmorPierce]

I felt compelled to break the 10 to 10 tie and voted mail order bride.

My parents are retarded combined with emotionally unstable with 0 relationships with others that I would not trust them to make a wife selection for myself. Indeed, I don't think they'd have the means to arrange a marriage for myself.

[muse]

I find the dominatrix of my dreams online, and let her choose.

I'm confused, how does that work?

[General Zod]

I find the dominatrix of my dreams online, and let her choose.

I'm confused, how does that work?

Apparently financial domination is a thing.

[Korto]

This seems to be a choice between a bare bit of texting over the internet by me, or my parents getting to carry out proper due dilligence but without me.

Yeah, let my parents do it. Mum's a reasonable person with decent judgment, even if she does manage to get get lost in a caravan park And the complete wedding-day surprise would be pretty cool.

These people who are talking about castration... Really? I mean, if you want kids, but since you were "forced" into marriage, you'll take away your own ability to have kids permanently? Cutting off your nose much?

And if you don't want kids, then the statement seems pretty empty

[Zeropoint]

These people who are talking about castration... Really? I mean, if you want kids, but since you were "forced" into marriage, you'll take away your own ability to have kids permanently? Cutting off your nose much?

And if you don't want kids, then the statement seems pretty empty

Well, first, I said vasectomy, not castration. There's a HUGE difference there. Second, it's not so empty, because when the OP said:

Additionally, you must remain married to your spouse long enough to raise your children to adulthood. Did I say children? Yes, I did.

it sounded like children will be more or less forced on anyone capable of having them. I don't want kids now, probably don't want kids ever, and it would be cruel to bring kids into a relationship like this anyway, so it seems to me that the practical and ethical thing to do is to ensure that I am physically incapable of having them. As far as that goes, my testes would still produce sperm, so I'm sure some could be surgically extracted for in vitro fertilization if I really wanted kids. I could just adopt, too.

I assume that any power capable of forcing the unhappy couple to have kids would be capable of punishing me for getting myself sterilized, but at least no children would suffer because of it.

[Crazedwraith]

Arranged marriage. At least then I have some else to blame.

[Solauren]

Disclaimer: Already married. Pretending that is not the case/this is prior to that.

Limited Correspondence via the internet is nothing compared to face to face interaction when it comes to a perspective mate. I speak having done both.

Realistically, you have no idea what you are getting into when you finally meet them. Yes, one of my friends meet his wife of (now) 6+ years via a dating website. However, they also dated for a while before hand.

And yes, while there area few websites with high success rates, they are tend towards religious associations. In order to use those websites, I'd have to stretch the truth about my religious convictions (best described as: I believe there is something, but what there may be, and what it is, is beyond my ability to quantify or effect).

Mind you, coming clean on that initially would probably help me widdle down the choices quickly.

Also, I have meet several people in real life I meet online, and got along with all of them. A few I'm still friends with of various degrees (comes over regularaly vs just talk to online), and I did date one of them for a few weeks (in high school).

I should be able to find a suitable mate online, given the proper effort.

On the other hand, my parents want me to be happy. They've always been very supportive, encouraging, and take my views into account.

So, IF my parents are willing to meet a list of requirements I would have for a perspective mate, I am willing to let them do the leg work.
If they are not, then I will be turning to a place like Match.com

[Korto]

Well, first, I said vasectomy, not castration. There's a HUGE difference there.

While the chance of reversing a vasectomy is better than I'd thought; very likely if done within 3 years, and averaging about 50% if done within 10 years, after 10 years the chance drops to about 30%. That's "probably not".

Anyway, that doesn't matter, because you're missing something.
You're staying married until you have and raise children. You may not get a pass if you take away your ability to have children. A vasectomy is a decision to stay married permanently and never have children ever.

Additionally, you must remain married to your spouse long enough to raise your children to adulthood. Did I say children? Yes, I did.

it sounded like children will be more or less forced on anyone capable of having them. I don't want kids now, probably don't want kids ever, and it would be cruel to bring kids into a relationship like this anyway, so it seems to me that the practical and ethical thing to do is to ensure that I am physically incapable of having them. As far as that goes, my testes would still produce sperm, so I'm sure some could be surgically extracted for in vitro fertilization if I really wanted kids. I could just adopt, too.

I assume that any power capable of forcing the unhappy couple to have kids would be capable of punishing me for getting myself sterilized, but at least no children would suffer because of it.

Would I be right in thinking this is an ideological stand on your part? That your principles are so outraged by the idea of a "forced marriage" that you would refuse to cooperate no matter what the actual particulars of your marriage? Because otherwise you're just assuming that it's a bad marriage, horrible situation, and nasty all round. What are your grounds for believing that two rational adults couldn't make the situation work, and provide a quite good home for children?

Would you ask your partner about her opinion of you getting cut? Because she can't leave either, and maybe she does want to have children.