MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

[Lord Revan]

JACKASS: I'm not somebody that you want to fuck with, motherfucker.

YOUR DRIVER: My Mom is a very pretty lady, but we're not quite that close.

JACKASS: I don't give a fuck about your Mom.

YOUR DRIVER: Hey, you brought her into it.

Was said jackass drunk as well or just picking a fight for no good reason?

[Raw Shark]

Was said jackass drunk as well or just picking a fight for no good reason?

Both, I suspect.

[LaCroix]

Was said jackass drunk as well or just picking a fight for no good reason?

Both, I suspect.

The season for wishes fulfilled.
May it be butt slaps or kickings.
They ask, they shall receive.

[Raw Shark]

I actually managed to defuse that one. He was just posturing because he insisted repeatedly that I was going the wrong way and I proved him to be incorrect.

[aerius]

Coworker: WHY IS IT SO COLD??
Me: Because Canada, that's why
Coworker: Why did I move here??
Me: I don't know, you tell me

[LadyTevar]

New job, so I have new Conversations to report!

Number 1:
My Boss comes out, tells me I'm cut because there's no Lunch Rush
I thank him, sign out, and ask the cooks to make me a burger & fries as my free meal.
A minute later My Boss comes back. "Uh... let's make this a 30min break instead. I honestly thought it was 1p, not 11:30."
After my 30min break, there was no lunch rush, so he let me go anyway.

Number 2:
We have real whipped cream, which we keep in a bucket on ice on the line. We have real butter, and we keep a small scoop in a container of hot water on the line, not far from the ice bucket.
"Who put the Whipped Cream in the Butter Water!?!"
yes, someone switched the whipped cream and the butter scoop. Wasted a whole tube of whipped cream for a joke.

Number 3:
Customer comes in, looking for wife.
I let him look for her, and he can't find her.
So I ask if he wants to wait, and he shakes his head "Nope, this is IHOP. She's at Cracker Barrel."

[Enigma]

We joke a lot at work, it really helps in dealing with working nights.

The Q&A guy came by my section to check on my work and as he did so a co-worker came by and comments on my work.

Co-Worker: *joking* They look ugly.
Me: Much like looking at your reflection!
Q&A Guy: *laughs* Burn!

[Raw Shark]

I prefer to work nights. I feel alive at night, and sleepy during the day. I've heard that it's a variation in brain chemistry that has something to do with melatonin that affects about 10% of the human race. Probably due to evolution; some of us kept watch while the rest slept back in the stone age. My Favorite Stripper calls us vampires.

[Raw Shark]

OLDEST REGULAR: Shark. You up for a wheel job?

YOUR DRIVER: It's been a while, but yeah. I quit drinking and it's been... boring.

OLDEST REGULAR: I promise you, this won't be boring.

YOUR DRIVER: When and where?

OLDEST REGULAR: I knew I could count on you.

[Alyrium Denryle]

A... wheeljob?

[Zaune]

We're going to see this on the news. Or America's Most Wanted.

[LaCroix]

Rule One: Never change the deal.
Rule Two: No names.
Rule Three: Never look in the package.

[Raw Shark]

We're going to see this on the news. Or America's Most Wanted.

You will not. I am, before anything else, a professional.

[Raw Shark]

Man, Crown Victorias are fun to drive. I've got a rocket in my pocket. Catch me if you can, motherfuckers!

[SCRawl]

Why do I keep imagining this regarding the Shark's recent job as the wheel man?

[Raw Shark]

Why do I keep imagining this regarding the Shark's recent job as the wheel man?

Vics handle like shit in the snow, but they're not quite that bad.

[Khaat]

Hmm... I'm thinking vehicle repossession. Because that just seems like the kind of job a taxi-driver's oldest regular would be into: "Take me to this address, and if this car is there, stay out of the way. Oh, and don't pick the guy in his underwear up, especially if he says 'follow that car!'"

[Raw Shark]

Hmm... I'm thinking vehicle repossession. Because that just seems like the kind of job a taxi-driver's oldest regular would be into: "Take me to this address, and if this car is there, stay out of the way. Oh, and don't pick the guy in his underwear up, especially if he says 'follow that car!'"

RAW SHARK: [shrugs; looks around]

[Zixinus]

Did you ever get a call like that?

[Raw Shark]

Did you ever get a call like that?

I've gotten all kinds of calls.

[LadyTevar]

Me, apologizing profusely to people because I'm the only one available to seat and to run register

Lovely couple of senior citizens: It's ok, dear. I'll tell the manager that he needs to get someone up here to help you.

[Broomstick]

Listen, asshole, just because some talking head on a TV news soundbite or some damn infomercial or whatever suggested haggling post-Christmas it doesn't mean you're going to get anywhere with it Yes, you have a right to ask. You do not have an entitlement to receive. Please do not whine, do not ask forty-eleven other people, and get the fuck out of my face.

[aerius]

Manager: Can I have a few words with you for a moment?
Me: Sure...
Manager: This is regarding the Christmas staff party, please do not make any lesbian jokes tonight, especially around Joe*
Me: No problem, I can do that. If you don't mind me asking, is he married to a lesbian or something?
Manager: Not exactly. His wife recently left him for a woman.
Me: Oh. Oh. Ouch.
Manager: Yeah.

*not his real name

[Raw Shark]

Manager: Not exactly. His wife recently left him for a woman.
Me: Oh. Oh. Ouch.

Yeah, that happened to a friend of mine one time. Part of him died that day. I've never seen him with a woman (or a man or what-have-you, for that matter) ever since; he just works on cars all the time. Also a very reckless driver; he routinely does about 50-100mph over the limit and has lost his license so many times that they're probably never giving it back. Kid has a bit of a death wish. You think I'm bugfuck nuts behind the wheel? You should see this guy.

[LaCroix]

*arrives at office after a long night with sick toddler*
*sits down at workstation*
It is by will alone I set my mind in motion.
*sips Red Bull*
It is by the juice of sapho that thoughts acquire speed, the lips acquire stains, the stains become a warning. It is by will alone I set my mind in motion.