STAR WARS EPISODE 9: FINNAL REYVENGEANCE

[Shroom Man 777]

Rey should fight Exar Kun in Episode 9
Rey should win
and the supersith dies like in TRUE LIES

they have a swordfight on poe dameron's xwing
while it trench runs
it ends with YOU'RE FIRED
Exar Kun gets snagged on a photon torpedo and gets launched at the central holocron
and it explodes....

I don't know
a weaponized gas giant
a weaponized gas giant that chops worlds with its rings
and absorbs the fragments onto its gaseous mass
powered by a psychic choir
spinning prayer wheels
sith prayer wheels
holocron wheels

the gas giant turns into a space tornado that just eats planets

the control center of the choir is a drifting ziggurat
in the maelstrom
so poe dameron has to ride the currents and not get atomized

poe and finn must mindmeld
only with a unified conscience
of a flyer
pilot
and a ground warrior
can they navigate the gas giant
with finn's latent force powers
and instruction/training
from Obi-Wan's GHOLA
they must find a corporeal vessel for Obi-Wan's drifting soul
so for the ghola body they go to the BENE KAMINO
who are thankful for obiwan
since after Attack of the Clones
Kenobi saved their world from the sea storms by turning the water into ice
turning it into Hoth
the kaminoans grew fur and gained physical strength, turning into wampas

my friend says:
Wampa yeti shamans ala Tibet
That go feral cause of the corrupted spirit
Of the karmic weight of all those GHOLAS

yes
to atone for the rampage they wrought
by proxy
by unleashing those clones
the nearing of the clone legions was why that wampa went nuts and attacked luke
its soul could not bear the guilt
shit man this makes perfect sense
this is the CHRONICLE
that DOMRIDDICK TURRETO will share
in the pitch darkness
of star's end
At the edge of the underverse
as he tells the Sith who dwel within
of the failure of their god
before they send the photon torpedo through the stargate
at korriban

[Shroom Man 777]

in episode 9 it will also be revealed that
Vader went to Star Wars hell
shiny hayden christianesen ghost in endor notwithstanding
after he waved at luke
and after they vanished
kenobi and yoda threw him to star wars hell
like what Stalin did to Hitler
or like FRIGHTENERS
like that hillbilly grim reaper
as seen by spiritual michael j fox at heaven's door

[K. A. Pital]

I like the weaponized gas giant which eats planets

Looks like Unicron

But we could call it the Planet Eater.

Also in an unexpected twist Exar Kun should go to the light side and Rey go dark side... and be killed

This is even better than Boba Fett. But a Chirrut GHOLA should be in the film, Obi Wan had too much on his shoulders already (he's in "Rebels" after all)

[Shroom Man 777]

there will be more GHOLAS!

they must find a corporeal vessel for Obi-Wan's drifting soul
so for the ghola body they go to the BENE KAMINO
who are thankful for obiwan
since after Attack of the Clones
Kenobi saved their world from the sea storms by turning the water into ice
turning it into Hoth
the kaminoans grew fur and gained physical strength, turning into wampas

my friend says:
Wampa yeti shamans ala Tibet
That go feral cause of the corrupted spirit
Of the karmic weight of all those GHOLAS

yes
to atone for the rampage they wrought
by proxy
by unleashing those clones
the nearing of the clone legions was why that wampa went nuts and attacked luke

after we discussed the karmic theology of Vader we go once more to the wampas...

I am glad the kaminoans turned meditative karmic wampas merely got a limb chopped off and a chance to repent

that the guilt-berserk state didn't last

I bet that wampa pondered his errors
and meditated amongst the FROZEN CLONE CYLINDERS they once used to BRING SUFFERING TO THE COSMOS

Friend:
The kaminoan mutants

Should have the curse of the dharmapallas
Demons cursed with immense power
But without the ability to comprehend enlightenment


no clone can grow
from the frost
no moooorreee!
the kaminoan mutants cry
man
they made those, their children, killing and dying!
by the trillions!


Faced by the immensity of the suffering they have caused

they degenerate to cryosimians

Just like in THE HORDE

Where the Buddha-figure makes everyone commit suicide by letting them feel the weight of the suffering they caused

And e only one who can resist is THE LAST CHECHNYAN

I think after the Death Star 2 exploded
Hoth might thaw
slowly
at this rate the wampas might be our ewoks

I mean, they're so built up they might be the ones who'll be in the final confrontation... or not

their suicide is freezing
but man after the Death Star 2 explodes, imagine
some part of Hoth thawing
liquid water!

Yes
And from the bowels
New felt GHOLAS awaken
*fett
And rise unsure of their place in the universe
They will be builders and artisans
Instead of murderers
They will grow food and build homes
And maybe even study the force
The last batch of clones

HOLY SHIT
YES
man
the wampa tangent alone is incredible

There's a happy ending
Fett clones being builders and administrators
The last and secret batch of GHOLAS
Secretly administered by dooku himself

his reformed ghola!


Yes
Before he was fully given to the dark side
Cause
Why again?
Whatever it was probably a Shakespearean thing

to save his kingdom
from mandalorians?


Sure
His final revenge
He should have a hate boner against the Mandos
He should be a very philosophical Sith Lord
Trying to manipulate the karmic force


it failed
he tried and died

But even in his folly
There was good in him
He sought to turn the mandalorians what was left of them anyway
Into a weapon of his own use
But he also thought it apt to breed GHOLAS that would create instead of destroy
A true mandalorian revival
His last act of virtue

well at least his ghola!

[Sea Skimmer]

Remember that fear the first nuke would set the air on fire and burn the planet?
The weaponized gas giant should have a flamethrower that does that. Also instead of destroying ships it just pushes them, usually into a star.

Space Mary Sue vs Space Ghoul Plague Clones sounds good to me, and would finally be a reason to make Star Wars the way it was once going to be, everyone with a lightsaber hacking body parts apart!

[Kingmaker]

Has anyone ever seen Alejandro Jodorowsky and Shroom in the same place? I have a theory I need to check.

[K. A. Pital]

Shroom needs to go to Hollywood to teach them the ways of the Force

[Shroom Man 777]

Has anyone ever seen Alejandro Jodorowsky and Shroom in the same place? I have a theory I need to check.

I have never seen Alejandro Jodorowsky in person too, never been in the same place as him... and he's never been in the same place as me!!! So...

[Raw Shark]

"Holy shit, dude." --Kyle Broflovski

[muse]

[Shroom Man 777]

We can fan-theorize that, like how in fractal's thread, I proposed that the gaping spaces within the DS not only incorporates random bottomless pits of doom but they are also like areas for internal systems'... interchanging... imagine huge servo-arms or tug boats hauling new components or replacing fried out shield generators the size of skyscrapers....

Like, as I said:

A lot of those empty spaces might also be free space saved up for future additions - maybe more power generations, maybe larger vacuum tubes, skyscraper-sized difference engines of the newest type to perform analogue computations a staggering five times faster than previous models, etc. They could be heat shunts, they could be... huge seemingly empty routes where currents of air or neutrinos or whatever are shunted for cooling... they might even be spaces for aircraft-carrier-sized maintenance vehicles to maneuver and access/manipulate/(re)move huge internal components in.

Imagine huge internal spaces for inertial dampeners and actual physical recoil-absorption systems! Depending on the kinetic impact the Death Star is taking, some components might be mechanically shifted within its guts - like a preposterous kind of clockwork tectonic/seismic shift.

There could be blowback panels - if a skyscraper-sized wound is gouged on the Death Star, those huge gaps might be important to prevent damage in one component from reaching another component.

Steam could be shunted there!

Sea Skimmer likewise suggested: "My pet theory is the Death Star would have become a literal Sith moving death world engaging in endless cloning and human genetic experiments to make stronger sith or destroy the force had it not been stopped when it was. Why wouldn't it even be more evil?"

And I concurred: Someone should go crazy and make a metal-as-fuck chart or infographic where the Death Star schematics show the locations of, say, Sidious' wrist-slit corridors and which bottomless pits are actually meant to be used for vats of accumulated Twi'lek blood for obscene Sith alchemic rituals and so on. Like, while Tarkin and Krennic think it's just a typical military station, deep in his lair Sidious has this chart - written in the blood of padawans and etched on the skin of said padawans - showing the modifications he plans to install when nobody can stop him.

And like during the post-Yavin or post-Endor world-exploderization afterparty... All the Moffs and Krennics will have a huge zero-gravity pool party at one of those huge pit-decks and Palpatine just Force Lightning's them!

So maybe the Death Star's size changes are like... due to its INTERNAL PISTONS and MECHANISMS all doing gigajoule-powered neutrino-heatskin-radiatored neutronium-ingrained hyperdurasteel-structured clockwork shiftings of components. It can grow smaller by several kilometers to make its profile sleeker as it goes through hyperspace.

Then its pistons and mechanisms and macro-servohydraulics and cosmo-pneumatic gears can shift and make it look larger... AS A THREAT DISPLAY TO ITS NATURAL ENEMIES! Like... A LIZARD! Or a cobra!

Plus the VARIABLE GEOMETRY CONFIGURATION CAPACITY will also fit Palpatine's Sith designs for when he truly rules absolute with the Death Star as his personal charnel house of evil Sith alchemy, OBVIOUSLY its internal components must move to align themselves with the evil celestial bodies revered in Sith necrocosmology. Aligned with the tides and ebbs and flows of the Underverse where the Sith originated from - a dark dimension of pure malignancy.

The internal components are also for giant compactor chambers, so Palpatine can hostage worlds with the superlaser, giving them no choice but to surrender all their firstborn children to the Sith Lord. Firstborns who will be placed in kilometer-wide chambers, crammed like space-sardines by their billions, in cavernous technocathedrals with ceilings marked by blasphemous Sith glyphs and runes that cause eyeballs to bleed shards of solidified blood due to their profane non-Euclidean geometries accentuated by the sinister crimson lighting, that will then compress and crush and liquefy these orphans (for their world will simultaneously get superlasered, eradicating their parents) into the elixir vital for Palpatine's ascension. As ordained by the writings of Darth Bane. Ten thousand years ago.

This happens while the bloodcloak-clad Imperial Guardsmen remove their masks, revealing their cadaverous visages, their necromantically-animated skullfaces and they cackle and laugh and sing some profane hideous ancient Sith choral, some hymn, to accompany Palpatine's black communion.

My friend says:

Fuck it
You know why the Death Star varies in size?
Because it has a heart
A dark heart
Deep inside
The Death Star hums and beats

And so I guess it ROARS when threatened! Or angered! For a weapon of the dark side must itself FEEL the dark side and so it will in finality find a TIME TO RAGE!

Just like a Metal Gear! For what is a Death Star but a weapon to SURPASS METAL GEAR!

[Raw Shark]

And so I guess it ROARS when threatened! Or angered! For a weapon of the dark side must itself FEEL the dark side and so it will in finality find a TIME TO RAGE!

Oh man, now I feel like a weapon of the dark side. Eh, fuck it I guess. Nobody's perfect, right?

[Shroom Man 777]

Reddit SWRPG conversation on players somehow (almost) killing Palpatine:

It would've been nice for Palpatine to have been killed and for all of you to go OH SHI- and end up in an alternate timeline.
Or when you killed Palpatine, the decapitated head reveals wiring - it was cybernetic SITHBOT! And the real Palpatine is cackling elsewhere and sends more Palpatrons and Sithbots at your PCs!

Other guy: "Palpatine literally had clones of himself ready and would use the Force to transfer his consciousness (I think) in a EU book. IIRC"

Me, more: I know that but the players probably also know that so... go for something really out there. That will make someone go WHAT THE SPACE-CHRIST! Force-using robots.

Or introduce Snoke early... and have him REALLY as large as his hologram image in The Force Awakens. Fifty foot tall! So a Jedi fighting this giant Snoke would be like Glorfindel or whatshisface fighting Morgoth. You'd have to kill him with a thousand papercuts and be careful to either not drown from making him bleed his own blood or get crushed by his falling body.

And Ungoliant with a flying boat!

Have the clones be super-ripped macho Palpatines at the prime of his youth. But somehow the meta-karmic consequences of his dark side usage will STILL result in them being ugly molten-faced!

Like, depending on their progression, some of these Palpatine clones, the younger ones, will have two-faces, half-beautiful and half-twisted, so they can wear Phantom of the Opera masks and wax poetically about the nature of beauty and the nature of evil. They might aspire to avoid their KARMIC FATE as Sidious Vessels and somehow be Sith Lords with destinies of their own choosing... rather than ugly knockoffs of their SUPERIOR FATHER.
Others might fully accept their fates and become fully ugly-faced and encase themselves in DOCTOR DOOM ARMOR.

A few might try to AVOID THEIR FATES once more by infusing themselves with SKYWALKER DNA, acknowledging that for all of Palpatine's MASTERY OF EVIL, the raw organic Force potential of the Skywalkers are still superior.

Vats of midichlorians. Midichlorians manipulated by the Dark Side. So imagine some Parasite Eve, The Thing, The Blob, Dragon Ball Z Broly kind of abomination conjured by the clones. Or one Palpatine clone willingly has his whole being melt into this grotesque MIDICHLORIAN SHOGGOTH! With organic khyber-crystal spikes growing out of its cytoplastic membranes! Shooting Sith Lightning!

These LES ENFANTES TERRIBLES... SOLID SIDIOUS, LIQUID SIDIOUS and SOLIDUS SIDIOUS... can ramble about SUPERIOR DOMINANT GENES and INFERIOR RECESSIVE GENES. And MEMES that are the DNA of the SOUL!

Riding steroidified nuke-chucking AT-STs. Durasteel Gears.

Which an operative codenamed Cortosis Krayt - sent by Colonel Madine - has to defeat! With nothing but a Space Stinger rocket launcher.
Or the most beautiful of the Palpatine-clones, a silver-haired androgynous albino, rambles about the ancient Sith deities and infuses himself with ancient Sith DNA and starts growing eldritch wings and tentacles - just like the ancient Sith. He will fulfill his Final Fantasy and become the Advent Children of Palpatine!

So your plucky Jedi hero must pick up his Buster Saber. And be guided by visions of his lover who got skewered by the Sithphiroth-villain. And engage in a preposterous final BOSS BATTLE.

[K. A. Pital]

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh

So a Jedi fighting this giant Snoke would be like Glorfindel or whatshisface fighting Morgoth.

That was Fingolfin but this would be the return of the awesome.

And Snoke's saber could be as thick as a factory pipe. Dammit.

[Shroom Man 777]

As thick as a fucking Blade Runner dystopiascape chimney

[Shroom Man 777]

He'll leap and chop a Nebulon X frigate into half

[Raw Shark]

So a Jedi fighting this giant Snoke would be like Glorfindel or whatshisface fighting Morgoth.

That was Fingolfin but this would be the return of the awesome.

And Snoke's saber could be as thick as a factory pipe. Dammit.

Man, I want to see that.

[K. A. Pital]

He'll leap and chop a Nebulon X frigate into half

Man, I want to see that.

here it comes

[Raw Shark]

You have my gratitude, sir.

[K. A. Pital]

I have found Shroom's Star Wars 9 scenario save-worthy.

However, it is too crazy for PSW. Perhaps the discussion can be continued here, lest it be lost in Testing. If it dies down, feel free to move to Storage.

K.A.

[Shroom Man 777]

thank you tovarischskis

[Shroom Man 777]

DURASTEEL CHEF

a sleazy cantina where a greedy Hutt is having a DURASTEEL CHEF challenge! The best chefs will get like how many thousand quatloos of gold-pressed latium AND a Mako chef lightsaber. And be immortalized in the annals of galactic culinary lore!

The loser him/her/itself BECOMES a meal! For either the Hutt or his Rancor!

Being a super great chef might mean you can end up cooking for some banquet where Moffs and other Imperial high society are in attendance! The rest of the party can pose as waiters and somehow just listen to the Imperial head honchos prattle on. And gain juicy intel!

mastering cuisine to meet the palates of multiple species, either one dish that meets all of their tastes sufficiently... or knowing dishes specialized for each species... THAT is some preposterous feat!

And like... a restaurant with a Michelin Star (A NILECHIM SUN!) might literally have something to do with like the culinary authority of an entire solar system giving that establishment a thumbs up!

Imagine something savory for one species might contain flavoring that might kill another species! Jabba might love it but the amount of Nar Shaddan cumin you put in there, like a landspeederload, might be enough to kill all the Twi'leks in attendance!

Sure galactic civilization might have generated artificial flavorings for everything that's SPACE HALAL for all species... but TRUE CONNOISSEURS will find it bland af and will endeavor to find the AUTHENTIC INGREDIENTS... and make it so that the ingredient won't kill species allergic to it!

[Shroom Man 777]

...my friend misremembered ROTJ or mixed it up with Dark Crystal or something, he watched it when he was young and for a while he thought Jabba used a shrink ray on the Twi'lek and ate her... it was lolz so I had my Gand mechanic/pilot (who screwed up a job for Jabba) mention that he thought Jabba had a shrink ray.

Also... someone mentioned that a friend explained how he was late or how he flaked on a gathering by saying that he had to bathe his 3 year old nephew but someone misheard it and heard that he had to BE BATHED by his 3 year old nephew and the person was big.

So now in our brain canon it is a feudal hutt practice that is kept to this day where to swear fealty to a superior hutt you must bathe him with a rag and you are declared his nephew.

I also plan on mentioning this in our game. Turning it into an IN UNIVERSE FACT!