Catestrophic Loss of Girl. Mayday Mayday Mayday

jenat-lai · Post by **jenat-lai** » 2003-03-28 04:32am

Well here goes...

Back History.

I'v known this girl since early 1998, when we played in the same Orchestra. She plays Violin, Me Trumpet. Wev been friends ever since that day we first met (you know the type, you come in on the first day, and she's the first one who you notice and when you talk to her, she actually talks to you, remembers your name next week etc... she's friendly, beautiful, talented, yadda yadda)

Well since then we have been friends, growing in closeness since that day, from seeing her once a week, to going on tour with her with the orchestra to various locations, some internationaly to europe.

The Second tour I attended with her was to the Australian Alpine Region, some of the trip we were billited with families in Albury, some of the trip we stayed in a sort of cabin arrangement in Cooma. During the billeted part I was billited with her then Boyfriend, Patrick. We got talking about her, and he was, well shall we say, revealing things that are unwise to reveal to a person who is a close friend of the person you are talking about... So I was a little interested there, but knowing that you can't just go around telling the girl what her boyfriend is blabbering about how he feels the relationship is going... so I didn't say anything to her for 2 days.
Being stuffed in a room with 8 boys with a hole in the wall which led right into a room with 8 girls inside whyle in the Cabins arrangement however was of interest. Especially when who would happen to be in the cabin next door but... you guessed it... Her!
The guys were very rowdy and Organisers eventually moved some boys out, whyle making sure that what they concidered to be the most 'appropriatley behaved and unlikley to cause trouble' people ended up with the beds which boreded onto the hole adjoining both rooms. and that task was eventually myself on my side of the hole... and, yep... HER on her side of the hole. She was starting to feel insecure about her relationship with Patrick... and we talked about it 2 nights in a row amongst other things. On the busride (of 6 hours) long, She sat next to myself... Fell asleep on me, and made that tour a highlight of being in that Orchestra. Since that time, in July of 1999, we'v been very close friends, Ringing each other at least once a week, and at times in little spurts here and there multiple times a day for weeks in a row.
We'v been friends and she's had boyfriends, and I'v had girlfriends, and I'v needed support from her when a Girlfriend dumps me and she from me when Boyfriends dump her.

In early 2002, I started signing off my Emails and SMS's and such to her with "Much Love" or "Love You" and such things. As the year progressed, and I hadn't been in a relationship for around 12 months, I became aware that I had emotions for her beyond just friendship. Indeed I was becoming increasingly aware that she was actually one of the most beautifull girls I knew in life. We were both musitians and both at university (though different Universitys) doing music degrees. It was July of 2002 that I finally gave into my emotions, and asked her out. The strange thing is that even though we were now officially 'going out' our relationship carried on much as before, except we generally went out more, and I spent more money on her... There was a bit of physical contact more than usual, more hugs, a few kisses (though not as many as I would have liked in hindsight) and that kind of thing...

Febuary 2003, and she starts getting hard to contact. I go 3 weeks without getting a reply from repeated SMSing and when I ring her at home, her parents usually answer and say "She's at Work still" (bear in mind this is often at 8pm at night) or "Shes at the Shops" (same time of day) or theres a "Ok I'll put her on".... Very long wait with noise of TV's Brothers and other unidentifiable noise in the background with her dad yelling her name.... and then a ruffle... and then one of two options... Either her Dad saying "She's not at home unfortunatley, can I take a message for her or get her to ring back?..." or her coming on and saying she has to do something and can only talk for 5 minutes. In the case of Dad saying he'll leave a message for her to ring me back. I don't hear from her for 2 weeks and finally ring her again, to get the same thing going again. Emails stop, her presence on MSN messanger stops, never coming online.... When I do manage to talk to her and ask about what she's doing it's something like "Lots of work... I'm working in a Chemist shop... and doing lots of baby sitting" when I ask her why she's not on MSN... hasn't been since January, she sais "Oh, I'm never online these days" I look at her profile and it didn't change from November last year... Untill Febuary 17... when suddenly it changes and goes into the "adult profiles" section. No sexual stuff, but some swear words (Since 1999 to December 2002 I heard her swear about once... and that was on the ski fields when someone nearly killed her in Smiggins Skiing area.) And more importantly she indicates her profile as "Marriage Status: Long Term Relationship" and not a single mention of myself... And according to my computer she hasn't been online since November 2002. "Killfile" is the word that comes to mind... Blocked Status. Nothing has happened between us as far as arguements, We'v never argued in a heated way, even when we disagree on something, I simply give my point of view, and she gives hers, and then i point out similarities between our points of view, and she sais 'interesting, I see how your thinking' and that's that.
Febuary becomes March... and still no word... now I go 25 days without hearing from her at all. My insistant SMSing her slows down to one SMS in about 10 days, One call in the month... To her mobile... She sounds puffed, it's a Tuesday night around 7:50... and she sais she's going to orchestra, and is late.
Wednesday. A guy I'v known since around 2000 is in a class I'm in. (he goes to my university, doing Music, Plays Tuba). He's the type of guy who swears constantly, Womanises, has a reputation of going out with a girl for about 2 or 3 months, bragging on how hot this chick is who he's shagging, and then dumps her once he's bored, or another chick takes his fancy. He's constantly telling stories about strange and wierd sexual things his previous conquests used to do... (his favourite story is about a girl, who he names by name when telling this story, and a carrot... I'll leave that to your imaginations). Basically he's the type of guy who SHE wouldn't be interested in... or so I thought.
Anyway He decides to say to the entire class "My Girlfriend (names her first name) is going to be on the Footy Show tomorow everyone, since no-one seems to know who she is... Watch the Footy Show tomorow everyone!"
And an associate of mine, asks "(Her first name) who? I know a (Her first name) who plays violin"
I start to feel sick to the stomach as he sais "(Her First name) (Her Second Name) She plays violin... you know her Col?"
Colin (associate who asked the question) notices me standing there looking white as a sheet... "Yeah, I know her..." Looks at me with that *well I'll be! Poor Guy* look... I walk out of the lecture room... and start to feel the feelings of panic and complete and utter discust, foolishness, betrayal, and outrageous anger.
The rest of the day is a bluur, Though I did send her an SMS saying "I hear your on the Footy Show Tomorow night" She replys with a "Yer"... Please note, Claire always has written text messages that are completley correctly spelt out in full, never making the sms slang and never using stupid spellings such as "Yer"... I then SMS reply saying. I need to talk. Can I ring you now or soon? She replys " No"... I don't sleep a wink that night. In the morning, I get up... note the parents have left home, walk out to my living room, and go into a state of shock... Hyperventelating, High Pulserate, Dizzyness, Uncontrollable shaking, and talking incissently, and in short uncomplete scentences to myself. Not wanting to go completley insane, or give myself a heart attack, I decide I have to ring her... NOW.. So I do. Right in the middle of a lecture she is in. She blocks out, but immediatley SMS's back. "What is it?"
I say "I need some urgent advice on something."
She says "How can I help you?"
I say "It's difficult to explain, I'v sent an Email, Can I ring U to read it to you?"
She says "I'm in Class. How did you find out about the Footyshow?"
I say "Antonio, your new boyfriend told the Brass class yesterday"
She sais "The WHOLE class!"
I say "Yes. I guess he did"
Havn't heard from her since, though that was only yesterday...

So... what advice do you guys have...

oh by the way, where talking about this face here:

I have a pic of her at
www.geocities.com/jenat_lai/00.jpg Could anyone please host it so I may post it here? if of course they feel it to be appropriate.

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-03-28 06:55am

Don't think the face matters.

Jenat, honey, this seriously looks like bad news. Wish I could say something to excuse her behaviour or to convince you that you two are going to work this out, but it looks over (and she's being an evil bitch: sorry, but she is).

I guess you just have to forget her and try to move on. Sucks, but that's the honest truth as I see it.

<hugs> we're here for you if you want to rant.

Post by **Vympel** » 2003-03-28 07:04am

Cold-hearted bitch. When she comes crawling back to you after this dumbfuck breaks her into little tiny pieces, send her packing.

Sorry if you really liked her, but I call it like I see it.

His Divine Shadow · Post by **His Divine Shadow** » 2003-03-28 08:06am

Yeah like Vympel says, no pity...

XaLEv · Post by **XaLEv** » 2003-03-28 01:15pm

You could try confronting her face to face. Don't give her any indication you are coming, just show up and get right to the point.

meNNis · Post by **meNNis** » 2003-03-28 02:22pm

I agree with XaLEv. Go to her without letting her know in advance. You both need to talk. Now.

Defiant · Post by **Defiant** » 2003-03-28 02:42pm

Confront her and tell her how you really feel. If she denies you, at least you can tell yourself that you tried your best. Much better than to swing in the breeze, not knowing what's going on.

Defiant · Post by **Defiant** » 2003-03-28 02:43pm

And trust me, I have experience in these matters. I understand completely.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-03-28 03:35pm

drop her.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-03-28 03:46pm

Confront her face-to-face, and tell her that you thought she was your friend, but no friend would ever treat you like that. Say "goodbye" and walk away. It's the only way.

Zoink · Post by **Zoink** » 2003-03-28 03:55pm

Defiant wrote: Confront her and tell her how you really feel. If she denies you, at least you can tell yourself that you tried your best. Much better than to swing in the breeze, not knowing what's going on.

Sometimes that feeling of "swinging in the breeze", that feeling that you need to confront her, is just because you are unwilling to come to terms with the fact that its over.... its happened to me. Acting on emotion often makes you act and appear irrational, that's probably why she's avoiding him now.

She has a boyfriend, its pretty clear that she doesn't feel the same way about any relationship. Maybe she always felt this way, maybe she's recently changed her opinion.

Personally, I'd try to hammer in the fact that its over, then try to get on with other things, other girls. If you need to call her a bitch (in your own mind) to get yourself to stop thinking about her then go ahead. Probably later on (could be a while) you'll get over it (mostly), and might even be friends again (personal experience).

nechronius · Post by **nechronius** » 2003-03-28 04:11pm

Game's over and you're out of quarters. Move on. Confrontation is wasted energy. You're likely to get a bunch of stall tactics anyway.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-03-28 04:19pm

nechronius wrote:Game's over and you're out of quarters. Move on. Confrontation is wasted energy. You're likely to get a bunch of stall tactics anyway.

Confrontation for the purpose of winning her back is wasted energy. Confrontation to get some psychological sense of closure is probably worth it.

Arthur_Tuxedo · Post by **Arthur_Tuxedo** » 2003-03-28 05:42pm

I didn't read the post, but I looked at that pic, and I know a bitch when I see one. Drop her.

nechronius · Post by **nechronius** » 2003-03-28 05:49pm

Darth Wong wrote:
nechronius wrote:Game's over and you're out of quarters. Move on. Confrontation is wasted energy. You're likely to get a bunch of stall tactics anyway.
Confrontation for the purpose of winning her back is wasted energy. Confrontation to get some psychological sense of closure is probably worth it.

Confrontation for self gratification sounds to me like so much needless melodrama, but I concede that some people may need that.

jenat-lai · Post by **jenat-lai** » 2003-03-28 06:43pm

As Usuall Lord Darth Wong is wise. I will have a chance to confront her on Friday or Saturday. She will be forced to be somewhere where she doesn't think I will be, but I will...

Iceberg · Post by **Iceberg** » 2003-03-28 07:11pm

The only thing I can think when looking at that picture is...

[SERVO]: Man, who beefed?[/SERVO]

XaLEv · Post by **XaLEv** » 2003-03-28 07:22pm

jenat-lai wrote:As Usuall Lord Darth Wong is wise. I will have a chance to confront her on Friday or Saturday. She will be forced to be somewhere where she doesn't think I will be, but I will...

Ah, yeah, always Wong. No way for him to ever not be first at something, let alone fourth.

^^Only semi-serious^^

Be sure to keep out of sight until you actually confront her. Wouldn't do to have her see and avoid you.

jenat-lai · Post by **jenat-lai** » 2003-03-28 07:27pm

Sorry Xalev... Yes I concede, you posted the idea first.

Iceberg, Alot of people have said that to me... but only in the last week. Actually, my best mate down here often used to make fun of her, shall we say, rear end... but that's another story... but "Who Beefed"? Now that's a little too far....

Lord MJ · Post by **Lord MJ** » 2003-03-29 02:34pm

I would agree with the idea of confrontation, but I would like to warn you that women don't like being confronted about things and if you're not careful you could end up getting into trouble.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-03-29 02:35pm

Lord MJ wrote:I would agree with the idea of confrontation, but I would like to warn you that women don't like being confronted about things and if you're not careful you could end up getting into trouble.

Hence the importance of doing it right, which is why I posted a suggestion for what he could say in order to close the matter without turning it into a screaming session.

Lord MJ · Post by **Lord MJ** » 2003-03-29 05:15pm

As an aside, the fact that there is ANY risk of him getting in trouble when this woman is clearly in the wrong, demonstrates everything that is wrong with our society and ethics today.....

LT.Hit-Man · Post by **LT.Hit-Man** » 2003-03-29 10:18pm

* shakes head *
Well you can do a few things to put this matter to rest.

1: Confront this low down so and so about this.
2: Walk away and never deal with this so and so ever again.
3: Everone favroute MOTHER FUCKING REVENGE!, cuase there are just somethings that a perason can not let slide.

Good luck in put this stab in the back to rest.

Illuminatus Primus · Post by **Illuminatus Primus** » 2003-03-29 10:43pm

Vympel wrote:Cold-hearted bitch. When she comes crawling back to you after this dumbfuck breaks her into little tiny pieces, send her packing.

Sorry if you really liked her, but I call it like I see it.

Fuck her in the ass, then throw her out.

EmperorMing · Post by **EmperorMing** » 2003-03-29 10:57pm

Revenge is a dish best served cold...

ST was good for wsomething...