Don't do this to yourself.

Post by **Coyote** » 2003-03-28 01:56pm

Okay, here's the scoop:

A week ago I was at a college party, which I don't usually do. I live off campus and since I am older I generally do not hang around the younger students or go to their parties. Last week I did, and a girl there who has had a crush on me for awhile got stupendously drunk. She made a public spectacle of herself coming onto me in very aggressive ways in front of everyone.

She's ordinarily a nice girl, actually shy, so I knew something wasn't right. I walk her back to her dorm room since she cannot even stand up on her own. She falls down several times on the pavement and hallway, injuring herself-- she doesn't even feel it.

We get to her dorm room and once inside (I closed the door-- stupid move on my part) she gets undressed and wants to have sex. I refuse-- I'm not interested in her in the first place and I know that so far things could be misconstrued enough already. I turn the situation over to the Resident Assistant (student councilor) and leave. I had very little to drink since I knew I'd have to drive home that night.

Well, this girl had 16 shots of vodka in 45 minutes. The RA calls an ambulance since she goes unresponsive shortly after I leave. The docs say she was in an advanced stage of alcohol poisoning. Since she's 18 (underage in the US) and has bruises from falling down, a report is made to the cops.

You can guess what kind of attention this focuses on me.

The good news is, a medical test was done on her which will prove that I didn't have any sort of sexual contact with her at all. The bad news is the results of the test could take "weeks or months" to come from the lab, according to the cops. In the meantime, rumor control kicks in and even when the test results come back there'll still be some folks' toungues wagging.

Guys, if you're ever in a situation like this-- call campus security and have them take someone home. I thought at worst she'd wake up with a headache and a sense of mortification-- we'd have an embarrassed laugh and she'd go easy on the alcohol, and that's it. But now it's gotten crazy.

Do NOT make this mistake. It may seem nice at first, but in today's political atmosphere, you will end up in a very compromising position. Play it safe.

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-03-28 01:58pm

What has she had to say about all this?

There's no case if she doesn't accuse you of anything?

on a related note...

oh, poor Coyote <hugz> Don't ever stop being the nice guy.

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2003-03-28 01:59pm

holy fuck....it's a good thing you were thinking with the right head that night, or else you'd be in even deeper shit. good luck man.

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2003-03-28 01:59pm

Good thing you were thinking with the big head and not the little one. You'd be fucked six ways to Sunday.

Post by **Coyote** » 2003-03-28 05:14pm

Well, Innerbrat, not only does she NOT want to press charges, she didn't want the Police to do anything at all. But because of the underage drinking and the bruises they have to investigate. Technically, any sexual contact between a drunk and a sober person is automatically rape-- even if I was a sober 18 year old and she was a drunk 35 year old.

I mean, sure-- if I heard this story from a third person, yeah, I'd investigate. It is the prudent thing to do and makes sense-- they'd be crappy cops if they heard a story like this and didn't look into it. I just wish the lab results were back already to prove everything was cool.

And even though I felt really burned by this and thought I'd never go out of my way again, truth is I'd still help someone but try to do it in a wiser way-- have witnesses, call campus security, etc.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2003-03-28 05:19pm

Rape of an Unconchious person

I did study a little crime and punishment before I dropped out of College.

That one was on the books before there were Mickey Finns (Chicago Bartender & Rapist of the 19th century) or Modern Tranquilizers with potentially leathal side effects (Rhahypnol).

Post by **Gandalf** » 2003-03-28 09:50pm

I hope it all works out, don't quit being the nice guy. Ever.

ArmorPierce · Post by **ArmorPierce** » 2003-03-28 11:12pm

The part about a drunk person having sex with a sober person being considered rape is stupid -_- but I guess that people would try to take advantage of it but it being an all out rape charge is stupid.

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-03-29 01:26am

Don't worry, Coyote. You know you did right, and soon, everyone else will too.

Knife · Post by **Knife** » 2003-03-29 05:18am

Rummor control is an oxi moron. No matter what is true and what is provable, there will be people who will suppose the worst. Hope all turns out OK, but expect to deal with the worst no matter what, of some people.

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-03-29 05:33am

See, I think that if a someone is too drunk to give consent, then it should be recognised as rape.

BUt pressing chrages against the will of the 'victim' is stupid. It'll never stick if she refuses to gvie evidence for starters.

I still think that you did the right thing from beginning to end, Coyote. We need more of you.

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2003-03-29 11:06am

The nature of the world is often that being kind and helpful will land you up to your ears in a pile of shit.

I mean, when I was working as a bouncer I was required to have first aid training....the first thing they said at it....
"Dont use it, if you do you and us can be sued.....if you do nothing you cant get into any trouble."

*starts to hum, what a wonderful world*
As for the whole situation, I can sympathise as a fellow nice guy.

Uraniun235 · Post by **Uraniun235** » 2003-03-29 06:57pm

Wait, so why did they give you the training in the first place?

Besides, mightn't some litigious person find out that you guys get trained and sue the company if you failed to help someone? Sounds like lose-lose to me.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2003-03-29 07:01pm

innerbrat wrote:See, I think that if a someone is too drunk to give consent, then it should be recognised as rape.

BUt pressing chrages against the will of the 'victim' is stupid. It'll never stick if she refuses to gvie evidence for starters.

I still think that you did the right thing from beginning to end, Coyote. We need more of you.

And the law agrees with you I.B.

Got to love english common law. We americans copied it, almost perfectly. Now if we can just get people to remember the laws that are on the books.

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2003-03-29 07:10pm

Uraniun235 wrote:Wait, so why did they give you the training in the first place?

Besides, mightn't some litigious person find out that you guys get trained and sue the company if you failed to help someone? Sounds like lose-lose to me.

Legal requriement that we have first aid training....but you cant be sued for failing to help....helping is optional.

LT.Hit-Man · Post by **LT.Hit-Man** » 2003-03-29 09:53pm

Good luck to you I hope it all works out for you, most males I know(yes there's a dif between males and men) would not think twise about jumping a drunk and passout woman's bones it's good to see that there is still some good in people.

jegs2 · Post by **jegs2** » 2003-03-29 10:08pm

Good situational judgment, Coyote. Be careful.

Post by **LadyTevar** » 2003-03-29 11:41pm

innerbrat wrote:See, I think that if a someone is too drunk to give consent, then it should be recognised as rape.

BUt pressing chrages against the will of the 'victim' is stupid. It'll never stick if she refuses to gvie evidence for starters.

I still think that you did the right thing from beginning to end, Coyote. We need more of you.

Coyote, great job. I'm proud of you and sorry that being a nice guy got you into this situation. I hope it clears up shortly.

InnerBrat, you're right, there should be that option. However, here is the problem when a victim doesn't want to press charges because they're afraid of the attacker, or doesn't want the public knowing that they were attacked. That's why many rapes go unreported, and why many abusive relationships continue.

Once again, laws are there to (attempt to) protect those that can't (or won't) protect themselves.

Lonestar · Post by **Lonestar** » 2003-03-30 12:06am

*woo* :: wipes forehead :: had something similiar happen to a fish buddy at A&M. Unfortunately, unlike you, he [Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade Old Knight] chose poorly[/IJATLCOK]. Buddy got drummed out of the Corps of Cadets that weekend, and he dropped out before A&M would bring him up on charges.

Straha · Post by **Straha** » 2003-03-30 12:21am

Good Job Coyote, I would probably have handled the situation slightly differently (No sexual contact, except maybe a kiss on the nose/cheek before reporting it)

But I have a slightly different question

If a drunk guy, and an equally drunk woman have sexual intercourse, is it rape?