You Have the Codes(RAR!)

[U.P. Cinnabar]

One fine morning, you wake up next to the "football," containing all the codes for the American nuclear arsenal. For purposes of this RAR! these codes cannot be changed.

What do you do?

[Tribble]

Does this mean I am the only one who can it? That I have the only one, but usual rules over use apply? Or do I have just a copy while the us government still has the regular one? Is it traceable?

[Esquire]

Give it back? Ideally to the FBI or somebody on condition of anonymity and immunity, I don't want to spend forever answering questions about how I got it in the first place.

[U.P. Cinnabar]

@Esquire: It's yours to do with as you please.

You can always tell them you switched cases with Trump the last time you were at Mar-a-Lago. Not that it will fly, but...

[U.P. Cinnabar]

Does this mean I am the only one who can use the codes? That I have the only copy of the codes, but usual rules over use apply? Or do I have just one copy of the codes, while the us government still has their copies?

If it's the ladder I'll just shred my copy and forget I ever had them.

You have the only copies, and sole authority to use them. If any biometrics are involved, then whatever agency provided you with th3 football has seen to that as well.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Hmmm...if it was the codes to everyone's missiles, I'd be tempted to fire them up into space and away from Earth, or use them to hold the various asshole world leaders to ransom and force disarmament of all the other nukes.

Since only the Yank's stockpile, I dunno. Probably keep quiet about it. Tempted to say contact the White House, tell them I have them and demand a big fat salary for not telling anyone, but I doubt that would work with President Cuckoo Bananas in charge.

[Tribble]

Does this mean I am the only one who can use the codes? That I have the only copy of the codes, but usual rules over use apply? Or do I have just one copy of the codes, while the us government still has their copies?

If it's the ladder I'll just shred my copy and forget I ever had them.

You have the only copies, and sole authority to use them. If any biometrics are involved, then whatever agency provided you with th3 football has seen to that as well.

Fine. After telling Russia, China etc what to expect, I use all the nukes to wipe out the US and its western allies - both their militaries and their civilian populations. Now no one can blame everything on them since they won't be around anymore! Everywhere else will quickly become a paradise! Problem solved!

[U.P. Cinnabar]

That's one solution.

[U.P. Cinnabar]

Hmmm...if it was the codes to everyone's missiles, I'd be tempted to fire them up into space and away from Earth, or use them to hold the various asshole world leaders to ransom and force disarmament of all the other nukes.

Since only the Yank's stockpile, I dunno. Probably keep quiet about it. Tempted to say contact the White House, tell them I have them and demand a big fat salary for not telling anyone, but I doubt that would work with President Cuckoo Bananas in charge.

He'd likely dismiss it as fake news. But I like where you're going with this,

[Crazedwraith]

Okay what happens when I die? Do the codes revert to their rightful owner?

Letting anyone know I have them is a fully paid trip to Guantanamo Bay or the morgue.

[Tribble]

Okay what happens when I die? Do the codes revert to their rightful owner?

Letting anyone know I have them is a fully paid trip to Guantanamo Bay or the morgue.

Could you rig up a dead man's switch?

[Eternal_Freedom]

I don't see why not.

As for getting Trump to believe me, well I can always fire a warning shot...just off that Mars el Largo place he's so bloody fond of. Or Pittsburgh, because why not.

Actually I probably wouldn't even need to launch to get them to believe it. Just send launch orders, then withdraw them shortly afterwards. The Pentagon will pitch a fit even President Orangutan will listen.

[The Romulan Republic]

Stay very, very quiet. Maybe chuck them into the bottom of the ocean or something.

At any other time, I'd be tempted to give them back, even if I'd probably end up in prison. That's not a responsibility I want to have.

But if I was blessed with the power to keep the nuclear launch codes out of Trump's tiny hands, I don't think I could live with myself if I gave them back to him.

[aerius]

I'm nuking DC and Florida.
You may call it "draining the swamp".

[Simon_Jester]

I have been handed a large red button that says "DO NOT PUSH OR ELSE."

I do not push the large red button.

[Eternal_Freedom]

I have been handed a large red button that says "DO NOT PUSH OR ELSE."

I do not push the large red button.

i am suddenly reminded of the SCRAMMing Up! thread

[Zor]

I take a hammer to it, smash it up, throw the remains in the recycling and never speak a word of it. I don't want a button which means the owner can blow up civilization.

Zor

[SpottedKitty]

You can always tell them you switched cases with Trump the last time you were at Mar-a-Lago. Not that it will fly, but...

I thought this thread was supposed to be speculative fiction — that belongs in the "becroggling but genuinely plausible" category.

[U.P. Cinnabar]

Okay what happens when I die? Do the codes revert to their rightful owner?

Letting anyone know I have them is a fully paid trip to Guantanamo Bay or the morgue.

Yes. They'd go back to POTUS. Until the next RAR!

[U.P. Cinnabar]

Okay what happens when I die? Do the codes revert to their rightful owner?

Letting anyone know I have them is a fully paid trip to Guantanamo Bay or the morgue.

Could you rig up a dead man's switch?

It would take some doing, from someone who knew he was doing, but, yeah.

[U.P. Cinnabar]

I don't see why not.

As for getting Trump to believe me, well I can always fire a warning shot...just off that Mars el Largo place he's so bloody fond of. Or Pittsburgh, because why not.

Actually I probably wouldn't even need to launch to get them to believe it. Just send launch orders, then withdraw them shortly afterwards. The Pentagon will pitch a fit even President Orangutan will listen.

You would ultimately have to provide a demonstration of intent if you threaten to launch. That's the trouble with big sticks.

[U.P. Cinnabar]

You can always tell them you switched cases with Trump the last time you were at Mar-a-Lago. Not that it will fly, but...

I thought this thread was supposed to be speculative fiction — that belongs in the "becroggling but genuinely plausible" category.

IIRC, Trump did leave the football unattended during one of his vacations to Mar-a-Lago.

[U.P. Cinnabar]

Stay very, very quiet. Maybe chuck them into the bottom of the ocean or something.

At any other time, I'd be tempted to give them back, even if I'd probably end up in prison. That's not a responsibility I want to have.

But if I was blessed with the power to keep the nuclear launch codes out of Trump's tiny hands, I don't think I could live with myself if I gave them back to him.

Not just Trump, but also Pence(who's threatening Savannah with a visit to the Saint Paddy's parade), Ryan, Pompeo, Sessions...

But, this is what part of me wants to do with the codes. Another...well, there's this dimly remembered short story by Charles Stross, I think, where the Supreme Autocrat of the Associated Nations uses thermonuclear terrorism to enforce global unity.

[Simon_Jester]

I have been handed a large red button that says "DO NOT PUSH OR ELSE."

I do not push the large red button.

i am suddenly reminded of the SCRAMMing Up! thread

I am still, in my heart of hearts, MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST.

[Eternal_Freedom]

I have been handed a large red button that says "DO NOT PUSH OR ELSE."

I do not push the large red button.

i am suddenly reminded of the SCRAMMing Up! thread

I am still, in my heart of hearts, MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST.

KAMIKAZE SPACE PILOT approves. Now he RETURNS to PLOTTING to OVERTHROW ALL NATIONS. Because why the fuck not?