Catestrophic Loss of Girl. Mayday Mayday Mayday

jenat-lai · Post by **jenat-lai** » 2003-03-29 11:10pm

So you guys say, 4 years of relationship worth nothing now? Revenge on Her as well as Him, Bail out and set the self destruct? I still an't convinced 100%, but http://www.geocities.com/jenat_lai/antonios_welcome.jpg made me smile today.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-03-29 11:12pm

jenat-lai wrote:So you guys say, 4 years of relationship worth nothing now?

She's the one who made that call. You must now find a way to accept it and move on.

Revenge on Her as well as Him, Bail out and set the self destruct?

Revenge is pointless and destructive, but closure is important IMHO.

I still an't convinced 100%, but http://www.geocities.com/jenat_lai/antonios_welcome.jpg made me smile today.

Cool, but a sniper rifle is more appropriate

LT.Hit-Man · Post by **LT.Hit-Man** » 2003-03-29 11:21pm

EmperorMing wrote:Revenge is a dish best served cold...

ST was good for wsomething...

Depends on the type of revenge.
If I was jenat-lai I would confront this so and so in a public place while she was with some of her friend, stay calme and tell her point blank that she betryed jenat-lai and warn this so and so's friends that they to will be betryed and then walk away

And you right Ming ST is good for something besides one cool catch phrase, turbo-laser cannon fodder

Post by **LadyTevar** » 2003-03-29 11:24pm

Ok, here's this woman's two bits...

1) This tuba player that she's going with now sounds like the usual "Femme-bait". He's cute and charming enough that girls fall for him, desperately believing that just because he treated other girls before like shit, this time it's different.

2) You're this girl's friend. She trusted you to be her friend, and got uncomfortable when it became more. So, she 'rebelled' and went with something totally different. Maybe she was trying to deny her feelings for you. Maybe she doesn't like you romantically at all. You can't tell "Bitch-ness" by a picture, honestly, and the girl might not even know why she's doing this herself.

3) Be there when she falls. This guy's going to hurt her badly, and she will need your friendship If you can stand just being friends, give her that forgiveness. If anything romantic happens from there, let her start it. Don't push, just listen, like you did before.

4) Don't be surprised if she can't face you or avoids you. She may be kicking herself for trusting the guy, and for treating you like she did. Then again, she might be avoiding you because she just doesn't want to see you.

That's the problem with giving advice on women... we always have at least 2 ways of reacting to any given situation...

Anarchist Bunny · Post by **Anarchist Bunny** » 2003-03-29 11:46pm

http://www.velocity.net/~acekc/The%20Av ... ndbook.htm

That should help with any revenge purposes, the more up to date version is better, but the site where it was hosted is apparently down.

Also one not listed their, I have heard on several occasions on the news about the incorrect dumping of GALLONS of goat semen. It can't be hard to get a large amount and that much harder to fill her car with.

LT.Hit-Man · Post by **LT.Hit-Man** » 2003-03-30 12:00am

LadyTevar wrote:Ok, here's this woman's two bits...

1) This tuba player that she's going with now sounds like the usual "Femme-bait". He's cute and charming enough that girls fall for him, desperately believing that just because he treated other girls before like shit, this time it's different.

2) You're this girl's friend. She trusted you to be her friend, and got uncomfortable when it became more. So, she 'rebelled' and went with something totally different. Maybe she was trying to deny her feelings for you. Maybe she doesn't like you romantically at all. You can't tell "Bitch-ness" by a picture, honestly, and the girl might not even know why she's doing this herself.

3) Be there when she falls. This guy's going to hurt her badly, and she will need your friendship If you can stand just being friends, give her that forgiveness. If anything romantic happens from there, let her start it. Don't push, just listen, like you did before.

4) Don't be surprised if she can't face you or avoids you. She may be kicking herself for trusting the guy, and for treating you like she did. Then again, she might be avoiding you because she just doesn't want to see you.

That's the problem with giving advice on women... we always have at least 2 ways of reacting to any given situation...

You have some good points there LadyTevar however I disagree with all of them and here is why.

1:If this guy is Femme-bait and she knows it and knows that this guy treats women like shit and is foolish enough to think that this time will be diffrent then she desevers what ever fate befalls her.

2:Now as for what you said about this gal's feelings and causing her to rebell and what not she should have gone and talk to him about what was on her mind, I mean they where friends for fuck sakes and friends should be able to be open and frank with one another right?

3:Be there for when she falls???
Fuck that shit!
I mean what thell is that all about she stabbed a good friend in the back becuase she did not have to guts fo face her fears if there was any there in the frist place and who knows they could have be happy with one another but no idsteed she gave into her fears and not only pissed away a good and honest friendship but she not only hurt him and herself but robbed the two of them of a chance for something better in there lives.

4:If that's the case then good riddens to rubish, let her rot in her own dispair.

As for you ladies reacting to any given situation in one of two ways why is that?

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-03-30 12:07am

LadyTevar wrote:1) This tuba player that she's going with now sounds like the usual "Femme-bait". He's cute and charming enough that girls fall for him, desperately believing that just because he treated other girls before like shit, this time it's different.

2) You're this girl's friend. She trusted you to be her friend, and got uncomfortable when it became more. So, she 'rebelled' and went with something totally different. Maybe she was trying to deny her feelings for you. Maybe she doesn't like you romantically at all. You can't tell "Bitch-ness" by a picture, honestly, and the girl might not even know why she's doing this herself.

I can agree with those two points.

3) Be there when she falls. This guy's going to hurt her badly, and she will need your friendship If you can stand just being friends, give her that forgiveness. If anything romantic happens from there, let her start it. Don't push, just listen, like you did before.

You just advised this young man to twist in the wind waiting patiently for her to come back to him. I don't want to turn this into a debate, but I couldn't disagree more strongly. She has not treated him as a friend, and he has to make a clean break and move on with his life. You simply cannot trust the sort of person who behaves herself in that fashion, so what future is there here? Mere friends? Friends don't do that to each other.

4) Don't be surprised if she can't face you or avoids you. She may be kicking herself for trusting the guy, and for treating you like she did. Then again, she might be avoiding you because she just doesn't want to see you.

That's the problem with giving advice on women... we always have at least 2 ways of reacting to any given situation...

Very true. But we can only go with what we know, and we know that someone who has behaved herself in this fashion is not good news. In my opinion, clinging to faint hope is a course of action with a good chance of leading to depression.

jenat-lai · Post by **jenat-lai** » 2003-03-30 07:52am

Lt.Hitman wrote: If I was jenat-lai I would confront this so and so in a public place while she was with some of her friend, stay calme and tell her point blank that she betryed jenat-lai and warn this so and so's friends that they to will be betryed and then walk away

I have a very good chance to do that in the coming weekend. The entire group where we first met, which includes some of her best friends (female mostly, a couple of male friends, not the Boyfriend au new) will be there.

Interestingly however, one of her closer girl friends, a Cellist, was playing in a concert I was also performing in myself, and she came and talked to me (for like the 3rd time in my life, This girl is rather plain looking, and is very quiet. Brown hair, a bit flabby, though very reliable a person in the orchestra) Anyway she talked to me, and said had I heard from HER latley, and I sort of said "Come to rub some salt in the wound have you?" and she said "No, I'm just asking cos she hasn't talked to me in weeks." "yeah, nor me really." I reply... and the Cellist walks off to do her own thing... so I'm really starting to worry now... seems she's just offlaying alot of her best friends this month.

Lady Tevar, I really do want to believe all of what you say, that she's confused, that she's rebelling, that she did enjoy our friendship, that when (and I do say When, I know this guy, he has a reputation at my university, and it's not a great one... He talks about his previous sexual exploits as something to be proud of, he doesn't care about I think, any of the girls he's ever been with, at least not after he's dumped them) that is, When, he dumps HER, then she decides that she wants to be my friend... even if she wants to be my friend and is still with him I'm perfectly happy to do so. Though I want her to fully understand that I was very hurt about it all before she does become friends with me, though I am happy to forgive under that understanding.

1:If this guy is Femme-bait and she knows it and knows that this guy treats women like shit and is foolish enough to think that this time will be diffrent then she desevers what ever fate befalls her.

I'm not sure she knows this guys reputation. If she does. (and she does have the opportunity to do so... she's known him since I have, just only once a week, unlike my 6 days a week experience with the guy... also there's been about 2 years from Jan 2001 till feb 2003 where she had no contact with him whatsoever and that I can vertify conclusivley... well maybe not the end, but I know that in Jan 2002 I was talking about her to a friend of mine, and he butted in and asked what we were talking about... "Friend" (who is actually more his friend than mine, though I'v known this friend since I was like 8 years old, but him and Tuba player get on better than me and him) Well Friend told Tuba player that I was talking about a girl I liked, and that she was "That girl in the Orchestra who left last year, <Name> <Name>" he didn't have a clue who he was talking about... so I left it there...

*All of these people in Orchestras are a close community, it's ironic I know, but I know everyone from both sides and neutral sides of this story, apart from perhaps the parents of the Tuba player, who my best friend (who's sister had an experience with him I reicently find out) who say his parents are complete Kooks. Let's just say, To think that a Irish Catholic Fundie Creationist is bad as a *Girlfriend's Parents*... which is what this case is... Apparently this Tuba players parents are *Racially exclusive* as well. At least HER parents actually seem to like me (well, unlike the hardcore athiests here at SDnet, I actually do attend a church, though I am by no means a creationist, and I'd rather use my brain for myself. Yes I read science, I love science. *Bows down to Wong, Please do not Smite me LOL)

she should have gone and talk to him about what was on her mind, I mean they where friends for fuck sakes and friends should be able to be open and frank with one another right?

That's her biggest mistake and the one thing which threw me into the depression ditch. I can handle "I don't feel the same way about you, Can we just be friends?" I can even handle "I'v been seeing this guy for 4 weeks... I'm so sorry, but I think I love him. I guess that's my way of saying it's over... and if you can forgive me I'm happy to be your friend still, since wheve known each other for so long"
But having to go through
"Do you know that Girl <HER> <HERlastname>?... yeah she's my girlfriend"...

She's your WHAT! *Deathstar Superlazer strikes my ribcage and I explode*

Hell I might have even been able to handle "I don't feel the same way about you, I don't want to talk to you again, ever" (That's what the last girfriend said to me, but then 12 months later she started to talk to me again, and now where friends again, and all is fine with us as friends, and we both know where the lines are... Hugs are ok, kisses are not, typing "LUV YOU" on the end of emails is ok, but actually typing it correctly isn't ok, saying it is out of the question.. as I said, friends can be friends.

The Great and Powerfull Lord Wong wrote: You just advised this young man to twist in the wind waiting patiently for her to come back to him. I don't want to turn this into a debate, but I couldn't disagree more strongly. She has not treated him as a friend, and he has to make a clean break and move on with his life. You simply cannot trust the sort of person who behaves herself in that fashion, so what future is there here? Mere friends? Friends don't do that to each other.

I think a debate is what we have here now, and I don't know why, but maybe it's good for me... Why? Cos I read this board and a debate will often have alot of good evidence which can change my mind... though I guess an arguement against a debate is that I'm likley to change my MIND, but be the fool I am and just do what my mind tells me is wrong, because my heart is TOO FUCKING SOFT, and I Can't bear the thought of 1: not talking to her again, she's been a friend for a long time.
2: Watching her fall (and I will know about it, the social circle is to tight not to hear about it) and then knowing that perhaps, she is in need of a friend and may not have one.
3: I just got used to having her around... she became a large part of my life. For the last few days the only people I have supporting me through this are
a: My own parents... fat lot of good theyre doing... I would have gotten better advice from I dunno... mystical starsigns, mythical beings and my cat.
b: My best mate... who now lives in a city 1300km away in another state, where he is now in university and isn't likley to return for 3 years, though he might come up for Easter break now. (He knows both HER, and the tuba player (They went to Highschool together) and of course is my best mate.
c: My Flight instructor at my flying school... he doesn't know any of the people involved though... he hasn't even seen her pic.
d: 2 message boards... This one, and another one coolsigforum.com
e: The previous Ex Girl

people that I'v told and have basically said "Who gives a fuck about you" are
My Personal trumpet tutor for University, I have a 1 on 1 lesson with him twice a week, I'v never got on with him much though. He's a S**t head.

and:
My parents

Darth Wong wrote: Very true. But we can only go with what we know, and we know that someone who has behaved herself in this fashion is not good news. In my opinion, clinging to faint hope is a course of action with a good chance of leading to depression

I can see this. It is very true.. This is the con of having the debate... My mind knows what needs to be done... My heart wants to do the opposite so much, that my mind cannot conquer. Instead I "Cling to faint hope and fall further into what is already depression"

Here is my true weakness.

As if to highlight this weakness... what happens when you feel so bad inside yourself that you start to hyperventelate, have a raised pulse, start feeling dizzy, shake uncontrollably... more like a slow shiver... and start sweating... and it's nearly winter here down south of the equator... and sobbing?

Ya... Wong is Right and I can vertify it... do what I do, and you get depression.

Post by **Vympel** » 2003-03-30 08:18am

jenat-lai wrote:so I'm really starting to worry now... seems she's just offlaying alot of her best friends this month.

This is standard idiot girl "i'm so in love" bullshit- in all liklihood, she's one of those girls who casts off all those encumbrances like you know, friends, when she gets a boyfriend.

jenat-lai · Post by **jenat-lai** » 2003-03-30 08:37am

She didn't last time... I think... but then, who knows... Maybe to her, I wasn't a real boyfriend... hmm...

Post by **Vympel** » 2003-03-30 08:57am

jenat-lai wrote:She didn't last time... I think... but then, who knows... Maybe to her, I wasn't a real boyfriend... hmm...

I didn't get the impression that you were her boyfriend from what was posted originally.

jenat-lai · Post by **jenat-lai** » 2003-03-30 06:40pm

Vympel wrote:
jenat-lai wrote:She didn't last time... I think... but then, who knows... Maybe to her, I wasn't a real boyfriend... hmm...
I didn't get the impression that you were her boyfriend from what was posted originally.

This is true... More just friends

LT.Hit-Man · Post by **LT.Hit-Man** » 2003-03-30 11:09pm

[quote="jenat-lai

I have a very good chance to do that in the coming weekend. The entire group where we first met, which includes some of her best friends (female mostly, a couple of male friends, not the Boyfriend au new) will be there.

Interestingly however, one of her closer girl friends, a Cellist, was playing in a concert I was also performing in myself, and she came and talked to me (for like the 3rd time in my life, This girl is rather plain looking, and is very quiet. Brown hair, a bit flabby, though very reliable a person in the orchestra) Anyway she talked to me, and said had I heard from HER latley, and I sort of said "Come to rub some salt in the wound have you?" and she said "No, I'm just asking cos she hasn't talked to me in weeks." "yeah, nor me really." I reply... and the Cellist walks off to do her own thing... so I'm really starting to worry now... seems she's just offlaying alot of her best friends this month.[/quote]

Then by all means nail her to the wall as for the Cellist well just talk to one another who knows she might be the one for you and you for her and if that's the case that will realy piss off the hose bag that dumped you.
In any case best of luck to you.

jenat-lai · Post by **jenat-lai** » 2003-03-31 04:51am

GrandAdmiralPrawn, I was reading your post and starting to get annoyed, and wanted to say that I agreed with the other person... That this girl was my friend for 4 years, that I was in love with her, that she deserved better than this guy. I wanted to have her back and forgive her and show how much I loved her even when that love was not returned. But then half way through the post, I suddenly saw...

Bull-fucking-shit! How much of a doormat do you expect this poor guy to be? If she does come to need his friendship, I hope she doesn't get it, and misses it, and realizes what a bitch she's been.

Listen Jenat, tell this bitch off and then pretend she doesn't exist. It's the best thing you can do. If she comes crawling back someday, deal with her then. Otherwise cut your losses and bail.

and suddenly... I agreed with you

Even more so when you say

That and you're all fucking fickle and nuts and don't know what you want, and have no problem with ripping a guy's guts out while you dawdle around contemplating your navels figuring out what it is you DO want.

And I realised suddenly, that this girl has hurt me, and doesn't give a shit. Now I'm mad.