MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

[bilateralrope]

It's worse when you see that line on a bakery that's apologizing for being closed.

[PainRack]

" yeah, the gas +makes me feel better now. So.... Can you get the doctor to speak to me ? I want all these lines removed "


I stare back speechlessly, having spent 3 hours trying to stop him from spiralling south, managing IVs and nebs, juggling both his comfort and medical needs, running back and forth ti grab equipment and etc.


"Err... You kinda need those."

" Yeah... But if you let me rest, i can fight back this... I cant rest with all these lines. "

I cant share deets... But this guy has been bashed to hell medically and surgically, where the surgeon said he had to beg the cardiologist and etc to get his minor op years ago.

The surgeon described him as tough.

I msg him and asked, is tough an euphemism for stubborn SOB ?

[PhoenixKnig]

Customer comes up pulled out a flip phone.
"I can't get internet on my phone can you put it on my phone for me"

[InsaneTD]

Did you look around for a camera crew and wonder which prank show it could be before accepting the customer could be that unknowledgeable?

[Raw Shark]

Waaay back in my college days, before my Cheeto-crumbed beard was white, I had people come up and ask me if the campus computer lab had the internet all the time. To be fair, I did work there one night a week, but I was a smartass teenager when I wasn't on the clock. My standard response became to say, "Here you go," and hand them a blank 3.5" floppy from my pocket labeled "INTERNET."

[LadyTevar]

Back again at Adventures on the Gorge, and once again reminding people that "No sir, we will not put your 4yr old on a whitewater rafting trip down the Gauley River."

Gauley River has 180 rapids between the Upper and Lower sections, mostly Class IV-V, the highest you can run commercially. It is a Expert Class Whitewater trip, and we suggest that you know how to swim, because you have a 50/50 chance of leaving the raft on some rapids.
Allowing anyone under age 16 on it would be negligent homicide.

[Zaune]

Back again at Adventures on the Gorge, and once again reminding people that "No sir, we will not put your 4yr old on a whitewater rafting trip down the Gauley River."

Gauley River has 180 rapids between the Upper and Lower sections, mostly Class IV-V, the highest you can run commercially. It is a Expert Class Whitewater trip, and we suggest that you know how to swim, because you have a 50/50 chance of leaving the raft on some rapids.
Allowing anyone under age 16 on it would be negligent homicide.

I hope you didn't have to book that four year-old's dad (because it's damn near always the dad) on the rafting trip without the kid, because I doubt they would be any fun to supervise.

[LadyTevar]

Back again at Adventures on the Gorge, and once again reminding people that "No sir, we will not put your 4yr old on a whitewater rafting trip down the Gauley River."

Gauley River has 180 rapids between the Upper and Lower sections, mostly Class IV-V, the highest you can run commercially. It is a Expert Class Whitewater trip, and we suggest that you know how to swim, because you have a 50/50 chance of leaving the raft on some rapids.
Allowing anyone under age 16 on it would be negligent homicide.

I hope you didn't have to book that four year-old's dad (because it's damn near always the dad) on the rafting trip without the kid, because I doubt they would be any fun to supervise.

Nope, he hung up and didn't book anything. I'm guessing he couldn't leave the kid alone with anyone.

We have had parents lie and say their kids were old enough to raft the New River (must be 12). The kid ratted them out when the Guide asked how old they were and they said "10". Unfortunately, they were already at the river and in the raft, so all the guide could do was get at the end of the line, take the rafts at the slowest, most cautious line possible, and miss all the Big Water. According to the Guide, the Dad was more pissed at missing the Big Water than worried that his 10yr old could have fallen out and drowned.

[Raw Shark]

RAW SHARK SELLS GASOLINE THEATER:

CO-WORKER: OWNER LADY always talks in Spanish on the phone around us. Makes me nervous.

ME: Um. I have good news and bad news.

CO-WORKER: ...you speak Spanish...

ME: [descriptive gesture] Un poquito.

CO-WORKER: ...and we're about to get totally fucked somehow..?

ME: [nods] Si, cabron.

~~~~~~~

CONTEXT NOTES/OFF-THREAD VENT: What kind of demented stillborn Dadaist performance art in human shape decides to quit stocking ice cream in both carton and impaled form? In the summer? Less than a mile from the beach? This woman is not really from Panama, she is a pod person from outer space.

[Lonestar]

I've been working for the same company and, while not the same job(s), the same program for over a decade. It's time for me to move on.

I am hella anxious about changing jobs though

[Raw Shark]

RAW SHARK IS GOOD WITH KIDS:

NEW CO-WORKER: [overheard] So what he does, is he goes waaay up high, like what the fuck, with his leg, and comes down on me, and I'm just like, "No fuckin- Agh!"

ME: Yeah, that's an axe kick. The goal is to beat down your defense by maximizing middle and lower body leverage from a high angle sort of, and sacrificing balance, so you kind of have to anticipate it, make sure he's not really going for your foot, and-

NEW CO-WORKER: Are you sure you're talking about the new version? I don't think I've played that one yet.

ME: Uh. Yeah. I think you're right.

[Raw Shark]

[Raw Shark]

NEW BOSS: I need you to not play that on the line anymore.

ME: With all due respect, why the fuck not, Sir?

NEW BOSS: HR got right up my ass with multiple issues on this-

ME: Answer me, this Boss.

NEW BOSS: Yes..?

ME: What's more important to the big boss, foul language in a song we only play in the warehouse that you already tolerate among us, or my ability to PUMP THE FUCK OUT OF THE TRUCK THROWERS? I'll allow you a moment to contemplate.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TKjC7_k ... FUTsprhNEt

[Raw Shark]

I mean, if you actually want me to stir shit up, I could just switch to:

[LadyTevar]

Our office has a Sirius XM radio. Nothing like having no calls coming in, and 5 ladies enthusiastically singing "Before He Cheats". The look on Jeff's face as he came to the door of his office was Amusing... (manager is the only male in the office).

[Raw Shark]

Our office has a Sirius XM radio. Nothing like having no calls coming in, and 5 ladies enthusiastically singing "Before He Cheats". The look on Jeff's face as he came to the door of his office was Amusing... (manager is the only male in the office).

I think that most regular people would feel a little uneasy knowing that they are surrounded by people who are not only supportive but enthusiastic about a violent revenge fantasy over an imagined crime written by an obvious lunatic, regardless of how catchy the performance. To put it somewhat coarsely, your co-workers be cray.

[Raw Shark]

YOUNG CO-WORKER: Well yeah, I want to ask her out, but I can't just do it here...

ME: You really can. If you don't, I will, in ten seconds. I will ask her out, she will say yes, and I will fuck her. I will fuck that girl, [Co-Worker]. Now is that what you want?

YOUNG CO-WORKER: [continues dithering]

ME: [raises voice across the entire sales floor; can project fairly well] HEY! [Health & Beauty Lady!] Can I call you sometime?

HBA LADY: [yelling back] 555-555-5555!

ME: Cool, talk later!

YOUNG CO-WORKER: You set that up before this.

ME: I really didn't.

[LadyTevar]

Our office has a Sirius XM radio. Nothing like having no calls coming in, and 5 ladies enthusiastically singing "Before He Cheats". The look on Jeff's face as he came to the door of his office was Amusing... (manager is the only male in the office).

I think that most regular people would feel a little uneasy knowing that they are surrounded by people who are not only supportive but enthusiastic about a violent revenge fantasy over an imagined crime written by an obvious lunatic, regardless of how catchy the performance. To put it somewhat coarsely, your co-workers be cray.

OR ... My coworkers and I have been in that position and WISH we'd had the balls to do that.

[Raw Shark]

Sometimes choosing non-violence is the strongest choice. I have never, ever said, "I wish I thought that through less," when it came to a fight.

[FaxModem1]

Since I work security as a supervisor, I occasionally talk with the Supervisors of other shifts while waiting for their relief to get there, or just because they have something they want to get off their chest. The supervisor before me has never been a supervisor before, and has been stressing out.

Her: *long rant about dealing with her officers while also dealing with her husband and their apartment shopping, packing, and other stresses in life*
Me: Wow, that's a lot. I know how stressful moving is.
Her: So, what should I do to not lose it?
Me: Well, you can do this, this and this.(gives out meaningful advice)
Her: Okay, but I'm still so stressed out about this.
Me: Hmm, okay, have you tried meditation?
Her: No, how would I even do that?
Me: Okay, if you want, I can teach you how to meditate.
Her: I would love that.

The next five minutes is a security officer supervisor teaching another one how to meditate, and focusing on her breathing. She found it very relaxing. She's also a heavy smoker, so after that, she began coughing a storm. But, since then, she's taken five minutes of her day to meditate, and it's worked wonders.

[LaCroix]

Me, Sitting in front of my workstation, working on an important bugfix, oblivious to the world, caffeinating myself:
"It is by will alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of Red Bull that thoughts acquire speed, the teeth acquire stains, stains become a warning. It is by will alone I set my mind in motion."

Coworker who wanted to ask me something *slowly backs away*

[Zaune]

Me, Sitting in front of my workstation, working on an important bugfix, oblivious to the world, caffeinating myself:
"It is by will alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of Red Bull that thoughts acquire speed, the teeth acquire stains, stains become a warning. It is by will alone I set my mind in motion."

Coworker who wanted to ask me something *slowly backs away*

Some people have no appreciation for the classics.

[phred]

'Yes, I am aware that the website says we have several of that particular item. The people actually looking for them say otherwise.'

Repeat about 10 times, including mentions of calling other stores in the area, including our competitors. Some people get really into their brand loyalty.

[Raw Shark]

NEW BOSS: So what do you like better, throwing the truck or working the floor?

ME: Well, when I work the floor, people gravitate toward me because I speak English and seem approachable I guess. When I work the truck, I can scratch my ass and shout profanity. But I'll go where you need me the most, of course.

NEW BOSS: Yeah. Well. I'd be on the fence, except you're big enough and the best at Tetris.

ME: I. Am. The. Man. Who. Arranges. The. Blocks. That continue to fall from up above-

ACTUAL RUSSIAN IMMIGRANT ON THE LINE JOINS IN: I SPIN THEM AROUND AS THEY'RE TUMBLING DOWN AND MAKE THEM FIT IN THE GROUND LIKE HAND IN GLOVE!

NEW BOSS: *sigh*

[LadyTevar]

There is one truth in Southern West Virginia -- GPS DOES NOT WORK. This should be RULE ONE -- Do Not Trust GPS in Southern West Virginia.

But Tourists, bless their little hearts, REALLY don't know this rule. And they REALLY, TRULY Trust in their GPS.
Even when they've been in the area before and know the name of the road we're on.
Even when their GPS has already lead them wrong once and I had to answer the phone and tell them where they went wrong.

And yet they STILL TRUST THEIR GPS.
Even when it takes them on a different road than the one I told them to take, and that they know was the right road.
Even when it takes them off the pavement onto a one-lane dirt road, while telling them we were 'only 8-tens of a mile away' (as the crow flies, maybe).
Even when it then takes them THROUGH A CREEK. (At this point I'd have been turning off the GPS and turning my ass around.)

Bless his little heart ... he finally called me and I spent 30minutes (15 of it past my clock-out) getting his little Honda back through the creek, back to the Paved Road, and back to US-19/Corridor L, where he was two exits from the nicely paved two lane road with the double-yellow line to guide him straight to the resort.
The Honda will have to go to the shop to have its undercarriage checked out.

He HUGGED ME when I went into the Lobby to make sure he'd made it. Thank all the gods it was still daylight, I doubt he'd ever make it out at night.

But, Remember RULE ONE of Southern West Virginia. DO NOT TRUST YOUR GPS.
(Trust GoogleMaps. Those crazy kids at least DROVE the roads and know which ones are more than ancient logging drags)