Urgent News

Post by **NecronLord** » 2003-04-01 05:42am

Conclusive proof has come to light regarding the existance of the LORD. The LORD speaks to me even now. He tells me to strike down you heathens burn your alters and take your women as slaves. His words resound in my ears as a gong struck in a temple.

The LORD saves! Repent now and heed the word of Yahweh!

Our one true and noble LORD did createth the world and the universe six thousand years ago, in his noble and invinite wisdom the LORD did createth Adam and Eve and imbue them with souls. However the evil serpent Lucifer did corrupt them and cause the LORD to drive them from his perfection.

Only through his divine son JESUS can ye be saved sinners!!!!!!

REPENT FOR WE ARE LIVING IN THE END TIMES!

Post by **Gandalf** » 2003-04-01 06:18am

You fool!

The Earth is 5500 years old, geez, you must be ignorant.

Post by **NecronLord** » 2003-04-01 06:41am

SILENCE! THE LORD'S WORD BROOKS NO ARGUMENT!

UltraViolence83 · Post by **UltraViolence83** » 2003-04-01 08:23am

GOD ALMIGHTY IS ANGRY WITH US BECAUSE WE CELEBRATE THE HORRIBLE PAGAN HOLIDAY OF APRIL FOOL'S DAY! FOLLOW ME TO SALVATION, BOYS!

Montcalm · Post by **Montcalm** » 2003-04-01 08:32am

Your lord can kiss my French Canadian ass

Xenophobe3691 · Post by **Xenophobe3691** » 2003-04-01 10:14am

I'll just hide in my car...

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-04-01 10:19am

Yes, the multitude of capital letters convinced me.

Xenophobe3691 · Post by **Xenophobe3691** » 2003-04-01 10:34am

neoolong wrote:Yes, the multitude of capital letters convinced me.

Yes, the capital letters hold me in their mesmerizing sway, too. Take me, Rabbi! Take me into your arms!

Post by **NecronLord** » 2003-04-01 10:39am

Bahh.... No-one was convinced.

Post by **Colonel Olrik** » 2003-04-01 02:28pm

NecronLord wrote:Bahh.... No-one was convinced.

I am, brother

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Captain tycho · Post by **Captain tycho** » 2003-04-01 03:11pm

COME WITH ME BROTHERS! REPENT FOR YOUR FILTHY ANAL SEX!

Setzer · Post by **Setzer** » 2003-04-01 03:46pm

Did I miss something? Is this a genuine conversion, or the Ultimate mockery of religion by the group's myriad athiests?

Larz · Post by **Larz** » 2003-04-01 03:56pm

Repent for the sin of science, for those who believe the earth is round and cirlces round the sun and not around our heavenly LORD. Repent for those who believe that warmth is heat and not the love of your LORD! Repent for those who say that the genocides of our LORD were wicked, for the truth be that the harsh hand is the hand of love that our LORD does give us. Repent for the sin of being born from wicked means, repent for the sin of Adam and Eve who partook of wicked and blasphamous knowledge and thus was cast in love out from the kingdom of our LORD! Repent for nay wasting time in tolesome church, for the sabath is a day of rest and what rest is better then serving our LORD! Repent for sitting in sloath at your computer to read this message of pennance for our LORD! Repent, Repent your sins of existing, for existance is to live in sin and sin is the wicked tool that leads us to a road of knowledge, knowledge that is the DEVIL! Repent for your ways sloathful heathens!

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2003-04-01 04:35pm

UltraViolence83 wrote:GOD ALMIGHTY IS ANGRY WITH US BECAUSE WE CELEBRATE THE HORRIBLE PAGAN HOLIDAY OF APRIL FOOL'S DAY! FOLLOW ME TO SALVATION, BOYS!

This morning, I heard that a pastor said April Fools' Day was blasphemous because April 1st is supposedly the day Earth was created. Did anyone actually say that?

Post by **Beowulf** » 2003-04-01 06:28pm

Fear the Lord Cthulhu. Cthulhu Fatagh!

Xenophobe3691 · Post by **Xenophobe3691** » 2003-04-01 07:42pm

NecronLord wrote:Bahh.... No-one was convinced.

I was too...The great Rabbi Jesus has taken me under his wing! I SEE THE LIGHT!