MORE Conversations From the Professional Front Lines

[Raw Shark]

ME: Nice shirt.

Q-ANON PSYCHO: Thanks! Have you gone down the rabbit hole?

ME: Oh, I know what it means. Y'know, rabbits are cowardly around other animals, but they're vicious little bastards among their own kind. They kill children.

Q-ANON PSYCHO: Uh. I'm not sure-

ME: I'm sure you guys killed two little kids, because your cult told you some nonsense.

Q-ANON PSYCHO: Now wait a minute, those kids might have been-

ME: If you finish that sentence I'mma show you how rabbits act.

[The Infidel]

@Work today, many had home office. We were 3 grumpy old guys. Basically, we said hello when we came, and good bye when we left. In between, not so much chit chat. Another day in Paradise.

A couple of weeks ago, on a Monday, I took the elevator up to the office with a woman bringing some cake. She said her teen kid got confirmed and there were cake leftovers. In my mind, I said "Yeah, confirmations can be so exhausting, so much preparation and stuff to sort out, and when it's over, it's all the cleaning and tidying up. It's almost like you should have the Monday free to bounce back". My mouth translated this to "Yeah, you look like you need a vacation"... WTF? Thing is, I don't quite remember her face (she works on a different floor), so I couldn't, and can't, fix it, and by now, it's too late anyway.

[Raw Shark]

A couple of weeks ago, on a Monday, I took the elevator up to the office with a woman bringing some cake. She said her teen kid got confirmed and there were cake leftovers. In my mind, I said "Yeah, confirmations can be so exhausting, so much preparation and stuff to sort out, and when it's over, it's all the cleaning and tidying up.

My confirmation ceremony was my last official day as a Catholic. I'd been saving that news up inside for seven years at that point, but I didn't get the confidence to tell my parents and the priest until then. "I'm a man in the eyes of the church now, right?" "Yeah." "Good. I quit." Father Frank was a lot more chill about it than my Mom, that's for sure.

R.I.P, Father Frank. You were one of the good guys.

[LadyTevar]

ME: Nice shirt.

Q-ANON PSYCHO: Thanks! Have you gone down the rabbit hole?

ME: Oh, I know what it means. Y'know, rabbits are cowardly around other animals, but they're vicious little bastards among their own kind. They kill children.

Q-ANON PSYCHO: Uh. I'm not sure-

ME: I'm sure you guys killed two little kids, because your cult told you some nonsense.

Q-ANON PSYCHO: Now wait a minute, those kids might have been-

ME: If you finish that sentence I'mma show you how rabbits act.

Yeah. I wanna know how he was gonna end that sentence as well.

[Solauren]

I hate say it, you can't blame Q-Anon over that idiot. He was a loon long before they came along. One article I read;

According to a court filing, a prison physician believes Coleman meets the criteria for unspecified schizophrenia spectrum and other psychiatric disorders.

That's not an issue that develops from reading stupidity online. At least I think it does. That would explain alot, however....

[Ralin]

I hate say it, you can't blame Q-Anon over that idiot. He was a loon long before they came along. One article I read;

According to a court filing, a prison physician believes Coleman meets the criteria for unspecified schizophrenia spectrum and other psychiatric disorders.

That's not an issue that develops from reading stupidity online. At least I think it does. That would explain alot, however....

I think there's a difference between a crazy person randomly latching onto something as the focus of his delusions and a crazy person latching onto a conspiracy deliberately put out as bait to encourage people to have a harmfully delusional view of the world around them.

[Raw Shark]

Yeah. I wanna know how he was gonna end that sentence as well.

Well, according to the article I read, the baby-stabber believed that his wife was a lizard person from outer space and that she had tricked him into fathering two half-lizard children (aged 3 and 1) with her. He said he believed this because she had been growing increasingly distant and withholding affection. Now, in my mind that kinda sounds more like the behavior of a woman who is getting ready to divorce you for being a total whackjob, but if I said that to the guy at the store he would've just smirked and commanded me to, "Do your own research," even though I clearly already did which is how I know this stuff, and then I would've popped him in the mouth and gotten fired / probably arrested which isn't what I need right now.

[Raw Shark]

HOOKER: Hey, can I get a pack of Newports?

ME: Of course.

HOOKER: No, I mean can you spot me a pack?

ME: I can't do that, sorry.

HOOKER: [straight-up grabs my package] Are you sure?

ME: Yes, I am sure about that. We're both on camera right now. And also, a pack of cigs? Girl, don't you love yourself? Surely a moment of your time is worth more than that...

HOOKER: Y'know, I... [runs off, wiping tears]

ME: ...oO(I'm changing lives, out here. Every day. Not all heroes wear capes, Matty. Not all heroes wear capes. You didn't really want a handjob there. You're better than that. Keep telling yourself)

[Raw Shark]

CO-WORKER: I'm moppin' floors! Just a N***a wit' a bucket!

ME: You don't know my life, Bitch! You think I'm menial, well suck it!

CO-WORKER: I clean toilets! Everybody gotta shit! And when I find a... oh, fuck. This just got real.

ME: Is everything okay? Let me take a- WHOA that's not good.

CO-WORKER: That's a lot of blood.

ME: That IS a lot of blood.

CO-WORKER: What even happened, here?

ME: I dunno, man. But this can only be resolved with time and pure bleach. Rock / paper / scissors?

CO-WORKER: Word.

[Raw Shark]

[Edited for comedy; there was also a brief discussion about how regular bleach isn't going to mess up Luminol and bathroom traffic is on the tapes if there was an actual murder and they Weekend At Bernie'sd the body out somehow]

[Raw Shark]

ME: Do you know what the Secretary of Defense does?

MAGA CO-WORKER: Not really.

ME: It's the person who runs the entire Pentagon, which should be called the Hexagon now but I'm not even getting into that.

MAGA CO-WORKER: Okay.

ME: Do you know what that person's qualifications usually are?

MAGA CO-WORKER: No.

ME: Five-star general. Somebody who knows what the fuck they're doing. But this guy is a news anchor.

MAGA CO-WORKER: Is that really a problem if we don't get into a war?

ME: Are you serious?

[Tribble]

ME: Do you know what the Secretary of Defense does?

MAGA CO-WORKER: Not really.

ME: It's the person who runs the entire Pentagon, which should be called the Hexagon now but I'm not even getting into that.

MAGA CO-WORKER: Okay.

ME: Do you know what that person's qualifications usually are?

MAGA CO-WORKER: No.

ME: Five-star general. Somebody who knows what the fuck they're doing. But this guy is a news anchor.

MAGA CO-WORKER: Is that really a problem if we don't get into a war?

ME: Are you serious?

That sounds about right.

I’ve had conversations with coworkers about Trump saying things like “ poisoning the blood of our country”, “ the enemy within”, “ vermin”, Project 2025 etc. and the typical response from the supporters is “sure whatever, but what about the economy?”

When I pointed out the economy is doing just fine under Biden, it inevitably turns into “ya but under Trump it will be even better”.

When I pointed out that if Trump carries out everything he says he’s going to it could mean the imprisonment and/or death of millions of people, the supporters are like “ the liberals are already doing that”.
And this is in Canada.

I can only imagine the attitude in the USA itself.

[Raw Shark]

I can only imagine the attitude in the USA itself.

I've honestly never thought about just running for it before. I've always said I'd be the guy who fought to the end. But I don't think we can win this time. I could just walk North. It's not that far. I've got some skills. I'll learn the French language if you want. Please, accept me into your relatively chill society.

[LadyTevar]

So, I have my lil bookmobile at one of the local Church Schools, and I know they check all the books that the kids get as they exit the bookmobile for "bad influences". It's a Church School. Can't have demons and ghosts and crytids in books their Precious Little Angels are reading, y'know.

One thing I have on the shelves are mini-biographies, which are popular with the Church School, because it's real people doing real things. Presidents, World Leaders, etc.

One child checks out a biography and exits the bookmobile.
A moment later the Aide in charge of them gets my attention and tries to hand the book back to me. "It's not appropriate, it's about ghosts."
The title of the biography -- "IVAN THE TERRIBLE"

I look at the Aide and say "It's a biography about Ivan the Terrible". Blank look. "You know, the Russian Tsar?"
She gave me a confused look "So... there's no ghosts or supernatural in it?"
"It's a Russian Ruler, so it **Shouldn't** have ghosts in it...." I reply dryly, and probably quite sarcastically looking back now.

The kid got to keep the biography.

[Raw Shark]

The kid got to keep the biography.

I would get fired so fast from your job my head would spin. I've got about as much restraint about what I say as you around adults, let alone kids. If I was Library Guy, I'd just be passing out Treasure Island and Fredrick Douglas' memoirs left and right.

[Raw Shark]

...and now that I'm actually thinking about this, they can't go wrong with LOTR, around age 12 when they finally understand what caring about other people is... Hobbit before that...

[Bedlam]

So, I have my lil bookmobile at one of the local Church Schools, and I know they check all the books that the kids get as they exit the bookmobile for "bad influences". It's a Church School. Can't have demons and ghosts and crytids in books their Precious Little Angels are reading, y'know.

They don't let them read the bible then?

[Raw Shark]

So, I have my lil bookmobile at one of the local Church Schools, and I know they check all the books that the kids get as they exit the bookmobile for "bad influences". It's a Church School. Can't have demons and ghosts and crytids in books their Precious Little Angels are reading, y'know.

They don't let them read the bible then?

I firmly support giving little kids access to read the Bible if they want to. Best argument for atheism I've ever read. Old Testament God is nobody I'd ever want to know. That guy is trouble. It's like a manual about people you should avoid.

[LadyTevar]

So, I have my lil bookmobile at one of the local Church Schools, and I know they check all the books that the kids get as they exit the bookmobile for "bad influences". It's a Church School. Can't have demons and ghosts and crytids in books their Precious Little Angels are reading, y'know.

They don't let them read the bible then?

*dies laughing* Oh, I'm sure they read suitable passages from the New Testement only. These are K-4th graders, after all.

[Raw Shark]

*dies laughing* Oh, I'm sure they read suitable passages from the New Testement only. These are K-4th graders, after all.

ME: Bro. Have you seen the Biblically-accurate angel tree-toppers?

BLACK CO-WORKER: I was actually going to mention this!

ME: Ho-Lee-Fuck.

BLACK CO-WORKER: I know!

ME: "Be not afraid?" My ass I'm not afraid.

BLACK CO-WORKER: You've literally got a thousand eyes and are on fire. Yeah I'm afraid!

ME: Right? And sometimes they have sex with you.

BLACK CO-WORKER: While they're on fire. And this is supposed to be not scary?

ME: Feels a little unrealistic.

BLACK CO-WORKER: There's some plot holes in this story.

[Raw Shark]

I shouldn't even call this guy "Black Co-Worker," he's basically just me with darker skin and we get along well. He's "Non-MAGA Co-worker" going forward. He's honesty my favorite guy to work with in this place.

[Raw Shark]

NMCW: Do you think the Gaetz appointment is trolling?

ME: Definitely.

NMCW: What does that mean for us, as a society?

ME: I dunno, man. We're gonna find out come next year I guess.

CUSTIOMER: Do either of you guys work here?

ME: Do you like getting your ass kicked?

CUSTOMER: WHAT!? I NEVER-

NMCW: He didn't mean it like that, he meant, "How can I help you?"

ME: Um. Yeah. What he said.

[Raw Shark]

It has been suggested to me a few times that retail and I are not the best fit. I personally think I'm great at it. I don't bullshit anybody, and I am more than able to show a problematic guest the door. Kind of eager, sometimes. You want to buy stuff? We've got stuff. No problem. You fuck with the property, I fuck you. In the ass. With my penis.

[Ralin]

BLACK CO-WORKER: You've literally got a thousand eyes and are on fire. Yeah I'm afraid!

ME: Right? And sometimes they have sex with you.

BLACK CO-WORKER: While they're on fire. And this is supposed to be not scary?

ME: Feels a little unrealistic.

BLACK CO-WORKER: There's some plot holes in this story.

Well yeah why do you think they always seem to start conversations with some variation of "BE NOT AFRAID?"

[Raw Shark]

Well yeah why do you think they always seem to start conversations with some variation of "BE NOT AFRAID?"

Right? Like, they already know I'm gonna shit my pants and are trying to get ahead of it but social skills aren't their strong area.