Dumb Jokes For Hard Times

[Raw Shark]

Irishman sits down at the bar and orders a pint of Guiness. Sees the guy next to him and says, "Son of a bitch, you look just like me!"

"Son of a bitch, I do!"

"You from Dublin?"

"I am! What neighborhood?"

"Kilarney! What street?"

"Erin!"

Bartender whispers to the barmaid, "Watch out, the Murphy twins are hammered again..."

[muse]

[Raw Shark]

Y'know, the humor on B5 is kind of underappreciated. Sinclair and Garibaldi and Ivanova were all complete assholes sometimes. But then, so am I.

[J]

[Solauren]

Why don't people like fish jokes?

They take to long to reel in.

[Raw Shark]

muse, you're the best

As the proud owner of the Fishing Merit badge (#Eagle Scout) I actually do like fish jokes, but that is because it does take a while and generally involves a shitload of beer, especially if you have to bring a hut and a drill. (#Northman)

So a fish meets a guy one day, and he says, "Hey buddy you want to eat me?"

"Well this ain't a gay bar but I don't want to lie to you."

"Well I know a bigger guy..."

Next thing he knows he's in it with a shark which did not end well for him

[muse]

So a penguin walks into a bar...

Ok, I'm sorry, someone set the bar pretty low for jokes.

[Raw Shark]

So a penguin walks into a bar...

Ok, I'm sorry, someone set the bar pretty low for jokes.

I mean, yeah. That's me.

So a penguin walks into the auto mechanic and drops off his car. Mechanic says it'll be a couple of hours so the penguin goes and gets a vanilla ice cream cone on the street. Eats it messily. Goes back. Mechanic says, "It looks like you just blew a seal." Penguin says, "Just fix the damn thing and leave my personal life out of it."

[aerius]

What are a Tibetan monk and a Rabbi doing at a gloryhole?

Yeah, I don't know either, but that's what I saw in this music video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diYS8jyOcFc

[Raw Shark]

What are a Tibetan monk and a Rabbi doing at a gloryhole?

Yeah, I don't know either, but that's what I saw in this music video.

I mean, that song straight up says what they're doing there.

I got a job at a porn shop once (this will I'm sure shock nobody) but they weren't giving me enough hours. Cleaning up the glory holes was part of the contract of course. (They were generous with the rubber gloves, they're naughty not sadistic) 60% employee discount if I wanted a lot of dildos or a full-on gimp suit, though. Which I didn't. So I quit to drive a taxi. Great Lebanese sandwiches next door, but I had to pay my landlord.

[Raw Shark]

So an Irish potato farm on a hill overlooks a brothel. Father calls a break, leans on his hoe, and lights his pipe. A Protestant pastor walks up the road, knocks three times, and goes in.

"Aye, Shamus. No wonder the children these days are confused with a man of the cloth behaving such."

"Aye father."

A few hours later a rabbi walks up the road, knocks three times, and goes in.

"Aye, Shamus. Even the Yids?"

"Aye, father."

A few hours later, a Catholic priest walks up the road, knocks three times, and goes in.

"Ah, Shamus. What a pity. One of the girls must be dyin'."

[Raw Shark]

I can't stop watching that video, aerius. You always deliver. They included girls, Ronald McDonald who gives me nightmares, a little person (I know a few and they're great). That shit is 100%

I mean, if you're working Ronald McDonald into a sex fantasy, you are off the fucking chain at this point. Two thumbs up.

Also, that's a lot of jizz or fake jizz? Heavy cream? White paint? WTF? I dunno, they did it great.