this is taking too long

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-04-03 11:58pm

theonion.com -

WASHINGTON, DC—Following a 12th consecutive day of fighting, a puzzled President Bush confided to military advisors Monday that he "really figured the war would be over by now."

Above: Bush endures another tedious meeting with (left to right) Vice-President Dick Cheney, CIA director George Tenet, and Chief of Staff Andrew Card.
"It's been almost two weeks," said Bush, commander-in-chief of the 255,000 U.S. troops currently in the Persian Gulf. "What's taking so long? Will the Iraqi regime just topple, already?"

Though Bush has repeatedly declined making public comment on the expected duration of the war, in private he has expressed annoyance with the way the invasion is "dragging on."

"I knew the war would require courage and fortitude on the part of American people," Bush said. "What I didn't know was that it would go on for days and days and days."

Though Bush said that receiving reports from U.S. field commanders was thrilling at first, he has grown tired of the repetitive updates.

"The first couple days were really exciting," Bush said. "I was having all sorts of cool strategy meetings with these high-level military men I don't usually talk to, and it all felt very historic. But now, it's gotten to be kind of a monotonous grind. It's always, 'The line has advanced this much.' 'We need to wait for backup here.' 'We're making good progress, but it's been complicated by blah blah blah.' It's all these tedious, same-sounding details. Can I hear something new for a change, like 'They surrender,' or 'Saddam's dead'? Something—anything but more stupid reports of sandstorms."

Though he is proud of the nation's military, Bush said he doesn't understand why it can't speed things up a bit.

"I don't think my dad's war took this long, and we've got much better weapons now," Bush said. "I talked to him on the phone the other day and, although he didn't say it, I could tell he was disappointed that I'm not doing it faster than him."

On Sunday, Bush called Gen. Richard Myers, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, to discuss the war's progress.

"I didn't complain about how slow it's going, because I know he's working hard and wants to conquer Iraq as much as I do," Bush said. "But I did sort of hint that the faster we win, the more impressive our military will look to the world. So hopefully that'll light a fire under him."

Bush asked Myers for a "guesstimate" regarding the length of the war, but the general said he couldn't give one. Myers also denied the president's subsequent request for "even a rough guesstimate."

Bush said "it was fun to be in charge of a war and stay up all night," but the fatigue is starting to set in.

"I haven't gotten more than seven hours of sleep a night since I gave Saddam the 48 hours," Bush said. "I thought I'd get to play a few games of golf when we went to Camp David two weekends ago, but we worked the entire time."

Bush's staff has noted his rising level of irritation.

"I know George thinks it should be over, but he's got to realize that this is a complicated thing," National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice said. "He doesn't have to keep snapping at us."

According to Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz, Bush continually finds excuses to slip away from briefings, even resorting to ringing his own secure phone for a fake "emergency."

"We've been going easier on him the last few days," Wolfowitz said. "At first, we informed him of every new development, because that's what he wanted. Now, we pretty much limit it to the essentials."

IRG CommandoJoe · Post by **IRG CommandoJoe** » 2003-04-04 12:04am

LOL

jegs2 · Post by **jegs2** » 2003-04-04 12:05am

Any idea who wrote that?

Strafe · Post by **Strafe** » 2003-04-04 12:05am

God bless the Onion, for without it we'd all go insane from reality overdose...

jegs2 · Post by **jegs2** » 2003-04-04 12:07am

jegs2 wrote:Any idea who wrote that?

--I see it came from "The Onion," but who specifically?

Companion Cube · Post by **Companion Cube** » 2003-04-04 01:38am

Hehehe...

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2003-04-04 01:38pm

It also seems to be the attitude of the American people. It's only been two weeks and they're already whining why ti's taking so long. They didn't have same problem with "The Bachelor", or "American Idol", though.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-04-04 11:15pm

though, I havent met many people who think that.

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2003-04-04 11:35pm

Kids these days can't appreciate how long a war takes!! Why back in my day you had to wait four, maybe five years for a war to end!!

David · Post by **David** » 2003-04-04 11:47pm

When was your day exactly?

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2003-04-04 11:58pm

SPOOFE · Post by **SPOOFE** » 2003-04-05 01:44am

I'd be really annoyed if the war is over in less than a month. I was really hoping that we'd get a chance to bring back Rosie the Riveter.

RadiO · Post by **RadiO** » 2003-04-05 06:57am

SPOOFE wrote:I'd be really annoyed if the war is over in less than a month. I was really hoping that we'd get a chance to bring back Rosie the Riveter.

She's living it up in retirement. Nowadays it'd be Carrie the CNC Tool Setter.

Post by **fgalkin** » 2003-04-05 09:44pm

ROFL.

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin