porn in relationships

[Enforcer Talen]

I am pondering a change in my view on porn, and I want your comments. do you know if porn has any detrimental affect on a romantic relationship? provide examples.

[meNNis]

depends on the girl and the type of relationship of course.

[BlkbrryTheGreat]

I believe this has been done before....

[Darth Wong]

If you both enjoy it, it is good for a relationship because it's yet another thing you do together for fun. However, if you pressure her to watch it with you, you're in trouble (but that's true of ANYTHING you pressure her to do).

Some benefits of porn in a relationship:

1. Something to watch/do together.
2. Might give one or both of you ideas on positions, techniques, etc. (although to be honest, an awful lot of porn positions look better than they feel).
3. Everyone in porn does anal, so if your wife/girlfriend has hang-ups about anal, constant exposure to porn will loosen her up (no pun intended).
4. Might help your wife/girlfriend with her body image problems, since porn girls are usually much chunkier than mainstream Hollywood girls. Those super-skinny women don't look so good naked.

Of course, the real trick is finding porn that isn't shit, since I'd say about 95% of it is garbage, either because of poor production values or misogynistic "suck it down, bitch" attitudes (you mostly find that in the raincoat porn, so it's best to avoid that stuff entirely).

[Enforcer Talen]

hm.

ok, my parents had a really screwed up relationship that ended in seperation 2 yrs go and divorce couple month ago. he had an odd childhood, which gave him some odd relationship techniques. my mom did not respond well to this, and partially blames porn. its a dirty word, here, not to say sexuality in and of itself is. my mom checks my websites sometimes, seeing what Im up to. for a couple years, Ive had a self made inhibition about it, not finding it at all attractive - but its growing on me. Im having particular trouble dividing porn and art, as seen in the alternate topic, so I am expierencing a somewhat of a dillema. I worry that porn causes harm to relationships, and so have ignored it for the most part - but Ive seen from Lord Wong's comments that a happy marriage can involve it. another part of it is that I rather have come to enjoy looking, but am disturbed by the interest.

[Crayz9000]

Well, although I have some porn, my girlfriend is rather traditional... so between porn and her, I'll take her any day.

Having said that, it's not easy to stop looking at it.

[Enforcer Talen]

which is my worry.

[Queeb Salaron]

Not something to be terribly worried about. It's really not something that becomes an addiction, at least not when you have a significant other filling the gaps (or if you fill her gaps, if you know what I mean). I've heard tell of porn addicts, but those people are frighteningly obsessed.

Porn is a good way to let off some steam when your girlfriend goes away on vacation for a week, or when she leaves you begging for more when the night gets cut off by necessity. As Wong said, it can also be used as a marital aid, though I'm not too sure I agree with his theory on anal sex. (Been tryin' for a while, bro, and porn won't work even after a half-bottle of rum.) But yeah, positions can get interesting after a half-hour of good high-quality consentual porn-watching.

Not to be crude or anything, but a girl can learn a lot about giving head from watching porn. ::Dreams::

[Mark S]

I agree with the others. My wife has no problem with porn, we watch it every now and then, and we have a great relationship. That's us though.

[Lord Pounder]

depends on the relationship i supose. I've dated very devout catholic girls who frowned even on Page 3 of the Sun. But th3en i've dated fellas who insisted on Porn as part and parcle of sex. I agree with Wong's post but it is really hard to find good porn like that and i'm not sitting down with a woman to watch the bang bus.

[Darth Wong]

hm.

ok, my parents had a really screwed up relationship that ended in seperation 2 yrs go and divorce couple month ago. he had an odd childhood, which gave him some odd relationship techniques. my mom did not respond well to this, and partially blames porn.

Porn does not cause problems. However, men who are sexually frustrated will often watch a lot of porn in secret, and women who hate porn will usually have sexual hangups and sexually frustrated husbands (sorry to talk about your mother and father that way, but they are human beings). Thus you have two problems: sexual tension between husband and wife, and a secret which is bound to be discovered sooner or later.

its a dirty word, here, not to say sexuality in and of itself is. my mom checks my websites sometimes, seeing what Im up to. for a couple years, Ive had a self made inhibition about it, not finding it at all attractive - but its growing on me. Im having particular trouble dividing porn and art, as seen in the alternate topic, so I am expierencing a somewhat of a dillema.

Porn is like money; it can be good, but it can also be a catalyst for trouble. However, the root cause is not porn itself; the root cause is an underlying relationship problem.

I worry that porn causes harm to relationships, and so have ignored it for the most part - but Ive seen from Lord Wong's comments that a happy marriage can involve it. another part of it is that I rather have come to enjoy looking, but am disturbed by the interest.

Five-step program:

1) Sort out your concept of morality. Recognize that morality is based on justice and sympathy for your neighbour, not a set of arbitrary rules or social stigmas.

2) Apply your enlightened concept of morality to porn. Recognize that it is not necessarily bad, in and of itself.

3) Work out your unwarranted feelings of shame and guilt over porn.

4) Admit to yourself that your mother and father caused their own breakup, instead of taking the easy way out and blaming porn.

5) Tell your wife or girlfriend that you like porn. If you don't have a wife or girlfriend, just watch porn in peace.

[Enforcer Talen]

the second one is tricky. Ive read a couple books that say otherwise - they are lying around the house. your difference came as a surprise.

for the fifth, my fear is that it will replace a relationship. it seems to have done that with other relatives of mine - of course, that side of the family isnt too good at relationships.

[Thirdfain]

for the fifth, my fear is that it will replace a relationship. it seems to have done that with other relatives of mine - of course, that side of the family isnt too good at relationships.

You seem like a pretty rational, decent person. You aren't a lunatic, are you?

No?

In that case, pictures of pretty girls will not replace real girls for you. I've been in real (silly high-school) relationships, and I've used pr0n. The two are nothing alike, and the pr0n is no replacement for the real relationship.

[Enforcer Talen]

I will ponder.

-signs off for the night-

[Darth Wong]

the second one is tricky. Ive read a couple books that say otherwise - they are lying around the house. your difference came as a surprise.

The intrinsic evil of porn is a widespread belief, with a large and vocal support group. So is Scientology.

for the fifth, my fear is that it will replace a relationship. it seems to have done that with other relatives of mine - of course, that side of the family isnt too good at relationships.

I believe you answered your own point right there.

[Illuminatus Primus]

Not something to be terribly worried about. It's really not something that becomes an addiction, at least not when you have a significant other filling the gaps (or if you fill her gaps, if you know what I mean). I've heard tell of porn addicts, but those people are frighteningly obsessed.

There are obsessive compulsive freaks who get obsessed with washing their hands, making sure men don't pee standing up into their toilet bowls, and people who crave eating cigarette ashes.

Porn is just something humans, given the oppurtunity, abuse like everything else. Doesn't stop you and me from enjoying though.

[Hotfoot]

Porn is like many other forms of entertainment. There's nothing wrong about it in and of itself, and it can trigger specific reactions when you watch it. Just as action movies can get your adrenaline pumping, sappy movies can make you want to cry or snuggle, horror movies can freak you out, and comedies make you laugh, so porno movies can make you aroused. What's the difference?

Getting into a fight is nothing like watching an action movie.
Actual trauma or sad events are nothing like sad, sappy movies.
Actual gut-renching fear and terror is nothing like being spooked at a horror movie.
Comedies, well, telling jokes is pretty much the same anywhere, but you can't survive off of the jokes of others. Having a sense of humor and a quick wit is more than just quoting the latest laff flick.
The arousal you get from real life intimate situations is nothing like the arousal you get from watching porno.

In each of those cases, the movie is just a cheap copy of the reality, designed to evoke reactions to create an illusion.

In case you don't believe me, take the following test:
-Watch a porno movie, look at some porn, read some erotic fiction. See how long it takes the Admiral to give the orders to surface Das Boot. Note how strong your reaction is.
-Have an attractive girl sit on your lap and snuggle close to you. See how long it takes the General to stand at attention. Note how strong your reaction is.

You should see (and feel) a difference right away.

[Illuminatus Primus]

Have an attractive girl sit on your lap and snuggle close to you. See how long it takes the General to stand at attention. Note how strong your reaction is.

You should see (and feel) a difference right away.

I didn't realize this when I was young and pure until I first made out with a girl. I all but made a mess of my pants...and since then....porn is nothing but a fix when I need an outlet, because comparitively, it sucks.

[Darth Wong]

Very true. Masturbation is not remotely comparable to the sensation of a woman's hot, wet mouth around your cock and her tongue flicking around the underside of the shaft and head.

[consequences]

Ahh, but porn and the feel of a womans tongue caressing your balls, that is truly heaven.

[Enforcer Talen]

the second one is tricky. Ive read a couple books that say otherwise - they are lying around the house. your difference came as a surprise.

The intrinsic evil of porn is a widespread belief, with a large and vocal support group. So is Scientology.

for the fifth, my fear is that it will replace a relationship. it seems to have done that with other relatives of mine - of course, that side of the family isnt too good at relationships.

I believe you answered your own point right there.

of course, analyzing my motivations is a hobby of mine. but it doesnt make the motivations any less real - those of my fear of addiction, nor the addictions of my family in the past.

Very true. Masturbation is not remotely comparable to the sensation of a woman's hot, wet mouth around your cock and her tongue flicking around the underside of the shaft and head.

jesus fucking christ, that didnt take long. its like you dont even know theres a monkey forum. . .

not that that's a bad mental picture.

There are obsessive compulsive freaks who get obsessed with washing their hands, making sure men don't pee standing up into their toilet bowls, and people who crave eating cigarette ashes.

Porn is just something humans, given the oppurtunity, abuse like everything else. Doesn't stop you and me from enjoying though.

true. Ive heard the same arguments against dnd gaming, which I play without a problem. but it seems to run in my family, so. . .

[Queeb Salaron]

Very true. Masturbation is not remotely comparable to the sensation of a woman's hot, wet mouth around your cock and her tongue flicking around the underside of the shaft and head.

::Clicks the button on the stopwatch:: 1 day, 21 hours, 40 minutes. ::Shakes his head:: Gotta work on your reaction time, Wong.

But yes, this is very true. Porn is somewhat of a poor substitute. You can spank it all you want, use all sorts of mechanical devices to get you off, watch the best porn you can imagine, all at the same time... And yet you'll never be able to hear her scream your name. And THAT is what makes sex worthwhile. It's the feeling that, despite the fact that she's on top of you, you're on top of the world. And for that period of time, there's nothing...

let me emphasize this...

NOTHING

...that you would rather be doing. You're king of the world, but only one other person knows it and will admit to it. And she's too busy screaming her head off to say much of anything.

This from the kid who hasn't had sex in 2 years. The gf just isn't ready yet. Let me tell you how intimite I've gotten with Jenna Jameson over the past year or so...

[Tom_Aurum]

Well then, it's kind of like this. I tend to seek out really, really good porn. And I'm not talking brainless, misogynistic "let's fuck" sort of stuff. Usually something that only slightly plays with reality. And quite honestly, in most cases, porn is cheaper than dating.

You don't have to buy her any coffee, you don't have to buy condoms, you don't have to listen to some pathetic whiny bullshit from someone who you're not even sure is sentient, and you don't have to waste unescessary time. For me at least, the woman has to be at least <as> good as the porn I find and quite honestly, that gets rid of most of the women who have a hangup with it in the first place.

Now if you're still dealing with your _standard_ lost christian type who doesn't know what the difference between sexual honesty and being a slut. (sighs for a moment.) Odds are you're going to have to sit her down and talk to her really patiently. Sometimes a woman will feel insulted by the presence of porn, like you were insulting her womanhood. As your standard male would be by the idea that a woman looks at other men in such a way. Perhaps introduce her to some really tame, artsy kind of stuff (who knows, you may develop a taste for it anyways.) Oh, and whatever you do, try not to bring up anal sex.

[Enforcer Talen]

well. . . ok. . .but Im going to be a discriminating viewer!

-wanders over to the monkey forum-

[Keevan_Colton]

I have to agree it can be good....
*laughs*
My current gf keeps buying me porn......not that I'm complaining.