Anti-Telemarketing Tactic :)

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2003-04-03 04:14pm

www.Langa.com LangaList wrote:Fred, Here's something that is in parallel with your recent
anti-spam comments. Cordially, Ken Thomson

I suppose some degree of commerce would grind to a halt if
telephone solicitors weren't able to call people at home
during dinner hour, but that doesn't make it any more
pleasant. Now Steve Rubenstein, a writer for the San Francisco
Chronicle, has proposed Three Little Words, based on his brief
experience in a telemarketing operation that would stop the
nuisance for all time. The three little words are Hold On,
Please...

Saying this while putting down your phone and walking off
instead of hanging up immediately would make each
telemarketing call so time-consuming that boiler rooms would
grind to a halt. When you eventually hear the phone company's
beep-beep-beep tone, you know it's time to go back and hang up
your handset, which has efficiently completed its task....

Three little words that eliminate telephone soliciting!

Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on the
other end? This is a telemarketing technique where a machine
makes phone calls and records the time of day when a person
answers the phone. This technique is used to determine the
best time of day for a real salesperson to call back and get
someone at home. What you can do after answering, if you
notice there is no one there, immediately start hitting your #
button on the phone, 6 or 7 times, as quickly as possible.

This confuses the machine-dialed call and it kicks your number
out of their system. Since doing this, our phone calls have
decreased dramatically.

It's said that if only 10% of people do this religiously to *every* TM call they get, The Telemarketing Industry will be completely bankruped and destroyed! And it'll stand as a symbol for all Eternity that some things come with too high a price...

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2003-04-03 04:19pm

Hmm, good idea. I'll have to remember this.

Lord_Xerxes · Post by **Lord_Xerxes** » 2003-04-03 04:29pm

It's much more fun to fuck with them. Like I've stated several times before, get the Ultimate Anwuld soundboard and make their lives a living hell. Plus, you get laughs out of it too. Far more enjoyable.

Post by **Gandalf** » 2003-04-03 06:02pm

Sounds cool, I may have to try that.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-04-03 07:38pm

Lord_Xerxes wrote:It's much more fun to fuck with them. Like I've stated several times before, get the Ultimate Anwuld soundboard and make their lives a living hell. Plus, you get laughs out of it too. Far more enjoyable.

The what now?

Brother-Captain Gaius · Post by **Brother-Captain Gaius** » 2003-04-04 04:35am

I prefer to spout random gibberish. Screws with their minds

"Excuse me sir, would you be interested in using our new long distance plan -"
"But wait, if an elephant is 3 yards east of the green tool shed, how can the diesel train possibly be moving backwards at a rate of 34 miles per hour!?"

XaLEv · Post by **XaLEv** » 2003-04-04 04:45am

JediNeophyte wrote:I prefer to spout random gibberish. Screws with their minds

"Excuse me sir, would you be interested in using our new long distance plan -"
"But wait, if an elephant is 3 yards east of the green tool shed, how can the diesel train possibly be moving backwards at a rate of 34 miles per hour!?"

"It's hazy outside."
"Excuse me?"
"It's hazy outside."
"Uhmm... Ok..."
"What kind of gum do you like?"
"What?"
"What kind of gum do you like?"
"Um, I don't chew gun."
"Why not dude? It's good."
"Listen, do you want to try our service or not?"
"No, I don't."
*click*

He doesn't like gum.

Filthy savage.

Spyder · Post by **Spyder** » 2003-04-04 05:19am

"Hello, it's Elane Whatsherface here from statistics New Zealand. I'd just like to conduct a quick survey, it will just take a few minutes..."
"Do you like pie Elane?"
"I'm sorry? I'm just calling to conduct a survey. Are you familiar with the current New Zealand economic..."
"I like pie."
"That's nice sir. Now the question is..."
"So does Rei."
"are you happy with the govern..."
"I like it with cream...and butter. Lots of butter."
"Yes that's all well and...butter?"
"I LIKE BIG BUTTER AND I CANNOT LIE!"
"Ok, are you going to answer the question or..."
"The sound of your voice makes me want to touch myself."
*click*

Zoink · Post by **Zoink** » 2003-04-04 08:59am

A funny email I got:

>Phone rings ........
>
>Me: Hello
>
>AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T,,,
>
>Me: Is this AT&T?
>
>AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T,.
>
>Me: This is AT&T?
>
>AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...
>
>Me: Is this AT&T?
>
>AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr.
>Byron please?
>
>Me: May I ask who is calling?
>
>AT&T: This is AT&T.
>
>Me: OK, hold on. At this point I put the phone
>down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver they were still waiting.
>
>Me: Hello?
>
>AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
>
>Me: May I ask who is calling please?
>
>AT&T: Yes this is AT&T,,.
>
>Me: Is this AT&T?
>
>AT&T: Yes this is AT&T,,.
>
>Me: The phone company?
>
>AT&T: Yes sir.
>
>Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
>
>AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
>
>Me: I already have a phone.
>
>AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.
>
>We would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
>
>Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a
>day?
>
>AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes Sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!
>
>Me: 7 days a week?
>
>AT&T: That's right.
>
>Me: 365 days a year?
>
>AT&T: Yes sir.
>
>Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!!
>>That's amazing!
>
>AT&T: We think so!
>
>Me: That's quite a sum of money!
>
>A&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
>
>Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly,
>monthly, or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560 and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?
>
>AT&T: Excuse me?
>
>Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
>
>AT&T: What are you talking about?
>
>Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
>
>AT&T: Oh, no Sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying
>>you. You pay US 10 cents a minute.
>
>Me: Wait a minute, how do you figure that by
>saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute, that I'll give YOU 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know.
>
>AT&T: No Sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for...
>
>Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a
>supervisor please!
>
>AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.
>
>Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor':
>
>AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.
>
>At this point I begin trying to finish my dinner.
>
>Supervisor: Mr. Byron?
>
>Me: Yea?
>
>Supervisor: I understand you are not quite>
>understanding our 10 cents a minute program.
>
>Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
>
>Supervisor: Yes, Sir, it sure is.
>
>I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.
>
>Me: No, actually, I was just waiting for
>someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.
>
>Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you
>back to the person who was helping you.
>
>Me: Thank you.
>
>I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls.

meNNis · Post by **meNNis** » 2003-04-04 11:18am

LMFAO

Faram · Post by **Faram** » 2003-04-04 11:51am

Hell yes 10C / min sign me up. Early retirement here I come!

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2003-04-04 01:34pm

Hey Zoink I saw that at www.AntiTelemarketer.com

It's still fucking hilarious!!

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-04-04 03:14pm

That's great.

Soontir C'boath · Post by **Soontir C'boath** » 2003-04-04 03:40pm

LOL

Ohhh that gave me a laugh I haven't had in years.

Cyaround,
Jason

Tsyroc · Post by **Tsyroc** » 2003-04-04 04:21pm

Hmmm, that explains why I get all those "messages" on my answering machine that only sound like a machine hum. Oh well, doesn't do them any good because I keep the ringers turned off on my phones because I sleep during the day.

I do think my parents and some other people I know might like the info on dealing with telemarketing.

TrailerParkJawa · Post by **TrailerParkJawa** » 2003-04-04 08:33pm

I dont get too many calls since Ive moved. At my old house my dad and I would sometimes get 4-5 calls on the worst days. Its not so bad now. I got really angry at one place I asked them 3 times to not call me, and finally I got fed up and took their damn survey just out of curiosity.

I do not try to screw with them too much, since I figure they probably have heard it all before.

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2003-04-04 08:46pm

I was away at the time, but one day not long ago we had a telemarketer ring home no doubt about windows or some shit.

My mum and dad had had quite enough with these guys over the past years and so my dad lifted the receiver, said "Just one moment." and then left it by the side of the phone.

25 minutes later and my mum went to see if the guy was still on. He was. Parents nearly burst out laughing, but my mum just said "we're not interested" and hung up.

Remarkably persistent yet dumb.