CAMP BUSHMASTER, Iraq - In this dry desert world near Najaf, where the Army V Corps combat support system sprawls across miles of scabrous dust, there's an oasis of sorts: a 500-gallon pool of pristine, cool water.
It belongs to Army chaplain Josh Llano of Houston, who sees the water shortage, which has kept thousands of filthy soldiers from bathing for weeks, as an opportunity.
''It's simple. They want water. I have it, as long as they agree to get baptized,'' he said.
And agree they do. Every day, soldiers take the plunge for the Lord and come up clean for the first time in weeks.
''They do appear physically and spiritually cleansed,'' Llano said.
First, though, the soldiers have to go to one of Llano's hour-and-a-half sermons in his dirt-floor tent. Then the baptism takes an hour of quoting from the Bible.
''Regardless of their motives,'' Llano said, ``I get the chance to take them closer to the Lord.''
A blue-eyed 32-year-old with an abundance of energy, Llano goes out every day to drum up grimy soldiers for his pool.
He talks to truck drivers, tank drivers, computer specialists -- anyone and everyone. He goes out to the combat zone to the fighting soldiers and the combat support soldiers who keep them in supplies.
''You have to be aggressive to help people find themselves in God,'' he said.
He calls himself a ''Southern Baptist evangelist,'' and justifies the war and killing with a verse from the Gospel of Matthew, which he often recites: ``Give unto Caesar the things that are Caesar's and unto God the things that are God's.
''This means we are called upon by our government to fight and that is giving unto Caesar, as the Bible tells us,'' he said.
Earlier this week, word went out that portable showers might be installed here soon, but Llano was undaunted.
''There is no fruit out here, and I have a stash of raisins, juice boxes and fruit rolls to pull out,'' the chaplain said optimistically.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. Southern Baptists are bigoted, asinine, stupid, donkey-fucking, racist, sexist, inbred, irrational, obtuse, arrogant, ignorant, intolerant fundie morons. In other words, men of God.
Witholding water in order to coerce parched soldiers into baptisms is a new low.
For a time, I considered sparing your wretched little planet Cybertron.
But now, you shall witnesss ... its dismemberment! "This is what happens when you use trivia napkins for research material"- Sea Skimmer on "Pearl Harbour".
"Do you work out? Your hands are so strong! Especially the right one!"- spoken to Bud Bundy
I'm somewhat skeptical of this, to be quite honest. I don't think the Army would approve of a chaplain withholding water on such a basis.
BoTM / JL / MM / HAB / VRWC / Horseman
I'm studying for the CPA exam. Have a nice summer, and if you're down just sit back and realize that Joe is off somewhere, doing much worse than you are.
I would like to know how in the world this man gained private property of this water pool in the middle of Iraq.
"The fool saith in his heart that there is no empty set. But if that were so, then the set of all such sets would be empty, and hence it would be the empty set." -- Wesley Salmon
What a fucking cunt. Holding basic necessities like water hostage in exchange for religious conversion. I'd fucking kick him in the nuts and steal his god damn water.
Damien Sorresso
"Ever see what them computa bitchez do to numbas? It ain't natural. Numbas ain't supposed to be code, they supposed to quantify shit."
- The Onion
This day is Fantastic!
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Political Compass: -3/-6 DOOMerWoW
"I really hate it when the guy you were pegging as Mr. Worst Case starts saying, "Oh, I was wrong, it's going to be much worse." " - Adrian Laguna
Why can't he just let them use the water for free, instead of having troops pay the price of having his mindset shoved down their throat. I'm sure most of these people have already been baptized, anyway.
Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi wrote:Why can't he just let them use the water for free, instead of having troops pay the price of having his mindset shoved down their throat.
What, be genuinely charitable and go against the Way of the Fundie? Surely you're joking, man! Repent!
"The fool saith in his heart that there is no empty set. But if that were so, then the set of all such sets would be empty, and hence it would be the empty set." -- Wesley Salmon
To paraphrase the fremen "Let's kill him and take his water."
I mean Jesus Horatio Christ on camel that's fucking low for a denomination that's set the standard for underhanded explotation of the misfortune of others. If I were there I'd baptize him to till he turned blue. Can't the army do something about him? That can't be good for morale.
This day is Fantastic!
Myers Briggs: ENTJ
Political Compass: -3/-6 DOOMerWoW
"I really hate it when the guy you were pegging as Mr. Worst Case starts saying, "Oh, I was wrong, it's going to be much worse." " - Adrian Laguna
Perhaps the good baptist would benefit from taking a bath himself, perhaps in one of those odd smelling bubble baths that the frontline troops would more then likely have come across.
hahahaha. she gets so offended when I say the equivalent.
course I annoy her everyday with sdnet' fav bible verses, so it works out.
This day is Fantastic!
Myers Briggs: ENTJ
Political Compass: -3/-6 DOOMerWoW
"I really hate it when the guy you were pegging as Mr. Worst Case starts saying, "Oh, I was wrong, it's going to be much worse." " - Adrian Laguna
All the troops are hearing is the word "...bath" All the chaplains BS goes in one ear and out the other as long as they get to peel the grime off themselves. Spend a week in the mud and dirt and you'll soon discover that you'll do just about anything to get clean , even for just an hour.
His congregation wont get one iota larger because of this.
Ah, Army clergymen. You know, the Catholic and Jewish Chaplains that I know are very nice people.
There is really nothing that can be done here. This Chaplain has his water that used for Baptisms, and he is now in a position to hold it over the soldiers' heads. Sick, very sick.
You know what is interesting, to be a Chaplain one must have a four year degree because Chaplains are officers. So, the Baptist Chaplains in must be the only educated Baptists in the world.
So what would they do if it was an atheist with a big pool of water, who only let people to wash if they renounced their false gods and myths? That would be cool. Too bad he would probably be shot as a godless commie.
What a dick! I hope he gets hit by Iraqis. Or maybe he should try that in a ferverently Muslim country. Let's see how he does there.
Hokey masers and giant robots are no match for a good kaiju at your side, kid
Post #666: 5-24-03, 8:26 am (Hey, why not?)
Do you not believe in Thor, the Viking Thunder God? If not, then do you consider your state of disbelief in Thor to be a religion? Are you an AThorist?-Darth Wong on Atheism as a religion
Zoink wrote:Hmmm. I might do it, just to see the reaction on his face when I scream "IT BURNS!!!!!"
lmao.
This day is Fantastic!
Myers Briggs: ENTJ
Political Compass: -3/-6 DOOMerWoW
"I really hate it when the guy you were pegging as Mr. Worst Case starts saying, "Oh, I was wrong, it's going to be much worse." " - Adrian Laguna
The problem with punching him and taking the water that attacking an officer tends to get you court-martialed, but I'm surprised nobody has reported the fuck yet. Here he'd probably be stripped of his position and court-martialed for his actions.
I hope some Jewish soldier with a chip on his shoulder stands forth and makes an issue about this. Something to the effect of...
"For fuck's sake, isn't it bad enough that I'm surrounded by millions of Islamic fundamentalists who'd just as soon kill me as look at me? Now I gotta deal with a goddamned redneck Baptist bribing me with water so I'll let him convert me?!"
