Gaming Fogie Strageties (Or: How to beat up kids)

Post by **Lagmonster** » 2003-04-11 11:11am

WARNING: CAMPING ADVOCATE INSIDE.

Okay, anyone over the age of twenty-five knows about this: The fact that you do not rule quite as much as you used to:

The hands that used to guide Pac-Man through the mazes with the fury of a pie-shaped avenging angel now seem all a-jumble trying to press the 3.2 million keys needed to play even the simplest FPS game.

Eyes that could see the projectile of a hundred DOOM imps now can't figure out if that little black dot on the horizon of a Battlefield 1942 map is a sniper or a clump of shrubbery.

A brain that could memorize the exact location of dozens of enemy units - and create plans to thwart them - in the original Dune now seems to lock up at the sight of onrushing Warcraft III hordes backed by the whips of their merciless 12-year old masters.

But you don't give up. Only wusses give up. But for every one of us 'old school' gamer fogies, there are fifty lightning-quick teenagers whose faces are 90% metal appendages, out there to whup your ass. So, what do you do? It's easy to crow, 'play smarter, not harder'. Nevertheless, it is still possible to wipe the floor up with those who are younger, faster, and with more time to practice than you.

1) Anything With Remote Detonation is your friend: If you're playing a game where you can put a unit, or item, or weapon somewhere that - no matter how many times it happens - people will wander over and kill themselves on, do it. It's NOT camping! After all, it's not YOUR fault that a fresh stream of victims keep wandering through your Kill Zone.

2) No player is patternless. Akin to rule 1, some of us just can't sprint around doing ten things at once and adapting on the fly, but we can analyze the battlefield and see where people aren't paying attention, or where they make mistakes. Find that blind spot in the game and set up camp. Every chokehold you place on a map is numerical advantage for your teammates to concentrate heavier pressure elsewhere.

3) The 'suicidal diplomat'. In team games, even on a server full of hyped-up Rambos, play a support role. Chase down the hothead in the tank with your repair kit out, or the indescriminate ass with the heavy machinegun with your healing kit. They're idiots, but they'll take more people with them if they live longer.

Kelly Antilles · Post by **Kelly Antilles** » 2003-04-11 11:15am

*chuckles* Yep, so true.

For me, I am very good at fighting games. I choose a character, usually female, that is fast on her own. The most fun I have is walking up and beating some guy who's been on the game for 20+ minutes straight. They look at me like I was a Goddess of some sort.

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2003-04-11 11:18am

Camping is actually the dastardly act of standing stationary in one spot for a period of more than 3 nanoseconds. Anymore than that, and you're a "lamer n00b."

Post by **Lagmonster** » 2003-04-11 11:21am

Kelly Antilles wrote:For me, I am very good at fighting games. I choose a character, usually female, that is fast on her own.

I was good at Street Fighter 2, provided: a) I got to use Guile and b) my opponent didn't use Guile. Given those factors, I was basically unbeatable. Mortal Kombat I could never play, but EVER. I'm a 'pull back to block' man, not a 'there's a block button somewhere, but YOU'LL never find it with your fingers while you're trying to follow the action on screen' man.

The most fun I have is walking up and beating some guy who's been on the game for 20+ minutes straight. They look at me like I was a Goddess of some sort.

So, what you're saying is, they think you're a goddess after they look at you, huh? Is the ass-whooping you hand them actually part of that, or what?

Post by **Lagmonster** » 2003-04-11 11:26am

Durran Korr wrote:Camping is actually the dastardly act of standing stationary in one spot for a period of more than 3 nanoseconds. Anymore than that, and you're a "lamer n00b."

I am a camper, and proud of it. Although nothing is more exhilerating than memorizing the screen names of people who call you a newbie and then hunting them down like the Predator until they get REALLY mad and fill the screen with obscenities.

People complain about it, all the time, but what I don't get is: WHY CAN'T THEY FIGURE OUT THE PATTERN???

In games like my current obsession of Battlefield 1942, camping is part of the art. I have yet to play a sniper, and I have often died because I take my eyes off the screen because I'm laughing too hard, due to the SAME THREE GUYS walking right past my MP40 crosshairs at a leisurely pace once every forty seconds. What am I supposed to do? Ignore the targets?

PeZook · Post by **PeZook** » 2003-04-11 11:27am

If somebody accuses me of camping in Infiltration, I just put a bullet through their head and tell them to learn and use cover next time. This usually shuts the kiddies up

Kelly Antilles · Post by **Kelly Antilles** » 2003-04-11 11:27am

I learned how to defeat people in MK by a 10 year old kid. He was my sense.

I like the "pull back to block" as well. Although, I've learned to be dexterous with Soul Calibur.

The asswhupin' IS the reason they look up.

Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman · Post by **Kreshna Aryaguna Nurzaman** » 2003-04-11 11:35am

Any campers out there should have tried SCARAB from Electronic Arts. Unlike any mindless shoot-em-up nowadays, SCARAB's strategy factor can keep you hooked for many hours. Too bad it's a stepchild product. An underated and underpromoted game that actually has very nice gameplay.

Companion Cube · Post by **Companion Cube** » 2003-04-11 12:19pm

Yeah, even in MOH, of all games, they complain about camping...

They seem surprised when Snipers seem to stay still while aiming...once some guy on my own team accused my of camping, based on the fact that it had taken me more than five nanoseconds to line up a shot...

Post by **weemadando** » 2003-04-11 07:20pm

Ah, its all so true.

I remember playing a RtCW game as an engineer at a LAN. I scored well into 500 points while everyone else was sittign about on about 30. Why? Because I did my fucking job.

Cal Wright · Post by **Cal Wright** » 2003-04-11 11:38pm

I camp when I need to. I used to camp in Quake when I had a shitty computer with a crap connection. Now I camp when it's necessary. It's strategic now, and I don't camp spawn points so eat my rocket!!!

Anarchist Bunny · Post by **Anarchist Bunny** » 2003-04-11 11:47pm

I got cursed out and threatened to be hacked by this snot nosed dipshit on Starcraft map. It was a UMS and one of those fight gain kills you get a special unit(but not a madness) Well, I got two queens, a sci ves. Since their was a little arena thing, I could hit his units with broodling or the toxic spell with out getting hurt. And then I got a deviler, overlord, and a super marine. guy couldn't touch me. Called me a cheater. Little shit.

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2003-04-12 12:07am

Kelly Antilles wrote:I learned how to defeat people in MK by a 10 year old kid. He was my sense.

I like the "pull back to block" as well. Although, I've learned to be dexterous with Soul Calibur.

The asswhupin' IS the reason they look up.

The younger crowd...a good deal of the older have yet to meet a woman......or a bar of soap at times

For me currently I crush whiny biatches...at

CVS2(Damn you Alex Valle...one day punk.......one day...amongst other), usually at cons I can beat and get the grand prize(once was a pink.....GBA)

FF:MoTW...Eat Power Geyser wussies!!!!

SC 1 or 2(they give new respect when they chow down 80% combo from the start on either Necrid or Mitsurugi...or Nightmare...or Taki...or Edge Master)

Tekken...That's right...Mishima's owns your little white ass!!!...actually Tekken is a weakspot of mine(specifically Tekken 4)

Virtua Fighter...Hold my own with Jacky or Akira.

Of course...older games I still play but far less competition then usual.

The Dark · Post by **The Dark** » 2003-04-12 12:33am

I get accused of camping a lot in Counterstrike because I'll sneak around and I will sit in one place for 20 seconds or so if I think someone's going to come through. Not my fault I can snipe across the assault level with a Desert Eagle or bounce grenades off walls.

Best one was when someone made noise in the air vent as I walked by the opening. I chucked a flashbang in there and climbed the ladder with a shotgun. Idiot shouldn't have tried coming the same way three matches in a row. You get predictable, people wait for you. Simple idea.

PeZook · Post by **PeZook** » 2003-04-12 03:18am

The Dark wrote: I get accused of camping a lot in Counterstrike because I'll sneak around and I will sit in one place for 20 seconds or so if I think someone's going to come through. Not my fault I can snipe across the assault level with a Desert Eagle or bounce grenades off walls.

I've noticed that some people can call you a "'nade whore" in Inf when you clear a suspiocious room with grenades...as they sit there every round waiting for some dumb fucker to come through the doorway.

Fortunately, most Inf community is reasonable, even those guys on public servers.

The Dark wrote:Best one was when someone made noise in the air vent as I walked by the opening. I chucked a flashbang in there and climbed the ladder with a shotgun. Idiot shouldn't have tried coming the same way three matches in a row. You get predictable, people wait for you. Simple idea.

I once had a guy who came the exact same way in an assault map round adter round, while i took up a spot inside a control tower of the compund his team was supposed to take. Instead of letting his team's sniper take care of me, he simply came charging hoping i won't hit him. When he kept dying, he started accusing me of camping and tried to challenge me to a mano a mano duel. Needless to say, he got a .50 round up his ass - since he got into open ground, apparently waiting for me to show up in response to his taunts

Post by **Rob Wilson** » 2003-04-12 03:51pm

Kelly Antilles wrote:*chuckles* Yep, so true.

For me, I am very good at fighting games. I choose a character, usually female, that is fast on her own. The most fun I have is walking up and beating some guy who's been on the game for 20+ minutes straight. They look at me like I was a Goddess of some sort.

I'm hopeless at Arcade Machines, but on the Consoles I rule at Soul Blade, Soul Caliber, Tekken 2 and 3, DOA2 and MvsC2. I suck at MK and the Virtua Fighter Series, plus I have to resort to 'Random Button pushing'(tm) on any of the vsSNK games.

My usual characters are the quick ones (Taki, Voldo, Xianhua, Hwang, Cervantes, Baek, Hwoarang, Forest Law, Jun, Xiaoyu, Wang, Lie Wulong, Bryan Fury, Psylocke, Spidey, Wolvie, Sakura, King, Chun Li) or the fast with range (Kilik, Seung Mina, Nightmare, Paul Phoenix, Cap A, Athena)

Funnily enough, in fighting games, where learning the buttons and thinking are good ways to win, oldies tend to murder youngsters.

Of course whenever I fight the Computer, I call it a cheating bastard for blocking all the time, but that's just me.

Post by **Rob Wilson** » 2003-04-12 03:53pm

PeZook wrote:
The Dark wrote: I get accused of camping a lot in Counterstrike because I'll sneak around and I will sit in one place for 20 seconds or so if I think someone's going to come through. Not my fault I can snipe across the assault level with a Desert Eagle or bounce grenades off walls.
I've noticed that some people can call you a "'nade whore" in Inf when you clear a suspiocious room with grenades...as they sit there every round waiting for some dumb fucker to come through the doorway.

Fortunately, most Inf community is reasonable, even those guys on public servers.

Let me see if I've got this straight - they are calling you a cheater for doing things the correct way?

Retards!

PeZook · Post by **PeZook** » 2003-04-12 04:00pm

Rob Wilson wrote:
Let me see if I've got this straight - they are calling you a cheater for doing things the correct way?

Retards!

What can I say? Rambo mentality is quite strong amongst the gaming youth today

Post by **Rob Wilson** » 2003-04-12 04:10pm

PeZook wrote:
Rob Wilson wrote:
Let me see if I've got this straight - they are calling you a cheater for doing things the correct way?

Retards!
What can I say? Rambo mentality is quite strong amongst the gaming youth today

OK, I have to relate this one. I'm waiting in line to get some stuff at the shops and hear 2 kids behind me talking about the war.

Kid1 : "I'm telling you i should be out there, give me an MP5 and a Desert Eagle and I could clear Basra myself!"
Kid2 : "I know. Did you see the troops on the streets? All they have is that big rifle, hell none of them had a decent SMG."
Kid1 : "Yeah, and did you notice none of them were jumping when they moved? Talk about easy targets."

What can you do with the retarded kids these days? Apparently euthanasia is frowned upon by the Police.

Brother-Captain Gaius · Post by **Brother-Captain Gaius** » 2003-04-12 04:15pm

Rob Wilson wrote:Kid1 : "Yeah, and did you notice none of them were jumping when they moved? Talk about easy targets."

Please tell me you're joking. Please.

EDIT: OK, scenario: What if the major world powers all recruited mass hordes of CS idiots like these two?

Exonerate · Post by **Exonerate** » 2003-04-12 04:19pm

You'll never beat teens with lightning reflexes... You might get one camping once, but most are smart enough to know where to shoot the next time around

I kick major butt in Super Smash Bros (Original one), and am quite good at TFC... I'm one of those crazy conc jumping medics/rocket jumping soldiers who always take your team by suprise then run out with the flag

Old geezers can't react fast enough to save themselves, even if they were camping.

Post by **Rob Wilson** » 2003-04-12 04:31pm

JediNeophyte wrote:
Rob Wilson wrote:Kid1 : "Yeah, and did you notice none of them were jumping when they moved? Talk about easy targets."

Please tell me you're joking. Please.

I wish I were. It was all I could do to stop myself bursting out laughing at his last line. Anything else they said - and i don't doubt it was much stupider - was lost to me as I tried my damnedest not to disolve into laughter in the middle of a Supermarket.

JediNeophyte wrote: EDIT: OK, scenario: What if the major world powers all recruited mass hordes of CS idiots like these two?

Lots less CS players in the world!

Seriously, can you imagine what would happen to all those unfit, obese little fucks when you put Full Webbing, Body-armour and helmet on them, then have them carry a 10lb rifle (or better yet a 24lb GPMG)? "Come on you little fucks, start jumping across the street then!" Fuck, I'd be amazed if they could manage a walk/waddle with full kit on. "Lets see how fast your reflexes are when you have to carry the weapon in the aim for a while?" Can you imagine their poor little faces when they find out real weapons don't have auto-aim and that reciol is a Physical force.

Exonerate · Post by **Exonerate** » 2003-04-12 04:55pm

"What do you mean there's no respawn?!?"

PeZook · Post by **PeZook** » 2003-04-12 05:03pm

Rob Wilson wrote:
OK, I have to relate this one. I'm waiting in line to get some stuff at the shops and hear 2 kids behind me talking about the war.

Kid1 : "I'm telling you i should be out there, give me an MP5 and a Desert Eagle and I could clear Basra myself!"
Kid2 : "I know. Did you see the troops on the streets? All they have is that big rifle, hell none of them had a decent SMG."
Kid1 : "Yeah, and did you notice none of them were jumping when they moved? Talk about easy targets."

What can you do with the retarded kids these days? Apparently euthanasia is frowned upon by the Police.

Well, you COULD get them drafted and disillusion them...maybe you'd get fewer smartasses commenting on Coalition tactics like that (Oh! I would send more tanks here, and a little more artillery, and stormed this building and...), but I somehow doubt it would increase the quality of a proffesional army...

JediNeophyte wrote:OK, scenario: What if the major world powers all recruited mass hordes of CS idiots like these two?

They'd give them their Desert Eagles and SMGs and send them out in mass charge attacks against entrenched enemies in urban fighting

Post by **Lagmonster** » 2003-04-12 08:23pm

Exonerate wrote:You'll never beat teens with lightning reflexes... You might get one camping once, but most are smart enough to know where to shoot the next time around

You'd think that, wouldn't you? But no...most kids, present company excepted, are pattern-dependant dimwits.

Old geezers can't react fast enough to save themselves, even if they were camping.

Bah! I don't have to move all that fast at all. I just have to know where to put my crosshairs so that you'll walk right through 'em.