Gaming Fogie Strageties (Or: How to beat up kids)

[Lagmonster]

Kid1 : "Yeah, and did you notice none of them were jumping when they moved? Talk about easy targets."

Dear god on a spindle. You actually HEARD PEOPLE say that? I suppose it didn't occur to them that given the maximum height possibly attained by a dough-boy teen in full battle getup, he presents essentially a much better target if he's poinging up and down like a Combat Kangaroo?

Frankly, hell. Give the kids the weapons they want and send them in on the first wave. The ones that survive may actually spend the rest of their lives without making ludicrous assertions.

[Einhander Sn0m4n]

You'll never beat teens with lightning reflexes... You might get one camping once, but most are smart enough to know where to shoot the next time around

You'd think that, wouldn't you? But no...most kids, present company excepted, are pattern-dependant dimwits.

Old geezers can't react fast enough to save themselves, even if they were camping.

Bah! I don't have to move all that fast at all. I just have to know where to put my crosshairs so that you'll walk right through 'em.

I know exactly what you're talkin about Lagmonster. That's why I try to always be unpredictable.

Same for the cross-hair parking. THAT's an art that takes a while to master...

[Exonerate]

Bleh, I mostly use the mouse for minor adjustments, but move around so they jump into my cross hairs...

[Lagmonster]

Bleh, I mostly use the mouse for minor adjustments, but move around so they jump into my cross hairs...

Always a good option, I suppose. I bought a 70$ desktop-controller-thingy that I use instead of the traditional control setup. I guess you could say I do a 'Darth Vader' in the sense that I compensate for decreased physical ability with heavily automated technology.

[Lagmonster]

I know exactly what you're talkin about Lagmonster. That's why I try to always be unpredictable.

Unpredictable is good. I wish I could say I was, but in reality I'm very deliberate.

Ooh...really good tactic: Apologize profusely. Nothing makes people more infuriated and likely to make horrid and fatal mistakes than you apologizing whenever you're winning and insisting over and over that you really do suck badly.

[Rob Wilson]

Kid1 : "Yeah, and did you notice none of them were jumping when they moved? Talk about easy targets."

Dear god on a spindle. You actually HEARD PEOPLE say that? I suppose it didn't occur to them that given the maximum height possibly attained by a dough-boy teen in full battle getup, he presents essentially a much better target if he's poinging up and down like a Combat Kangaroo?

Frankly, hell. Give the kids the weapons they want and send them in on the first wave. The ones that survive may actually spend the rest of their lives without making ludicrous assertions.

It just makes me laugh when I'm listening to 'experts' like them, who've played games or just read books on subjects and think they know it all. I simply can't take them seriously - hell that one isn't even the worst.

For instance, did you know that the Army has sights that can see through solid objects? No, neither did I, but apparently it was used in a Arnult film, therefore must be true (yes, I've had someone tell me, straightfaced and very earnestly that their proof for something was that it had appeared in a Schwartzenegger movie). They thought it was very rude of me to laugh in their face and call them a moron.

Proof positive that there are people in this world to whom Mouth-breathing Retard is a goal too high for them to reach. I would recommend Euthanasia, but how could you possibly declare them brain dead, when there was so little proof of brain life to start with.

[Rob Wilson]

I know exactly what you're talkin about Lagmonster. That's why I try to always be unpredictable.

Unpredictable is good. I wish I could say I was, but in reality I'm very deliberate.

Ooh...really good tactic: Apologize profusely. Nothing makes people more infuriated and likely to make horrid and fatal mistakes than you apologizing whenever you're winning and insisting over and over that you really do suck badly.

Unless, like me you really do suck like a Black hole at FPS games.

For me to win, means that somewhere on the planet at that moment a Blind, Retarded Quadraplegic had somehow managed to get onto a games server and been terminally unlucky throughout the match.

[Rob Wilson]

Bleh, I mostly use the mouse for minor adjustments, but move around so they jump into my cross hairs...

I'm the exact opposite. For some reason, when I play these games I always forget to keep moving when I fire. Most deathmatches end for me, when I get involved in a masive firefight and stand still while I shoot - 2 milliseconds later I die.

It's always been the same with these games, for some reason I can't seem to remember that for the character to move, I have to use the keys, moving the mouse on it's own doesn't work.

[Anarchist Bunny]

You know, I just relized this, I may be the youngest person to fit into the old school gamer catagory. At 17 I started playing the NES when I was 3 or 4, and got my own by the time I was 6 or so.

Oh and on how to beat new gamers, challege them to a game of anything that is 16 bits or less graphics, or fewer than 5 buttons on the controler, they'll be so lost and confused, they won't know what hits them.

[Einhander Sn0m4n]

I know exactly what you're talkin about Lagmonster. That's why I try to always be unpredictable.

Unpredictable is good. I wish I could say I was, but in reality I'm very deliberate.

Ooh...really good tactic: Apologize profusely. Nothing makes people more infuriated and likely to make horrid and fatal mistakes than you apologizing whenever you're winning and insisting over and over that you really do suck badly.

Check it: I already to the apologism trick.

[The Yosemite Bear]

I play Psych Ops against kids.

is that wrong of me?

[Captain tycho]

Kid1 : "Yeah, and did you notice none of them were jumping when they moved? Talk about easy targets."

Please tell me you're joking. Please.

EDIT: OK, scenario: What if the major world powers all recruited mass hordes of CS idiots like these two?

"Jumping while they moved?"
How old were these kids, just 11 or 12 or 14-16?
I fought in a few firefights, and lemme tell ya, the last thing you wanna do is jump while moving. Pointless waste of energy..

[Rob Wilson]

"Jumping while they moved?"
How old were these kids, just 11 or 12 or 14-16?
I fought in a few firefights, and lemme tell ya, the last thing you wanna do is jump while moving. Pointless waste of energy..

Firefights? you've served?

[Strate_Egg]

Camping does suck. If everyone camped no one would go anywhere. As does happen many times IN aliens vs. Predator II. THe entire game of 30 people is filled with snipers and no one moves. BORING?????

Also, people love to camp at spawn locations because they dont know how to play the game. Spawn, die...spawn...die and so on. It is fun to camp kill someone with no weaponsi guess?

[Lagmonster]

Camping does suck. If everyone camped no one would go anywhere. As does happen many times IN aliens vs. Predator II. THe entire game of 30 people is filled with snipers and no one moves. BORING?????

Camping doesn't outright suck, but it IS game-specific.

For example, campers in Battlefield 1942 fall into two groups, good and bad:

Good
Spawn campers - since the goal is to take spawn points, this is perfectly legit, no matter how many times you get blown up the instant you respawn.
Snipers - also legit as a defensive tactic or to cover advancing troops. In moderation (see below).

Bad
Plane campers - get off the freakin' runway and DO something, you jerks!
Snipers on missions where you are the 'assaulting' team, like Omaha Beach - Why the freak is everyone sitting on the beach? What is this, Hawaii-Five-O? Get up that hill, you sons of a motherless goat!