The reason I will never have children

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2003-04-14 01:36am

Um, usually they vomit first and go and get you.

Or at least that's what I did when I was little.

Then again, I hardly ever vomited when I was a kid...

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-04-14 01:37am

Johonebesus wrote:
Darth Wong wrote: Sort of, but how many of them come up to you in the morning, hug you, and say "I love you, Mommy?".
But the next morning he will crawl onto your bed and say, "My tummy hurts," and then vomit on you.

You see the glass as half empty, I take it? By the way... *POKE!*

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-04-14 01:38am

Johonebesus wrote:
Darth Wong wrote:Sort of, but how many of them come up to you in the morning, hug you, and say "I love you, Mommy?".
But the next morning he will crawl onto your bed and say, "My tummy hurts," and then vomit on you.

When that happens, you will be much more concerned about him than about your laundry. Trust me.

Johonebesus · Post by **Johonebesus** » 2003-04-14 01:50am

DPDarkPrimus wrote: You see the glass as half empty, I take it? By the way... *POKE!*

Generally, yes, and I have been here a bit longer than you, so why are you poking me?

Johonebesus · Post by **Johonebesus** » 2003-04-14 02:06am

Darth Wong wrote:When that happens, you will be much more concerned about him than about your laundry. Trust me.

Maybe, if :
A. I ever have children, which I absolutely will not (I'll cut it off first), and
B. I weren't such a mean little man

You see, I am, unfortunately, a child hater. In the abstract, children are fine and nice things. I am capable of getting angry when I hear of a child suffering, and I doubt I could easily bring myself to really hurt a child; however, when actually dealing with the smelly little buggers, I hate them. They are nasty, filthy, loud, obnoxious, rude, germ-carrying, over-active, clingy, whiny, pesty little monsters. And, just like cats, they are able to single out the one who hates them the most for their worst torment. Too many people are fooled by their clever tricks, but I am fortunately immune to cuteness. Then after the toddler years they eventually grow into teenagers. Just the thought makes me shudder. I have yet to meet a teenager I liked. Even as a teenager I hated teenagers. I applaud everyone who has enough love or masochism to actually want children, but I am devoid of both, and could at best vaguely pity any poor child unfortunate enough to get stuck with me. I'm not sure, but this may be the best thing about being gay.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-04-14 02:06am

Johonebesus wrote:
DPDarkPrimus wrote: You see the glass as half empty, I take it? By the way... *POKE!*
Generally, yes, and I have been here a bit longer than you, so why are you poking me?

Sorry, the fact that you have less than 200 posts sort of makes it confusing. That, and there has been several actual newbies I have poked today. *Depokeifies you*

Superman · Post by **Superman** » 2003-04-14 02:24am

I think this guy has watched too many episodes of the old Crocodile Hunter.

But, sometimes it is hard to want to have kids when you see the worst of it. When you see the four hundred pound mom beating the shit out of her dirty kid at Wal Mart, you tend to cringe. It does seem to hold true that the worst of society breeds the most.

Superman · Post by **Superman** » 2003-04-14 02:28am

Oh, I meant the four hundred pound SPANDEX wearing mom...

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2003-04-14 02:30am

Then you simply don't treat YOUR kids like that.

Johonebesus · Post by **Johonebesus** » 2003-04-14 02:42am

Superman wrote:I think this guy has watched too many episodes of the old Crocodile Hunter.

But, sometimes it is hard to want to have kids when you see the worst of it. When you see the four hundred pound mom beating the shit out of her dirty kid at Wal Mart, you tend to cringe. It does seem to hold true that the worst of society breeds the most.

I've never seen a single episode. I have, however, had years of experience, though I grant not as a parent. I have over dozen younger cousins, and it was always my job to watch them when I was a teenager. Then in college I worked at a McDonald's and did the birthday parties. And every time I go out children accost me. Maybe I'm not big enough to be intimidating, or maybe they just sense that I don't like them but am not a pervert or psychopath, so they come up to me and pester me. If I make them go away, the parents come and yell at me for scaring their nasty little brats. One time some little toddler, with his diaper leaking, came up to hug me. I have no idea why. He managed to slam his head right into my crotch, hard. When I yelled at the smelly creature, his mother came running, calling me all kinds of foul names for making her precious little stink-beast cry. I have yet to have a good experience with children.

Boba Fett · Post by **Boba Fett** » 2003-04-14 09:12am

Darth Utsanomiko wrote:My reasoning is, if I'm lucky enough to find someone willing to spend the rest of her life with me, I'm sure as hell not going to spend two of those decades raising kids who'll eat up half hundreds of thousands of bucks each, and in the end simply tell us what losers we were and how we messed up their upbringing. Call me selfish, I guess.

I rather call you pessimist...

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2003-04-14 09:37am

I think this guy has watched too many episodes of the old Crocodile Hunter.

Actually I hate Mr. Erwin.

y collection will actually be rather small, consisting mostly aquatic/semi-aquatic amphibians, and turtles.

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2003-04-14 10:03am

One day ...yes.

Right now, no. Don't have the sanity for it(though that may be debatable every time I look at mom...hmmmmm)