Interesting Church Service

[Yogi]

I work as an usher at an auditorium and I get a wide variety of assignments. Today I had to usher a church service from 7:30 am till 3:45 pm. I won't go into details of the service, except to say that the minister drove a $500,000 Bentley. That conveys all relavent information about the church right there.

...

You know, I've heard about these so called "Moderate Christian" churches in which the members are NOT idiotic morons (at best). One of these days, I will have to FIND one of these churches and attend a service, since every single church service I had to usher has turned out to be utter crap with both the contents of the sermons, and the general ease of ushering the patrons. Right now I'm pretty much convinced though that these churches don't exist.

[Darth Wong]

I work as an usher at an auditorium and I get a wide variety of assignments. Today I had to usher a church service from 7:30 am till 3:45 pm. I won't go into details of the service, except to say that the minister drove a $500,000 Bentley. That conveys all relavent information about the church right there.

I've seen the opposite extreme: piss-poor ministers who still manage to be freeloading bastards because their income, while meager, is entirely derived from the church congregation's pockets.

You know, I've heard about these so called "Moderate Christian" churches in which the members are NOT idiotic morons (at best). One of these days, I will have to FIND one of these churches and attend a service, since every single church service I had to usher has turned out to be utter crap with both the contents of the sermons, and the general ease of ushering the patrons. Right now I'm pretty much convinced though that these churches don't exist.

I thought I found one once. Then the minister called me and my wife to cancel our wedding at the last minute (even though it had been booked more than six months in advance and it would be almost impossible to book another location on short notice), because he felt that I wasn't religious enough to darken their doorways. I, too, would like to find a moderate Christian church. I will say that I have met many moderate Christian individuals, but I have not seen a moderate Christian church.

[Yogi]

Apparently, the Bentley was donated.

...

Even IF that is true (and it still doesn't change the fundimental aspects of a church, since there has to be a certain attitude which is advocated in order to make the donation of a $500,000 car a consideration) there is still no excuse for him to keep that car. Sell the damn thing and donate it to . . . say . . . the Multiple Sclerosis run-walk outside.

Of course, when the MS people wanted to use the auditorium's bathrooms, and my House Maneger let them, the church people threw a fit.

...

I'm right not regretting not at least trying to rip off the collection plate. Those MS people sure could use some extra cash.

[Trytostaydead]

That's just sickening. As a Christian, I think that's horrible that a minister or pastor will be driving a $500,000 car.

But speaking of moderate churches.. most large moderate churches (been to a few), at least here in Southern California have their own buildings and the ones that have over a thousand members, the head pastors drive old mini-vans or hondas.. sheesh.. what was this church you ushered for?!!

[Frank Hipper]

You tried to rip off a collection plate? You're my hero!

[Ravencrow]

Sorry, but I've been a 'wandering' Christian myself, finally just didn't go to church at all, I can tell you, you can never find a church that don't got people who seem only shiny on the outside or a certain leader who seem to enjoy his own voice. Thus I've never knew a totally 'moderate church'. There's no such thing as totally ideal 'church'.

[Yogi]

You tried to rip off a collection plate? You're my hero!

Actually, I didn't. Damn my mother for teaching me that stealing is wrong!!

[Queeb Salaron]

Ah yes... Gotta love the ministers who take vows of poverty and drive Bentleys; who take vows of chastity and molest little boys; who take vows of silence and shout at the tops of thier lungs on channel 5 at 2:30 in the morning.

Ah, Christianity. ::Basks in the Light of God::

[BlkbrryTheGreat]

Ah, when I was a kid I tried to use the collection plate to make change for a dollar (wanted to get a candy bar from a vending machine). Unfortunatly my mother refused to let me take any money out of the plate after I put the dollar in, even though I was going to leave a dime (which is 10% of a dollar) in the plate.

[seanrobertson]

I thought I found one once. Then the minister called me and my wife to cancel our wedding at the last minute (even though it had been booked more than six months in advance and it would be almost impossible to book another location on short notice), because he felt that I wasn't religious enough to darken their doorways. I, too, would like to find a moderate Christian church. I will say that I have met many moderate Christian individuals, but I have not seen a moderate Christian church.

I remember that. I'd sock that judgmental fuck for you.

Unfortunately, "my" church is not appreciably different. I haven't encountered any really judgmental assholes in the sense you did--a few of lesser scale perhaps, LOL--but I have run into some real money-grubbing, greedy jerks on numerous occassions.

When I was 14, my maternal grandfather, a pipeline contractor, died; my father was his "heir" of sorts, the number two in the company. But he didn't take over the business for very long. Apparently, my grandfather had amassed a great deal of debt (this was '91 and early '92, a pretty rough economic period in this area), so my grandmother decides to sell the business. About 4 front-end loaders, back-hoes, a dump truck--BAM. All gone in the blink of an eye.

My father was thus unemployed, and for quite a long time...probably from May '92 to late '93. Sometime during that period, he sought solace from this church which, incidentally, was that of his boyhood, the church in which my parents married, where he served as an usher, where my paternal grandparents were very active members--you name it. It's also the biggest, by far the wealthiest church in town. (At one point, this area was also huge in textiles. There were mills everywhere. That's all but a thing of the past now, but plenty of mill moguls made that church "home.")

Shortly after his first visit back, we received a letter in the mail prompting us to give the church money, money we obviously did not have. The "pastor," as Presbyterians typically call their ministers, wrote something about "proving faith by giving" or some such nonsense.

I tore it up and threw it in the trash. That fucking jerk-off makes $140,000 a year and he's asking us for money?

Ever since then, my religiosity, rocky as it is, has been exercised no farther away than my arms can reach.

I'd rather be a good person, and a good person of faith when I'm not completely racked with doubt, by trying to give an "unfortunate" a little piece of mind, a pat on the back. I can do that with a telephone call, an e-mail, or a trip to someone's house.

That is consistent with what I believe constitutes being a decent person, religious or not.

Lining some already wealthy guy's pockets ain't got shit to do with any God I ever imagined. And kicking someone when they're down...*shakes head*. I have no use for that ilk.

[Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi]

I'm wondering this: What ever happened to that "A rich person has as much of a chance getting into heaven as a camel through the eye of a needle" stuff?

[kojikun]

I want to start a religion just for the benefits. But then put the "donations" to real causes not towards 500k cars. Then I can point at the selfish and greedy christians and make them look bad! HAH!

[jegs2]

I work as an usher at an auditorium and I get a wide variety of assignments. Today I had to usher a church service from 7:30 am till 3:45 pm. I won't go into details of the service, except to say that the minister drove a $500,000 Bentley. That conveys all relavent information about the church right there.

...

You know, I've heard about these so called "Moderate Christian" churches in which the members are NOT idiotic morons (at best). One of these days, I will have to FIND one of these churches and attend a service, since every single church service I had to usher has turned out to be utter crap with both the contents of the sermons, and the general ease of ushering the patrons. Right now I'm pretty much convinced though that these churches don't exist.

I'd check on a Calvary Chapel if I were you. Here is a link to the church my wife and I attend:
http://www.calvarychapel.com/olympia/
To be sure, it's still a judgment call, and I've been to Calvary Chapels that I had no wish to go to again. An interesting aside is that Calvary Chapel doesn't use ushers to collect money. We have what are called "Agape Boxes" outside of the santuary where people can drop in money as they feel led. You also cannot obtain membership in a Calvary Chapel, although you can serve as an usher, greeting person, teacher or other forms of service, as you feel led. The church also has elected deacons.

[Queeb Salaron]

I want to start a religion just for the benefits. But then put the "donations" to real causes not towards 500k cars. Then I can point at the selfish and greedy christians and make them look bad! HAH!

Umm... why start a religion? Just start a charity. Hell, the Christians (the elusive moderate ones, anyway) might even give donations! Think of the irony!

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[jegs2]

I'm wondering this: What ever happened to that "A rich person has as much of a chance getting into heaven as a camel through the eye of a needle" stuff?

It's still quite valid, although it was a shocking statement for the day. Jews considered great wealth a gift of God. Therefore, in their view, only Jews who were close to God and greatly blessed were endowed with wealth. Jesus said what he did to point out that the rich tend to serve money as a master, and they therefore would find it difficult, if not nearly impossible, to serve Christ instead -- for he said you cannot serve both money and God. The servant of Christ should feel little connection to worldly possessions and wealth, for they amount to nothing in comparison with what is to come. Moreover, those possessions and wealth are both temporary and perishable. Jesus also said, "Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." That reinforces what he said of the rich man and his difficulty in obtaining salvation. His treasure is in the things of this world and the riches that can be obtained therein (not to mention maintaining those possessions and wealth at all cost), rather than in service to Jesus, which is to be based on selflessness and service to others.

A bit long-winded I know, but I hope that helps clarify things.

[Yogi]

Yay! CEMM (the church that is the subject of this post) has booked my auditorium for the next 12 Sundays. I get to usher EVERY SINGLE ONE of them. Most of them are 7AM to 4PM, but some will run from 7AM to Midnight.

JOY.

Website: http://www.cemm.info/
Apparently, each dollar you give to God (the church) is a dollar that Satan doesn't have, so give as much as possible (minister asked for $100 each).
Also, don't think of money as a means of personal wealth, but as a seed you can plant to recruit more people into the church (hence, why its called the Church of the Final Harvest ).
But they'll help you make money if you buy their tapes which tell you how.
Also, pay for multi-million dollar buildings in cash.

[DPDarkPrimus]

Apparently, each dollar you give to God (the church) is a dollar that Satan doesn't have, so give as much as possible (minister asked for $100 each).

Could you find the exact quote for me, please, as well as the name of the minister who said that? I want to put it in my signature.

[Andrew J.]

Religion was invented by priests so they could have cushy indoor jobs with no heavy lifting.

[Yogi]

Could you find the exact quote for me, please, as well as the name of the minister who said that? I want to put it in my signature.

Unfortunatly, I was hearing it while ushering, so I don't remember the exact quote. I can buy a tape of his sermon . . .

[SyntaxVorlon]

Religion was invented by priests so they could have cushy indoor jobs with no heavy lifting.

No it was invented by farmers and herders who needed to tell there kids something and didn't want to look like the idiots they were. Parents still do this, but now we have fact checking on Google.
It was proliferated and continued by the farmers' kids so they would be able to get nice kushy indoor jobs.
Then they forgot they were kidding for a while.
That's what we call 5000bce-1600ce.
It stands to reason that most of human recorded history has been completed with our collective heads stuck up our butts.

[Hethrir]

Another church you may like, is the Vineyard churches. http://www.vineyardusa.org/churches/churches_index.htm will let you find the nearest one. Vineyard music is IMO the best praise/worship.

[Peregrin Toker]

I will say that I have met many moderate Christian individuals, but I have not seen a moderate Christian church.

What about The Unitarian Church?

From what I've heard about them, they're not only moderate, you may even call them liberal.

[Tosho]

I'd check on a Calvary Chapel if I were you. Here is a link to the church my wife and I attend:
http://www.calvarychapel.com/olympia/
To be sure, it's still a judgment call, and I've been to Calvary Chapel s that I had no wish to go to again. An interesting aside is that Calvary Chapel doesn't use ushers to collect money. We have what are called "Agape Boxes" outside of the santuary where people can drop in money as they feel led. You also cannot obtain membership in a Calvary Chapel , although you can serve as an usher, greeting person, teacher or other forms of service, as you feel led. The church also has elected deacons.

If I may say so, that sounds like a damn good church.

[Superman]

A damn good church! A god danmed good fucking church!

[Jawawithagun]

So lets start the Church of the ISD.

Every single buck you donated goes into research and construction of my personal Star Destroyer. Who wants a Bentley anyway?