Philosophy, Chickens, and Road-Crossing

Post by **Coyote** » 2003-04-15 01:26pm

In order to gauge the condition of contemporary philosophy in society, the age-old question "Why did the Chicken cross the Road?" was submitted to a variety of people from varying backgrounds. Scientists, religious leaders, politicians, businessmen and others returned with the following replies:

Contemporary answers to the age old question.

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

GEORGE W. BUSH

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.

We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of

the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us.

There is no middle ground here.

AL GORE

I invented the chicken. I invented the road.

Therefore, the chicken crossing the road

represented the application of these two different

functions of government in a new, reinvented way

designed to bring greater services to the American people.

COLIN POWELL

Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the

satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

HANZ BLIX

We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we

have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.

MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq ambassador)

The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete

fabrication. We don't even have a chicken.

SADDAM HUSSEIN

This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were

quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RALPH NADER

The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road

had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did

not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because

it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN

To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH

I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but

I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and

I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help

chickens with Crossing-the-Road Syndrome. Can you believe this?

How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the

road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm

talking about your money, money the government took from you to build

roads for chickens to cross.

MARTHA STEWART

No one called to warn me which way that chicken was

going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market

to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No

little bird gave me any insider information.

JERRY FALWELL

Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people

see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going

to the "other side." That's what they call it-the other side.

Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken,

you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we

sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes

with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

DR. SEUSS

Did the chicken cross the road?

Did he cross it with a toad?

Yes, The chicken crossed the road,

But why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY

To die. In the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to

cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA

In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the

road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road,

and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be

listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the

heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of

molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of

crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON

Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

ARISTOTLE

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX

It was an historical inevitability.

VOLTAIRE

I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will

defend to the death its right to do it.

RONALD REAGAN

What chicken?

CAPTAIN KIRK

To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER

You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many

more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

SIGMUND FREUD

The fact that you are at all concerned that the

chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual

insecurity.

BILL GATES

I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross

roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and

balance your checkbook-and Internet Explorer is an

inextricable part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN

Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road

move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do

you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

COLONEL SANDERS

I missed one?

Lord Sander · Post by **Lord Sander** » 2003-04-16 12:04am

LOL!

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-04-16 12:44am

The chicken did not cross the road. Allah be praised. Truly, I can say, there are in fact no chickens. Also, they are committing suicide - if there were chickens, which there are not. Believe me I am only telling you the facts.

Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf

Queeb Salaron · Post by **Queeb Salaron** » 2003-04-16 01:01am

Donald Rumsfeld:

Today is a magenta day, which means there is a extra-moderate chance that somewhere, sometime, a chicken will cross a road. I just don't know when... or where... or how. Start stockpiling duct tape and sheet plastic, and fire up the hibachi.

EmperorMing · Post by **EmperorMing** » 2003-04-16 02:00am

LOL!!!

Good twist on an oldie.

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2003-04-16 02:29pm

DARTH WONG

To have anal with the hen.

jegs2 · Post by **jegs2** » 2003-04-16 02:34pm

ERNEST HEMINGWAY

To die. In the rain. Alone.

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