Great quotes

[Darth Wong]

Put yer quotes here!

If Jesus Christ were to come today, people would not even crucify him. They would ask him to dinner, and hear what he had to say, and make fun of it.

There seems to be a terrible misunderstanding on the part of a great many people to the effect that when you cease to believe you may cease to behave.

I believe because it is impossible.

If the concept of God has any validity or use, it can only be to make us larger, freer, and more loving. If God cannot do this, then it is time we got rid of Him.

One religion is as true as another.

When your ladyship's faith has removed them, I will go thither with all my heart.

Christian Science explains all cause and effect as mental, not physical.

The whole religious complexion of the modern world is due to the absence from Jerusalem of a lunatic asylum.

The religions we call false were once true.

Religion is an illusion and it derives its strength from the fact that it falls in with our instinctual desires.

There exists no politician in India daring enough to explain to the masses that cows can be eaten.

The various modes of worship, which prevailed in the Roman world, were all considered by the people as equally true; by the philosopher as equally false; and by the magistrate as equally useful. And thus toleration produced not only mutual indulgence, but even religious concord.

To become a popular religion, it is only necessary for a superstition to enslave a philosophy.

Man is quite insane. He wouldn't know how to create a maggot, yet he creates Gods by the dozen.

If triangles invented a god, they would make him three-sided

I have been into many of the ancient cathedrals- grand, wonderful, mysterious. But I always leave them with a feeling of indignation because of the generations of human beings who have struggled in poverty to build these altars to the unknown god.

Lord, I ascribe it to Thy Grace
And not to chance, as others do,
That I was born of Christian race,
And not a Heathen, or a Jew.

Why do born-again people so often make you wish they'd never been born the first time?

So many gods, so many creeds,
So many paths that wind and wind,
While just the art of being kind
Is all the sad world needs.

The Ethiopians say that their gods are snub-nosed and black, the Thracians that theirs have light blue eyes and red hair.

The Christian glorifies in the death of a pagan because thereby Christ himself is glorified.

He who begins by loving Christianity better than Truth will proceed by loving his own sect or church better than Christianity, and end by loving Himself better than all.

No kingdom has ever had as many civil wars as the kingdom of Christ.

Christianity accepted as given a metaphysical system derived from several already existing and mutually incompatible systems.

Had the Bible been in clear straightforward language, had the ambiguities and contradictions been edited out, and had the language been constantly modernised to accord with contemporary taste it would almost certainly have been, or become, a work of lesser influence.

There's a Bible on that shelf there. But I keep it next to Voltaire- poison and antidote.

As society is now constituted, a literal adherence to the moral precepts scattered throughout the Gospels would mean sudden death.

Wandering in a vast forest at night, I have only a faint light to guide me. A stranger appears and says to me: "My friend, you should blow out your candle in order to find your way more clearly." This stranger is a theologian.

I have no need of that hypothesis.

The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.

Heaven, as conventionally conceived, is a place so inane, so dull, so useless, so miserable, that nobody has ever ventured to describe a whole day in heaven, though plenty of people have described a day at the seaside.

I know I am God because when I pray to Him, I find I am talking to myself.

Isn't God a shit.

God is the immemorial refuge of the incompetent, the helpless, the miserable. They find not only sanctuary in His arms, but also a kind of superiority, soothing to their macerated egos; He will set them above their betters.

If God made us in His image, we have certainly returned the compliment.

Just in case you're looking for something fun to put in your sig.

[Priesto]

I've heard this many times, it's very funny. "The Devil made me do it" Quote by IDIOT ANONAYMOUS

[Darth Wong]

I've heard this many times, it's very funny. "The Devil made me do it" Quote by IDIOT ANONAYMOUS

Of course, Priesto is too stupid to realize that one must believe in the Devil in order to utter that particular idiocy.

[Priesto]

could you point out the stupidity my good man?

[CorSec]

If God made us in His image, we have certainly returned the compliment.

Though many of those quotes are noteworthy, that's my favorite of the bunch.

The 'stupidity' is that one must believe in a devil in order for it to have influence. I'm sure you can understand it but your world view paradigm being what it is doesn't allow you to realize the thought in your personal life.

[Priesto]

If God made us in His image, we have certainly returned the compliment.

Though many of those quotes are noteworthy, that's my favorite of the bunch.

The 'stupidity' is that one must believe in a devil in order for it to have influence. I'm sure you can understand it but your world view paradigm being what it is doesn't allow you to realize the thought in your personal life.

Sorry, but the Devil can't make anyone do anything in the first place.It doesn't matter if you don't believe in the Devil.Just like God exists whether you believe it or not.Temptations arise from the Devil...,or not( in your mind).

[Darth Wong]

Hey Priesto, surf to:

http://www.winternet.com/~mikelr/flame63.html

This guy looks an awful lot like you.

[CorSec]

Nevermind that the devil cannot do anything except at the behest and with the permission of god.

Instead of 'the devil made me do it,' one can say 'god told the devil to make me do it.'

Either way, we are but pawns in their game of subjection and domination. Personally, I think the devil is the better choice. At he doesn't demand that we love him and obey him, threatening eternal damnation for not doing as he commands. If indeed god's ego is so easily bruised then perhaps someone should put him in time-out until he can play nicely with his creation. Personally, I think god and the devil are in cahoots. They travel from planet to planet making the sentient inhabitants crazy with their divine inspirations and eternal torments. They're probably on the other side of the galaxy right now laughing about how we've turned out.

[aerius]

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.

-- George Bernard Shaw


'The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new
discoveries, is not "Eureka!" ("I found it!") but rather "hmm....that's
funny..."' -- Isaac Asimov


"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf."
George Orwell


The conclusive proof of my reasoning is the fact that I shall cut anyone who argues further into dogmeat.

-Sir Geoffrey De Tourneville



You can get much further with a kind word and a gun then you can with just a kind word.

-Al Capone.


'"Violence only leads to more violence."
This one is so stupid you usually have to be the president of an Ivy League university to say it. Here's the truth, which you know in your heads and hearts already: Ineffective, unfocused violence leads to more violence. Limp, panicky, half-measures lead to more violence. However, complete, fully-thought-through, professional, well- executed violence never leads to more violence because, you see, afterwards, the other guys are all dead.That's right, dead. Not "on trial," not "reeducated," not "nurtured back into the bosom of love." Dead. D-E-Well, you get the idea.'

Gen. (USAF-Ret) Richard E. Hawley

[Tsyroc]

"


'"Violence only leads to more violence."
This one is so stupid you usually have to be the president of an Ivy League university to say it. Here's the truth, which you know in your heads and hearts already: Ineffective, unfocused violence leads to more violence. Limp, panicky, half-measures lead to more violence. However, complete, fully-thought-through, professional, well- executed violence never leads to more violence because, you see, afterwards, the other guys are all dead.That's right, dead. Not "on trial," not "reeducated," not "nurtured back into the bosom of love." Dead. D-E-Well, you get the idea.'

Gen. (USAF-Ret) Richard E. Hawley

Didn't Lt. Razak say something similar during Ricco's high school class in Starship Troopers?

[C.S.Strowbridge]

Just like God exists whether you believe it or not.

You realize the Bible does make some testable claims, right? Maybe we should test some of these claims.

Leviticus 26:14 - 16
"'But if you will not listen to me and carry out all these commands, and if you reject my decrees and abhor my laws and fail to carry out all my commands and so violate my covenant, then I will do this to you:"

Before we get to the punishment let me be very clear, I refuse to listen to your god, I will not carry out his commands, I reject his decrees and abhor his laws, and doing so I violate his covenant. And I have done so for many, many years. So what should have happened to me?

- I will bring upon you sudden terror, wasting diseases and fever that will destroy your sight and drain away your life.

Nope, hasn't happened.

- You will plant seed in vain, because your enemies will eat it.

I assume they mean kids, in which case I don't have any.

- I will set my face against you so that you will be defeated by your enemies;

Again, this hasn't happened. I live in a free society.

- those who hate you will rule over you,

Does Jean Chrétien count? Didn't think so.

- and you will flee even when no one is pursuing you.

Flee? Fat chance.

- "'If after all this you will not listen to me, I will punish you for your sins seven times over.

Still not listening and the above hasn't happened once, let alone seven times.

- I will break down your stubborn pride

Nope.

- and make the sky above you like iron and the ground beneath you like bronze.

Hmm, it's an overcast day and my lawn is brown cause I refuse to water it. Iron is gray, bronze is brown. Is that close enough?

- Your strength will be spent in vain, because your soil will not yield its crops, nor will the trees of the land yield their fruit.

I don't have a farm, not even a garden. Keep meaning to start one.

- "'If you remain hostile toward me and refuse to listen to me,

Still hostile, still not listening.

- I will multiply your afflictions seven times over, as your sins deserve.

Is that seven times seven? Or is your god just being redundant?

- I will send wild animals against you, and they will rob you of your children, destroy your cattle and make you so few in number that your roads will be deserted.

Hmm, I've got racoons raiding my garbage cans. But that's about it.

- "'If in spite of these things you do not accept my correction but continue to be hostile toward me,

YES! I'm still hostile, and your empty threats are not helping your cause.

- I myself will be hostile toward you and will afflict you for your sins seven times over.

Ok, either your god is the Rain Man of deities, (seven times, definitely seven times) or we're up to almost 350 times the punishment. Since I wasn't punished the first time, and 350 times 0 equals 0, I'm not scared.

- And I will bring the sword upon you to avenge the breaking of the covenant.

Again, no invasion here.

- When you withdraw into your cities, I will send a plague among you, and you will be given into enemy hands.

No withdrawl, no plague, no enemies.

- When I cut off your supply of bread, ten women will be able to bake your bread in one oven, and they will dole out the bread by weight. You will eat, but you will not be satisfied.

I will eat but not be satisfied. Hmmm, ok, this one came true.

- "'If in spite of this you still do not listen to me but continue to be hostile toward me, then in my anger I will be hostile toward you, and I myself will punish you for your sins seven times over.

I bet if they cut all the redunancy out of the bible is would only be half as long.

- You will eat the flesh of your sons and the flesh of your daughters.

No kids, so I can't eat them.

- I will destroy your high places, cut down your incense altars

I have none of those.

- and pile your dead bodies on the lifeless forms of your idols, and I will abhor you.

No idols, but no dead bodies either.

- I will turn your cities into ruins and lay waste your sanctuaries,

2 million people live in the GVRD, it could hardly be considered a ruin.

- and I will take no delight in the pleasing aroma of your offerings.

If I abhor your god why would I make offerings to him?

- I will lay waste the land, so that your enemies who live there will be appalled.

And now your god is annoying my enemies.

- I will scatter you among the nations and will draw out my sword and pursue you. Your land will be laid waste, and your cities will lie in ruins.

No, no, no and no. 0 for 4, that's pathetic.

- Then the land will enjoy its sabbath years all the time that it lies desolate and you are in the country of your enemies; then the land will rest and enjoy its sabbaths. All the time that it lies desolate, the land will have the rest it did not have during the sabbaths you lived in it.

Since I didn't leave the land can't rest.

- "'As for those of you who are left, I will make their hearts so fearful in the lands of their enemies that the sound of a windblown leaf will put them to flight.

Ha! I've never fleed in my life. Too much like exercise.

- They will run as though fleeing from the sword, and they will fall, even though no one is pursuing them. They will stumble over one another as though fleeing from the sword, even though no one is pursuing them. So you will not be able to stand before your enemies. You will perish among the nations; the land of your enemies will devour you. Those of you who are left will waste away in the lands of their enemies because of their sins; also because of their fathers' sins they will waste away.

No, no, no, no, no, no, and no. 0 for 7. Vagas must love this guy.

[Crazy_Vasey]

Wow a truly loving god indeed

[CorSec]

your god is the Rain Man of deities, (seven times, definitely seven times)

This could explain the demise of K-Mart, you know.

[Durandal]

So, I've been praying to Joe for about a year now, and I've noticed something. Of all the prayers I used to offer to God and of all the prayers that I now offer to Joe Pesci, they're being answered at about the same 50% rate. Sometimes I get what I want. Sometimes I don't.

-George Carlin

[Alferd Packer]

See my sig.

[The Yosemite Bear]

One I think relates well to ASVS, and my Work enviornment

"...Not for everybody, for madmen only."-Herman Hesse

[Andrew J.]

I've got a good one for whenever someone retreads Pascal's Wager:

"...the Quirmian philosopher Ventre, who said, 'Possibly the gods exist and possibly they do not. So why not believe in them in any case? If it's all true you'll go to a lovely place when you die, and if it isn't then you've lost nothing, right?' When he died he woke up in a circle of gods holding nasty-looking sticks and one of them said 'We're going to show you what we think of Mr. Clever Dick in these parts...'"-Terry Pratchett,
Hogfather.

[Wicked Pilot]

Don't be a fool and die for your country. Let the other sonofabitch die for his. (attributed)

I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.

Avoid having your ego so close to your position that when your position falls, your ego goes with it.

Just think of the tragedy of teaching children not to doubt.

All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time. (attributed)

You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.

Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.

The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just.

Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.

The most basic assumption about the world is that it does not contradict itself.

Keep firing, Assholes!

[Chris OFarrell]

See my sig for my quote. It cracked me up the first time I saw it and I just HAD to grab it, in only a few words it shows just how funny the bible is.

[aerius]

"Laws that forbid the carrying of arms... disarm only those who are neither inclined nor determined to commit crimes... Such laws make things worse for the assaulted and better for the assailants; they serve rather to encourage than to prevent homicides, for an unarmed man may be attacked with greater confidence than an armed man."

- Thomas Jefferson


"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
-- Benjamin Franklin



"If you honestly believe it's reprehensible to possess the means and will to use lethal force to repel a criminal assault . . . How can you rightfully expect another human being to risk his life to protect yours?"

Quote from "Nation of Cowards" by Jeff Snyder

[SirNitram]

From Terry Prachett's Small Gods, which has spurned an odd theory on divinity from myself.

One day, a tortoise will learn how to fly.

These are the small gods, the spirit of places where two anttrails cross, the gods of microclimates down between the grass roots. And most of them stay that way. Because what they lack is belief.

And all this goes to prove is that there are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot be duplicated by a normal, kindly family man who just goes into work every day and has a job to do.

Hrm, explains British Rail right there.

When people actually get off their knees and stand up, they are often disoriented by the sudden flow of blood to the brain.

..Mankind's tendency to bend at the knee.

V.II. I like the one about not killing. Has a good ring to it.
V.III. Now hurry up, I've got some smiting to do.
"No. No smiting. No commandmants unleash you obey them too."
I.X You order me? Here? NOW?
"No. I ask."
X. That's worse than ordering.

YOU HAVE HEARD THE PHRASE, HELL IS OTHER PEOPLE?
"Yes. Yes, of course."
IN TIME, YOU WILL LEARN THAT IS WRONG.

And one from Feet Of Clay.

"Being Free Is Like Having The Top Of Your Head Open."

[His Divine Shadow]

Grate qutoes!
http://www.daltonator.net/fuq/quotes.html

[Lusankya]

First there was The Word, and the Fundamentalists misunderstood it.

1st Rule of Creationism: Claim evidence then quietly slip away
2nd Rule of Creationism: Lying for the Lord is okay.
3rd Rule of Creationism: Never acknowledge your demonstrated errors.
4th Rule of Creationism: Whenever possible, use hyperbole.
5th Rule of Creationism: Never answer questions that you can avoid.
6th Rule of Creationism: Improvise...make things up as you go along.
7th Rule of Creationism: Interpret challenge as a personal insult.
8th Rule of Creationism: No evidence? Quote authorities!
9th Rule of Creationism: Build and burn strawmen as often as possible
10th Rule of Creationism: Ignore those who show you're ignorant.
11th Rule of Creationism: Always appear to know more than you do.
12th Rule of Creationism: Shift the burden of proof to your critics.
13th Rule of Creationism: Hit and run (known as "The Brannan Rule")

[Tebrak'aun]

My favourite but I don't know who said it is

You are the architect of your own imprisonment so in laymans terms it's all in your fucking head!

[Anarchist Bunny]

This may not be exact wording but...

The greatest evil in this world is ignorance"