Boy-related: Gah! SO CONFUSED!!!!!!

[Spanky The Dolphin]

Love works in it's own ways, IP.

[Zaia]

Ok, so, there's this guy that I've recently fallen in love with who I've only gotten to know over the past couple months.

Isn't it a little soon to be in love with the kid?

You know, IP, I thought the same thing myself, but there's no denying to myself what this is. I've only felt it one other time before, and that lasted for five and a half years even though I tried to shake it after one. I'm not happy that I'm in love with him, but I'm sure that's what's going on. On my end, anyway.

Over the past couple months, we've talked about just about everything under the sun: our own personal insecurities, our religious views and those of our families, favourite actors, comedians, movies, TV shows, music, personal philosophies on life, arguments for and against the existence of God, family issues, how we both have a hard time saying 'no' to people because we want to help (and the subsequent problems that leads to), favourite video games, cars, work-related problems/concerns, how people tend to take advantage of us, how we were raised differently, opportunities here in the U.S. vs. opportunities in Australia (he told me that anything I'm looking for I could find here in "previously unexplored avenues"), overall stress and how it makes our social lives practically non-existent, where we see ourselves a few years in the future and how that's different from where we think we'll be in a few years' time...

There's more, but I don't want to bore you.

And that doesn't encompass all the "You love ____ too? I can't believe that--it's my all time-favourite!!"s that we've said to one another, about all kinds of random things. I can laugh with him about Eddie Izzard as easily as I can discuss what I believe happens after death. I feel like he's another piece of me that I didn't know I was missing until I found him.

[CRUCIBLE]

You have two choices...

-The step-by-step one which should involve physical contact (sounds stupid huh?) and words of encouragment towards him (i guess he needs it).

-The extreme way. Kiss him (not on the cheek).


Realize that both ways will lead to the same conclusion. One is just faster than the other.

Remember, a rejection DOES NOT mean that you two cant be friends anymore! But beware if this should happen (i really dont hope). Take some time to get your mind clear and to know for yourself that YOU want to hold ths friendship up. It can be a pain should you really love him (My experience, i dont fear hell anymore after this).

Michael is right. if you both feel the same way, one of you will sooner or later take the first step. But men are just...well...a..bit...slow...
It could take ages.

I was in a quiet similar situation, till she kissed me, heck i needed some minutes to realize what that meant (and i looked like a complete idiot in that, her saying at least ).

btw, sorry for my bad spelling

[Durandal]

I say try the whole Durandal laying on the shoulder angle. It's soothing and calming and has little persay in getting skittish, also with verbal he's going to probably get a bit more confident since that too takes some without ending up tongue-tied.

That's more for the guy to do, but whatever, as long as I get royalties.

[Anarchist Bunny]

I'm probly like this guy, unfortunatly the only girl I've really gotten close to was raped 6 times by her father and completed unwilling to go into a commitment.

[Zaia]

I'm probly like this guy, unfortunatly the only girl I've really gotten close to was raped 6 times by her father and completed unwilling to go into a commitment.

Jeeeeeeeeeeezus.....

I can't even imagine.....

[Anarchist Bunny]

Oh, BTW, I know how you feel, I've fucked up three potiential relationships(well, 1, the other two are theoretically still their, but I'm to shy to act on it) by ignoring confusing signals, waiting for something more concrete. I say just do it, you'll feel better in the long run if you do.

[Zaia]

Thanks, anarchistbunny, I might just do that.....I hope.....


And thank you too, Crucible. I didn't think your spelling was bad enough to apologize for, though. Welcome to SD.net.


Durandal, I'll be sure to have Brian send you a check or something if it all works out.....

[Captain Cyran]

Tell us what happens, I'm definately curious on this.

[CRUCIBLE]

anarchistbunny, do not hesitate!

Be sure about what YOU want and act accordingly.

Life is too short to "wait" for "signals". If you think there is something then try it.
Heck, one thing i have learned is that nothing (NOTHING) is served on a silver plate (at least for me).

Well, ok, my GF maybe (but she acted, so lets call that destiny )

[Hotfoot]

I've been in a situation like this before, only the girl got really ill and had to withdraw from the college I'm at now, go back home, and transfer to another college there. I seriously think I fucked up the timing of everything anyway. Now, I haven't seen her since school started this year.

Here's my funny little twist though. I shy away from physical contact. I don't do group hugs, and I'm overly self-concious of personal space, especially where the opposite gender is concerned. In other words, I give off all the wrong signals.

My advice is this: be direct, but not blunt. I know that I personally lose any objectivity I may have when in that type of position. I've also been jerked around a lot when I was younger, so I tend to be overly paranoid at times. Just state what the situation is and what you want it to be able to become. Be as clear and concise as you can. Subtlety does not and will not work here, and only adds tension and frustration for both parties concerned.

Good luck, Zaia, I hope things turn out well for you.

[Zaia]

Tell us what happens, I'm definately curious on this.

Indeed I will, O Captain My Captain...no matter what the result is.

[Captain Cyran]

Tell us what happens, I'm definately curious on this.

Indeed I will, O Captain My Captain...no matter what the result is.

*Pulls out his non-existant cell phone.*

Yep, I'm gonna need lots of balloons...uh huh, yeah. No, I won't need condolance cards this time

[Zaia]

*Pulls out his non-existant cell phone.*

Yep, I'm gonna need lots of balloons...uh huh, yeah. No, I won't need condolance cards this time

*hugs* Thanks for the optimism, I need it...

[Captain Cyran]

*Pulls out his non-existant cell phone.*

Yep, I'm gonna need lots of balloons...uh huh, yeah. No, I won't need condolance cards this time

*hugs* Thanks for the optimism, I need it...

That's my job in life. Too bad it's not a paying job.

[aphexmonster]

I hate love... if i even feel the slightest hint of it comming on now... i turn tail and haul ass the other direction. For your case, i hope you embrace it with open arms

[Illuminatus Primus]

I can laugh with him about Eddie Izzard as easily as I can discuss what I believe happens after death. I feel like he's another piece of me that I didn't know I was missing until I found him.

A girl isn't complete without knowing of Eddie.

[haas mark]

Well.. talking to him will be best... and honestly, I think that you can do it. May take some time, but I think that he's feeling something for you, and doesn't know how to express it so he's backing off because he's afraid of hurting you or going too fast.

[Gil Hamilton]

It sounds like you've got quite a catch there Zaia. Get him into the boat and whack him with a paddle, because I've seen it a dozen times, waiting too long can land you in the Friends Zone, which is a suburb of Sucksville.

[Boba Fett]

Ok, so, there's this guy that I've recently fallen in love with who I've only gotten to know over the past couple months. He takes me out on pseudo-dates but he hasn't kissed me and we haven't discussed dating, so we're not dating. We're 'friends.' I guess. Anyway, sometimes he acts like we're together (doing things like rubbing my back and playing with my hair while he's talking to me, in public or when it's just the two of us), and he says sweet things and is kind, thoughtful, etc...and we're so similar that it's almost like he's the male version of me. He's referred to us as "Frick & Frack," because, well...yeah. There's just so much of me that's the same or that identifies with him, it scares me how alike we are.

The problem is, sometimes he stops doing that stuff like he's thinking "Oh my gosh, what was I doing? She might think I like her or something!" and then he switches to 'buddy-mode' and I feel like I've been gipped. Why would he play with my hair one minute, and then--gah. I don't know. And as far as I know, he's not gay. He....I......argh. Why?

I know the only way to really know is to talk with him about it, but I'm so scared to do that. I'm so afraid this isn't what I hope it is...you know?



I'm so frustrated right now, I want to curl up in a ball and cry.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!!!



Sorry, just needed to vent. If you have any insights, PLEASE clue me in.

I know this kind of situation since I'm quite similar to that guy.
If you accept my help I'll try to describe what's going in the boy's mind...

I'd bet on it that you feel like you know each other for decades, although you only know each other for a couple of months.

These types of person are very sensitive and emphatetic.
He seems to be "open" by all the time but his deepest emotions still remain a mistery to you...and to tell the truth your deepest emotions are a mistery too him as well.

The problem is that he thinks "too much" (I hope you get it?! ) and tends too create "what if" theories.
That makes him unsure about the situation with you. I think he feels the same about you and with other girls there won't be any problem but with the ONE he really wants something serious...it always goes hard.

He shows you signs of interest -by playing with your hair- but a bit shy to go on.

I think he had some "damage" from previous encounters -with other girls- and he became too cautious, not to let his heart break one more time.

I suggest you to take the initiative. He won't.

If you can bring the "pearl" out of it's shell, you can have a very passionate relationship and you will find a REAL friend also.

Good luck Zaia!

Ps: Don't worry, if this matter is cleared up then everything will go smooothly!!!

[Edi]

He's probably petrified of being rejected, I know, having been there many enough times. Let him know how you feel. There's been lots of good advice here already. But if yyou're not willing to risk being hurt, you won't gain anything. You know, like I've said about life and dreams, even should it give you scars....

I'll get back to this on tuesday, I'll be off the net except for a few minutes a day until then. Besides, it'd be good to know more. (hint, hint: Mail Call...)

Good luck, darling!

Edi

[Pcm979]

My opinion stands on my belief that women overTHINK these kinds of things, whereas men tend to overPLAN these kinds of things.

This brings back memories of "Secret Santa" stuff in school... One person never found the presents!

[mantakai]

well it looks like you have all the advice you could need, so how about some friendly encouragement i mean, how could a guy possibly turn you down zaia good luck to you, then again you dont need luck cause you are a shoe in

[Zaia]

I know this kind of situation since I'm quite similar to that guy. If you accept my help I'll try to describe what's going in the boy's mind...

I'd bet on it that you feel like you know each other for decades, although you only know each other for a couple of months.

I know that I feel that way...

These types of person are very sensitive and emphatetic.

Yes yes yes! I believe he's the only guy I know that has real empathy, something that is a HUGE part of me. It was really important to my parents during my upbringing, and we were talking about empathy and how other people don't have it and how frustrating that is, and I said, "Maybe it was just how I was raised, but--" and he cut me off to say, "Well, I don't know how you were raised, but I'll bet it was exactly the same as the way I was raised."

He seems to be "open" by all the time but his deepest emotions still remain a mistery to you...and to tell the truth your deepest emotions are a mistery too him as well.

*sighs* Ok...

The problem is that he thinks "too much" (I hope you get it?! ) and tends too create "what if" theories.

Yes, I get it all too well, for I do the same thing.

That makes him unsure about the situation with you. I think he feels the same about you and with other girls there won't be any problem but with the ONE he really wants something serious...it always goes hard.

The 'one' as in 'forever and ever' the 'one'?

He shows you signs of interest -by playing with your hair- but a bit shy to go on.

Yes, he's insecure because he's a little bit smaller than most guys (he's 5'7" and I'm 5'9"), and I know he's constantly thinking about it because he randomly brings it up all the time. For anyone who remembers previous posts of mine, I'm not a tiny woman--definitely voluptuos and curvy--and I'm sure I must weigh more than he does. This only complicates things, as I worry that he doesn't like me because I'm not miniscule, and for all I know, he might worry that he isn't manly enough for me.

I think he had some "damage" from previous encounters -with other girls- and he became too cautious, not to let his heart break one more time.

Could be. Like I said about the height/weight thing, he's ALWAYS aware that he's smaller than most guys and quite a few women (including me), and I guess that makes him feel less manly...? Which is why I get insecure...

I suggest you to take the initiative. He won't.

*moan of apprehension* Grrrrreat.

If you can bring the "pearl" out of it's shell, you can have a very passionate relationship and you will find a REAL friend also.

Which is exactly what I want. *takes deep breath*

Good luck Zaia!

Ps: Don't worry, if this matter is cleared up then everything will go smooothly!!!

*kisses cheek* Thanks, darlin', I appreciate it.

Oh, and thank you, mantakai--a little encouragement is always lovely. Especially the shoe-in part. *grins*

[Darth Fanboy]

I'm 5'9"

Lucky Guy, I'm always dating these tiny girls who are 5'2"-5'4" and weigh next to nothing. If its any consolation he doesn't know what he's missing out on. And if your taste in music is any indicator, then he REALLY doesn't know.

Ah well, I can't really give any good advice since im on the other side of the gender barrier. But wishing good luck is always appropriate in these situations ja?