Stay or Leave?

Alex Moon · Post by **Alex Moon** » 2003-04-20 04:28am

My question is, you find out that your significant other had/was cheating on you. They confess when confronted and promise that it will never happen again. Your family and friends are encouraging you to go into counsoling but stay together. So, would you stay with this person or would you leave them? For that matter, should anyone ever stay with a significant other who has cheated on them?

Companion Cube · Post by **Companion Cube** » 2003-04-20 04:31am

I think that whoever this is should stay with their significant other, if only to give them a chance to shape up. If they are genuinely sorry, (as this partner might well have been because he/she confessed) then it might be a good idea to give them another chance.

salm · Post by **salm** » 2003-04-20 04:34am

go for the open relationship. she fucks around, you do the same and everybody´s happy

The Duchess of Zeon · Post by **The Duchess of Zeon** » 2003-04-20 04:35am

Alex Moon wrote:My question is, you find out that your significant other had/was cheating on you. They confess when confronted and promise that it will never happen again. Your family and friends are encouraging you to go into counsoling but stay together. So, would you stay with this person or would you leave them? For that matter, should anyone ever stay with a significant other who has cheated on them?

Well, that does speak pretty poorly of someone's personality (if it's an actual case of cheating). OTOH, anyone has the theoretical potential for change. They have to want to change, though, and determining that desire - well, that's never going to be an easy question? That's all that can really be said..

Knife · Post by **Knife** » 2003-04-20 04:41am

There is a serious lack of info to make a judgment here. Off the top of my head, I DEMAND loyalty. But depending on the circumstances (married, kids, social status, other) one could make an allowance and try to work things out.

Sokar · Post by **Sokar** » 2003-04-20 04:42am

They are out the fucking door, the same night! Cheating is one of thoes things that I really cannot tolerate, as it basically invalidates your entire relationship from day one. If you want a relationship fine , have one, if you want to bounce from bed to bed, cool, but never should these two things mix. If your not happy , or want something your partner cannot provide for you then at least have the decency to say so and leave, but dont torture your self and your partner by shattering their trust in you in addition to raking them over a set of emotional coals.

Post by **Vympel** » 2003-04-20 05:17am

Screw that. She cheats on me, I'm out, period.

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-04-20 05:26am

It depends on the situation.

If I really did love this person, I'd feel obligated to myself to try and keep the relationship.

Major argument, bashing out of the issues until whatever caused the infidelity is identifed and solved

Sokar · Post by **Sokar** » 2003-04-20 05:34am

innerbrat wrote:It depends on the situation.

If I really did love this person, I'd feel obligated to myself to try and keep the relationship.

Major argument, bashing out of the issues until whatever caused the infidelity is identifed and solved

Even though there is no basis for trust any longer ? And by their actions they have just emphatically , and with eiether set of genitalia, proven that they DO NOT love you , you would still give them a chance ?

I say begone with them , the hurt will fade in time and you will not be opening yourself up to further betrayal and damage.

I guess Im just not a forgiving person, nor do I deal lightly with thoes who betray me.

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-04-20 05:35am

Two words if this happens to me:

later bitch.

Love is not an obligation to suffer for someone else. Fuck that.

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-04-20 05:37am

Sokar wrote:
innerbrat wrote:It depends on the situation.

If I really did love this person, I'd feel obligated to myself to try and keep the relationship.

Major argument, bashing out of the issues until whatever caused the infidelity is identifed and solved
Even though there is no basis for trust any longer ? And by their actions they have just emphatically , and with eiether set of genitalia, proven that they DO NOT love you , you would still give them a chance ?

I say begone with them , the hurt will fade in time and you will not be opening yourself up to further betrayal and damage.

I guess Im just not a forgiving person, nor do I deal lightly with thoes who betray me.

So what if this is just a drunken mistake, and/or a cry for attention?
With any problem, you need to address the cause.
I'm not very forgiving, either, but 'm not going to let someone else's stupid mistake ruin my life forever.

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-04-20 05:43am

Drunken Mistake or attention cry it may be I cannot possibly want to be with someone who has hurt me like that. Its just my nature im a vengeful fuck whoholds grudges, its not healthy , I know it, but I dont care.

Sokar · Post by **Sokar** » 2003-04-20 05:47am

innerbrat wrote: So what if this is just a drunken mistake, and/or a cry for attention?
With any problem, you need to address the cause.
I'm not very forgiving, either, but 'm not going to let someone else's stupid mistake ruin my life forever.

Drunken mistake = NO SUCH THING! Not to mention a bullshit "Its not my fault dear , I was drunk and slipped and fell on his dick 145 times" self serving excuse try and cover up the fact that THEY fucked up, and now its time to pay the piper.

All ofthis is bs Its not my fault" , or "If you paid more attention to me" excuses all designed to project blame for their own actions onto someone else. God forbid they should acknowledge their own pesonal responsibility for their actions.

How is it ruining your life, it may ruin theirs, but as the person who was cheated on , they have shown you their true colors , and potentially saved you years of time and thousands of dollars you might have wasted on a scrap of rat excrememt masquerading as a person.

Cheaters are scum, they will do it again , and the longer you put up with it , the more painful the eventual break up will be.

Post by **haas mark** » 2003-04-20 05:54am

I would leave in an instant, even though I'd still be the one hurt more by that action alone.

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2003-04-20 11:45am

It depends on the situation. There are a whole lot of factors that would go into my decision that aren't explained in this situation.

In general I'd leave them but it'll deoend on the situation.

BrYaN19kc · Post by **BrYaN19kc** » 2003-04-20 12:44pm

Cheating - not an option! Out they go, or out I go. Not only is there the hurt, the lost of trust, and obvious stress on the relationship, these days there are also STD's and all that nasty stuff.

kojikun · Post by **kojikun** » 2003-04-20 12:47pm

since im a slut, i'd ask why i wasnt invited. me and my boyfriend already have an agreement: no sleeping around unless we both get it.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-04-20 12:55pm

Easy to say "I'm outta here", but what if you have kids? Do you destroy the family even if your wife is begging you to give her another chance? Condemn them to a life of weekend visitations and multiple simultaneous home addresses and profound mistrust of the other gender?

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2003-04-20 01:29pm

Depends completely on the situation.

If this was some regular relationship...not marriage, no children, nothing...I'm outta here.

Marriage though of itself is different given the level of commitment...and I would warrant a second chance(maybe it was a fluke or a mistake) and I'm not so easily going to toss away.

Now with Kids, I would try virtually everything for the simple fact I do not want my children to grow up in an enviroment of a broken family and definitly warrants a look-see of what is the problem truly(was it a one stand or symptomatic of something far worse)

salm · Post by **salm** » 2003-04-20 01:30pm

Darth Wong wrote:Easy to say "I'm outta here", but what if you have kids? Do you destroy the family even if your wife is begging you to give her another chance? Condemn them to a life of weekend visitations and multiple simultaneous home addresses and profound mistrust of the other gender?

it really depends on. if you can cope with cheating and find a solution you stay together with her. if you can´t cope with it you leave her. it´s better for the kids to grow up with a single parent than with two parents who permanently fight.
they´ll notice that you´re only together because of them.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-04-20 01:45pm

Alex Moon wrote:My question is, you find out that your significant other had/was cheating on you. They confess when confronted and promise that it will never happen again. Your family and friends are encouraging you to go into counsoling but stay together. So, would you stay with this person or would you leave them? For that matter, should anyone ever stay with a significant other who has cheated on them?

hahahahah, no. Ive put up with that shit once before, and it was not worth it. Im quite foward when we start dating. you cheat on me, I never speak to you again.

Ive held to that one, btw.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-04-20 02:17pm

If they did it once you can never trust them again, Leave.

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2003-04-20 03:05pm

If there's no kids, she's out the fucking door. I've seen guys who accept the excuses and give their women a "second chance" after they've been cheated upon--they're neurotic wrecks because every time she's five minutes late coming back from work, they think she's out fucking somebody else, and half the time, they're right.

Kids make everything more complicated. I suppose it depends on whether they'll be hurt more by the divorce or living in a house where mommy and daddy can't stand the sight of each other.

GrandMasterTerwynn · Post by **GrandMasterTerwynn** » 2003-04-20 03:17pm

Alex Moon wrote:My question is, you find out that your significant other had/was cheating on you. They confess when confronted and promise that it will never happen again. Your family and friends are encouraging you to go into counsoling but stay together. So, would you stay with this person or would you leave them? For that matter, should anyone ever stay with a significant other who has cheated on them?

I would try the counseling thing once. And with children, I might even try it twice. But after that, I'm filing for divorce and mailing copies of the pre-nuptual agreement to my cheatin' spouse and her lawyer so she can't cuckold me, and sue me for everything I've got. But I tend to be a hair more jealous than most people. And for those of you mousing towards the FBI homepage, that's not to say I'm violently jealous. :P But it does make me less forgiving of that particular transgression.

And on the subject of children. If my spouse cheated on me and we had children to look after, then I'd start to have serious doubts about the level of care she has for the kids and their home-life.

But really, your question is sorta vague. Was the marriage in obvious trouble before she cheated? Was this a one-time sort of thing that happened out of the blue?

Alex Moon · Post by **Alex Moon** » 2003-04-20 03:43pm

GrandMasterTerwynn wrote:
Alex Moon wrote:My question is, you find out that your significant other had/was cheating on you. They confess when confronted and promise that it will never happen again. Your family and friends are encouraging you to go into counsoling but stay together. So, would you stay with this person or would you leave them? For that matter, should anyone ever stay with a significant other who has cheated on them?
I would try the counseling thing once. And with children, I might even try it twice. But after that, I'm filing for divorce and mailing copies of the pre-nuptual agreement to my cheatin' spouse and her lawyer so she can't cuckold me, and sue me for everything I've got. But I tend to be a hair more jealous than most people. And for those of you mousing towards the FBI homepage, that's not to say I'm violently jealous. But it does make me less forgiving of that particular transgression.

And on the subject of children. If my spouse cheated on me and we had children to look after, then I'd start to have serious doubts about the level of care she has for the kids and their home-life.

But really, your question is sorta vague. Was the marriage in obvious trouble before she cheated? Was this a one-time sort of thing that happened out of the blue?

Hmm, assume that the marrage didn't appear to to be in trouble. You just found out she was cheating when a friend of yours saw her checking into a motel with the guy one evening while you were out of town on business.

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