Favorite Onion Articles

SyntaxVorlon · Post by **SyntaxVorlon** » 2003-04-21 07:45am

Mine are "Dolphins grow opposable thumbs: Humanity says 'oh shit!'"
and
"[George] Clinton to drop da bomb on Iraq"

What are yours?

Baron Scarpia · Post by **Baron Scarpia** » 2003-04-21 11:34am

I love the point-counterpoint ones:

Dental Hygenist: God, my computer hates me!
Computer: God, I hate that fucking bitch!

College Student: Rhodesia has a rich, vibrant culture and history.
Rhodesian: Please get me out of this hell-hole.

Pro-Choice Activist: The government must keep out of my vagina!
Chairman, Joint Chiefs: We must deploy troops to her vagina immediately!

And my favorite:

Secretary: Sexual harrassment in the work place must stop!
Boss: Gee, I love the way your tits bounce when you type...

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2003-04-21 11:38am

I like some of the picture captions:

"Chinese Guy Still Insisting it was Him in Front of Tank"

"School Bully not so tough after being molested"

"Like Boxes of Shit in Your Houise? Get a Cat"

"Brittle Jewess does not like what George Clooney is wearing"

"Protestors Ignored"

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2003-04-21 11:59am

mine was the one where the UN created a country called Ethnikclashistan and send every pissed off oppressed ethnic group to live there.

Lord_Xerxes · Post by **Lord_Xerxes** » 2003-04-21 12:02pm

Here's my favorite one: "Why do porn actors have to use such foul language?"

http://www.theonion.com/onion3815/why_d ... ctors.html

Crayz9000 · Post by **Crayz9000** » 2003-04-21 12:20pm

I haven't been able to find it, but one of my favorites was "North Dakota Found Harboring Nukes".

Companion Cube · Post by **Companion Cube** » 2003-04-21 02:04pm

"Saddam proud he has killed more Iraqis than the US"

Post by **Dalton** » 2003-04-21 02:35pm

"Lutheran minister loves fucking his wife"

That is so Chuck.

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2003-04-21 02:36pm

"Beloved minister dies just as he lived - of a heart attack."

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2003-04-21 03:18pm

I like these:

http://www.theonion.com/onion3011/cola.html

http://www.theonion.com/onion3118/rccola.html

http://www.theonion.com/onion3722/chris ... _fire.html

http://www.theonion.com/onion3631/chris ... bbies.html

Just about all of them are funny.

Vertigo1 · Post by **Vertigo1** » 2003-04-21 03:27pm

I love that one with that screenshot from "The Abyss" with the huge wave of water about to hit that bridge. I forgot what it was about though.

Another one I like is the one where Australia crosses half-way across the world and nobody cares!

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-04-21 05:01pm

clinton starts americlintonian empire.

police show brutality to immigrant by shooting, stabbing, impaling, posioning, grenading. .

Post by **Gandalf** » 2003-04-21 09:55pm

Kevin Bacon linked to Al Qaeda

(After 9/11)Hugging Up 76000 percent.

Graeme Dice · Post by **Graeme Dice** » 2003-04-21 11:41pm

My all time favourite is "Archaeologists discover ancient race of Skeleton people"

Apparently the traded the food grown with the farming implements in their village for the tattered rags that they seemed to enjoy wearing.

I also liked "Cambodia to use Skulls as currency", but that was one of the "In history" ones so it's no longer there.

But for best title I like "AT&T Cost-Cutting Measure Leaves 1500 Dead"

XaLEv · Post by **XaLEv** » 2003-04-21 11:59pm

I rather like this one: http://www.theonion.com/onion3703/marilyn_mason.html

Several times I have had to deal with people who think this is a real news story.

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2003-04-22 12:06am

I'm a fan of the horoscopes...

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
Your natural stubbornness comes in handy when your opponent's arguments turn out to be supported by hard facts and credible evidence.

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-04-22 12:39am

RedImperator wrote:I'm a fan of the horoscopes...

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
Your natural stubbornness comes in handy when your opponent's arguments turn out to be supported by hard facts and credible evidence.

LOL! That rocks, especially since I'm a Pisces.

irishmick79 · Post by **irishmick79** » 2003-04-22 01:22am

Dare I introduce the greatest Onion editorial of all time?

Yes, I so shall dare. Allow me to introduce, "My Seed Is Pure"

http://www.theonion.com/onion3304/myseedispure.html

Datana · Post by **Datana** » 2003-04-22 02:03am

Heh. I've always liked the one that first introduced me to The Onion, "Christian Right Lobbies to Overturn Second Law of Thermodynamics."

Cyborg Stan · Post by **Cyborg Stan** » 2003-04-22 02:10am

I like alot of the articles on The Onion, but for now this one sticks out in my mind :

Congress Threatens to Leave DC Unless New Capitol is Built

Not because of the article itself mind you, but because it got taken up by a Chinese newspaper.

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-04-22 03:50am

Drugs Win Drug War

Post by **Gandalf** » 2003-04-22 10:49pm

I remember the one that got me into it:

Mr T to pity fool.