Beowulf versus DGG

[Beowulf]

You want to TGOD, lets TGOD, shortie.

[Darth Garden Gnome]

Oh, you think you're tought enough to handle the Gnomage? You're asking for it bub.

[Beowulf]

Oh, you think you're tought enough to handle the Gnomage? You're asking for it bub.

*hops in tank*

Beware the HAB.

[Darth Garden Gnome]

*hops in tank*

Beware the HAB.

*activates the Stealth Piano satellite in orbit, sending a Stealth Piano racing down onto Beowulf's head at 40,000 kph, crushing the tank in a tremendous explosion*

Beware Stealth Pianos, for you can't see them on radar!

[Beowulf]

*hops in tank*

Beware the HAB.

*activates the Stealth Piano satellite in orbit, sending a Stealth Piano racing down onto Beowulf's head at 40,000 kph, crushing the tank in a tremendous explosion*

Beware Stealth Pianos, for you can't see them on radar!

*Blows up stealth piano with laser* I can on thermal imagers. And I see where your launching the pianos from now.

*launches ASAT towards piano depot*

And it'll take more than a piano to destroy a tank.

[Darth Garden Gnome]

*Blows up stealth piano with laser* I can on thermal imagers. And I see where your launching the pianos from now.

No you can't you liar! They are completely stealthy dangit. And least thats what te manufacturers told me...

*launches ASAT towards piano depot*

*shot it intercepted by piano*

And it'll take more than a piano to destroy a tank.

Are you sure? I mean...it was going pretty fast...

*syncronizes all SP satellites onto Beowulf's position, and fires all SPs in rapid fire mode. Hundreds of them move at blinding speeds onto his tank*

Gotta go...kill you later....

[Beowulf]

*Moves tank. Watches ground behind tank get hammered.*

Stealth don't help much when dealing with deorbiting objects. Something to do with the fact that they get really hot.

*Retargets ion cannon for space to space shots*

Bye bye piano depots

*watches the beautiful blue beams obliterate the orbital piano depots.*

[Darth Garden Gnome]

*Moves tank. Watches ground behind tank get hammered.*

Stealth don't help much when dealing with deorbiting objects. Something to do with the fact that they get really hot.

*Retargets ion cannon for space to space shots*

Bye bye piano depots

*watches the beautiful blue beams obliterate the orbital piano depots.*

*and from the exploding depots are released SUICIDE BOMBER FLYING LAW MONKEYS from Wizard of Oz, except with C4 straped to their chests*

When you piss off Flying Law Mokeys, you've gone too far.

*FLMs surround Beowulf's position, throwing themselves in wave after exhausting wave of suicide runs onto Beowulf's tank, utterly obliterating it*

[Beowulf]

*watches FLMs burn up upon reentry into atmosphere*

well... nice fireworks...

*gets into underground HAB bunker*

Beware the HAB.

*teleports to Passchendale City*

[Darth Garden Gnome]

*watches FLMs burn up upon reentry into atmosphere*

well... nice fireworks...

*gets into underground HAB bunker*

Beware the HAB.

*teleports to Passchendale City*

You silly HAB Loyalist, they are wearing re-entry plastic (or is it ceramic?), just like on the space shuttles. Not to mention they are magic monkeys. They can fly and stuff...

Now then...

*Beowulf is still exploded, unless he can come up with something better than, "They blow up in the atmosphere!" ya cheapo!*

[Beowulf]

*plugs ears*

Might want to have put shaped charges on those monkeys. All you've done is shatter the optics.

*starts randomly shooting into the cloud of monkeys with coaxial machine gun..., and preps emergency crew teleporter.

[Darth Garden Gnome]

*plugs ears*

Might want to have put shaped charges on those monkeys. All you've done is shatter the optics.

*starts randomly shooting into the cloud of monkeys with coaxial machine gun..., and preps emergency crew teleporter.

No thats what the buffalo are for...let them outta their pen later....

*The Thug-Class Anti-Culture Star DestroyerGnomania's Pridejams any and all communication and sensors, blocking any chance of teleportation*

Don't worry, the guns aren't working onGnomania's Pride, that would be cheap, but I need somebody to jam you!

[Beowulf]

No thats what the buffalo are for...let them outta their pen later....

*The Thug-Class Anti-Culture Star DestroyerGnomania's Pridejams any and all communication and sensors, blocking any chance of teleportation*

Don't worry, the guns aren't working onGnomania's Pride, that would be cheap, but I need somebody to jam you!

*land based anti ship weaponry destroys Gnomania's Pride*

What ship?

*signals tank regiment to join me.*

[Darth Garden Gnome]

*land based anti ship weaponry destroys Gnomania's Pride *

What ship?

*signals tank regiment to join me.*

*attack passes through unreality field, transforming into ruffles potato chips*

Well, I am kinda hungry....

*releases the shaped-charge buffalo of DOOM*

Go fly my babies fly! Oh right, not the monkeys....Keep running then!

[Beowulf]

*potato chips explode, destroying the Gnomania's Pride*

What?

*slices time, kills all the buffalo, and starts BBQ*

Mmmm... food...

[Darth Garden Gnome]

*potato chips explode, destroying the Gnomania's Pride*

What?

*slices time, kills all the buffalo, and starts BBQ*

Mmmm... food...

JUST BEFORE THAT HAPPENED.....

TECHNICIAN: Yep, the chips are rigged.
ME: Well de-activate them damnit, I'm hungry.
TECHNICIAN: Yessir, chips disarmed.
ME: Exxxcceeelllleennnt...

BACK TO THE PRESENT.....

*the buffalos - rigged with a powerful nerotoxin , explodes during the BBQ, releasing its deadly chemicals and melting the brains of Beowulf and his cohorts*

[Beowulf]

JUST BEFORE THAT HAPPENED.....

TECHNICIAN: Yep, the chips are rigged.
ME: Well de-activate them damnit, I'm hungry.
TECHNICIAN: Yessir, chips disarmed.
ME: Exxxcceeelllleennnt...

*chips then explode*

BACK TO THE PRESENT.....

*the buffalos - rigged with a powerful nerotoxin , explodes during the BBQ, releasing its deadly chemicals and melting the brains of Beowulf and his cohorts*

*slices time away from there, gets on shuttle to the GOU This won't hurt a bit*

Thank you for ruining my BBQ.

[Darth Garden Gnome]

*chips then explode*

WITH CANDY! By gosh, they're pinata chips; filled candy and toys and oh rapture the fun!

*displaces the contents into space, and vapes them with a Hadoken-Class Gridfire*

But I don't trust them.

*slices time away from there, gets on shuttle to the GOU This won't hurt a bit*

Thank you for ruining my BBQ.

Your very much welcome.

[Beowulf]

*chips then explode*

WITH CANDY! By gosh, they're pinata chips; filled candy and toys and oh rapture the fun!

*displaces the contents into space, and vapes them with a Hadoken-Class Gridfire*

But I don't trust them.

*slices time away from there, gets on shuttle to the GOU This won't hurt a bit*

Thank you for ruining my BBQ.

Your very much welcome.

*Gridfires the gnome*

[Darth Garden Gnome]

*Gridfires the gnome*

*Gridfire hits UR shields, transforming into Godzilla*

Well that can't be good....

*displaces Godazilla onto the bridge ofThis won't hurt a bit*

You have him, I think he likes you.

[Beowulf]

*Gridfires the gnome*

*Gridfire hits UR shields, transforming into Godzilla*

Well that can't be good....

*displaces Godazilla onto the bridge ofThis won't hurt a bit*

You have him, I think he likes you.

"We have a power surge in the shields. It appears someone tried to displace something into us. It's probably from the gnome. CAM has been dispatched against him."

"Thank you"

[Darth Garden Gnome]

"We have a power surge in the shields. It appears someone tried to displace something into us. It's probably from the gnome. CAM has been dispatched against him."

"Thank you"

Sorry for the sporadic replys...RL is catching up with me.

*CAM passes through UR shield, transforming into Bruce Willis*
CRAP! DESTROY HIM QUICK!!! HE'LL KILL US ALL, 'CAUSE HE'S BRUCE WILLIS!!!
*Bruce Willis is gridfired*

Phew! Back to buisness.

*lauches a barrage of R/UR missles at theThis won't hurt a bit, transforming its shields into caramel popcorn. The second barrage crashes into the ship itself, tearing its atoms into hundreds of impossibly small fragments before blasting them into unreality, and thus nonexistance*

Straha didn't fool around when he made this R/UR stuff you know. Its all about the destruction.

[Beowulf]

*CAM passes through UR shield, transforming into Bruce Willis*
CRAP! DESTROY HIM QUICK!!! HE'LL KILL US ALL, 'CAUSE HE'S BRUCE WILLIS!!!
*Bruce Willis is gridfired*

*Bruce Willis stands up.*

"You really shouldn't have done that. You see, now I'm pissed, and you're going to die."

*He then goes on a rampage utterly destroying the Gnomania's Pride*

You can't beat his character shields...

Phew! Back to buisness.

*lauches a barrage of R/UR missles at theThis won't hurt a bit, transforming its shields into caramel popcorn. The second barrage crashes into the ship itself, tearing its atoms into hundreds of impossibly small fragments before blasting them into unreality, and thus nonexistance*

Straha didn't fool around when he made this R/UR stuff you know. Its all about the destruction.

At least that would have worked, if the shields hadn't torn a rift in the fabric of space time, pulling the Gnomania's Pride in, to it's destruction, by being pulled into a dimension made entirely of Darkstar clones.

[Darth Garden Gnome]

*Bruce Willis stands up.*

"You really shouldn't have done that. You see, now I'm pissed, and you're going to die."

*He then goes on a rampage utterly destroying the Gnomania's Pride*

You can't beat his character shields...

I know, its impossible. I can still make him go away though...

*displaces Willis onto theThis won't hurt a bit and lets him take out his anger on them*

At least that would have worked, if the shields hadn't torn a rift in the fabric of space time, pulling the Gnomania's Pride in, to it's destruction, by being pulled into a dimension made entirely of Darkstar clones.

I've dealt with bigger holes in space time than that!

*lauches UR missles into rift, blasting it into the URverse - nonexistance - eliminating any and all threat of RSA clones*

[Beowulf]

*Bruce Willis stands up.*

"You really shouldn't have done that. You see, now I'm pissed, and you're going to die."

*He then goes on a rampage utterly destroying the Gnomania's Pride*

You can't beat his character shields...

I know, its impossible. I can still make him go away though...

*displaces Willis onto theThis won't hurt a bit and lets him take out his anger on them*

*At least that would have worked if the shield hadn't bounced Bruce back...*

At least that would have worked, if the shields hadn't torn a rift in the fabric of space time, pulling the Gnomania's Pride in, to it's destruction, by being pulled into a dimension made entirely of Darkstar clones.

I've dealt with bigger holes in space time than that!

*lauches UR missles into rift, blasting it into the URverse - nonexistance - eliminating any and all threat of RSA clones*

Thanks for closing yourself into the rift!