I was thinking (although not very much) that Jesus seems to be like some kind of hero to the people the same as Superman or Spiderman or whatever.
Why? He has some weird powers, they say that he sacrificed himself to help all the people, and then busted up the gate of hell.
It sounds at least vaguely superhero-ish, anyway. What do you think?
Jesus = superhero guy?
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Jesus = superhero guy?
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Ooh! That was one HELL of a mental image!!paladin wrote:Except Jesus does run around in fun looking tights!
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Fucking Funny.
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"I hear and behold God in every object, yet I understand God not in the least, / Nor do I understand who there can be more wonderful than myself."
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Fucking Funny.
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Robert Treder
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Except that real superheroes don't die for people's sins. That's just stupid, and it didn't even accomplish anything (if I sin, I still go to hell).
Sacrifice is a cool hero thing, but it's gotta be for something. Jesus died...check, Jesus was executed...pretty much for nothing. True, he was a martyr and his followers eventually came out on top a few hundred years later...but that's not exactly superhero-caliber. I mean, that's just a normal historical martyrdom.
If it's a superheroic sacrifice, it's gotta be better than that. For example, Barry Allen. Barry Allen let himself die...what for? For "our" sins? Oh hell no, he's better than that. Barry Allen sacrificed himself to SAVE ALL UNIVERSES. Plus, the guy could run faster than the speed of light.
I'd say if Jesus is a superhero, he's pretty low on the totem pole. Let's do a superhero-esque run-down of his powers:
STRENGTH: At best, he could probably bench his own bodyweight, which is normal. But a lot of the time, he was fasting, and he'd be very weak during these times.
FIGHTING ABILITY: Poor. "Turn the other cheek" and all that jazz.
INTELLIGENCE: I'd say "learned" or maybe "gifted". He was aware of laws, mythology, and current events. He was a pretty revolutionary thinker, and was obviously an experienced demagogue, but he doesn't strike me as any kind of genius. He's about on par with Arafat.
DURABILITY: I don't see any reason to say he was above normal.
ENERGY PROJECTION: None.
SPEED: Normal when he isn't fasting.
SPECIAL POWERS: Limited necromancy. Limited transmutation of substances. Limited levitation. Possibly powerful healing touch. Receives divine inspiration.
OK, as far as normal people go, he's not bad. But superhero? Give me a break. Batman could kick the shit out of the guy, and he doesn't even have any powers.
Sacrifice is a cool hero thing, but it's gotta be for something. Jesus died...check, Jesus was executed...pretty much for nothing. True, he was a martyr and his followers eventually came out on top a few hundred years later...but that's not exactly superhero-caliber. I mean, that's just a normal historical martyrdom.
If it's a superheroic sacrifice, it's gotta be better than that. For example, Barry Allen. Barry Allen let himself die...what for? For "our" sins? Oh hell no, he's better than that. Barry Allen sacrificed himself to SAVE ALL UNIVERSES. Plus, the guy could run faster than the speed of light.
I'd say if Jesus is a superhero, he's pretty low on the totem pole. Let's do a superhero-esque run-down of his powers:
STRENGTH: At best, he could probably bench his own bodyweight, which is normal. But a lot of the time, he was fasting, and he'd be very weak during these times.
FIGHTING ABILITY: Poor. "Turn the other cheek" and all that jazz.
INTELLIGENCE: I'd say "learned" or maybe "gifted". He was aware of laws, mythology, and current events. He was a pretty revolutionary thinker, and was obviously an experienced demagogue, but he doesn't strike me as any kind of genius. He's about on par with Arafat.
DURABILITY: I don't see any reason to say he was above normal.
ENERGY PROJECTION: None.
SPEED: Normal when he isn't fasting.
SPECIAL POWERS: Limited necromancy. Limited transmutation of substances. Limited levitation. Possibly powerful healing touch. Receives divine inspiration.
OK, as far as normal people go, he's not bad. But superhero? Give me a break. Batman could kick the shit out of the guy, and he doesn't even have any powers.
And you may ask yourself, 'Where does that highway go to?'
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Using Batman isn't a good example. Batman can kick the crap out of Superman.
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Precisely. Barry Allen died for our sins and SO MUCH MORE. Plus, he could run real fast. I mean real fast.Darth Utsanomiko wrote:"Die for our sins", eh? Whoop-de-fucking-do. The Flash died for our sins. Chew on that.
And I don't think comparing Jesus to Batman is unfair. Batman doesn't have any powers, just brains and brawn. Jesus is the son of some god, and is supposedly really cool. But Batman could still beat the shit out of him.
And if you don't like the Batman comparison, there's no reason to stop there. I'm having a hard time thinking of a superhero who couldn't kill Jesus.
And you may ask yourself, 'Where does that highway go to?'
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Let's see...Darth Utsanomiko wrote:Gleek, or Aquaman perhaps?
The Norse had the right idea: the only beings you should only worship should constitute as kick-ass superheroes.
GLEEK
Facts: Speaking as a member of the Brotherhood, Gleek is an embarassment to all primates, second in retardedness only to Chim-Chim. Gleek wears a stupid fucking costume.
BUT, Gleek effortlessly carries a bucket of apparantly ultra-dense water around. Zan's gotta weigh at least a buck-eighty, and yet Gleek tosses his watery ass around like normal monkeys toss shit. Keeping in mind the fact that Gleek's a tiny bastard, we're looking at a pretty impressively muscled little chimp.
I say he can take Jesus.
AQUAMAN
Facts: Aquaman is pretty gay (not that there's anything wrong with that). Superfriends Aquaman is also mentally retarded. Aquaman is an insanely boring character.
BUT, give credit where credit's due. Aquaman is pretty strong even when he's out of the water. Modern versions of Aquaman are pretty tough, too. The only thing that Jesus has going for him in this fight is that Jesus is apparantly pretty skilled at not getting wet. And like it or not, Aquaman has world-saving experience, whereas Jesus' record at saving the world is ROMANS 1, JESUS 0.
I say that Aquaman's lame ass bests Jesus' lame ass.
And you may ask yourself, 'Where does that highway go to?'
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And not to mention parties and piss ups....sounds good eh?Darth Utsanomiko wrote:Gleek, or Aquaman perhaps?
The Norse had the right idea: the only beings you should only worship should constitute as kick-ass superheroes.
Frey
Had a sword that could fight by itself and a boat he could put in his pocket that could carry all the gods plus thier kit
Thor
Girdle, gloves and hammer that together = ass whooping goodness.
Odin
The Allfather with a spear and the guy behind the magic of the runes 'nuh said.
Freya
Shapeshifting plus the valkeyries were really hers....
And so many more...
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"It's all about popularity really, if your invisible friend that tells you to invade places is called Napoleon, you're a loony, if he's called Jesus then you're the president."
"I'd drive more people insane, but I'd have to double back and pick them up first..."
"All it takes for bullshit to thrive is for rational men to do nothing." - Kevin Farrell, B.A. Journalism.
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Perhaps Jesus would make a good sidekick?
Will out hero save Jesus from the Romans?, tune in next week!
Will out hero save Jesus from the Romans?, tune in next week!
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"I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately."
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That we dying younger hiding from the police man over there
Just for breathing in the air they wanna leave me in the chair
Electric shocking body rocking beat streeting me to death"
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"I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately."
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Jesus isn't a superhero himself - otherwise, why would he needBible Manrunning around?
"Hi there, would you like to have a cookie?"
"No, actually I would HATE to have a cookie, you vapid waste of inedible flesh!"
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Maybe some sort of mind control?paladin wrote:Jesus has to be doing something right since he has over one Billion followers!
"Oh no, oh yeah, tell me how can it be so fair
That we dying younger hiding from the police man over there
Just for breathing in the air they wanna leave me in the chair
Electric shocking body rocking beat streeting me to death"
- A.B. Original, Report to the Mist
"I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately."
- George Carlin
That we dying younger hiding from the police man over there
Just for breathing in the air they wanna leave me in the chair
Electric shocking body rocking beat streeting me to death"
- A.B. Original, Report to the Mist
"I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately."
- George Carlin
The Flash could run on water too. Just like Jesus.Robert Treder wrote:Precisely. Barry Allen died for our sins and SO MUCH MORE. Plus, he could run real fast. I mean real fast.Darth Utsanomiko wrote:"Die for our sins", eh? Whoop-de-fucking-do. The Flash died for our sins. Chew on that.
And I don't think comparing Jesus to Batman is unfair. Batman doesn't have any powers, just brains and brawn. Jesus is the son of some god, and is supposedly really cool. But Batman could still beat the shit out of him.
And if you don't like the Batman comparison, there's no reason to stop there. I'm having a hard time thinking of a superhero who couldn't kill Jesus.
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I suppose SUPER JESUS could beat the aforementioned "Bible-Man" but even those stupid Wonder Twins could demolish that sad excuse for a deity.
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BTWIHO I still think the Greek Gods are cooler
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Post #666: 5-24-03, 8:26 am (Hey, why not?)
Do you not believe in Thor, the Viking Thunder God? If not, then do you consider your state of disbelief in Thor to be a religion? Are you an AThorist?-Darth Wong on Atheism as a religion
Post #666: 5-24-03, 8:26 am (Hey, why not?)
Do you not believe in Thor, the Viking Thunder God? If not, then do you consider your state of disbelief in Thor to be a religion? Are you an AThorist?-Darth Wong on Atheism as a religion
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Barry Allen vs Jesus?
Pfft, Allen didn't scream to his father why he had to die.
Besides...Jesus barely rates above Rocket Racer. And Gleek is a blue Monkey, giving him many point about god-boy over there.
Pfft, Allen didn't scream to his father why he had to die.
Besides...Jesus barely rates above Rocket Racer. And Gleek is a blue Monkey, giving him many point about god-boy over there.
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Sometimes we can choose the path we follow. Sometimes our choices are made for us. And sometimes we have no choice at all
Saying and doing are chocolate and concrete
Bah! Jesus is CLEARLY an alien.
Let's have a look why:
did all sorts of magic, (anyone with an advanced enough technology will appear magical to the sufficiently unadvanced people of the time)
came from an immaculate conception, (implanted after abduction)
angels surrounded him throughout life (aliens)
survived crucifixion (perhaps some kind of nanotech putting him to deep sleep or something)
his arrival was shown by a "star" over the stable, which the astrologers could follow, (alien craft)
angels visiting people and watching over flocks of sheep etc when jesus was born (more aliens)
after he rose after crucifixion, he bi located (psi projection)
and finally he "ascended in an aura of light" = he got on board the glowing vessel and went into the sky.
Now compare how likely that sequence of events would be compared to him being the literal son of god (unless yahweh is just the name of the leader of the angel species).
Let's have a look why:
did all sorts of magic, (anyone with an advanced enough technology will appear magical to the sufficiently unadvanced people of the time)
came from an immaculate conception, (implanted after abduction)
angels surrounded him throughout life (aliens)
survived crucifixion (perhaps some kind of nanotech putting him to deep sleep or something)
his arrival was shown by a "star" over the stable, which the astrologers could follow, (alien craft)
angels visiting people and watching over flocks of sheep etc when jesus was born (more aliens)
after he rose after crucifixion, he bi located (psi projection)
and finally he "ascended in an aura of light" = he got on board the glowing vessel and went into the sky.
Now compare how likely that sequence of events would be compared to him being the literal son of god (unless yahweh is just the name of the leader of the angel species).
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Which sad excuse for a deity?? Super Jesus.... or Bible-Man?Darth Gojira wrote:I suppose SUPER JESUS could beat the aforementioned "Bible-Man" but even those stupid Wonder Twins could demolish that sad excuse for a deity.
"Hi there, would you like to have a cookie?"
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BothSimon H.Johansen wrote:Which sad excuse for a deity?? Super Jesus.... or Bible-Man?Darth Gojira wrote:I suppose SUPER JESUS could beat the aforementioned "Bible-Man" but even those stupid Wonder Twins could demolish that sad excuse for a deity.
Hokey masers and giant robots are no match for a good kaiju at your side, kid
Post #666: 5-24-03, 8:26 am (Hey, why not?)
Do you not believe in Thor, the Viking Thunder God? If not, then do you consider your state of disbelief in Thor to be a religion? Are you an AThorist?-Darth Wong on Atheism as a religion
Post #666: 5-24-03, 8:26 am (Hey, why not?)
Do you not believe in Thor, the Viking Thunder God? If not, then do you consider your state of disbelief in Thor to be a religion? Are you an AThorist?-Darth Wong on Atheism as a religion
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Darth Gojira
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BothSimon H.Johansen wrote:Which sad excuse for a deity?? Super Jesus.... or Bible-Man?Darth Gojira wrote:I suppose SUPER JESUS could beat the aforementioned "Bible-Man" but even those stupid Wonder Twins could demolish that sad excuse for a deity.
Hokey masers and giant robots are no match for a good kaiju at your side, kid
Post #666: 5-24-03, 8:26 am (Hey, why not?)
Do you not believe in Thor, the Viking Thunder God? If not, then do you consider your state of disbelief in Thor to be a religion? Are you an AThorist?-Darth Wong on Atheism as a religion
Post #666: 5-24-03, 8:26 am (Hey, why not?)
Do you not believe in Thor, the Viking Thunder God? If not, then do you consider your state of disbelief in Thor to be a religion? Are you an AThorist?-Darth Wong on Atheism as a religion
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Eh. I figure Christian storytellers said that Jesus 'died for our sins' because they wouldn't own up to the fact that the ruling Jewish and Roman groups at the time just got fed up with the long-haired hippy and had him killed for being a nuisance.Darth Utsanomiko wrote:"Die for our sins", eh? Whoop-de-fucking-do. The Flash died for our sins. Chew on that.
Note: I'm semi-retired from the board, so if you need something, please be patient.
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Utsanomiko
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I persnoally don't think Christians know what "died for our sins" even means. I mean sure, maybe someone like John Lennon or Kurt Cobain, or maybe Richard Nixon, Marlyn Monroe, Jim Henson, or that one guy nobody ever talks about.
But Jesus? We stuck him on a cross, and now we're free from sin or some made-up shit about something that was never going to happen being cleared off our record? Give me a fucking break!
But Jesus? We stuck him on a cross, and now we're free from sin or some made-up shit about something that was never going to happen being cleared off our record? Give me a fucking break!
By His Word...