a personal question of my own

mantakai · Post by **mantakai** » 2003-04-25 10:01pm

well if you look back a while in the old posts you will see a few i had about this girl i fancied and our short, questionable r.ship etc etc, well this is another question about her.

if you dont know the story, it is basically that i made real good friends with a chick from my school and finally build up the courage to ask her out, after an initial rejection, i pursued and eventually we got together, but two weeks later she dumped me due to a 'personal reason' i wont go into now. anyhow, throughtout this whole thing we some how managed to remain good friends and hung out together and did stuff etc etc.

now the problem is that recently she got herself a new bf and of course since i have feelings for her i was kinda cut, but i still told her i was happy for her and did the whole friend thing. But since she started goin out with this guy she hasnt really talked to me or done anythign with me or nothing like we did before when just good friends.

i was wondering where i stand, is this the end of even our very friendship? was i just like a stand in male influence in her life till she got a real bf? or is it more pro her new bf than anti me as i would happen to see it. thanx for listening to me bitch all, needed to tell someone

jenat-lai · Post by **jenat-lai** » 2003-04-25 10:38pm

I hear ya.

I'm going though something similar myself....

aphexmonster · Post by **aphexmonster** » 2003-04-25 10:39pm

You owe it to yourself to save yourself the pain, and avoid her for the time being. How important is it to you to know where you stand?

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-04-25 10:40pm

Sorry to hear about your troubles, guys. Love can be a minefield sometimes.

Superman · Post by **Superman** » 2003-04-25 10:59pm

I wouldn't go out of my way to even talk to this girl anymore. Avoid the "I am obsessed with my personal fantasy about the girl that doesn't like me" syndrome and move on. Ask other girls out and if they reject you, then oh well; it's their loss.

Hethrir · Post by **Hethrir** » 2003-04-25 11:14pm

Right with ya! I just got "The Treatment" last night!

Post by **Gandalf** » 2003-04-25 11:58pm

Superman wrote:I wouldn't go out of my way to even talk to this girl anymore. Avoid the "I am obsessed with my personal fantasy about the girl that doesn't like me" syndrome and move on. Ask other girls out and if they reject you, then oh well; it's their loss.

As with most things I agree with Superman here.

GrandMasterTerwynn · Post by **GrandMasterTerwynn** » 2003-04-26 02:03am

Gandalf wrote:
Superman wrote:I wouldn't go out of my way to even talk to this girl anymore. Avoid the "I am obsessed with my personal fantasy about the girl that doesn't like me" syndrome and move on. Ask other girls out and if they reject you, then oh well; it's their loss.
As with most things I agree with Superman here.

I'll second that. It seems that the girl wasn't really interested in you per-se. It's just that you seemed persistent, though harmless enough, to keep around until things picked up. And now that things have picked up, she's stopped talking to you. Mind you, you haven't mentioned if there were any other reasons she might not be talking to you. However, if we assume that's the only serious reason there is, then move on. Yes, you dig her, but she clearly doesn't dig you. That sucks, but that's how it happens sometimes. Don't let yourself get demoralized because she's not fitting this idealized image you might have developed of her.

Stampede · Post by **Stampede** » 2003-04-26 02:15am

hmmm....girl problems...can't help there. i mean just look at my quote: "oh no, sweetie. I don't think you're a whore....whores actually charge money." needless to say...i'm not even close to being friends with her anymore. oh well.

mantakai · Post by **mantakai** » 2003-04-26 09:54am

Hethrir wrote:Right with ya! I just got "The Treatment" last night!

lol yeah thats the common treatment isnt it, they all seemed to get tutored in it at a young age

CRUCIBLE · Post by **CRUCIBLE** » 2003-04-26 08:21pm

I was in the same situation, with one exception. I didnt gave in to the illusion we could still be like normal friends, as i knew that i still loved her.

She , too, got a new BF. For me that was the signal to cut off ALL talking and meeting we had up to this point. Just to save my sorry soul.

Maybe overexagerated, but in the mood i was, with the emotional storm in me, it was the best decision.

That shouldnt be critic towards you, just an advice. Be true to yourself.

Your heart is the most fragile part, sometimes you need to protect it even if it means you have to cover it with a thick layer of ice.

Gee, someone shoot me for my pseudo-poetic brabbling...

jenat-lai · Post by **jenat-lai** » 2003-04-27 03:18am

how long did you know her? with me, never speaking to her again is not a viable option yet....

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-04-27 06:11am

The reason you haven't seen her much since the new bloke came along, is because she's with him.

She's almost certainly spending less time with ALL her friends. Such happens when a girl get a new boy to play with. If she wants to be your friend, then you will see more of her as the honeymoon period begins to settle down.

and it is perfectly possible to be friends with someone you love. Trust me.

Superman · Post by **Superman** » 2003-04-27 06:16am

Innerbrat, what I am saying is that, for him, it might be better to just keep away for a while. If he has these feelings then the best way to cool off the fantasy and obsession is just to keep away.

If he can stay friends and control his personal feelings, so be it. But, I can tell you that when I was younger I couldn't do that.

jenat-lai · Post by **jenat-lai** » 2003-04-27 07:08am

innerbrat wrote:The reason you haven't seen her much since the new bloke came along, is because she's with him.

She's almost certainly spending less time with ALL her friends. Such happens when a girl get a new boy to play with. If she wants to be your friend, then you will see more of her as the honeymoon period begins to settle down.

and it is perfectly possible to be friends with someone you love. Trust me.

thank you for this. I know it's not my thread, but I needed that.

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-04-27 01:08pm

jenat-lai wrote: thank you for this. I know it's not my thread, but I needed that.

Ooops, did I neglet to give you the same advice? Sorry. I had similar problems when my female friends got new boyf at the same time, and I live with them...

mantakai · Post by **mantakai** » 2003-04-27 08:05pm

innerbrat wrote:The reason you haven't seen her much since the new bloke came along, is because she's with him.

She's almost certainly spending less time with ALL her friends. Such happens when a girl get a new boy to play with. If she wants to be your friend, then you will see more of her as the honeymoon period begins to settle down.

and it is perfectly possible to be friends with someone you love. Trust me.

yes that makes perfect sense innerbrat except for teh fact that we go to school together and she is even in some of my classes, hence the reason i know her. usually we screw around in class and talk heaps but recently she basically just ignores me, so it cant just be time with him.

and i do believe it is possible to be friends even though i love her, i worked hard to stay friends and be nice evn after she broke up with me and got a new BF cause i considered us to eb good friends before anythign happened, but now it appears she doesnt want to be friends

mantakai · Post by **mantakai** » 2003-04-27 08:07pm

Superman wrote:Innerbrat, what I am saying is that, for him, it might be better to just keep away for a while. If he has these feelings then the best way to cool off the fantasy and obsession is just to keep away.

If he can stay friends and control his personal feelings, so be it. But, I can tell you that when I was younger I couldn't do that.

yeah thanx for the advice superman i can try, but as i said in the above post, when going to school with her and being friends with her friends and stuff it makes it hard not to be around her. your advice is great cause i know that it is easier to forget about her when she isnt around but when i see her at school every day, it resparks my interest so...........

mantakai · Post by **mantakai** » 2003-04-27 08:09pm

jenat-lai wrote:thank you for this. I know it's not my thread, but I needed that.

im glad someone could be helped by this thread, good luck to you jenat