Looking for a really gross quote from the bible

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Hamel
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Looking for a really gross quote from the bible

Post by Hamel »

It involves a prostitute, a rabbi, the prostitute farting, and the rabbi saying something about the gas not returning to the butt.

I googled and yahoo'd this and had no luck, so if anyone could help me out with this, that'd be super
"Right now we can tell you a report was filed by the family of a 12 year old boy yesterday afternoon alleging Mr. Michael Jackson of criminal activity. A search warrant has been filed and that search is currently taking place. Mr. Jackson has not been charged with any crime. We cannot specifically address the content of the police report as it is confidential information at the present time, however, we can confirm that Mr. Jackson forced the boy to listen to the Howard Stern show and watch the movie Private Parts over and over again."
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Spoonist
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Post by Spoonist »

Umm, I've gone through the whole bible and I don't recall anything like that.
What do you need the quote for?
There are lots of stuff that is much more gross then that...
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Post by Faram »

Look in the SAB

Skeptics Annotated Bible
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Post by Ted C »

Here's a searchable KJV...

http://www.hti.umich.edu/k/kjv/
"This is supposed to be a happy occasion... Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who."
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"Nothing of consequence happened today. " -- Diary of King George III, July 4, 1776

"This is not bad; this is a conspiracy to remove happiness from existence. It seeks to wrap its hedgehog hand around the still beating heart of the personification of good and squeeze until it is stilled."
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Post by Darth Gojira »

Ah, the Bible. There's too many sick stuff to choose from! :twisted:
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Post by Hamel »

Thanks for the links

Unfortunately, I didn't find anything on it

I heard about this passage some time ago from a friend, and it cracked me up so much I just needed to find it. Too bad it's most likely fake
"Right now we can tell you a report was filed by the family of a 12 year old boy yesterday afternoon alleging Mr. Michael Jackson of criminal activity. A search warrant has been filed and that search is currently taking place. Mr. Jackson has not been charged with any crime. We cannot specifically address the content of the police report as it is confidential information at the present time, however, we can confirm that Mr. Jackson forced the boy to listen to the Howard Stern show and watch the movie Private Parts over and over again."
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Post by Zoink »

If you do a google search for "project gutenberg" you'll find a site with all sorts of downloadable books, including the bible. Pretty much every book without a current copyright is there.
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Post by Darth Fanboy »

There a few verses I find interesting about ejaculation, and how letting it fall on the ground is some sort of sin, oh well.
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Post by haas mark »

Darth Fanboy wrote:There a few verses I find interesting about ejaculation, and how letting it fall on the ground is some sort of sin, oh well.
The quote goes to say (in short) that masturbation is a sin due to the waste of the seed (sperm).
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Post by Frank Hipper »

Hamel wrote:Thanks for the links

Unfortunately, I didn't find anything on it

I heard about this passage some time ago from a friend, and it cracked me up so much I just needed to find it. Too bad it's most likely fake
I really doubt it's a real quote. I just can't imagine Landover passing up a golden opportunity like that.
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Post by InnerBrat »

verilon wrote:
Darth Fanboy wrote:There a few verses I find interesting about ejaculation, and how letting it fall on the ground is some sort of sin, oh well.
The quote goes to say (in short) that masturbation is a sin due to the waste of the seed (sperm).
*sings*
There are Jews in the world.
There are Buddhists.
There are Hindus and Mormons, and then
There are those that follow Mohammed, but
I've never been one of them.

I'm a Roman Catholic,
And have been since before I was born,
And the one thing they say about Catholics is:
They'll take you as soon as you're warm.

You don't have to be a six-footer.
You don't have to have a great brain.
You don't have to have any clothes on. You're
A Catholic the moment Dad came,

Because

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

Let the heathen spill theirs
On the dusty ground.
God shall make them pay for
Each sperm that can't be found.

Every sperm is wanted.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood.

Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
Spill theirs just anywhere,
But God loves those who treat their
Semen with more care.

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood!

Every sperm is useful.
Every sperm is fine.
God needs everybody's.
Mine!
And mine!
And mine!

Let the Pagan spill theirs
O'er mountain, hill, and plain.
God shall strike them down for
Each sperm that's spilt in vain.

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood.

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite iraaaaaate!
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Post by Lord of the Farce »

innerbrat wrote: Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
Then why doesn't God create a whole damned lot of IVF machines everywhere? That way millions of sperm that would normally die in a vain attempt to get to the eggs first wouldn't needlessly dies... LOL 8)
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Post by Darth Gojira »

Dammit innerbrat! You've beaten me to the punch! :lol:
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Post by Queeb Salaron »

If every sprem is scared, why does God make it so that A) Man generates an seemingly infinite amount of sperm at the height of his virility, and B) millions of sperm die on the way to the egg anyway, and only one ever makes it? Wouldn't it make more sense just to make one super-sperm and have it fertilize the egg?
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Post by InnerBrat »

Queeb Salaron wrote:If every sprem is scared, why does God make it so that A) Man generates an seemingly infinite amount of sperm at the height of his virility, and B) millions of sperm die on the way to the egg anyway, and only one ever makes it? Wouldn't it make more sense just to make one super-sperm and have it fertilize the egg?
a)Don't question God.

b)Don't question Monty Bloody Python, Dammit!!!!!
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Post by Enforcer Talen »

-admires those lyrics-
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Post by Ignorant twit »

Song of Solomon 8:8
We have a little sister, and she hath no breasts: what shall we do for our sister in the day when she shall be spoken for?
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Post by Raoul Duke, Jr. »

Queeb Salaron wrote:If every sprem is scared, why does God make it so that A) Man generates an seemingly infinite amount of sperm at the height of his virility, and B) millions of sperm die on the way to the egg anyway, and only one ever makes it? Wouldn't it make more sense just to make one super-sperm and have it fertilize the egg?
Well, I don't know about you suckers, but mah sperm ain't scared o' nothin'!

And as for the Super-Sperm... well... *chuckles*
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Re: Looking for a really gross quote from the bible

Post by The Yosemite Bear »

Hamel wrote:It involves a prostitute, a rabbi, the prostitute farting, and the rabbi saying something about the gas not returning to the butt.

I googled and yahoo'd this and had no luck, so if anyone could help me out with this, that'd be super
No wonder it's from 1001 Nights of Sharazard. :twisted:

Nice little dirty bit of folklore.
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Post by Queeb Salaron »

Raoul Duke, Jr. wrote:Well, I don't know about you suckers, but mah sperm ain't scared o' nothin'!
heh. I meant "sacred," not "scared." :oops: :oops:
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Post by Raoul Duke, Jr. »

Queeb Salaron wrote:
Raoul Duke, Jr. wrote:Well, I don't know about you suckers, but mah sperm ain't scared o' nothin'!
heh. I meant "sacred," not "scared." :oops: :oops:
I know, Queeb, but I just couldn't resist. Anagrams are too much fun!
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