Boys don't cook

Post by **Rob Wilson** » 2003-05-01 03:13pm

neoolong wrote:Yeah Good Eats was good. Until I lost my cable.

You can find his recipes on foodtv.com though.

Hmm, may have a browse later.

Iceberg · Post by **Iceberg** » 2003-05-01 03:14pm

Rob Wilson wrote:
Iceberg wrote:
The_Lumberjack wrote:
To be honest, I'd be surprised if anyone who watched his (Oliver's) shows actually went grabbing for a pen when he went through the recipe on TV, the shows were more about lifestyle and food pornography. If you actually wanted to cook anything from his stuff, then you buy the recipe books, which I might add, are 50% lifestyle and glossy pictures of what it should look like when cooked by a grade-a chef.
"Good Eats" is an excellent cooking program in the States, on Food Network. Host Alton Brown shows you the science and art of cooking. It's like "Bill Nye: the Science Guy" that you can eat. I like it Very Much(tm).

Wednesdays and Saturdays at 9PM and 12PM ET; Sundays at 6:30PM ET.
The best TV cook is Nigella Lawson, simply becuase you can imagine licking the dessert of her sweet and cuddly body

Pixplz?

And Iceberg, on behalf of the Uk I'd like to apologise for the atrocities of Jamie Oliver and unleashing it on an unsuspecting nation... still makes up for you giving us the Golden Girls I suppose.

No, nothing makes up for the Golden Girls. On behalf of my nation, I am deeply sorry.

I thought that the export of the Golden Girls was banned under WMD treaties!

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2003-05-01 03:14pm

Kelly Antilles wrote:
Col. Crackpot wrote:
Kelly Antilles wrote:*wipes tears from eyes* Oh my god... you guys... I've never laughed so hard. I really needed that...
if you want i can tenderize your breasts with a hammer tenderizer thingie too...
*blink*
Trying not to leave me out, eh? Hm... *goes to think about it*

i can't have you getting jelous and fighting with Zaia now....well, unless there was mud involved....or a vat of pudding maybe. oh an idea!

Chris' Party Pudding

1 kiddie pool, filled with chocolate pudding
1 Kelly Antillies
1 Zaia
assorted whips and prosthetic devices

combine ingredients, charge admission, watch the fun

Alex Moon · Post by **Alex Moon** » 2003-05-01 03:16pm

Kelly Antilles wrote:
Col. Crackpot wrote:
Kelly Antilles wrote:*wipes tears from eyes* Oh my god... you guys... I've never laughed so hard. I really needed that...
if you want i can tenderize your breasts with a hammer tenderizer thingie too...
*blink*
Trying not to leave me out, eh? Hm... *goes to think about it*

I don't know about the hammer tenderizer, but I'd be more than willing to rub lemon juice and salt and pepper over your breasts.

Post by **Rob Wilson** » 2003-05-01 03:16pm

Kelly Antilles wrote:*wipes tears from eyes* Oh my god... you guys... I've never laughed so hard. I really needed that...

Why do women always say that to me, at least you said it before I dropped my trousers.

Iceberg · Post by **Iceberg** » 2003-05-01 03:16pm

Rob Wilson wrote:
neoolong wrote:Yeah Good Eats was good. Until I lost my cable.

You can find his recipes on foodtv.com though.
Hmm, may have a browse later.

http://www.goodeatsfanpage.com is an EXTREMELY comprehensive compilation of pretty much all Good Eats info to date, including episode transcripts. You may also be interested in checking out the website of the main foodman himself, Alton Brown, at http://www.altonbrown.com

Post by **Rob Wilson** » 2003-05-01 03:18pm

Iceberg wrote:
Rob Wilson wrote:
The best TV cook is Nigella Lawson, simply becuase you can imagine licking the dessert of her sweet and cuddly body
Pixplz?

You guys don't get Nigella Lawson over there?

Iceberg wrote:
Rob Wilson wrote:And Iceberg, on behalf of the Uk I'd like to apologise for the atrocities of Jamie Oliver and unleashing it on an unsuspecting nation... still makes up for you giving us the Golden Girls I suppose.
No, nothing makes up for the Golden Girls. On behalf of my nation, I am deeply sorry.

I thought that the export of the Golden Girls was banned under WMD treaties!

It got out before the treaties were signed, the devastation was awful.

Iceberg · Post by **Iceberg** » 2003-05-01 03:20pm

Rob Wilson wrote:
Iceberg wrote:
Rob Wilson wrote:
The best TV cook is Nigella Lawson, simply becuase you can imagine licking the dessert of her sweet and cuddly body
Pixplz?
You guys don't get Nigella Lawson over there?

Nope.

Rob Wilson wrote:
Iceberg wrote:
Rob Wilson wrote:And Iceberg, on behalf of the Uk I'd like to apologise for the atrocities of Jamie Oliver and unleashing it on an unsuspecting nation... still makes up for you giving us the Golden Girls I suppose.
No, nothing makes up for the Golden Girls. On behalf of my nation, I am deeply sorry.

I thought that the export of the Golden Girls was banned under WMD treaties!
It got out before the treaties were signed, the devastation was awful.

Nobody wants to hear their grandma (or an unreasonable facsimile thereof) talk about sex...

Post by **Rob Wilson** » 2003-05-01 03:20pm

Col. Crackpot wrote:
i can't have you getting jelous and fighting with Zaia now....well, unless there was mud involved....or a vat of pudding maybe. oh an idea!

Chris' Party Pudding

1 kiddie pool, filled with chocolate pudding
1 Kelly Antillies
1 Zaia
assorted whips and prosthetic devices

combine ingredients, charge admission, watch the fun

Kynes beat you to it, with his GF, her friends and a Kiddie Pool full of raspberry Jello. Very entertaining Video

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2003-05-01 03:21pm

You are aware that the Board's resident professional cook & bartender is a member of "Club Y-Chromasome"?

what do you want, I generally adlib or use someone else's rescipies, give me a while there's a necro-thread around here where I have dominated...

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2003-05-01 03:22pm

Rob Wilson wrote:
Iceberg wrote:
Rob Wilson wrote:
The best TV cook is Nigella Lawson, simply becuase you can imagine licking the dessert of her sweet and cuddly body
Pixplz?
You guys don't get Nigella Lawson over there?

Iceberg wrote:
Rob Wilson wrote:And Iceberg, on behalf of the Uk I'd like to apologise for the atrocities of Jamie Oliver and unleashing it on an unsuspecting nation... still makes up for you giving us the Golden Girls I suppose.
No, nothing makes up for the Golden Girls. On behalf of my nation, I am deeply sorry.

I thought that the export of the Golden Girls was banned under WMD treaties!
It got out before the treaties were signed, the devastation was awful.

yeah, Bea Aurther's breasts, no thats a rack you should be scared of!

Post by **Rob Wilson** » 2003-05-01 03:23pm

Iceberg wrote:
Rob Wilson wrote:
Iceberg wrote: Pixplz?
You guys don't get Nigella Lawson over there?
Nope

http://www.stylenetwork.com/Shows/Nigella/

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2003-05-01 03:25pm

Thread Hijacked and taken to Cuba.

Thread locked, Hijackers sent to Gitmo, but found their way to a nice caban instead.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2003-05-01 04:45pm

Ok. Thread unlocked....

sorry to those feathers ruffled, so how was Cuba?

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2003-05-01 04:47pm

Not bad...like the women, but don't smoke cigars

.

Eleas · Post by **Eleas** » 2003-05-01 04:53pm

Zaia wrote:You know, I don't want to derail this topic again, but as I walk around my house, I keep looking down at my breasts, trying to figure out what's so scary about them. They just look pleasantly round and cuddly to me.

Eleas, what have you done to me?!?!!

I haff made you better, madam! Zoon, you vill see why all Earth vomen kneel before me!

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2003-05-01 04:55pm

He he, read this.

Wife Won't Cook Dinner, Husband Calls Police

Um, I'm kinda lazy, so I don't particularily enjoy cooking. But I still do it, and am pretty decent at it. Man cannot live on fast food and TV dinners forever.

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2003-05-01 04:58pm

Wicked Pilot wrote:Wife Won't Cook Dinner, Husband Calls Police

Yowza...I mean I know some lazy folk, but y-o-w-z-a

Eleas · Post by **Eleas** » 2003-05-01 05:00pm

Ghost Rider wrote:
Wicked Pilot wrote:Wife Won't Cook Dinner, Husband Calls Police
Yowza...I mean I know some lazy folk, but y-o-w-z-a

My grandfather was kinda like that. His wife indulged him, too. People were messed up way back when.

Post by **Rob Wilson** » 2003-05-01 05:21pm

The Yosemite Bear wrote:Ok. Thread unlocked....

sorry to those feathers ruffled, so how was Cuba?

So back to the fun of recipes, Bachelors Chilli

Serves 1, as the after effects make the place unlivable for anyone else.

1lb of Minced beef, 1/2lb of Minced Lamb, 2 pork sausages, however many kidney beans you can find, carrots, mushrooms, small red pepper, small green pepper, 3 sliced chilli peppers, 'not cool' Pepper sauce, Cayenne pepper, sweet chilli paste (or some dilute sugar into dark mustard pasteif you wish), worcester sauce, Small chunk Branston pickle, spring onions. Olive oil and a a big ass wok!

Grill your sausages, and start to fry up your mince (both varieties) in your wok (well oiled), add some black pepper to help season, or lightly brown with oxo cube.

Take Sweet chilli paste/ dark mustard paste and add a cup of water, add pepper sauce, cayenne, worcester, to personal taste and mix throughly until a smooth semi-liquid is achieved (be artistic and add corriander, basel, or parsley as well if you wish).

Take grilled sausages, slice them up into little chunks and add to the end of the cooking cycle for the mince, reduce mince to simmer. Slice vegetables (don't touch around your eye's after cutting the peppers) and add them to the meat, now add sauce over all and stir in a few generus dollops of Branston. Once properly mixed and browned, place on plate, slice up the spring onoins and add as garnish.

Eat, and then spend the rest of the night making smells the wolrd has never encountered before.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2003-05-01 05:33pm

Texas Style Vegitarian Chilli

Need:

Food:
1kg/1.5# of Textured Soy (Tofu or other product)
.25kg/.33# of dry Kidney Beans
.25kg .33# of Lima beans (Dry)
.25 kg/ .33# of dry black beans
1 Green Pepper
1 whole clove of garlic
1 bunch of green onions
1 whole red onion
3 Jabenero Peppers
3 Jalapeno Peppers
Tabasco Sauce to taste
South west Chilli base (2 parts Cayanne Pepper Powder, 2 parts Flour or Corn Flour, 1 parts Paprica, 1 part Chilli seasoning) <Thickening agent/flovoring agent>
1 whole White onion
1 can of corn (yes you could boil then slice off two-three ears of corn, but why)
1-2 can(s) of Stewed tomatoes (again a bit of work to do right)
.75kg/.5# mushrooms
2 Avacados
4 stalks of celery (Out Treecats, I said out!)
about a liter and a half/gallon of Tomato sauce

Utinsels
1 very large pot, perferavly a 3 liter Crock or Pressure cooker pot
1 garlic press
1 cutting board
1 very sharp knives
additional but not nessasary (Blender)

step 1
soak the dry beans for 2-3 days making sure to change the water frequently. you may wish to soak the beans with the pepper seeds for the last day.

Step 2.
finely dice the peppers, Celery, onions, (or if you don't have the eye hand corodination use a blender on it's lowest setting after cutting into manageable chunks)

Step 3.
Pour the tomatoe sauce stewed tomatoes, into the pot, heat pot on low (or just use a crockpot) add the pressed garlic
add half the Onions/Peppers

Step 4
add the beans and the soy
add the rest of peppers/onions
add the add the Chilli base

Step 5
Slow cook, stiring to thicken, add more chilli base if nessary
add the avacado at this time.

step 6.
Cook for an hour or more (Until very thick)

Serve with liquid refreshment.....

Eleas · Post by **Eleas** » 2003-05-01 05:51pm

Interesting. You guys have some tasty recipies over there.

This one is something you'll just have to wing. I know I will next time I make it, cause I've forgotten just how much meat goes into it. I think I still have the rough estimate, though.

-600g ground beef
-3 largish onions
-a lot of mushrooms
-400g mashed tomato (canned is good)
-garlic
-rice, lots of rice
-sambal oelek
-tomato purée
-cream

Dice the onions, fry them until they get gleaming, then take them off the pan. As pan, use a rather large and deep one. Slice the mushrooms and fry them in butter. If you want garlic in it, take three to five cloves and dice them into very fine fragments, then frying them gently. Take this off the pan as well, then fry the meat, and when that is done, pour it all in with the tomato mash and a lot of purée (half a decilitre should work). Add spice (salt is important, sambal moreso), and balance this out with cream. If you have beef masala or curry, this might be a good idea to try it out, as well.

Serve it all with rice, preferably jasmine.

Post by **Rob Wilson** » 2003-05-01 05:52pm

The Yosemite Bear wrote:Texas Style Vegitarian Chilli

Need:

Food:
1kg/1.5# of Textured Soy (Tofu or other product)
.25kg/.33# of dry Kidney Beans
.25kg .33# of Lima beans (Dry)
.25 kg/ .33# of dry black beans
1 Green Pepper
1 whole clove of garlic
1 bunch of green onions
1 whole red onion
3 Jabenero Peppers
3 Jalapeno Peppers
Tabasco Sauce to taste
South west Chilli base (2 parts Cayanne Pepper Powder, 2 parts Flour or Corn Flour, 1 parts Paprica, 1 part Chilli seasoning) <Thickening agent/flovoring agent>
1 whole White onion
1 can of corn (yes you could boil then slice off two-three ears of corn, but why)
1-2 can(s) of Stewed tomatoes (again a bit of work to do right)
.75kg/.5# mushrooms
2 Avacados
4 stalks of celery (Out Treecats, I said out!)
about a liter and a half/gallon of Tomato sauce

Ah a proper, long-boil chilli, the sort of thing for friends and family for a big meal. I should add to mine the Dry bean soaking thing, but I tend to think people know the prep. My bad.

I see you favour the dicable veggies; I'm more a Mushrooms and carrots guy, but adding fine-diced onion is a good one (that's why i use the small chunk Branston - it's diced onions in a thick tart preserve sauce, saves me having to dice things).

Bug-Eyed Earl · Post by **Bug-Eyed Earl** » 2003-05-01 05:54pm

I just spent all afternoon baking brownies for a goddamn play. Two of them have M&M's, one topped with Fudge frosting, the other with caramel.

Post by **Rob Wilson** » 2003-05-01 05:59pm

Eleas wrote:Interesting. You guys have some tasty recipies over there.

This one is something you'll just have to wing. I know I will next time I make it, cause I've forgotten just how much meat goes into it. I think I still have the rough estimate, though.

-600g ground beef
-3 largish onions
-a lot of mushrooms
-400g mashed tomato (canned is good)
-garlic
-rice, lots of rice
-sambal oelek
-tomato purée
-cream

Dice the onions, fry them until they get gleaming, then take them off the pan. As pan, use a rather large and deep one. Slice the mushrooms and fry them in butter. If you want garlic in it, take three to five cloves and dice them into very fine fragments, then frying them gently. Take this off the pan as well, then fry the meat, and when that is done, pour it all in with the tomato mash and a lot of purée (half a decilitre should work). Add spice (salt is important, sambal moreso), and balance this out with cream. If you have beef masala or curry, this might be a good idea to try it out, as well.

Serve it all with rice, preferably jasmine.

For those like myself that don't like to use cream when cooking and don't mind being a tad adventurous, find a mild cheddar, or similar light cheese and grate up a small amount (say about 5-10gms), simmer up the cream (if your using clotted, then a dash of olive oil and only the smallest burst of heat to help melt the cheese), and add the cheese, place a bit of white or black pepper according to taste and mix it up. use this mixture instead of the straight cream and it will be a total transformation.

WARNING : experiment first and find the right mix for you, don't just wing this bit on the night as if you get this wrong it will be uneatable at best. You don't want a paste, you want the same consistancy as your original cream, it's the taste and texture your after altering, and the dangers of overheating cream are manifold and smelly!

BTW Eleas and Colin, have you seen the GM/DM thread in the Games forum by Hotfoot?