Boys don't cook

[Rob Wilson]

my cooking skills are limited to throwing meat on the bbq and making waffles.

You can BBQ?

I can cook over a campfire, I can cook on a Camping stove and I can cook at home on a gas or electric range, but BBQ's and i don't mix. Either they're burnt to a crisp or only cooked on the outside. No matter how much i try the fucking things always defeat me.

[Zaia]

Hmmmm. Does anyone have a crumpet recipe? Can one make their own crumpets and have them be all beautiful spongy and golden and full of holes? Mmmmmmmmmmm....

[Iceberg]

The meat counter at the supermarket had a pair of the loveliest thick-cut pork chops you could ever hope to set eyes on tonight, so I took them home and made them for dinner for my love and I, with potatoes and sweet corn.

They were delicious.

[Zaia]

Mmmmm, sounds positively scrumptious!

[Iceberg]

Some people say that to get really nice color in steaks or other meats, you need to grill them. NOT SO!

You can get very good results with a brief pan sear followed by five minutes per side under the broiler. The trick is to get the pan REALLY REALLY HOT, to take advantage of the Maillard process. A minute and a half per side is all it takes. You'll get nice, grill-like color and good flavor with amazingly little prep.

[Iceberg]

Mmmmm, sounds positively scrumptious!

It was, oh yes it was.

[Vertigo1]

Here's a little something I loveingly call "ghetto chili"

Basically, you dump the following ingredients into a pot:

2 cans of chili beans
2 cans of kidney beans
2 cans of tomato sauce
1 can of diced tomatoes
2 cans of chili peppers
1 onion (diced or chopped)
1/2 pound of ground chuck hamburger meat (fully cooked obviously)

Mix it up and let it simmer until hot. Then you grate up some cheddar cheese. Put some fritos into the bottom of each bowl, and put as much cheese as you want on-top of the chips. Then pour the chili on top of that. Mix it up, and serve. Its DAMN good stuff. Matter of fact, I had some tonight.

[Dalton]

Ice watches too much Iron Chef.

[Knife]

my cooking skills are limited to throwing meat on the bbq and making waffles.

You can BBQ?

I can cook over a campfire, I can cook on a Camping stove and I can cook at home on a gas or electric range, but BBQ's and i don't mix. Either they're burnt to a crisp or only cooked on the outside. No matter how much i try the fucking things always defeat me.

Thats the beautey of a BBQ, it IS either burnt or burnt on the outside and raw on the inside. Thats the way MEN like it.

[The Yosemite Bear]

I scare the co-workers when they send me to the burger joint to fix the Ice Creame machine...

I wind up putting rice in the steamer (The big industrial thing we cook chilli in), and changing the fryer oil and making Tempura veggies and shrimp before they open. Then with my steamed rice, and lots of teriyaki....

Strange the burger staff eating Japanese food in the break area when the execs come by just looks wierd....

[The Yosemite Bear]

Oh, how to make LOBSTER, and Caesar salad in a burger joint.

Stuff you will need to bring into the Burger restaurant

2-3 heads of romaine lettice
2 loves of French bread
Butter
2 ;e,pm juice bulbs
Garlic & Seafood Seasoning
Parmesaen Cheese
Caesar salad Dressing

1. Place lobster in metal collander, stick collender into steamer.
2. Get a square topping insert, place 4 sticks of butter, seafood seasoning, the lemon juice, and the garlic paste inside it, leave this at the not so hot part of the burger grill to melt.
3. wash hands, now begin chopping your romaine lettuce and placing it in the biggest bowl in the restaurant (One of the Fry seasoning bowls will do.)
4. Add paramsan and Caesar Dressing to the mix.
5. wash hands. Get a new knife and new cutting board, and cube four to six of the precooked chicken breasts they use for the "Grilled Chicken Sandwhich" add to the top of the salad.
6. Take the butter sauce off of the heat.
7. After the Lobster has been in the steamer for 45 minutes he's done and is ready to serve.

8. Kick back in the break area on you off time and wage psychological war with the management.

[Iceberg]

Ice watches too much Iron Chef.

Nah. Iron Chef lets you marvel at other people's skills, but doesn't do much at imparting any skills itself. Good Eats, on the other hand, will show you a bunch of tasty recipes and the basic principles behind them, from Angel's Food cake to zebra chops (well, not really the zebra). Plus, series host Alton Brown is one of the more entertainingly geeky TV food show hosts on the air.

[Enforcer Talen]

my cooking skills are limited to throwing meat on the bbq and making waffles.

You can BBQ?

I can cook over a campfire, I can cook on a Camping stove and I can cook at home on a gas or electric range, but BBQ's and i don't mix. Either they're burnt to a crisp or only cooked on the outside. No matter how much i try the fucking things always defeat me.

campfires ist gut.

[Rob Wilson]

Hah. You're not the only Sith Apprentice. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE

<leaps at Rob and cuts off his head>

Rob fumbles around a bit and grabs his head. A bit of spot welding and " Damn it, at this rate I'll have a lump of weld instead of a neck. "

Later in the day, a shot rings out and the Highlander is circumsized with a .50 rifle round. Rob walks up to the squirming and pain wracked MacLeod "Remember, with Foreskins - there can be only None." The howl of pain from the Pun drowns out the previous groin related ones.

So passes another day in the Sith family household.

[Rob Wilson]

Hmmmm. Does anyone have a crumpet recipe? Can one make their own crumpets and have them be all beautiful spongy and golden and full of holes? Mmmmmmmmmmm....

But, but, but - that's Baking! I can cook but unless you like rock hard scones and cakes suitable for paving your drive with, baking is not something I can safely give recipes for.

Maybe if you ask Colin reeeaaalllyy nicely, he'll oblige.

[theski]

For the lovely Z

Crumpets are soft cakes made of a yeast mixture which are baked on a griddle in special metal rings. The underneath of a crumpet is smooth and brown and the top is full of small holes.

Makes 24

Strong plain flour - 350g (12 oz)
Fresh yeast - 15g (½ oz), or 7g (¼ oz) fast-action dried
Tepid water - 300 ml (½ pint)
Salt - ½ tsp
Bicarbonate of soda - ½ tsp
Milk - 225 ml (8 fl oz)
Vegetable oil

METHOD

Sift 175g (6 oz) flour into a mixing bowl and crumble in the fresh yeast or sprinkle in the fast-action dried yeast granules. Make a well in the centre of the flour mixture and pour in the water. Gradually mix together until smooth, beating well as the flour is worked into the liquid. Cover and leave to stand in a warm place for about 15 minutes until frothy.

Meanwhile, sift the remaining flour, salt and bicarbonate of soda into a large bowl, make a well in the centre, then pour in the yeast mixture and the milk. Mix to give a thick batter consistency.

Using a wooden spoon, vigorously beat the batter for 5 minutes to incorporate air. Cover and leave in a warm place for about 1 hour, until sponge like in texture. Beat the batter for a further 2 minutes.

Place a large, preferably non-stick frying pan on to a high heat and, using absorbent kitchen paper, rub a little oil over the surface. Grease the insides of 3 crumpet rings or three 8 cm (3 inch) plain metal pastry cutters. Place the rings blunt edge down on to the hot surface and leave for about 2 minutes, or until very hot.

Pour the batter into a large measuring jug. Pour a little batter into each ring to a depth of 1 cm (½ inch). Cook the crumpets for 5-7 minutes until the surface of each appears dry and is honeycombed with holes.

When the batter has set, carefully remove each metal ring. Flip the crumpet over and cook the second side for 1 minute only. Cool on a wire rack.

Continue cooking the crumpets until all the batter is used. It is important that the frying pan and metal rings are well oiled each time, and heated before the batter is poured in. When required, toast the crumpets on both sides and serve hot with butter.

You ask we deliver

[Raoul Duke, Jr.]

my cooking skills are limited to throwing meat on the bbq and making waffles.

You make waffles out of barbecued meat?! Friggin' weirdo. lol

[Zaia]

For the lovely Z

<snippity snipped the heavenly recipe>

You ask we deliver

*squeals in absolutel delight* Yay!! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!!

*runs over to theski and gives him a huge hug and a big, sloppy kiss*

That's awesome, babe. Thank you SO much!!!! *hugs again*

[Vertigo1]

HEY! How come I never get sloppy kisses?

*pouts*

[Zaia]

HEY! How come I never get sloppy kisses?

*pouts*

Sorry, hon, too slow. *quickly kisses Vertigo1's nose*



Edit: Speeling mistaque. Ewpz.

[Vertigo1]

bah!

[Zaia]

bah!

Ok, in honour of the Faerie Festival I went to today:


Faerie Bread

2 pieces of bread (white or potato)
butter/margarine
lots of Hundreds & Thousands (aka: hard, round, rainbow sprinkles)

Take the pieces of bread and smear butter on thickly. Cover with Hundreds & Thousands. Cut into triangles. Eat. Then make more.

[Iceberg]

Ingredients:

1 can Dinty Moore beef stew
1/2 package peas
Garlic
Curry powder to taste

Fried Rice:
1 cup rice, cooked
The other half a package of peas
1 egg, beaten

Fry rice with peas and egg. Serve stew with rice.

[Frank Hipper]

I've gotten disconected twice while trying to post this, my policy is if I lose an attempt three times, it wasn't meant to be. But Dinty Moore fried rice and Faerie bread deserve a response!

Coq au Vin

1 chicken, cut up, excluding back and other unservables.
Half pound of bacon, cut into matchsticks.
Bouquet Garni of Rosemary, Thyme, Marjorram, and Bay. Or dried equivalent.
One clove garlic, minced.
One pound Pearl Onions
Two pounds Button mushrooms, quartered lengthwise.
Three cups strong, dry, red wine.
Three cups beef stock.
Salt and black pepper to taste.
Half a jigger of brandy.

In a deep skillet or heavy soup pan, brown your bacon. Remove bacon, reserving the fat. Add chicken pieces skin side down, and slowly, over a medium heat, brown on both sides. The idea is to get the skin crispy without burning.
Remove chicken, turn heat up, and de-glaze pan with your brandy. Do this VERY CAREFULLY! The alchohol should ignite, don't burn your house down!
Add wine, stock, herbs, and garlic. Return chicken and bacon to pan, bring to boil, reduce heat to simmer.

Place onions, skin and all, in enough boiling water to cover for 1 minute, remove and place in ice water to stop cooking process. Your onions should be easy to peel now. Don't forget to remove root ends!
Cook onions in fresh, salted boiling water unitl fork tender, drain and keep warm.

In as large a skillet as possible, melt two tablespoons of butter, and add only as many mushrooms that form a single layer. You want to brown the mushrooms, not steam them, so you will have to do them in batches at a very high heat. Reserve and keep warm.

After chicken mixture has simmered for 45 minutes to 1 hour, take 1 tblsp of butter, and 1 tblsp of flour, and cook them together to make a roux, your thickening agent for the sauce. Bring the chicken pan mixture to a boil, swirl in roux, and cook until sauce has thickened to where it will coat the back of a spoon.

To serve, place a piece of chicken, a serving of the onions to one side, a serving of the mushrooms to the other, and cover it all liberally with the sauce. Serve with buttrered, boiled potatoes, buttered noodles, or rice.

[Rob Wilson]

Time for something that requires no cooking

Salad Sandwiches :

Either 1 pack of pre-cooked chicken slices, or a cooked chicken breast.
Either 1 pack of pre-cooked Ham slices, or a cooked ham.
Either 1 pack of pre-cooked Beef Slices, or some cooked Beef.
Some precooked cocktail sausages.
Fresh mushrooms.
Cheddar.
Red Leicester.
Spring onions.
Lettuce.
Carrot
Branston Pickle.
cress.
Black pepper.
6 slices of bread.
Butter.

Prep your veggies as necessary, if your meat isn't the sliced packet stuff, then get out a knife and start cutting it into the size of chunky slices real men eat. While you're at it cut the cocktail sausages either into slices the normal way, or for variety why not slice them lengthwise?

Slice your Cheddar thin and Red Leicester into man-sized slabs. Dice up the Spring onions, slice the mushrooms and take apart the lettuce into seperate leafs, and slice up the raw carrot.

Take a slice of bread and butter it, Place on a leaf or 2 of Lettuce, then some chunks of chicken and some wafer thin slices of cheddar, add the black pepper to the top of the cheddar. Take a second buttered slice of bread and place it on top, on this slice you put a spread of mushroom slices, then some chunks of ham, and sprinkle on the diced Spring onions. place a top piece of bread on this triple-decker.

Take a new piece of buttered bread for the next sandwiche base and place a few more leaves of lettuce, then the chunks of beef, and top with carrot slices. Place on next piece of buttered bread, on this place your slabs of Red Leicester and the sliced cocktail sausages, spread on the branston pickle, and then some cress. Top with last slice of bread.

Cut both sandwiches in half and serve to yourself with a large mug of tea... if there's any meat left, then make some more sandwiches you fool, veggies optional.