Inventions you have thought up

Superman · Post by **Superman** » 2003-05-04 08:24am

If you are like me, god help you, then you sometimes come up with new inventions that the world would be much better with. Here are just a few of mine.

masturbation cast: A cast designed such that those who broke their arm can still masturbate. It has a specially sculpted and textured grip, as well as a lubricant dispenser.

Christian Porn: Like regular porn, but at the end a clergyman comes out and prays with you asking God for forgiveness.

Chia Crab: A crotch-shaped Chia Pet with crabs growing in it; the purpose is to get kids to scrutinize and learn more about them

porn collection service: Workers dressed up as garbage men come by to collect and safely store porn which guys' girlfriends wanted thrown away; this way, no good porn is wasted...

crotch-sniffing dogs: Crotch-sniffing dogs that are trained to be able to determine if someone has a sexually transmitted disease

Next of Kin · Post by **Next of Kin** » 2003-05-04 09:15am

Those are some real useful inventions Superman....yeah.

Grand Admiral Thrawn · Post by **Grand Admiral Thrawn** » 2003-05-04 09:55am

Carpet nuking. Like carpet bombing, but a few magnitudes higher yield!

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-05-04 10:05am

Grand Admiral Thrawn wrote:Carpet nuking. Like carpet bombing, but a few magnitudes higher yield!

thats brilliant!

that will be usa's policy from now on.

Shadowhawk · Post by **Shadowhawk** » 2003-05-04 03:18pm

Superman wrote:porn collection service: Workers dressed up as garbage men come by to collect and safely store porn which guys' girlfriends wanted thrown away; this way, no good porn is wasted...

That's like The Man Show's 'Rest in Peace' (or whatever it was called) service skit.
You sign up, and when you die unexpectedly, professionals come to your home and clean out all signs of your hedonistic ways. Piles of porn become a bible on your nightstand. The inflatable dolls are replaced with afghans. The swinging sex harness with some nice track lighting.

And, hell, I think this would actually be a good service.

Superman · Post by **Superman** » 2003-05-04 07:40pm

Next of Kin, you really put the B.O. in BORING. You know that?

Darth Garden Gnome · Post by **Darth Garden Gnome** » 2003-05-04 07:42pm

The hang glider with razor blades. Not only are at the winds every mercy, but you can slash at stuff too!

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2003-05-04 07:48pm

I was thinking of a reclosable lid for aluminum cans, so it won't get knocked over and spilled once you open it.

I was also thinking of "beer glasses" someone could put on, and they would distort your eyesight and make ugly people look attractive. The "blood alcohol content" tab could be adjusted to make things look blurrier.

Superman · Post by **Superman** » 2003-05-04 07:50pm

Oh, let me go one further with those "beer glasses." How about "anti beer glasses." These glasses would make anyone look ugly, so when you are drunk and ugly girl at the bar looks hot, you just put these on to make her look ugly again. Prevents embarassing situations.

salm · Post by **salm** » 2003-05-04 07:54pm

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi wrote:I was thinking of a reclosable lid for aluminum cans, so it won't get knocked over and spilled once you open it.

I was also thinking of "beer glasses" someone could put on, and they would distort your eyesight and make ugly people look attractive. The "blood alcohol content" tab could be adjusted to make things look blurrier.

sorry, too late:

LAGWAGON
"Beer Goggles"

The turn out tonight is weak
The crowd is looking meager
Only 40 to 50 in the flock
But 3 more beers and I'm playin' Woodstock
And you can probably see that we're not all that tight
A couple more drinks will alter your sight
That does not mean fight
I'm not saying I have to be drunk
But tequila shots make it more fun
I'm havin' fun
[Chorus]
Oh, Beer Goggles
I love to put them on
Next to eachother at the bar
She's thinkin' he's the one
I'm thinkin' where's my car
She thinks I look good
Obviously she didn't smell that fart
"Oh, what kind of cologne is that you're wearing?"
Hey man, it's a start
"Hi, my name's Barbie"
"My name's Ken"
The perfect couple 'cause we're drunk in the head
I'm drunk again
[Repeat Chorus]
And one size fits all!!!

and the simpsons had beer gogles in the duff land episode.

Frank Hipper · Post by **Frank Hipper** » 2003-05-04 07:59pm

I have yet to find a distibutor for my "U-Needa" brand addictive laxative. Someday, someday......
Of course, the fact that it's addictive is NOT advertised!

kojikun · Post by **kojikun** » 2003-05-04 08:43pm

Dual powered counterrotating gyroscopes with powerful magnets attached to the superstructure. Place it over another magnet and itll float until the batteries die.

Scale it up and you can float a car or something over a magnetic track without rails.

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2003-05-04 09:33pm

The Home Urinal: Ladies, are you tired of falling into open toilets? Guys, are you embarassed when you're too drunk or it's too dark to hit the bowl and you piss all over the floor? Antiocorp LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary United Consolidated Conglomerates, Inc., proudly presents the Lil' Flusher Home Urinal! Now you guys can empty your bladders half-conscious leaning against the wall just like you do in a sleazy bar men's room! No more pissing in the sink! Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back*.

*We never specified WHO'S satisfaction.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2003-05-04 09:59pm

Say, is this home urinal meant to be put in the living room? A urinal in the living room is a real sign of class, you know.

Mutant Headcrab · Post by **Mutant Headcrab** » 2003-05-04 10:35pm

I once actually worked out plans for a two-in-one ketchup and catsup dispenser. I scrapped that when I was informed that they were essentially on and the same. I then created a two-in-one Mustard and Ketchup bottle. It would have had a plastic divider in the middle and a dual opening at the top with seperate lids for those who don't want mustard and ketchup at once. The protoype failed horribly when a family of four were brutally injured in a mishap with the sole prototype bottle.

Superman · Post by **Superman** » 2003-05-04 10:41pm

RedImp, that is brilliant man. But what will we do with all of those sinks?

TrailerParkJawa · Post by **TrailerParkJawa** » 2003-05-05 12:34am

Auto-Butt Wiper: You pierce each butt cheek with a ring. Put a bar or chain between each ring. On that bar or chain you place a roll of toilet paper. That way when you take a dump, it will revolve the toilet paper wiping your butt.

Stupid I know, but Superman might find it funny. I thought this up one day when I was bored in college.

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2003-05-05 12:39am

I had intended for the home urinal to go in bathrooms--the plumbing is already there, after all. However, it could also go in places like small closets just off the den or the rec room. This saves the expense of installing another full bathroom. But hell, if you want it in the living room, put it in the living room.

Supes: We could use the sinks for washing our hands, or our teeth, or shaving, or the like. Things people usually don't do in the toilet.

Superman · Post by **Superman** » 2003-05-05 12:44am

Sink for brushing teeth and shaving? That is just crazy enough to maybe work...

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2003-05-05 12:45am

Here ya go!

The Zero-Point-Field Gravitic Matter/Antimatter Ramjet! Works in all types of atmosphere, underwater, and in space!

http://www.daltonator.net/images/sn0/ZP ... Engine.gif

Big images annoy me

Sorry about that. Lata and Happy Fragging! ~E. Sn0 -+31337+-

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2003-05-05 01:01am

Underwater? Einey, you've designed an engine that could level the entire Atlantic seaboard if the antimatter isolation circuits corrode in salt water.

Cyborg Stan · Post by **Cyborg Stan** » 2003-05-05 01:26am

Well, more like sci-fi thingies that I slapped together a host of odd ideas for. Here are some for which I can still find the information to...

GHOUL Unit Original Description
GHOUL Mental Characteristics

Some ideas for a humanoid fighting unit. (Main limitations - has to outwardly and somewhat mentally pass for human, and has to have a bit of a hard-sci-fi bent to it.) Some of the features I didn't think all the way through or simply added it in without too much thought about the consequences (example - multiple independant metabolic paths for all the cells, etc) I like the descriptions of the mental traits better.

Body Armor
I more or less slapped together a few ideas and ran it a few times in my mind. Anybody with decent materials science or better military hardware know-how can do better.

Nanotech Mines
Nanotech Mine (Further thoughts on detection.)

Some more here and there.....

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2003-05-05 01:30am

RedImperator wrote:Underwater? Einey, you've designed an engine that could level the entire Atlantic seaboard if the antimatter isolation circuits corrode in salt water.

That's assuming they're not encased in synthetic diamond (which they are).

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-05-05 01:58am

Why should I talk about all the inventions I have thought up? I want to become rich because of them, not make you rich.

Grand Admiral Thrawn · Post by **Grand Admiral Thrawn** » 2003-05-05 08:04am

Einhander Sn0m4n wrote:
RedImperator wrote:Underwater? Einey, you've designed an engine that could level the entire Atlantic seaboard if the antimatter isolation circuits corrode in salt water.
That's assuming they're not encased in synthetic diamond (which they are).

I'm sure diamond can block megaton level destruction...

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Inventions you have thought up

Inventions you have thought up

Re: Inventions you have thought up

Eyeballs. Eyeballs. Eyeballs. Eyeballs. Eyeballs. Eyeballs.