US Sub Attacked In Arctic

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2003-05-13 02:57pm

USS Connecticut.

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-05-13 03:03pm

Ah so even the polar bears are against us. They must be the northern member of the Axis of Evil.

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-05-13 03:08pm

Damn. I thought it were the Nazis of Greenland again.

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2003-05-13 03:12pm

Clearly the bear is an atheist communist satanist pinko leftie French democrat trying to attack and destroy America and convert us all to Islam and make us live on communes (which are all named Berkeley) where we are forced to have interracial gay sex with minors on a mattress of torn up Bibles...

*looks around*

...what?

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2003-05-13 03:14pm

The commies got to the bears, they're too late to save.

Montcalm · Post by **Montcalm** » 2003-05-13 03:16pm

Its so cute a bear playing with a sub.

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2003-05-13 03:17pm

Clearly this is an attack on a United States warship. We must not let this go unpunished. Let the nukes fly!

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-05-13 03:20pm

Gil Hamilton wrote:Clearly the bear is an atheist communist satanist pinko leftie French democrat trying to attack and destroy America and convert us all to Islam and make us live on communes (which are all named Berkeley) where we are forced to have interracial gay sex with minors on a mattress of torn up Bibles...

*looks around*

...what?

If they're atheist, why would they try to get us to convert to Islam?

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2003-05-13 03:25pm

neoolong wrote:If they're atheist, why would they try to get us to convert to Islam?

I couldn't think of which group the extreme far-right has beef with to use, so I decided to use all of them. I'm well aware that they are contradictory (the satanist part contradicts both the atheist and islamic parts as well). You'll notice I used two different phrases for communist as well. Now silence before I sic the Ann Coulter plushie on you.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-05-13 03:34pm

Obviously the bear was trained by the CIA back in the 1970's to fight the Reds, but now has turned against us.

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2003-05-13 03:52pm

Sea Skimmer wrote:Obviously the bear was trained by the CIA back in the 1970's to fight the Reds, but now has turned against us.

Don't forget all the weapons we sold them. Sub seeking noses, admantium claws, and laser death beam eyes. So therefor we must allow bears to eat our submarines.

And of course there is the Snow Balls of Mass Destruction program.

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2003-05-13 03:54pm

I only hope the Emperor Penguins around the globe stay neutral.

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2003-05-13 03:58pm

Admiral Valdemar wrote:I only hope the Emperor Penguins around the globe stay neutral.

Well, if they turn against us and venture from the South Hemisphere to attack us, our Navy Dolphins allies will have a field day.

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-05-13 04:05pm

Admiral Valdemar wrote:I only hope the Emperor Penguins around the globe stay neutral.

But they're Emperor penguins. That means they're a monarchy. And we didn't fight the Revolutionary War to let a bunch of prissy birds get away with something like that. INVADE!

El Moose Monstero · Post by **El Moose Monstero** » 2003-05-13 04:30pm

I regret to inform you all, that the Emperor Penguins have been allied with the Moose Rebellion for quite some time, they form the core of our penguins of mass destruction program, and their mad ruling elite spend more time playing football and watching The Empire Strikes Back to concern themselves with the petty struggles of the Polar Bears and the United States.

Not that that was a shameless plug or anything... now this thing in my sink, that's a shameless plug, why, only last night I heard it selling itself on the streets for money.

Dahak · Post by **Dahak** » 2003-05-13 05:33pm

Ohhhh, that's soooo cute

Andrew J. · Post by **Andrew J.** » 2003-05-13 07:42pm

Greenpeace is trying to strike back! We must destroy the wildlife!

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-05-13 07:50pm

Andrew J. wrote:Greenpeace is trying to strike back! We must destroy the wildlife!

I suggest we do so by removing the secondary cooling loop on out submarine reactors, seawater will then be pumped directly through the reactor before being dumped back into the ocean.

Post by **RogueIce** » 2003-05-13 08:07pm

Bear Attacks Sub wrote:The SSN 22 is a Seawolf class boat, one of the navy's newest submarines. It wasn't designed as a polar bear snack, but that's how life is sometimes.

That's sigable.

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2003-05-13 10:12pm

At least the bear didn't try to have sex with it.

Solid Snake · Post by **Solid Snake** » 2003-05-13 11:21pm

Wicked Pilot wrote:At least the bear didn't try to have sex with it.

I wonder what the kids would look like.

Post by **Gandalf** » 2003-05-14 12:45am

Can't wait for the Soccer Mum's to start banning all things to do with bears now.

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-05-14 12:57am

Founds this on a link from this same page.

An Iraqi general summons Saddam's 48 body doubles to a safe house in Iraq.

"I have good news and I have bad news" he told the doubles. "The good news is, Saddam is alive!"

Everybody in the room gave a big cheer "Saddam!" "Saddam!" "Saddam!" "Saddam!"

The Iraqi General then turned to the doubles and said, "The bad news is, he's lost an arm."

TrailerParkJawa · Post by **TrailerParkJawa** » 2003-05-14 01:04am

Seeing those pics make me want to sing, "What would you do with a Klondike Bar?"

Companion Cube · Post by **Companion Cube** » 2003-05-14 01:40am