Cards I wish Hallmark made

[Drach]

1. I always wanted --to have someone to hold, someone to love. After meeting you ... (inside card)
I changed my mind.

2. I must admit, You brought religion into my life ... (inside card)
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am ... (inside card)
That you're not here to ruin it for me.

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go ... (inside card)
Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.

5. Someday I hope to marry ... (inside card)
Someone other than you.

6. Happy birthday! You look great for your age ... (inside card)
Almost lifelike!

7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me.. . (inside card)
Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

8. We've been friends for a very long time ... (inside card)
What do you say we stop?

9. I'm so miserable without you ... (inside card)
It's almost like you're still here.

10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy... (inside card)
Did you ever find out who the father was?

11. You are such a good friend . If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket ... (inside card)
I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

12. Your friends and I wanted to do something really special for your birthday. . . . (inside card)
So we're having you put to sleep.

13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (This card is available only in Alabama, Mississippi, and West Virginia).

14. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder ... (inside card)
What was I thinking?

[Acacia]

It would only be polite to credit your sources:

http://www.ewheelin.com/GRhumor344.htm

http://webpages.csus.edu/~sac78655/

http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Hill ... html#cards

http://www.zasos.com/humor/various/what ... print.html

To name a few.

[Raxmei]

This seems to be the only kind of post that Drach makes.

[neoolong]

Are you trying to depress me?

[Drach]

I do chime in on debates on occasion, if you care to look beyond. And hey, I like jokes, who doesn't?

[Peregrin Toker]

13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (This card is available only in Alabama, Mississippi, and West Virginia).

And only to relatives to Cletus The Slackjawed Yokel.

[Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi]

I do chime in on debates on occasion, if you care to look beyond. And hey, I like jokes, who doesn't?

Yes, we do like jokes, and I thought the cards mentioned in the topic were funny, but we're saying that if you're going to do something like that, give credit to the places you got them from.