God Questionaire

[Straha]

God's Total Quality Management Questionnaire
God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.
Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.

1. How did you find out about God?


__ Bible
__ Torah
__ Koran
__ Other Book
__ Television
__ Newspaper
__ Tabloid
__ Word of mouth __ Near Death Experience
__ Burning Shrubbery
__ Divine Inspiration
__ Other (specify): _______







2. Which model God did you acquire?

__ Yahweh
__ Jehovah
__ Allah
__ Jesus
__ Three Pack
(Father
Son &
Holy Ghost)
__ None of the above
(False Gods
Satan
Wicca)


3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?

__ Yes __ No

If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered
here:_________________________________________
_____________________________________________

4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire God? Please check all that apply.

__ Indoctrinated by parents
__ Indoctrinated by society
__ Fear of death
__ Desperate need for certainty
__ Imaginary friend grew up
__ Like Organ Music
__ Wanted to meet girls/boys
__ Wanted to piss off parents
__ Hate to think for myself
__ Needed a reason to live
__ Needed focus in on who to
despise
__ Need to feel Morally Superior
__ My shrubbery caught fire
and told me to do it
__ A day away from work



5. Have you ever worshiped a God before? If so, which false god were you fooled by? Please check all that apply.

__ Odin
__ Zeus
__ Apollo
__ Bacchus
__ Ra
__ The Sun
__ The Moon
__ Atheism
__ Satan
__ Satin
__ Bill Clinton
__ Bill Gates
__ The Bomb
__ Slim Pickins
__ The great Spirit
__ The Great Pumpkin
__ Left Wing Liberalism
__ The Almighty Dollar
__ A burning Busch Lite
__ Barney
__ Other: __________



6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply.

__ Tarot
__ Astrology
__ Fortune cookies
__ Psychic Friends
Network
__ Dianetics
__ Palmistry
__ Biorhythms
__ Crystals
__ Tea Leaves
__ Television
__ Self-help books
__ Pyramids
__ Playboy and/or
Playgirl
__ Jimmy Swaggert
__ Kama Sutra
__ Bill Clinton
__ Sex, Drugs and
Rock and Roll
__ Wandering around
a desert
__ Human Sacrifice
__ Mantras
__ Satanic Cult
__ Burning Shrubbery
__ Barney
__ Barney Fife
__ None
__ Other: _________





7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer (circle one)?

a. More Divine Intervention
b. Less Divine Intervention
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
d. Don't know...what's Divine Intervention?

8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the
following (1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent):

Disasters

Flood.......................
Famine.....................
Earthquake...............
War.........................
Pestilence.................
Plague......................
Moral Majority.........
SPAM.....................
Bill Gates.................
Bob Saget................
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5


Miracles

Rescues..............................................
Spontaneous remissions......................
Stars hovering over towns...................
Crying statues.....................................
Water changing to wine.......................
Walking on water...............................
(Hudson River excluded)
Talking flaming shrubbery....................
VCR's that set their own clocks..........
Saddam Hussein still alive...................
Cubs winning the Series......................
Clinton's re-election............................
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5

1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5



9. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary):
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________

Thank you for your Patronage!

[Rhadamanthus]

_My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it

*falls down laughing*

[Crown]

That is the funniest thing I have read all day! Thanks Straha, you've made my day for me!

[Darth Yoshi]

LOL! Try publishing this, Straha.

[Edi]

ROFLMAO!

Straha, may I copy this and post it on a couple of other boards I frequent? Some of those places could use a good laugh!

Edi

[Dalton]

This is going on the Fanfic Archive.

[EmperorMing]

Gotta watch out for the burning shrubbery...

[NecronLord]

God's Total Quality Management Questionnaire
God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.
Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.

1. How did you find out about God?


__ Bible
__ Torah
__ Koran
__ Other Book
__ Television
__ Newspaper
__ Tabloid
__ Word of mouth __ Near Death Experience
__ Burning Shrubbery
__ Divine Inspiration
x_ Other (specify): saw you you little git







2. Which model God did you acquire?

__ Yahweh
__ Jehovah
__ Allah
__ Jesus
__ Three Pack
(Father
Son &
Holy Ghost)
x_ None of the above
(False Gods
Satan
Wicca)


3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?

__ Yes X_ No

If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered
here:______ Insufficient knowlage and morality___________________________________


4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire God? Please check all that apply.

__ Indoctrinated by parents
__ Indoctrinated by society
__ Fear of death
__ Desperate need for certainty
__ Imaginary friend grew up
__ Like Organ Music
__ Wanted to meet girls/boys
__ Wanted to piss off parents
__ Hate to think for myself
__ Needed a reason to live
x_ Needed focus in on who to
despise
__ Need to feel Morally Superior
__ My shrubbery caught fire
and told me to do it
__ A day away from work



5. Have you ever worshiped a God before? If so, which false god were you fooled by? Please check all that apply.

__ Odin
__ Zeus
__ Apollo
__ Bacchus
X_ Ra I am called RE foolish mortal! do not interfere with the affairs of necrons!
__ The Sun
__ The Moon
x_ Atheism
__ Satan
__ Satin
x_ Bill Clinton
x_ Bill Gates
x_ The Bomb
__ Slim Pickins
__ The great Spirit
__ The Great Pumpkin
__ Left Wing Liberalism
__ The Almighty Dollar
__ A burning Busch Lite
__ Barney
__ Other: __________



6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply.

__ Tarot
__ Astrology
__ Fortune cookies
__ Psychic Friends
Network
__ Dianetics
__ Palmistry
__ Biorhythms
__ Crystals
__ Tea Leaves
__ Television
__ Self-help books
x_ Pyramids (only when able to fly, made from living metal and able to do 6e11*C
__ Playboy and/or
Playgirl
__ Jimmy Swaggert
__ Kama Sutra
__ Bill Clinton
__ Sex, Drugs and
Rock and Roll
x_ Wandering around
a desert
x_ Human Sacrifice
__ Mantras
__ Satanic Cult
__ Burning Shrubbery
__ Barney
__ Barney Fife
__ None
x_ Other: _SELF___





7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer (circle one)?

a. More Divine Intervention
b. Less Divine Intervention X
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
d. Don't know...what's Divine Intervention?

8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the
following (1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent):

Disasters

Flood....................... 3
Famine..................... 4
Earthquake............... 2
War......................... 1
Pestilence................. 2
Plague...................... Idiotic deity, same thing
Moral Majority......... 5
SPAM..................... 5
Bill Gates................. 0
Bob Saget................ 2
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5


Miracles

Rescues.............................................. 0
Spontaneous remissions...................... 0
Stars hovering over towns................... 0
Crying statues..................................... 0
Water changing to wine....................... 0
Walking on water............................... 0
(Hudson River excluded) 0
Talking flaming shrubbery.................... 5
VCR's that set their own clocks.......... 0
Saddam Hussein still alive................... 0
Cubs winning the Series...................... 0
Clinton's re-election............................ 0
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5

1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5



9. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary):
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________

Thank you for your Patronage!