Spanking kids.

Bug-Eyed Earl · Post by **Bug-Eyed Earl** » 2003-05-29 03:34am

I have very mixed feelings about this. I was raised in one of those redneck environments that seemed to encourage parents to take pride in "whupping the kids." To me, it is not something to talk about if you do it within reason; keep it private. If you talk about it asi if you take pride in "teaching kids a lesson.", it is beyond trashy.

I never actually got it until I got older when my dad remarried, and my stepmother was always accusing me of crap I didn't do (I think she was trying to get me to want to move out, which I finally did right before I turned 18,). I rarely REALLY did anything wrong. But it didn't matter anyway, I got treated like I was the kid from "The Omen." It got to where I didn't want to be left alone, because usually I was accused of messing with stuff I wasn't supposed to or going where I shouldn't.

Raised in such an environment, I wonder if it is even possible for a child to turn out normal and well-adjusted without their parents laying a finger on them. MY theory is that you CAN do it; if anything, spanking teaches you to be afraid of the consequences of your actions in regards to YOU, when parents should be focusing on why a child's actions can hurt other people. Teaching empathy is much more important; if you just spank your kids, I feel they will simply rebel in every way possible as soon as they get out of the house.

Do you think it is possible to have well-adjusted children without ever using corporal punishment after a certain age?

Companion Cube · Post by **Companion Cube** » 2003-05-29 05:13am

Agreed. IMO, spanking is acceptable, as long as it is for a reason, and the child knows this.

As for your question: Not sure.

Post by **Gandalf** » 2003-05-29 05:27am

I was never spanked after I was about 6. I'm good now.

Knife · Post by **Knife** » 2003-05-29 01:29pm

Do you think it is possible to have well-adjusted children without ever using corporal punishment after a certain age?

Absolutely. However, there must be consequences for their actions that are both reasonable yet does harm(or miscomfort) to the offender weather you mind fuck them or you use phsical punishment.

Zoink · Post by **Zoink** » 2003-05-29 01:52pm

I was never spanked, yet was a good kid. No problems with school, drugs, alcohol, crime, etc. In an area where kids start drinking at age 14-15, I was the exception (and one of the few to go through university).

Somehow my delinquent neighbour (who was spanked) never acted up at my house while under the supervision of my mother. I think there are many ways to enforce authority, not all of these are violent. My parents were able to project a sense of authority; that they knew what they were talking about; that you were doing something wrong. I got the impression that my friend next door didn’t respect his parents and he considered their “rules” to be senseless nagging. I think they used spanking as a crutch, they just didn’t know how to control a kid.

Vertigo1 · Post by **Vertigo1** » 2003-05-29 02:26pm

I was spanked until I was around like 7 or so. Worked fine for me.

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2003-05-29 02:48pm

I was spanked as a kid. Spanking really doesn't screw up kids like some pop psychiatrists think.

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-05-29 03:00pm

Spanking and not spanking can produce good kids. Both can produce screwed up kids as well.

You don't need it to produce decent kids.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-05-29 03:45pm

It's not necessary for all kids, but there's nothing wrong with it, if done correctly.

Saurencaerthai · Post by **Saurencaerthai** » 2003-05-29 07:29pm

Here's my view:
Yes, it can serve as a means of dicipline, however the problem is that in many situations, it can turn from dicipline to the parent's means of venting annoyance or anger.

Anyway, I think there are ways to dicipline without ever striking the child. If a child is misbehaving, send them to their room or corner, or wherever, and give them a time out. If they violate the time out, it starts over again. No young kid wants to be sitting alone doing nothing for long. I think that it's also more effective if it is adhered to fully, not occasionally giving time outs for bad behavior. Better not to have the incentive not to misbehave be boredom than not having pain inflicted on one's self.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-05-29 07:57pm

Spanking is okay, but only if used rarely, for serious punishments.

I think I was spanked far too often, personally, and I can't recall it ever helping me much other than questioning how my parents (my mother, really) could love me but spank me for the smallest offense.

UltraViolence83 · Post by **UltraViolence83** » 2003-05-29 10:35pm

I hate the media's portrayal of child-spanking parents as drunked abusers. That's largely bullshit. I was fucking spanked (but mostly threatened) with a goddamn ping pong paddle and I don't go into hysterical fits whenever I see one. Hell, it taught me to be devious: I found where they were stored and swiped them.

As a matter of fact, the misaligned trust and betrayal dealt to me by a nurse who said she "wouldn't hurt me" who then stabbed my ass cheek with a syringe probably did much worse psychological damage.

Coaan · Post by **Coaan** » 2003-05-29 10:44pm

In my opinion, if your a good parent...you don't need it....there are far better ways to disipline a child than resorting to violence...what does it teach them for one?

It's not nessicary for raising someone...infact, some of the time...it can have the opposite effect it's meant to represent

BrYaN19kc · Post by **BrYaN19kc** » 2003-05-30 01:41am

If a kid needs his (as my grandparents say) his but blistered, then do it if the kid needs it.

I can only ever remember being spanked once, and YES I deserved it.

I can think of a lot of times when a kid needs to be spanked. What are parents supposed to do, give them everything they want? THen when they get it and expect it all their lives and can't get it, it's the parents' fault?

Sorry, but spanking a kid is necessary sometimes, not giving in to them. The parents are the parents and the kids are the kids. At least until they move out!

ArmorPierce · Post by **ArmorPierce** » 2003-05-30 02:03am

me getting spanked (well, beat on) resulted in me eventually starting to fight back. If anything me getting hit made me resent my parents. that the fact that my mother would tell me that she doesn't love me while doing it so I was being beaten as a form of venting anger and annoyance.

Post by **weemadando** » 2003-05-30 02:27am

A spanking is OK as long as it is justified and doesn't go into the territory of beating. A quick smack on the backside should be discouragement enough.

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2003-05-30 03:19am

No punishment is a placebo for bad behavior. The most disturbing thing about spanking is some parents' insistence that it IS, which is part of why so many times it crosses over into abuse--parents get frustrated that spanking isn't turning their kid into a perfect little angel, so their increase the frequency and/or severity of them.

Spanking, done right, should not do any more than inflict mild discomfort and should be used in conjunction with other punishments. In my case, I was never spanked without also being sent to my room and getting a stern lecture-- got an entire suite of punishments when I acted up. It shouldn't be used to stop bad behavior in progress--acting up in public, for example. It should never be used to humiliate an older child--that's begging for a fistfight in about five years and is akin to pissing away your entire relationship with your kid once he's out of the house. It should, of course, never be used to vent anger at the child--give him a light swat and send him to his room, then go kick the shit out of a punching bag, and if you don't trust yourself to hold back, then just send him to his room.

And I do believe that certain parents can raise their kids without spanking, if they follow through with non-corporal punishments. The advantage of spanking is that you can deliver one in about ten seconds, whereas if a kid is grounded or sent to his room or otherwise punished, the temptation is always there to try to be a good guy and end the punishment early (or, worse, for another parent or relative to do so--if you'd like to turn a child into an insufferable brat, have his adult authority figures present a disunited front to him. This method is also helpful if you're looking to have huge, screaming, divorce-causing fights between parents). Ineffective punishements are just as bad as no punishment at all--worse, perhapse, because a child that isn't punished for an act might only assume he can get away with that act, while a child punished ineffectively might correctly assume he can get away with ANY act.

Sir Sirius · Post by **Sir Sirius** » 2003-05-30 04:16am

I think that the whole "punishment" theme so common to child upringing is redundant at best, stupid at worst. I was never actualy punished as a kid, the worse I got was a stern lecture and an explanation what I did wrong and why it was wrong. That was plenty of "punisment" and worked fine for me and my brother.

IMHO, spanking (or any other form of corporal punishment) = child abuse.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-06-01 01:07pm

I was spanked. I dunno. am I maladjusted?

Nathan F · Post by **Nathan F** » 2003-06-01 03:33pm

As a child I was spanked, but only for serious reasons and it was made clear to me as to what I did to get the spanking. It taught me very quickly that whatever I did was wrong, and also let me learn that there are at times serious consequences to my actions. Needless to say, after one or two spankings for the same thing, I never did it again.

I do believe I will spank my children if need be, but it will be a private matter and they will be told why they are being spanked.

Crazy_Vasey · Post by **Crazy_Vasey** » 2003-06-01 03:59pm

Well, a quick swat to get the message across is fine but a full on whupping? No way, that's just taking it way too far in my opinion.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-06-01 08:58pm

if you give red marks, its too far, and if your doing it to show anger, not attitude adjustment, then its too far.

rule of thumb for my fam.

Hamel · Post by **Hamel** » 2003-06-01 09:11pm

I received two spankings as a child. I didn't deserve either of them.

I've observed that taking away priviledges is far more effective, and usually results in more homework and studies getting done.

Physically restraining your kid isn't something I'd have a problem with~ Pick him up, take him to his room and lock the door

Far too many people are enthusiastic about handing out spankings like candy~ Even worse are the scumbags who brag about how they keep their kids "in line". Makes me wanna take a sledgehammer and bludgeon them.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-06-01 09:47pm

inevitably, I must post

http://maddox.xmission.com/beat.html