Klingons vs. Ewoks

[Coaan]

Ewoks would so own the klingons...the ewoks for one were showing tactics with the use of traps and set points and the like....what do the klingons use? the 'get 'em kev!' approach to warfare....we'll just run at our enemy drooling...and hope they fall over laughing...

The ewoks have the air...they have the height...the terrain bonus and the natural camo...ever pondered how hard it would be to hit someone half your height in hth without getting speared in the nuts and killed before hand?

Just ask Keevan there...

[Kurgan]

What do you mean the Ewoks were getting killed by the Stormtroopers, only one was killed, and that was when they played the really sad music, all the rest just beat the stromtroopers or ran to their next barbaric weapon.

Watch ROTJ (SE or not, but definately the Widescreen version) and watch carefully during the Endor battle.

The camera quick cuts and pans away, but the ewoks take HEAVY casualties (perhaps even from their own Walker at one point, but I may be wrong about that, since you don't know if it may be a surviving Imp walker). They just focus on the one who died, to symbolize the great sacrafice the Ewok population was making for the war effort.

GL obviously didn't want to show heaps upon heaps of Ewok corpses and scare the kiddies (but back when he made ANH, he had no such qualms about showing Jawa corpses in the same way). He's gone soft...

[CJvR]

ROTJ would have been so much better with the imperials advancing over a carpet of dead Ewoks to the tunes of the Imperial march, then the shield generator blow up in the background...

[Shroom Man 777]

ROTJ would have been so much better with the imperials advancing over a carpet of dead Ewoks to the tunes of the Imperial march, then the shield generator blow up in the background...

And then the Death Star utilizes its inbuilt shield generator.

I'd love that.

DAMN YOU TEDDY BEARS!!!!

[Patrick Ogaard]

GL obviously didn't want to show heaps upon heaps of Ewok corpses and scare the kiddies (but back when he made ANH, he had no such qualms about showing Jawa corpses in the same way). He's gone soft...

Also, Jawas aren't cute, and thus the kiddies aren't going to be much put out by a couple of dirty brown robes with some scorch marks being tossed on a fire so they don't stink up the desert.

Just think of ST:TMP. Now, replace the ill-fated Klingon cruisers from the beginning with a trio of hospital ships full of gravely ill, large-eyed children tended by terrified, large-eyed, sixteen-year-old nuns shrieking in terror as they and their helpless, cute charges are mercilessly destroyed by V'Ger.

Then replace the similarly ill-fated Federation outpost with a Federation colony centered on a large orphanage for victims of some recent conflict with the Klingons. Hordes of chubby, happy, large-eyed children with the faintly haunted looks of war survivors play in the sun with chubby little bunnies and puppies and kittens, supervised by wistfully smiling adults. Then the whole colony is digitized, with children running desperately in mortal fear as they see their friends, their world, their caretakers, all mercilessly and rather slowly destroyed.

Had GL wanted to, he would have been, in terms of drama, well within his rights to show violence in two incidents that were (quite rightly to avoid an R rating) glossed over: the "questioning" of Luke's foster parents and the destruction of Alderaan.

The Imperial interrogation of Luke's foster parents is only hinted at, implied, but there's really no doubt it happened. The official bit of info from Han Solo at Stars' End, regarding the procedure known as "the Burning" is clear enough. It is further supported by the simple fact that the scorched, blood-smeared skeletons are draped in a way that makes it impossible for them to have escaped the fire in the subsurface farm. The arm and leg bones had no muscles and tendons left to allow movment, and one of the corpses was faced away from the entrance and draped backwards over some packing cases.

The conclusion is inevitable: the troopers immobilized the two targets, probably choosing Beru as the first (prone) victim. A blaster rifle is set to the setting that allows the weapon to be used much like a plasma torch. The weapon is first used to slowly scorch the flesh off one leg, after which the next leg follows, then the arms, and then just to make their point the troopers finish the job with the torso and head. Owen, held down by troopers while his beloved wife is being tortured to death before his eyes, is enveloped in the smoke rising off her scorched flesh.

Then the screaming stops, with only a bit of sizzling and popping of fat, his wife reduced to a blood-smeared skeleton. And then it's Owen's turn. Good thing he had no real idea where Luke was off to...

Come to think of it, that scene itself would have rated an X, with manadatory issuance of barf bags to all attendees of the screening and equally mandatory psychological counseling after the screening.

Similarly, the Alderann scene could have been easily padded with some beauty shots of happy folks living happy lives on the happy surface of happy Alderaan, until the big beach ball appears in the sky and all the happy stuff of billions of people vaporizes and reaches escape velocity within a few blinks of an eye. Billions of happy futures end abruptly, in 16:9 aspect closeup. Ick.

[GREAHSIAM]

The Klingons would just bring lots of barbaque sauce and a few buckets of Gagh (fresh, of course).

[Anarchist Bunny]

Wow, a heavy intoxicated ewok on a pile of klingon corpses, why is that such a happy scene to me. Probly 'cause a drunk ewok sounds cool.

[TurboPhaser]

I'd say Klingons. I was utterly ashamed when Stormtroopers were defeated by TEDDY BEARS. Granted Chewie took over that AT thing, but still, the Ewoks did a good job fighting the Troopers.

Neither the Ewoks or Klingons use long range energy weapons much, so I'd say that a Klingon can use a sword better than a Ewok can use a stick.

[Dalton]

This whole "Stormtroopers beaten by Teddy Bears" brain bug pisses me off. You don't judge them by how they LOOK; you judge them by what they DO. Ewoks are obviously masterful trap-builders, extremely intuitive, have VERY good senses, are apparently quite strong and are arboreal masters. They are what they were meant to be: Junior Wookiees.

The 'troopers were beaten by an overwhelmingly large force of primitive hunters who probably have more actual forest fighting experience than the troopers had training.

In conclusion, they were beaten by cute, vicious, deadly killer (and quite intelligent) Teddy Bears.

[TurboPhaser]

This whole "Stormtroopers beaten by Teddy Bears" brain bug pisses me off. You don't judge them by how they LOOK; you judge them by what they DO. Ewoks are obviously masterful trap-builders, extremely intuitive, have VERY good senses, are apparently quite strong and are arboreal masters. They are what they were meant to be: Junior Wookiees.

The 'troopers were beaten by an overwhelmingly large force of primitive hunters who probably have more actual forest fighting experience than the troopers had training.

In conclusion, they were beaten by cute, vicious, deadly killer (and quite intelligent) Teddy Bears.

Hehe, very true. But what makes it worse is that Vader said they were his best troops

Oops.

[Darth Servo]

Neither the Ewoks or Klingons use long range energy weapons much, so I'd say that a Klingon can use a sword better than a Ewok can use a stick.

Stick? You mean SPEAR. And if we're not counting energy weapons, the Ewoks have bows and arrows. What do the klingons have besides their fancy swords?

[Darth Servo]

Hehe, very true. But what makes it worse is that Vader said they were his best troops

Oops.

Most of whom wereguarding the FRONT entrance to the shield generator. The rebels were at the back door.

[TurboPhaser]

Neither the Ewoks or Klingons use long range energy weapons much, so I'd say that a Klingon can use a sword better than a Ewok can use a stick.

Stick? You mean SPEAR. And if we're not counting energy weapons, the Ewoks have bows and arrows. What do the klingons have besides their fancy swords?

How about 'Sharpened stick'? Well, if you include their bows and arrows, i guess it would be fair to give the Klingons their disruptors back.

Klingons have nothing but 'fancy swords' when their guns are gone. They have a few other blades, which may be suitable for throwing.

[Dalton]

How about 'Sharpened stick'? Well, if you include their bows and arrows, i guess it would be fair to give the Klingons their disruptors back.

Klingons have nothing but 'fancy swords' when their guns are gone. They have a few other blades, which may be suitable for throwing.

When you have an enemy who can hide in the trees and has better senses than the Klingons, one side's gonna be thoroughly fucked.

[TurboPhaser]

Hmm, i suppose.

Can Klingons climb trees?

This all depends on how many Klingons invade.

They do have experience in hunting fluffy things, like the 'Great Tribble Hunts'

Then again, Tribbles dont offer much resistance.

[Darth Servo]

How about 'Sharpened stick'? Well, if you include their bows and arrows, i guess it would be fair to give the Klingons their disruptors back.

Then the Ewoks get the Imperial blasters that they captured in the battle of Endor.

Klingons have nothing but 'fancy swords' when their guns are gone. They have a few other blades, which may be suitable for throwing.

Actually they have been known to DROP their guns in favor of knives and charge the enemy EARLY in several battles in DS9. And I have YET to see a suitable Klingon throwing knife. They are clearly meant for hand-to-hand combat and ritualistic purposes.

[Mitth`raw`nuruodo]

Hmm, i suppose.

Can Klingons climb trees?

This all depends on how many Klingons invade.

They do have experience in hunting fluffy things, like the 'Great Tribble Hunts'

Then again, Tribbles dont offer much resistance.

Hrm, the Klingons could just throw Tribbles at the Ewoks... they would take over the planet in days.... (erm, Tribbles = small, incredibly quickly-reproducing balls of fur, right? /me is kinda ignorant when it comes to Trek)

[omegaLancer]

No way the Ewok would just eat...Yum yum.

[Mitth`raw`nuruodo]

No way the Ewok would just eat...Yum yum.

YUB YUB!! (*thinks of Captain Kettech in X-Wing series*)

[Crazedwraith]

No way the Ewok would just eat...Yum yum.

YUB YUB!! (*thinks of Captain Kettech in X-Wing series*)

Kettech was only an Lt.

[TurboPhaser]

Hmm, i suppose.

Can Klingons climb trees?

This all depends on how many Klingons invade.

They do have experience in hunting fluffy things, like the 'Great Tribble Hunts'

Then again, Tribbles dont offer much resistance.

Hrm, the Klingons could just throw Tribbles at the Ewoks... they would take over the planet in days.... (erm, Tribbles = small, incredibly quickly-reproducing balls of fur, right? /me is kinda ignorant when it comes to Trek)

Yes, balls of fur. That purr.

[Mitth`raw`nuruodo]

No way the Ewok would just eat...Yum yum.

YUB YUB!! (*thinks of Captain Kettech in X-Wing series*)

Kettech was only an Lt.

eh, details... I remember that now....

[Dalton]

eh, details... I remember that now....

I gotta reread my Wraith books.

[Keevan_Colton]

eh, details... I remember that now....

I gotta reread my Wraith books.

I've gotta get my copies back off Coaan.....

[Kerneth]

"Kettch know projects. Fly starfighters, make bombs, stab humans."