Star Wars: A Penetrating Analysis

Subnormal · Post by **Subnormal** » 2003-05-31 06:36pm

http://metaphilm.com/philm.php?id=51_0_2_0

LOL....LOL......LOL................

That is one of the greatest things I've ever read in my entire life.

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2003-05-31 06:39pm

Damn...and all this time I thought it was a classic heroes quest.

I would've never guessed it was one man's journey into homsexuality.

Lord Poe · Post by **Lord Poe** » 2003-05-31 06:44pm

Yes, I've seen these projecting little analyses all over the place in the past few years. It seems for some reason, gay activists (and other extremists) can clearly see blatant homosexuality in any and every medium they survey. Whether its an inability to create intersting gay characters of their own that are on par with the "straight" ones (which would be strange, given that gays have a high visability in the entertainment industry) or the rabid frustrations of a group with an agenda.

I read about the openly gay references in X2 in the LA Times a couple weeks ago. Iceman blowing on Wolverine's beer bottle was considered an obvious allusion to oral sex, etc. I've read similar things about Holmes and Watson, Kirk and Spock, the list goes on.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-05-31 06:50pm

So a lightsabre is phallic? What shape would he have preferred for it, while still retaining some semblance of effectiveness?

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-05-31 06:56pm

I hope whoever wrote this wasn't serious, as I fear they might have been .

Post by **RogueIce** » 2003-05-31 08:10pm

Now why did I have the sinking feeling this would have something to do with sex...?

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-05-31 08:25pm

Lord Poe wrote:Yes, I've seen these projecting little analyses all over the place in the past few years. It seems for some reason, gay activists (and other extremists) can clearly see blatant homosexuality in any and every medium they survey. Whether its an inability to create intersting gay characters of their own that are on par with the "straight" ones (which would be strange, given that gays have a high visability in the entertainment industry) or the rabid frustrations of a group with an agenda.

I read about the openly gay references in X2 in the LA Times a couple weeks ago. Iceman blowing on Wolverine's beer bottle was considered an obvious allusion to oral sex, etc. I've read similar things about Holmes and Watson, Kirk and Spock, the list goes on.

Actually there was one reference in X2 with the mom asking Iceman if he ever tried not being a mutant.

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2003-05-31 08:42pm

Man With Own Agenda wrote:Start by just looking at the poster. Just as the Empire Strikes Back poster was a direct rip off of the Gone With the Wind marquee, the style-A one-sheet for Star Wars is a classic rip-off of the original cover art for The Great Gatsby. In that image, the face of Daisy is hovering above the city, the milieu in which Tom Buchanan and Jay Gatsby battle it out for her affections. Luke and Han stand in for Tom and Jay in this case, with Leia representing Daisy, obviously, but the real clincher here is the equation of sex and death as Darth Vader represents the ur-feminine principle that must be conquered, who is both an embodiment of Luke's worst fears via the sins of his (literally) "dark father," as well as the cosmic representation of the anima as female she-bitch whose dark side is tamed only in sexual conquest. In the poster, a swimming load of semen ejaculates from Leia's side as X and Y-wing chromosomes blast their way up to fertilize and impregnate the cosmic egg of the Death Star, which as everyone by now has memorized, has a narrow trench with a small hole at the end, in which only a "direct hit" will trigger her. Thus, Star Wars is both a macroscopic psychological retelling of the ancient tale with a microscopic biological précis as to its physical achievement.

Um... Okay?

This makes no sense. It's like he starts with Star Wars, then The Great Gatsby, then seems to mix them both up with each other while injecting the amalgamation with his agenda. I can't see any similarity between SW's A poster and TGG's original cover art, except that they both share several compositional motifs.

The X-wing fighters, you recall, have a phallus-shaped nose from which the payload of deathlove must, literally, come. Lots of folks get confused by the fact that the four cannons on each end of the X-wings are the source of the laser beams, but remember, to trigger the death star's chain reaction, you have to fire proton torpedoes from the nose of the craft.

His analogy and forced analysis is somewhat flawed because he's wrong. As we know, torpedoes aren't fired from the nose of an X-wing, but from launchers underneath the cockpit. The nose contains sensor and jamming equipment.

Then again, if he knew that, I don't think I'd want to know how he'd interpret it...

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2003-05-31 08:46pm

If this is in fact serious, I would say that Occam's Razor blows it away. Otherwise, it's pretty damn funny.

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2003-05-31 09:04pm

People who see phalluses everywhere seem to be too dumb to understand that an elongated cylinders with a tapered end happens to be an efficient shape for lots of purposes. Are stalagtites phallic? Natural lava columns? A cat's tail?

Of course, whichever postmodern idiot came up with this analysis would probably just say I'm using "phallocentric physics" to come to my conclusion.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-05-31 09:11pm

This person is either a woman or gay. No heterosexual male could live seeing a phallus in every other object they see.

SPOOFE · Post by **SPOOFE** » 2003-05-31 09:28pm

Pick a movie.

ANY movie.

I can find sexual undertones in it. I guarantee.

YT300000 · Post by **YT300000** » 2003-05-31 10:55pm

At least this guy didn't comment on how in the ANH lightsabre duel, Obi-Wans sabre kept switching off

Then again, I'm not sure I'd want to hear what he had to say.

SPOOFE · Post by **SPOOFE** » 2003-05-31 11:52pm

Sometimes a lightsaber is just a lightsaber.

Howedar · Post by **Howedar** » 2003-06-01 12:13am

Thats really funny or really sad, depending on if the author is serious or not.

Publius · Post by **Publius** » 2003-06-01 12:17am

Darth Wong wrote:So a lightsabre is phallic? What shape would he have preferred for it, while still retaining some semblance of effectiveness?

Ironically, the word vagina is Latin for "scabbard".

Publius

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 2003-06-01 04:43am

Han: Get on top of it!
Leia: I'm trying!

Get in there ya big hairy oaf, I don't care what you smell!

Get out of there Wedge, you're not doing any good back there...

Biggs & Porkins:
What's wrong?
I'm alright....
Pull up!
No, I think I can make it...
*boom*

Lol.. "Biggs"

This article is totally and utterly true. It explains the huge chubby many of us have for Star Wars. And btw, Vader's helmet is sorta shaped like a big schlong!

Indiana Jones is no stranger to this kind of thing either:

http://www.mrcranky.com/movies/raidersofthelostark.html
http://www.mrcranky.com/movies/templeofdoom.html
http://www.mrcranky.com/movies/lastcrusade.html

; )

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-06-01 04:59am

Subnormal wrote:http://metaphilm.com/philm.php?id=51_0_2_0

LOL....LOL......LOL................

That is one of the greatest things I've ever read in my entire life.

Sigmund Freud would be proud!!

I wonder what the maker of this analysis would say when he/she gets to the EU.

(insert raunchy joke about Jaina Solo)

Lord Poe wrote:I read about the openly gay references in X2 in the LA Times a couple weeks ago

It's a superhero movie! Of course it's going to be loaded to the edge with homoerotic overtones!

Rye · Post by **Rye** » 2003-06-01 08:21am

Darth Wong wrote:So a lightsabre is phallic? What shape would he have preferred for it, while still retaining some semblance of effectiveness?

Well...no longer than it is wide, no semblance of a phallus then...as for a weapon....errrrrmm....

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-06-01 01:55pm

anyone remember the lotr secret diaries? they're all gay.

and, for xwing penetraiton, see the monkey forum. there *is* a pic. . .

>_<

Illuminatus Primus · Post by **Illuminatus Primus** » 2003-06-01 02:10pm

This reminds me a feminazis thinking fucking missiles and guns are purposely made phallic.

As if they'd actually function any other way.

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-06-01 02:32pm

Enforcer Talen wrote:anyone remember the lotr secret diaries? they're all gay.

and, for xwing penetraiton, see the monkey forum. there *is* a pic. . .

>_<

Shhh. Noone must know of that.

His Divine Shadow · Post by **His Divine Shadow** » 2003-06-01 05:28pm

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, other times it's just a cleverly disguised dildo.

EDIT:
"This is perhaps Star Wars dirtiest little secret: that shooting your wad to destroy her requires not taking the approach of the main vaginal port (which would impregnate her), but delivering your load anally, to the "small thermal exhaust port, right below the main port.""

LMAO!

Darksider · Post by **Darksider** » 2003-06-01 05:36pm

Rye wrote:
Darth Wong wrote:So a lightsabre is phallic? What shape would he have preferred for it, while still retaining some semblance of effectiveness?
Well...no longer than it is wide, no semblance of a phallus then...as for a weapon....errrrrmm....

God help us if this guy ever watches spaceballs

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Star Wars: A Penetrating Analysis

Star Wars: A Penetrating Analysis

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