Why don't girls like nice guys?

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Why don't girls like nice guys?

Post by RogueIce »

Sure, they'll all say it, but in my experience, it's not true.

All the guys I see who act like total assholes are the ones the chicks flock around. You know, the ones who have their hands all over every female in sight, and steal stuff from the girls, and otherwise act like complete and utter jackasses?

Meanwhile, you have the nice guys, who will treat a girl with some dignity, and won't drape themselves all over any convenient female form. And the girls won't show the slightest attraction to them at all (I fall into this group).

I don't get it. I've been talking to Illimunatis about it over AIM, and I figured I might as well put it to the board as a whole.

Anyone else see what's up with this? Seems mostly among the high school and possibly college crowd, by the way. :?
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Post by Laird »

Women like a guy whos in charge,nice guys just don't have it in them to be "In charge".
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Post by TrailerParkJawa »

I think this paticularly true of young girls. They like that bad guy. My pet theory is they think they can "change" him. Ive heard that many times.

BUT, girls are not like that as they get older and its time to pick a husband, at least in my experience. Also, dick head guys tend to attract the kind of girls you really would not want as a long term partner anyway.
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Post by Joe »

I'm a pretty nice guy (I think) who has less experience with females than most kindergarteners. I don't think it's the niceness that repels them though, I think it is something else entirely, something I can't quite pin. Honestly, I think many people who bitch about girls not liking nice guys are overlooking an unsavory aspect of their own personality (and I'm not pointing fingers at anyone). It is disgusting how often girls are attracted to absolute assholes, I will admit.
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Post by kojikun »

it plays on evolution.

a nasty as son of a bitch is more likely to survive in the real world compared to a nice guy. thats why girls like getting fucked by assholes.

but they tend to MARRY nice guys, because when marriage is concerned they look for reliability, etc. because once shes got a child her priorities are not for a strong fit child but for that child to survive, and an asshole wont help in that regard.

its true cause i saw it on TLC. :)
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Post by Vympel »

Younger girls especially mistake the pain they get inflicted with by going out with assholes as passion. A 'good' relationship, where everything is for the most part just 'good' isn't adequate- there's got to be crying into their pillow at night over how he treated you today, and complaining about him to your girlfriends, and then making up with him the next day and things are fantastic, up and down, up and down, like a rollercoaster.

Or so a woman wrote in an article I read once with the same topic as this thread.

It's basically domestic violence divided by 1,000. Women have been known to unconciously set off thier husband's violent rages just so they can go through the make-up period in the aftermath, the old cliche of

"when it's good, it's really good, but when it's bad, it's really bad"

(not saying of course it's the women's fault, that would be absurd).
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Post by RogueIce »

Durran Korr wrote:I'm a pretty nice guy (I think) who has less experience with females than most kindergarteners. I don't think it's the niceness that repels them though, I think it is something else entirely, something I can't quite pin. Honestly, I think many people who bitch about girls not liking nice guys are overlooking an unsavory aspect of their own personality (and I'm not pointing fingers at anyone). It is disgusting how often girls are attracted to absolute assholes, I will admit.
*shrug* Can't spot anything in my personality. All the girls won't hesitate to say how "nice" and "sweet" I am, but would they even think of going out with me? Nope.

On the other hand, the assholes can get a new girl every week if they wanted. And the way they act, you'd wonder if they didn't have multiple girl friends as is.

For me, personally, it may have something to do with the fact that my face is not exactly the most pleasent thing to look at. Kinda self depreciating, but it's true (IMO, anyway).
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Post by Vympel »

Oh, and btw, nice can also equate to doormat. You've got to have a set of balls, goddamit.
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Post by SPOOFE »

All the guys I see who act like total assholes are the ones the chicks flock around. You know, the ones who have their hands all over every female in sight, and steal stuff from the girls, and otherwise act like complete and utter jackasses?
Ain't nothing wrong with having one's hands all over "every female" in sight, as long as it's welcome. Ain't nothing wrong with playing with 'em, either, as long as it's welcome.

I think that's the distinction you're failing to make. Some girls enjoy guys who can have fun and show attention to them. These also usually happen to be the cutest ladies, the ones that are accustomed to receiving the attention.

Tell me... when's the last time you tried to be nice to a classically "unattractive" girl? Try it sometime. You might be surprised.
All the girls won't hesitate to say how "nice" and "sweet" I am, but would they even think of going out with me? Nope.
It takes more than "nice" and "sweet" to equal "attractive". Girls also don't find men who are weak-willed, spineless, or snivelling to be attractive. Do you often complain about how no girl will ever fall in love with you? Do you often make snide remarks about a girl that goes out with Jimmy Quarterback? If so, here's a tip... that's a very unattractive trait.

Maybe you've just been unlucky and have only met girls that are absolute bitches. But y'know what? I'm betting that your own personality comes into play a tad, too.
Last edited by SPOOFE on 2003-06-02 12:43am, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by RogueIce »

Vympel wrote:Oh, and btw, nice can also equate to doormat. You've got to have a set of balls, goddamit.
I do, dammit!

Ok, so maybe I'm taking the thread a tad personal, but hell, this is describing my life.
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Post by Iceberg »

Betsy says that most "nice guys" (read here: the ones who complain about being nice guys and yet getting no play) are really manipulative. Manipulative != nice.
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Post by Zaia »

*sighs*

I like nice guys, and they don't have time for me.

And before you complain about chicks not liking nice guys, make sure you aren't only interested in barbie girls. I'm sick to DEATH of guys complaining about girls but they never stop to think that maybe they only like the hot, bitchy, superficial chicks.
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Post by SPOOFE »

I'm sick to DEATH of guys complaining about girls but they never stop to think that maybe they only like the hot, bitchy, superficial chicks.
That's entirely possible. One buddy of mine very often complains about not being able to get a girlfriend... yet he's constantly pursuing girls that are blonde, large-breasted, 36-24-36, that sort of thing. He also develops crushes on these girls after knowing them for about fifteen seconds (one time, he got a crush on THREE girls because ONE of them asked him for a cigarette). Furthermore, he also gets very depressed and upset when his crushes don't work out... within a day.

Suffice to say, he complains a lot, and gets very little attention from the opposite gender. And I don't have too much sympathy for him.
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Post by RogueIce »

SPOOFE wrote:Ain't nothing wrong with having one's hands all over "every female" in sight, as long as it's welcome. Ain't nothing wrong with playing with 'em, either, as long as it's welcome.
Hm, well, not where I've seen the hands go. But whatever. I'll concede that.
Tell me... when's the last time you tried to be nice to a classically "unattractive" girl? Try it sometime. You might be surprised.
Um, awhile ago? Not been out in public, so... Anyway, I do try to be nice to everyone.

I forgot who put the whole "whining" thing in, or maybe it was SPOOFE and I just erased it. Oh well. I don't whine where they can hear it. Just here. So feel lucky. :)
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Post by Stormbringer »

I don't think it's that women inherently like assholes. They like a confident guy in general. And for most of the teens and twenties they are the assholes. Most nice guys aren't self confident enough.

Of course as Zaia send, some of the superficial bitches never get over the asshole attraction.
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Post by Gil Hamilton »

I think it's because women like confidance. Those total assholes also tend to be really sure of themselves and really take charge.

It should be noted that really confidant guys who are also good guys all round do well for themselves too. It's just that assholes are more overt.
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Post by Illuminatus Primus »

High School-class "nice guys" tend to be sniveling wimps who can't fess up and be upfront to a girl, and purposely and not too-subtlely like to spew on how "honorable and caring" they are.

Now where guys who just prefer to be nicer and chivalrious tend to get walked on---yeah. Girls will suck attention from whomever offers it. Nice guys tend to offer it regardless of whether the girl likes them or not--hence they appear to always getting lead on.

However, sometimes these guys just have self-esteem issues. The girl really couldn't do anything but sit the guy down and say "I know you like me. I don't like you. You're just a friend. I'm not going to go out with you." Because the "never give up" movie-hero I'll win the day complex never goes out.
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Post by Zaia »

SPOOFE wrote:Suffice to say, he complains a lot, and gets very little attention from the opposite gender. And I don't have too much sympathy for him.
Neither do I.
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Post by RogueIce »

Zaia wrote:And before you complain about chicks not liking nice guys, make sure you aren't only interested in barbie girls. I'm sick to DEATH of guys complaining about girls but they never stop to think that maybe they only like the hot, bitchy, superficial chicks.
Well, unless every girl I have ever met is a Barbie girl...

But I digress. It's been one of those days. Generally I just accept it. But I've been thinking on it.

Anyway, off of me. Sorry for all that.

A lot of girls I see get treated like shit, and seem to like it. Being used, have this relationship, then dumped, like it means nothing. And yet they come back for more. I don't understand that. And that's what I mean by the assholes. The true assholes.
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Post by Illuminatus Primus »

RogueIce wrote:A lot of girls I see get treated like shit, and seem to like it. Being used, have this relationship, then dumped, like it means nothing. And yet they come back for more. I don't understand that. And that's what I mean by the assholes. The true assholes.
Well I've noticed some girls just like to banter and kid around with guys who have no grace about holding back. Pure honesty and able to back up what they claim. Sometimes the guy acts like an ass, clowns around, or makes like quips--but it is all part of banter. This "asshole" is the kind I know most girls I know like--and they take charge and such, but they're not neccessarily assholes in the way they treat the girl. Its the charisma and the no-holds-barred honesty and fervor.

As for the assholes Ice is talking about, I have one term: co-dependent women.
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Post by Peregrin Toker »

Zaia wrote:*sighs*

I like nice guys, and they don't have time for me.
Aww. Why isn't is ofter so?? :cry:
RogueIce wrote:A lot of girls I see get treated like shit, and seem to like it. Being used, have this relationship, then dumped, like it means nothing.
Maybe they're Gorean.
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Post by Darth Wong »

Young girls like a guy who will stimulate her hormonal reactions, and that's the most aggressive (and therefore presumably most testosterone-laden) guy on the block.

As they mature into women, they start asking themselves what kind of father and husband a guy would make, at which point any smart female will lose her fascination with "dangerous men". That's when they start looking at responsibility, income potential, trustworthiness, etc.
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Post by Stuart Mackey »

I for one dont know how to get a girl and these days I dont much care. I just get on with the things I enjoy..and work and leave the rest alone, and I am quite happy. As for nice guys, bad guys, just be yourself and ignore BS like this, you will get your girl eventually..or so I hear.


Oh, if its a bonk you want..100 bucks at the nearest brothel..and probably safer than casual sex from the local meatmarket, err nightclub.
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Post by RogueIce »

Stuart Mackey wrote:Oh, if its a bonk you want..100 bucks at the nearest brothel..and probably safer than casual sex from the local meatmarket, err nightclub.
Practical advice. :)

But no, it's not a bonk. It's a meaningful relationship. But like I said, enough of me. Back to the question.
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This is the price of war,
We rise with noble intentions,
And we risk all that is pure..." - Angela & Jeff van Dyck, Forever (Rome: Total War)

"On and on, through the years,
The war continues on..." - Angela & Jeff van Dyck, We Are All One (Medieval 2: Total War)
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Re: Why don't girls like nice guys?

Post by GrandMasterTerwynn »

RogueIce wrote:Sure, they'll all say it, but in my experience, it's not true.

All the guys I see who act like total assholes are the ones the chicks flock around. You know, the ones who have their hands all over every female in sight, and steal stuff from the girls, and otherwise act like complete and utter jackasses?

Meanwhile, you have the nice guys, who will treat a girl with some dignity, and won't drape themselves all over any convenient female form. And the girls won't show the slightest attraction to them at all (I fall into this group).

I don't get it. I've been talking to Illimunatis about it over AIM, and I figured I might as well put it to the board as a whole.

Anyone else see what's up with this? Seems mostly among the high school and possibly college crowd, by the way. :?
I would venture that because, to the typical young lady, the nice guy seems to be lacking in all aggression and sexual drive. I mean, let's face it, adolescence and early adulthood involve lots of hormones and basic drives. The nice guy may be a cool friend, like one of her girlfriends, but I would suspect that the aggressive jerk fits her base, hormonal view of how a virile and potent guy should act.

My two pesos.
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