Why don't girls like nice guys?

Stuart Mackey · Post by **Stuart Mackey** » 2003-06-02 01:14am

RogueIce wrote:
Stuart Mackey wrote:Oh, if its a bonk you want..100 bucks at the nearest brothel..and probably safer than casual sex from the local meatmarket, err nightclub.
Practical advice.

But no, it's not a bonk. It's a meaningful relationship. But like I said, enough of me. Back to the question.

Hmm, relationships As has been said, it depends on the woman and her age as to what they look for. Also what you see woman do will, to a degree, also depend on your social circle.

Uraniun235 · Post by **Uraniun235** » 2003-06-02 01:26am

Maybe the better question is, do you want the girls that flock around the "bad boys", as it were?

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-06-02 01:29am

In my experience the women that use the term nice, tend to use it in phrases such as "you're too nice for me." Which begs the paradox, we can stay in a relationship by me being meaner to her. Except that by changing and being meaner, I am doing it for her so it's actually considered doing something nice.

Grrr.

I just figure that there is a conspiracy to keep me lonely and misreable. The alternative is too damaging to my ego.

Stampede · Post by **Stampede** » 2003-06-02 01:51am

bah. my cousin is an asshole. very much more so than me. and yet he has a very nice and good looking girlfriend. i dont think he deserves her with him being the ass that he is. then theres me. im nice as i can be....quiet, but nice. and yet i cant get a girl to not give me the lil "go to hell you fucking asshole" look. ive just about given up all together.

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2003-06-02 01:57am

Stampede wrote:bah. my cousin is an asshole. very much more so than me. and yet he has a wery nice and good looking girlfriend. i dont think he deserves her with him being the ass that he is. then theres me. im nice as i can be....quiet, but nice. and yet i cant get a girl to not give me the lil "go to hell you fucking asshole" look. ive just about given up all together.

You nailed your own problem. You're quiet and nice. The two combined are a one-way ticket to the dreaded Friends Zone with any girl you get to know. A guy has to stand out and be outgoing if you want to be a success with women.

Shinova · Post by **Shinova** » 2003-06-02 02:01am

I think every individual relationship has to be taken on a case-by-case basis.

[/end two cents]

Stampede · Post by **Stampede** » 2003-06-02 02:06am

Gil Hamilton wrote:
Stampede wrote:bah. my cousin is an asshole. very much more so than me. and yet he has a wery nice and good looking girlfriend. i dont think he deserves her with him being the ass that he is. then theres me. im nice as i can be....quiet, but nice. and yet i cant get a girl to not give me the lil "go to hell you fucking asshole" look. ive just about given up all together.
You nailed your own problem. You're quiet and nice. The two combined are a one-way ticket to the dreaded Friends Zone with any girl you get to know. A guy has to stand out and be outgoing if you want to be a success with women.

bugger that. i am who i am. if you don't like me....piss off. that's what i think now anyway. im tired of changing myself to try to satisfy others. ive done it too many times in so many ways and its gotten me nowhere. fuck it. im gonna go play in traffic. Cal....you can have my TV, the saturn, the atari 7800 and 2600, and the 3do. stay away from the turbo grafx though.

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2003-06-02 02:17am

Stampede wrote:bugger that. i am who i am. if you don't like me....piss off. that's what i think now anyway. im tired of changing myself to try to satisfy others. ive done it too many times in so many ways and its gotten me nowhere. fuck it. im gonna go play in traffic. Cal....you can have my TV, the saturn, the atari 7800 and 2600, and the 3do. stay away from the turbo grafx though.

I'm not trying to be critical, man, but it's the truth. Guys who aren't outgoing don't tend to do well with woman. Don't shoot the messanger.

Stampede · Post by **Stampede** » 2003-06-02 02:25am

Gil Hamilton wrote:
Stampede wrote:bugger that. i am who i am. if you don't like me....piss off. that's what i think now anyway. im tired of changing myself to try to satisfy others. ive done it too many times in so many ways and its gotten me nowhere. fuck it. im gonna go play in traffic. Cal....you can have my TV, the saturn, the atari 7800 and 2600, and the 3do. stay away from the turbo grafx though.
I'm not trying to be critical, man, but it's the truth. Guys who aren't outgoing don't tend to do well with woman. Don't shoot the messanger.

sorry man. it wasnt toward you. it was to the world populous in general. besides, people are critical all the time to me. it doesnt bother me.

Stampede · Post by **Stampede** » 2003-06-02 02:27am

and just to make sure there was no offense taken...i once again appologize to Gil.

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2003-06-02 03:37am

Pah. Much as nobody wants to hear it, you've just got to be patient. That doesn't mean sitting around waiting for the perfect girl to come along, but you've got to accept that you're going to strike out a lot before you find the right one. She will come along so long as you don't give up.

Then again, I haven't been laid in months. I have a bad habit of chasing girls out of my league (the E-cup girl I worked with recently comes to mind--never did find out she had a boyfriend until I stumbled across her personal web site). Maybe I'm not the best guy to go to for advice.

Lord Sander · Post by **Lord Sander** » 2003-06-02 03:43am

RedImperator wrote:Then again, I haven't been laid in months. I have a bad habit of chasing girls out of my league (the E-cup girl I worked with recently comes to mind--never did find out she had a boyfriend until I stumbled across her personal web site). Maybe I'm not the best guy to go to for advice.

Well, at least you got laid at all, making you a better authority than I (and I'd venture quite a number of us) would be

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-06-02 05:49am

Women are stupid.

OK, some of us are. Me, I've never dated an asshole (at least not one who didn't self define as a 'nice guy' in the way many people here do), and I don't understand the attraction, but I'm sick of seeing my best friends make stupid decisions. Of my two best friends, one was hit by her ex (I didn't know at the time), and one is still owed £500 by a bastard ex. They seemd to spend most of the relationships hoping it would work out and thinking that the bastards did love them after all.

And then there's those women who do all sorts of illegal stuff to keep their man - I'm thinking of Myra Hindley and Maxine Carr here, who both got in serious trouble because their men were sick digusting paedophiles. Carr, in particular, was clarely not involved in the action, but covered up for her sick cunt of a bloke, and got dumped in thanks.

On the other hand, I'm also sick of male friends whinging about how they can't get a girl, when if they showered once in a while and did something about their hair/dress sense/berr belly (delete as appropriate) they'd actually stand a chance, but no, it has to be because women only like assholes that they're not getting any.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2003-06-02 07:48am

I should point out that I am a true "Knight Arrent" type. Always helping women out. Unfortunalty many see this as a manipulative game. Most of it is this is how my mom trained me to be.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-06-02 10:00am

I once had this same complaint. Then I realized that bitching and moaning about girls not lining up at my doorstop was a fruitless endeavor and that I had to start pursuing the girls I wanted. Girls simply aren't going to be immediately attracted to a nice, quiet guy because there's really nothing that catches their eyes upon first glance. Yeah, so you're nice. Big deal. So's my mom. And you're quiet, so why should girls give you a second look?

The thing about dating is that there is no right or wrong in who people are attracted to. If girls aren't attracted to you, they aren't, period, and you'll have to start doing something to get yourself noticed.

Post by **Colonel Olrik** » 2003-06-02 10:34am

From my own experience, being a nice guy actually helps getting a nice girl. You just have to remember there's a difference between being a nice, decent man and a stupidly shy one.

Some men look better than others, but like innerbrat said how you arrange yourself and what you do contribute a lot in that regard. For example, if I didn't do any sport, I have no doubt my life would be a lot more miserable with fifteen or more Kg under my belly. Likewise, spend some time dressing yourself properly before going out somewhere.

And have the courage of initiating a conversation, even if you feel yourself like dying in doing so. While I've had a few girls making the first steps towards me (the best possible situation) one of the best times of my life were caused by me making conversation with a gorgeous north american latina, who was sitting besides me in a plane heading towards Portugal*

*I spent an entire hour gaining courage for that, and almost pissed myself when I finally made my carefully prepared first remark

Agent Fisher · Post by **Agent Fisher** » 2003-06-02 11:41am

The Yosemite Bear wrote:I should point out that I am a true "Knight Arrent" type. Always helping women out. Unfortunalty many see this as a manipulative game. Most of it is this is how my mom trained me to be.

Same with me. I was raised to respect and treat women with the utmost kindness, regardless of how much an asshole that woman is. However in the High School dating world that gets me nowhere but in the world of working and adulthood i hope it will get me far.

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2003-06-02 11:58am

Women just aren't smart. Why again do we let them vote?

*ducks and runs*

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-06-02 12:21pm

Wicked Pilot wrote:Women just aren't smart. Why again do we let them vote?

*ducks and runs*

Some folks'll never lose a toe but then again some folks'll, like Wicked Pilot, the slack-jawed yokel.

Wedge · Post by **Wedge** » 2003-06-02 02:00pm

In my experience in school it was true that most girls liked the asshole guys, but like it has been said before it has something to do with being self-confident. I am a nice-guy and also self-confident, but I really never liked a girl of my age, that's why I always had girlfriends older then me.
Now here comes my problem, I love a girl who is 5 years older then me. She just is perfect, yesterday on a party we almost got togehter,
but for some circumstances we couldn't. Now she knows I like her, what I know is the information my sister (they are best friends) gave me.
She feels attracted but she does not want a relationship, so my sister says y just should forget her because she is out of my league, and if someday we are in the same situation I should go for it (but not hoping we could have a serious relatioship). So she feels something but only for the fucking age nothing will happen? I don't get it, so if I was born 5 years earlier we could have a realtionship? So this makes me question if she is so perfect as I thougt, but what do you recomend, should I try something or just let it be and forget it. (please if some of the girls can anwser I would be glad).

Getting back to the topic, as I said before I think only in School girls look for the assholes.

Stampede · Post by **Stampede** » 2003-06-02 02:00pm

Simon H.Johansen wrote:
Wicked Pilot wrote:Women just aren't smart. Why again do we let them vote?

*ducks and runs*
Some folks'll never lose a toe but then again some folks'll, like Wicked Pilot, the slack-jawed yokel.

Rye · Post by **Rye** » 2003-06-02 02:08pm

Well the impression i get from women is that they view males that are "nice guys" as sexless male sisters, and bad guys as hunky dangerous adventures.

Find some middle ground between the two i say, stand up for what's right and don't settle for bullcrap. But then again im argumentative, sarcastic and unhappy alot of the time.

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-06-02 02:12pm

Wedge wrote:Now here comes my problem, I love a girl who is 5 years older then me.

And how old are you? This information is rather relevant to me helping you out, sweetheart.

She just is perfect,

This statement would lead me to believe you are fairly young. High school, possibly? No one is perfect. Perfect for you, perhaps, but not perfect.

yesterday on a party we almost got togehter, but for some circumstances we couldn't. Now she knows I like her, what I know is the information my sister (they are best friends) gave me. She feels attracted but she does not want a relationship, so my sister says y just should forget her because she is out of my league, and if someday we are in the same situation I should go for it (but not hoping we could have a serious relatioship).

Out of your league meaning just the age thing? You're SURE it's just the age thing?

So she feels something but only for the fucking age nothing will happen? I don't get it, so if I was born 5 years earlier we could have a realtionship?

If you are indeed in high school as I am thinking you are, or even if you are in college, five years is a HUGE difference. So much goes on in so many different aspects of your life that it's hard enough to find someone to relate to of your own age, who's going through the same things. Trying to really identify with someone who hasn't gone through those experiences yet is really difficult for many people, so I can understand why she'd say she wasn't interested in a relationship, even if you are charming as hell.

If I'm wrong and you're actually 25 and she's 30 or something along those lines, I would guess that her problem has nothing to do with age, but she's using that as a convenient excuse. Maybe she's not attracted to you, maybe she secretly has a thing for another guy--who knows, but she might think that's a way to let you down easily.

There's also the fact that men mature less quickly than women, so maybe she's tired of dealing with immature guys and is looking for older guys, the way you yourself usually look for older women.

So this makes me question if she is so perfect as I thougt,

See above.

but what do you recomend, should I try something or just let it be and forget it. (please if some of the girls can anwser I would be glad).

My advice will depend on how you answer my previous questions, luv.

Getting back to the topic, as I said before I think only in School girls look for the assholes.

Right, while at the same time all those guys are looking for are Playboy bunnies with DDs. I'd be willing to bet my life that there are more nice girls out there brokenhearted because of shallow men looking for models than there are nice guys who are lonely because the women they love only go after assholes. I'll bet most of those nice guys, if they admitted it to themselves, were only going after the hot chicks, which is why they're unhappy...

Wedge · Post by **Wedge** » 2003-06-02 03:01pm

I am 18 and she is 23, I am at the second semester at University and I live alone, I don't work. She is also studying.
I know there is nobody perfect, what I meant is that she is perfect for me.
So the party (correction: it was on saturday not yesterday) was almost all day (from 17:00 to 06:00) we spend togehter most of the time alone, that was good, but when we were almost kissing us (It really tooked me long to decide me and have enough balls to go for it, but the last 10 minutes we both were insinuating(sp?) it, so just when I was going to do it) there come some friends and stay there talking. That fucked things, I felt so uncomfortable that I left for some time to get fresh air, at that moment she talked to my sister (and said that she also wanted it, but nothing more, nothing serious just that moment).
I hope that explains it better.

Zaia wrote:Right, while at the same time all those guys are looking for are Playboy bunnies with DDs. I'd be willing to bet my life that there are more nice girls out there brokenhearted because of shallow men looking for models than there are nice guys who are lonely because the women they love only go after assholes. I'll bet most of those nice guys, if they admitted it to themselves, were only going after the hot chicks, which is why they're unhappy...

I must agree with that, it's not only women who go after assholes.

Post by **Zaia** » 2003-06-02 03:27pm

Wedge wrote:I am 18 and she is 23, I am at the second semester at University and I live alone, I don't work. She is also studying.

The fact that she's still in school will help your situation, but not a whole lot. There's still a world of difference between your first year of school and whatever year in school she is, and I can completely understand her hesitant feelings about getting involved with an eighteen year old.

I am twenty-five, and would have reservations about dating someone who is still in college simply because I've moved on past that stage in my life. I want someone who can understand me better, someone who isn't still getting drunk and high all the time because they're revelling in their new freedom.

I'm not saying you do those things; I'm just saying you're escaping from high school and home and getting a whiff of being on your own for the first time. Someone her age is moving beyond that (or already has moved beyond that), toward a career and a house and a cat and a lawnmower and things. She might be looking for a guy with a steady income, who would make a good provider, who is responsible and can sort his own laundry. That sort of thing. *shrugs*

That's my guess, anyway. I'm honestly not trying to be patronizing, but you won't truly understand why until you're the one who's 23.

And besides, remember that I really don't know anything at all, since I don't know anything really about either of you.

I know there is nobody perfect, what I meant is that she is perfect for me.

Ah, ok. Be careful how you word things, then. That's what made me think that you were still in high school. It's a very naïve view, that the one you love is perfect.

So the party (correction: it was on saturday not yesterday) was almost all day (from 17:00 to 06:00) we spend togehter most of the time alone, that was good, but when we were almost kissing us (It really tooked me long to decide me and have enough balls to go for it, but the last 10 minutes we both were insinuating(sp?) it, so just when I was going to do it) there come some friends and stay there talking.

Whoa, what? That's a long sentence.

So...you were flirting and you almost kissed her but didn't because some friends came over and ruined the atmosphere?

That fucked things, I felt so uncomfortable that I left for some time to get fresh air, at that moment she talked to my sister (and said that she also wanted it, but nothing more, nothing serious just that moment).
I hope that explains it better.

She also wanted to kiss you, you mean? Or did you actually end up kissing her?

So why don't you talk with her and lay out your feelings and your confusion about the age issue she has? The only person who truly has the answers you are looking for is her, so talk to her.

Doing so would also show that you are more mature than she may or may not give you credit for.

I must agree with that, it's not only women who go after assholes.

Thank you. *kisses Wedge's cheek*