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I checked in for the first time in about a month (SDN monopolizes my internet time) and within a few minutes I was laughing my ass off in
the General Discussion forum.
ARGH! Damn Squirrels are back!
Well I did find the little hole that the squirrels used to get in my attic, only to realize that the little tree rats had finally gotten past the insulation and plastic barrier. This became apparent when I noticed one of the little F---ers sitting on a chair next to me.
...
Have-A-Heart traps, with peanut butter spread on crackers, wired to the trip plate inside. Squirrels go in, doors drop FAST when they touch the cracker. They can't get out or get at you with their teeth or claws.
Then, put dowels or sticks in each end, so that the hinged doors on each end don't swing open when you drop the trap, complete with squirrel, end down in a large garbage can filled with water, all the way into the can. Wait two minutes. Remove one dowel on bottom end. Drowned, dead squirrel drops out onto whatever or wherever you want. Put trap back in place and reset it.
Works like clockwork, and the local squirrel population soon notices that your yard and house are a deathtrap for them, esp. when you notice females dying in the traps, who are leaving nests untended. (Good- hope the little b@$&@*#$ back at the nest all die, very slowly...) Next customer?.....
I used to use BB guns against them, but our whiny antigun liberal tree hugger neighbors complained- besides, BB guns are useless against squirrels- I've pumped shot after shot into them at close range, and the BBs either bounce off or are ignored. Squirrels are tough, clever adversaries. I hate them.
So, a phone call to the local Environmental Police (Yes, I do live in Stalinist MA...) gave me the above tip- and dispose of the little &%$$#@# properly...
I believe being cruel to animals is wrong, but I have no compunction about eradicating any squirrel that gets in my path. They are truly evil animals.
....
Unfortunately, it is a serious crime to move wildlife from one spot to another, such as away from your property, in MA. The local animal control officer and the Environmental Police said they don't deal with squirrels and to use the method I described. It's quick, and that is about as "Have-A-Heart" as I feel like being toward these little vermin who trash my gardens and attic repeatedly, even with repairs and proper fencing....
....
My hatred for squirrels knows no bounds. I've killed them with cars, with knives, (thrown), with BB guns, and I'll kill them with firearms if it's legal to do so. (Not in my city limits, though.)
Those squirrels in the car insurance ad would be DEAD if they pulled that stunt in front of me, because it would never occur to me to swerve to AVOID a squirrel. Instead, I make a serious effort to run them over if I can do so without having to drive like an ass. This means driving straight, because they'll change their minds as they run across the road, and when they change direction they run right under your tires. Crunch. Point!
Once I nailed one with my big old Cadillac, and got it at the head only. As I drove away, I observed in the rear view mirror that its head was stuck to the pavement and the back legs were spasming, throwing the entire back of the body up into the air, over and over. But the front end was well stuck to the pavement, and this was just a spasmodic reaction and the little shitbag was unquestionably dead already. And this one was one that I hadn't even intended to hit. It ran out and got under my tires when I was looking to the other side of the vehicle, so I didn't know it was there until I felt the bump.
Squirrels in attics should definitely be trapped, and then the idea of throwing the trap into a trash can full of water is a good one. I'll make use of that idea if I ever need to.
CJ
Such a thing brings a tear to my eye and warms my dark, twisted,
republican heart...now, where's my pail of mexican immigrant's blood
that I wash my hands in every morning
