Dr. Laura (probably done to death)

Sobbastchianno · Post by **Sobbastchianno** » 2003-06-18 03:49am

Since I am new here, I thought I would post the "Open Letter to Dr. Laura" and find out what you all thought. I personally think it is wrong to publicly state something is wrong based on a biblical text, while patently ignoring what "The Rest Of The Story" says.

Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses sex advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that as an observant Orthodox Jew homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned in any circumstance.
The following is an Open Letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your radio show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them
Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific Bible laws and how to follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? She's 18 and starting University. Will the slave buyer continue to pay for her education by law ?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should this be a neighborhood improvement project?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? Would contact lenses help?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident that you can help. Thanks again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

That is the end of the letter :banghead:

Tosho · Post by **Tosho** » 2003-06-18 04:03am

Ah, a classic.

EmperorMing · Post by **EmperorMing** » 2003-06-18 04:07am

I like that third sig line...Too funny!

Tosho · Post by **Tosho** » 2003-06-18 04:07am

Looks at sobbastchianno's location. Hey a fellow Texan! how are you, and why did you choose to call yourself sabbastchianno?

Sobbastchianno · Post by **Sobbastchianno** » 2003-06-18 04:22am

I didn't choose to call myself Sobbastchianno, that was a name given to me by my parents. I guess 45 minutes in labor (her longest) was way too much for my poor mother, so she punished me with the longest name in the family.

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2003-06-18 04:24am

If your sig has any bearing on reality, we will welcome you into GALE

Tosho · Post by **Tosho** » 2003-06-18 04:25am

Sobbastchianno wrote:45 minutes in labor (her longest)

45 minutes?!

What did you weigh, 3 lbs.?

Superman · Post by **Superman** » 2003-06-18 04:36am

Funny as hell!

I hate Dr. Laura. I know she has a black belt and all but I would still totally take her on in the ring. Fucking bitch.

Sobbastchianno · Post by **Sobbastchianno** » 2003-06-18 04:52am

I weighed over 8 pounds, and I am a twin (the older of the set).

As for bearing on reality of my third sig line, I really did consider it. The priest in our small town was hot, and I was raised Jewish (just my luck).

No, I have never been molested, but it wasn't for lask of trying on my part.

Sobbastchianno · Post by **Sobbastchianno** » 2003-06-18 05:25am

Alyrium Denryle wrote:If your sig has any bearing on reality, we will welcome you into GALE

Enlighten me as to what GALE is? I have a feeling I know, but I want to be sure. If it is what I think it is, send me the contract and sign me up!

Faram · Post by **Faram** » 2003-06-18 06:36am

Sobbastchianno wrote:Enlighten me as to what GALE is? I have a feeling I know, but I want to be sure. If it is what I think it is, send me the contract and sign me up!

Gale=SD.Net's GAy/LEsbian force

Linky

And oh

*POKE*

Sobbastchianno · Post by **Sobbastchianno** » 2003-06-18 06:43am

I went and signed up to join. Hope my name shows up there soon. Now, what is the Brotherhood of the Monkey?

Tosho · Post by **Tosho** » 2003-06-18 07:16am

Sobbastchianno wrote:I went and signed up to join. Hope my name shows up there soon. Now, what is the Brotherhood of the Monkey?

A group of members.

Our mission, who the hell knows?

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2003-06-18 07:56am

Superman wrote: I hate Dr. Laura. I know she has a black belt and all but I would still totally take her on in the ring.

Black belt in what, Tae Bo?

Superman · Post by **Superman** » 2003-06-18 08:44am

Black belt in bitch, I suppose. No, supposedly she has a black in karate. Like her relentless whining wouldn't scare people off by itself...

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2003-06-18 09:49am

We're talking about this little whore right?

Damaramu · Post by **Damaramu** » 2003-06-18 09:56am

<------ Is also from Texas....Houston in fact.

BrYaN19kc · Post by **BrYaN19kc** » 2003-06-18 10:12am

EEKKK, Dr. Laura!

She has to be the biggest hypocrite I have ever known. First she says that women with families shouldn't work, even though she has a family and worked while her child(ren) were young.

Then she talks about morality all the time while her extremely ugle nakes pics fly all over the Internet. I don't care that she didn't post them, just the idea that she posed for them makes her a hypocrite.

Then all of her trashing of gay people, that's just the last straw...

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! I wish she was totally off the air.

BTW: Welcome ---- POKE

NapoleonGH · Post by **NapoleonGH** » 2003-06-18 10:41am

part of that letter at least paraphrases the season 2 episode of "The West Wing" titled "The Midterms" the president (a hardcore catholic sorta) used those quotes when talking to an obvious fictionalization of Dr. Laura. Was a very well done episode.

Darth Gojira · Post by **Darth Gojira** » 2003-06-18 12:32pm

DPDarkPrimus wrote:
Superman wrote: I hate Dr. Laura. I know she has a black belt and all but I would still totally take her on in the ring.
Black belt in what, Tae Bo?

More like Bull Shit

Darth Yoshi · Post by **Darth Yoshi** » 2003-06-18 04:00pm

Sobbastchianno wrote:I went and signed up to join. Hope my name shows up there soon. Now, what is the Brotherhood of the Monkey?

The BOTM is the SD.net resident primate rights group. We organize protests and draw inspiration from the great minds at PETA.

Well, actually that's one of my few blatant lies, but no matter what anyone says, we are sane.

Straha · Post by **Straha** » 2003-06-18 04:05pm

Wicked Pilot wrote:

We're talking about this little whore right?

Hehe, I posted that before.

Bartman · Post by **Bartman** » 2003-06-18 04:23pm

I'm going to post a reply to this letter I wrote for on another board. While I am no fan of 'Dr' Laura this letter makes a number of errors. In any case anyone wants to missunderstand me I am in no way defending 'Dr.' Laura or her views on Homosexuality, I'm simply attacking the letter as a badly written strawman.

The problem is that 'Dr.' Laura, as an Orthodox Jew, probably does follow as many of these as she can. The author of this piece assumes that either 'Dr.' Laura is a Christian or that all of these laws apply to both Jews and non-Jews alike. In Jewish tradition the only laws which apply to non-Jews are the seven Noahide laws.

1- Idolatry is forbidden
2- Illicit relations are forbidden
3- Murder is forbidden
4- Cursing the name of God is forbidden
5- Theft is forbidden
6- Eating the flesh of a living animal is forbidden
7- Mankind is commanded to establish courts of justice

According to Jewish tradition all humans are ordered to follow these seven laws. Homosexuality (but interestingly enough not lesbianism) is condemned as an 'illicit relation.' The Jews alone are expected to follow the Law of Moses.

So let's address the 'points' raised by the author of this piece.

(a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
Actually all sacrifices have been suspended. Post-Moses prophets later restricted sacrifices to the temple in Jerusalem to prevent heresy and idolatry. Until such time as the temple can be rebuilt no sacrifices are pleasing to God. In any case the sacrifice could only be performed by a male Levite and somehow I think the author isn't one.

(b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
Although slavery is permitted by Jewish law. It is otherwise illegal and for obvious reasons cannot be practiced. In any case slavery is not a requirement or commandment. Modern Jews are no more likely to practice slavery then modern Christians.

(c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.
As with all of these only Jews are required to follow this proscription. And Orthodox Jews do. 'Dr.' Laura certainly would avoid physical contact with anyone during her period. In fact most Orthodox couples have separate beds for this reason.

(d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
Jews vs. Gentiles. A Jew could own a Gentile American, Mexican or Canadian, but not a Jewish one. But as mentioned above slavery is not practiced by Modern Jews for obvious reasons.

(e) I have a neighbour who insists on working on Sunday (the Sabbath). In the book of Exodus verse 35:2 it clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
This only applies during a Jewish theocracy. Even modern Israel doesn't qualify. So no even if one is a Jew they should not be put to death for violating the Sabbath. In any case this again only applies to Jews.

(f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't know. Can you settle this?
Unlike the prohibition on homosexuality, the prohibition on shellfish only applies to Jews. For a Jew either is a grave offense. According to Jewish tradition, for a Gentile only homosexuality is.

(g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
This only applies to the Levites who are the only ones allowed to approach the alter in any case. Of course there isn't one and won't be until the temple is rebuilt. Once that happens 20/20 probably will be required in those who maintain the altar.

(h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?
This again only applies to Jews. Which is why Orthodox Jews have such unique and recognizable hairstyles.

(i) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
An Orthodox Jew would not play football with a 'pigskin' ball.

(j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16). Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14).
Once again unless the uncle and aunt are Jewish this isn't a problem. And even if they are the punishment still only applies during a functioning Jewish Theocracy

In all it looks like the author of this piece has no understanding whatsoever of 'Dr.' Laura's religion and beliefs. And as such has written a scathing rhetorical piece which completely misses the mark. It is all just one giant strawman. It is not so much scathing as pitiful. Which is too bad because 'Dr.' Laura desperately needs to be taken down a peg or two. With so much material to work with I don't understand why this letter is still going around.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-06-18 06:27pm

Bartman wrote:In all it looks like the author of this piece has no understanding whatsoever of 'Dr.' Laura's religion and beliefs.

Actually, it looks like you can't read. Your claim that these laws don't apply to non-Jews misses the point, since the whole point of the letter is that Dr. Laura thinks Levitical law should apply to modern secular society, as evidenced by her use of Leviticus to condemn homosexuals. That was the whole point of him quoting all of those absurd laws. He was not trying to say that those laws apply to modern secular society; he was making fun of her for thinking that they do.

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2003-06-18 06:34pm

Wicked Pilot wrote:http://www.geocities.com/CapitolHill/Co ... 30/DL2.jpg

We're talking about this little whore right?

AGH MY EYES!

/me Nukes that pic

BTW How the flying fuck did you manage a direct link to Geo$hitties, WP?