My dickhead brother

Post by **Vympel** » 2003-06-23 06:24am

Well, he's done it again. My brother's life since High School has been nothing but a litany of abject failure and apathy.

1: Back when he did his Higher School Certificate (back in 1997), he fucked up so badly that he got 30 out of 100. Which destroyed his chances of getting into any good university course. To infatuated with his girl friend.

2: Did a building course in TAFE. Didn't attend classes, didn't study, didn't do well in his assessments, fucked it up.

3: Did a marketing course (can't remember where). Didn't attend classes, didn't study, didn't do well in his assessments, fucked it up.

4: Did a legal studies course, to demonstrate that he could deal with a university work load (he is now 23). Once again, tonight I learn through my Mum (she was contacted by the coordinator at the college in question, telling her) that once again, he didn't attend classes, didn't study, didn't do well in his assessments, and again has fucked it up. He probably won't be allowed to continue next semester (this one just ending). Screaming all night. Will get worse when my Dad hears about it.

All previous three incidents also related in the same screaming blah blah blah nothing changes. It's always the same shit, too busy with his latest girlfriend, going out with his friends, or just staying at home and telling me to answer the phone because he's "not here".

What the fuck is wrong with him? Why the fuck is he the exact opposite of me, when we were raised the same? I'm not a genius and I don't work as hard as I should, but I am on the verge of completing my degree and going out into the real world, and I fucking start what I finish. Failure is not an option for me.All the while he's been farting away his life doing nothing (and barely working, I might add) for SIX years. It's infuriating. He lives at home, my parents pay most of his expenses, etc etc, and they get NOTHING back for it. Not even respect.

Rant mode off.

EmperorMing · Post by **EmperorMing** » 2003-06-23 06:46am

Kick his butt out of the house and make him take stock of reality.

Xenophobe3691 · Post by **Xenophobe3691** » 2003-06-23 07:12am

lol, same thing happened with my Uncle (Father's Brother). My granparents had to kick him out of the house so that he'd go farther in the world. They SWORE they'd NEVER kick anyone out of the house, so when I heard this, I was surprised as hell. Anyways, just because the same parents raised you, doesn't mean you're the same. Me and my brother are extremely different, but we're raised by the same people.

BoredShirtless · Post by **BoredShirtless** » 2003-06-23 08:06am

He's your brother, you have to help him out somehow.

Post by **Vympel** » 2003-06-23 08:17am

BoredShirtless wrote:He's your brother, you have to help him out somehow.

No idea how. He refuses to work hard, he's impervious to anything my parents throw at him, and the only thing I seem to be good for is the occasional question about an assignment (which I answer).

Kicking him out of the house sounds extreme (such a concept is a nightmare to the Greek parent- the sons must be married off before they leave) but there's gotta be something that will shock the shit out of him in getting his ass in gear. For all I know, this could've been his last chance.

Robert Treder · Post by **Robert Treder** » 2003-06-23 08:22am

He should look into paths which don't require university.

Your parents could say, "All right, you can live with us, but we expect rent, and you pay for your expenses." See how long he can live on a minimum-wage job. Either he'll be happy like that, in which case that's great, or it'll wake him up and he'll get his ass in gear. It just might take a while.

BoredShirtless · Post by **BoredShirtless** » 2003-06-23 08:52am

Vympel wrote:
BoredShirtless wrote:He's your brother, you have to help him out somehow.
No idea how. He refuses to work hard, he's impervious to anything my parents throw at him, and the only thing I seem to be good for is the occasional question about an assignment (which I answer).

Kicking him out of the house sounds extreme (such a concept is a nightmare to the Greek parent- the sons must be married off before they leave) but there's gotta be something that will shock the shit out of him in getting his ass in gear. For all I know, this could've been his last chance.

You have to talk to him somehow, in such a way which opens his eyes. It sounds like he's had an easy life, some people develop no ambition when they get what they want without any work or sacrifice.

Although you said it'd be very hard on your parents for him to leave, it could be a solution. However "kicking him out" could also ruin him [drugs, other crap].

Best thing: he should leave, but it has to be done RIGHT. He must NOT leave feeling rejected. Sit him down, and very calmly, tell him why he is leaving the house. After 1.5 - 2 years looking out for himself, if he grows ambition your parents can loan him money to help fund that ambition, mature age education at Uni for example. Even moving back home.

Tsyroc · Post by **Tsyroc** » 2003-06-23 10:04am

The rent idea is a good step for your parents to take before trying the much more extreme idea of kicking him out of the house.

In my case my parents started charging me rent after I got out of school and started working. What they didn't tell me at the time is that they were just saving that rent money until I was in the market to buy a place of my own. Then when I was buying a house they gave my "rent" money back to me. It helped increase my down payment, saving me money by making it so I wasn't forced to get mortage inssurance.

The only thing I can think for you to do is to keep providing a good example. He might keep blowing you off for now but his attitude might change when your done with school and have a good job making good money. It might take you doing real well for awhile for it to finally wake him up though.

I do have a question about your brother though. If he's so into his girlfriend where is he getting money to do stuff with her and what are his plans where she's concerned? If he's eventually looking to settle down with her or some other woman appealing to common sense along those lines might help out. Unless he plans to keep mooching off of your parents even after he decides to start a family.

Lord of the Farce · Post by **Lord of the Farce** » 2003-06-23 10:37am

Tsyroc wrote:I do have a question about your brother though. If he's so into his girlfriend where is he getting money to do stuff with her and what are his plans where she's concerned? If he's eventually looking to settle down with her or some other woman appealing to common sense along those lines might help out. Unless he plans to keep mooching off of your parents even after he decides to start a family.

Judging from this:

Vympel wrote:It's always the same shit, too busy with his latest girlfriend, going out with his friends, or just staying at home and telling me to answer the phone because he's "not here".

... It seems his brother hasn't bothered with any serious long-term thinking, nevermind eventually looking to settle down.

Tsyroc · Post by **Tsyroc** » 2003-06-23 10:40am

Lord of the Farce wrote: Judging from this:
Vympel wrote:It's always the same shit, too busy with his latest girlfriend, going out with his friends, or just staying at home and telling me to answer the phone because he's "not here".
... It seems his brother hasn't bothered with any serious long-term thinking, nevermind eventually looking to settle down.

Good point. I guess was shooting for whether his brother was one of those people who thinks "maybe eventually" or one who thinks "never". If he's still thinking never then I don't know that there's much that can be done.

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2003-06-23 02:05pm

My Brother is the same way.

He dropped out of school at 16..the only thing he is good at is working with computers, but because he has nver graduated from anything in hs entire life, he cant get a well-paying job. And his attitude and interpersonal skill suck(anger problems) so he gets on his boss's bad side quickly, and losses his job... So, he is 22 and lives at home... Is about to go bankrupt. And has a cocaine problem

While I work hard at school, have a 3.86 GPA(not good at math), am VP of German club, edit for Minds Eye(schools literary magazine) active in Spectrum(gay straight alliance) Drama Club, Avilable o request for Speach and Debate... and am looking forward to getting my worthless american diploma, and going to university for a real education. Then going on to become a well respected biologist....

Why? Why is he so unbelievably stupid?

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2003-06-23 02:09pm

Not your problem. I suggest you give up and let him keep failing until he learns his own lessons.

Soontir C'boath · Post by **Soontir C'boath** » 2003-06-23 02:29pm

YEa but thing is Korr...this guy sounds like he needs a HUGE KICK in the ASS!!!
....Force him to the Military.~Jason

Galvatron · Post by **Galvatron** » 2003-06-23 02:35pm

Sounds a lot like me until I was given the following choice...

Go to school and do well OR get a full-time job OR enlist in the military OR get the hell out.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-06-23 02:39pm

His ass needs to be kicked out. Having to hold down a shitty job for a while might convince him to go learn a trade of some form. Certainly the current of course of action will not work.

GrandMasterTerwynn · Post by **GrandMasterTerwynn** » 2003-06-23 02:55pm

Vympel wrote:
BoredShirtless wrote:He's your brother, you have to help him out somehow.
No idea how. He refuses to work hard, he's impervious to anything my parents throw at him, and the only thing I seem to be good for is the occasional question about an assignment (which I answer).

Kicking him out of the house sounds extreme (such a concept is a nightmare to the Greek parent- the sons must be married off before they leave) but there's gotta be something that will shock the shit out of him in getting his ass in gear. For all I know, this could've been his last chance.

Yeah, yeah. Whining about a parasite isn't going to do anything about it. Really the only thing that can be done to him is to kick him out. Maybe set him up in an apartment and pay the first month of rent, but after that he'd better come up with the money to live on if he doesn't want to be a homeless bum. I mean, it's tough, but it's clear that your brother needs tough love, instead of coddling.

Batman · Post by **Batman** » 2003-06-23 03:10pm

GrandMasterTerwynn wrote: Yeah, yeah. Whining about a parasite isn't going to do anything about it. Really the only thing that can be done to him is to kick him out. Maybe set him up in an apartment and pay the first month of rent, but after that he'd better come up with the money to live on if he doesn't want to be a homeless bum. I mean, it's tough, but it's clear that your brother needs tough love, instead of coddling.

I couldn't agree with you more except that kicking him out is apparently something greek parent's just Don't Do. I do like the appartment idea, though. Make him see that yes, dude, you DO have to work for a living.

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2003-06-23 03:33pm

Maybe he should enlist.

Jaded Masses · Post by **Jaded Masses** » 2003-06-23 04:02pm

I had thought my brother was bad, but he is on the way to recovery. But your brother seems the absolute worst form of my brother! Well IMHO he needs a job before any house kicking. Now to help him out in getting a job, look to your parents. Do your parents have jobs where one could learn on the job while being supervised only some of the time and being free to do ones work at other times. This way the parents can take him to work making sure he goes (or atleast reminding him of his duty every morning) and then can give more in depth instruction to the lad once there. The parent can then (if they have been working their awhile and have a high position, that is) call in a few favors to help him (the brother) without his knowledge, as well as to give more friendly encouragement then he'd get at the work place; all to give him self-confidence and perhaps a will to tackle a larger world and job arena. (isn't his problem motivation?) hopefully he will then go and find a job he really wants, and get the education needed for it .

However this plan requires that:
a) he can be convinced that being babysat by the folks is worth his while
- I like the "for your girlfriend(s)" argument
b) the parent is both willing and able to all that
c) after moderate success he will want more success
d) his life hasn't already spent its last chance

Of course this is all IMHO and from only limited experience

Post by **Vympel** » 2003-06-24 12:54am

HemlockGrey wrote:Maybe he should enlist.

There's an idea.

My brother actually got some recruitment material once, but as with everything, he never follows through (and I mean everything).

I'm really leaning towards the kick out idea.

Vertigo1 · Post by **Vertigo1** » 2003-06-24 03:04am

Have your parents tried the old monopoly trick on him? (ie: ask him what he thinks he'll make per month, and start taking stuff away to pay for utilities and the like. Then when it gets down to the girl, take it all away and ask for more.) If that won't give him a dose of reality, I don't think anything else will.

Jabba the Hutt · Post by **Jabba the Hutt** » 2003-06-24 03:06am

He might be your brother, but he's also a grown man, and it's time for him to take responsibility for himself.

UltraViolence83 · Post by **UltraViolence83** » 2003-06-24 05:58am

What are the requirements to go to college? Everyone around here says you need two years of a foriegn language in high school (I didn't take Spanish), a good GPA all-around (fuck, I don't even know my own GPA for that matter) and money (Broke. Grants?)

Man, good thing my major life goals don't include going to a university or I'd be screwed.

Post by **Vympel** » 2003-06-24 06:29am

UltraViolence83 wrote:What are the requirements to go to college? Everyone around here says you need two years of a foriegn language in high school (I didn't take Spanish), a good GPA all-around (fuck, I don't even know my own GPA for that matter) and money (Broke. Grants?)

Man, good thing my major life goals don't include going to a university or I'd be screwed.

It's pretty easy for anyone in Australia to go into uni if they have the grades- we have HECS- you accumulate a debt for your education and only pay it off when you start making a certain amount of money in the Real World (TM).

My brother, however, doesn't have the grades. He's pretty much only interested in womanizing.

Thunderfire · Post by **Thunderfire** » 2003-06-24 09:22am

Vympel wrote: 1: Back when he did his Higher School Certificate (back in 1997), he fucked up so badly that he got 30 out of 100. Which destroyed his chances of getting into any good university course.

He should be a street sweeper instead of a university/college student with
30 out of 100. BTW Where is he getting all the money for his activities?
He needs some income if he want to go out with his friends. If he stays
at home without a job then he should do some house work. e.g wash the
dishes ,

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

My dickhead brother

My dickhead brother

Re: My dickhead brother