Trek Siilliness

Typhonis 1 · Post by **Typhonis 1** » 2003-06-24 02:20pm

How bad would the Enterprise -E be if Jiohn Wayne were captain with R Lee Ermy his first officer?

--Leia-- · Post by **--Leia--** » 2003-06-24 02:27pm

John Wayne as captain? He'd take the Enterprise right through the Neutral Zone and kick some Romulan ass!

Death from the Sea · Post by **Death from the Sea** » 2003-06-24 02:36pm

Typhonis 1 wrote:How bad would the Enterprise -E be if Jiohn Wayne were captain with R Lee Ermy his first officer?

oh man I would love to see them replace some of the Ent-Nil crew members in the brawl scene in "The Trouble with Tribbles" cause that would be an asskicking the likes of that the Klingons have never seen.

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2003-06-24 02:43pm

Capt Wayne:
Set a course for-ah romulus there pilgrim! we're-a-gonna kill us a boatload of them there bastards!
Cmdr Ermey:
GOD DAMMIT ENSIGN LAY IN THE GODDAMNED COURSE ALREADY YOU MAGGOT! WHAT'S YOU MAJOR MALFUNTION?

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2003-06-24 02:58pm

Typhonis 1 wrote:How bad would the Enterprise -E be if Jiohn Wayne were captain with R Lee Ermy his first officer?

There are times when I love having an overactive imagination....this is one of them.

Death from the Sea · Post by **Death from the Sea** » 2003-06-24 03:34pm

Imagine the Worf / Picard argument from First Contact.
Replace Worf with R. Lee Ermey

Picard: You want to blow up the ship and run away you coward!
Ermey: Do you know who you are talking too? I will gouge out your eyes and skull fuck you!!!
Picard: Get off my bridge!
Ermey: I don't think so twinkle toes! *punches Picard in the gut*
*Picard falls to the floor gasping for breath*
Picard: b-b-but.... I.... am.... the... captain....
The Duke: Wrong! you were the captain, I'm in charge here now.
Ermey: Now get out there and don't get assimilated!!! *picks up Picard and kicks him in the ass and knocks Picard into the nearest turbolift.*
*bridge crew looks confused*
Ermey: What are you looking at??? get back to work you scumbags!!!

Sothis · Post by **Sothis** » 2003-06-24 06:01pm

For some reason I am reminded of an avatar of someone's where it looks like Picard has Tourette's Syndrome... that thought always amuses me

kojikun · Post by **kojikun** » 2003-06-24 07:52pm

Death: I wish someone in starfleet HAD THE GUTS to do something like that.

StarshipTitanic · Post by **StarshipTitanic** » 2003-06-24 08:53pm

Sothis wrote:For some reason I am reminded of an avatar of someone's where it looks like Picard has Tourette's Syndrome... that thought always amuses me

Yuri?

TrailerParkJawa · Post by **TrailerParkJawa** » 2003-06-25 12:20am

"Whose the twinkle toes, cock sucker, who left dust on my photon torpedoes!"

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-06-25 02:41am

Typhonis 1 wrote:How bad would the Enterprise -E be if Jiohn Wayne were captain with R Lee Ermy his first officer?

I'd actually kinda like that.

Howedar · Post by **Howedar** » 2003-06-25 02:51am

It wouldn't be too bad. Ermey would keep the crew in line, but he wouldn't be insubordinate to Wayne. He was in a real military, and understands the concept of "chain of command".

Death from the Sea · Post by **Death from the Sea** » 2003-06-25 03:09pm

I was wondering....

does anyone thing that John Wayne would wear his phaser way back on his belt practically on his butt like he always did with his pistol? oh and do you think it would have the ivory grip too?

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-06-25 03:12pm

There no way he'd carry a phaser.

Post by **NecronLord** » 2003-06-25 03:13pm

Sea Skimmer wrote:There no way he'd carry a phaser.

He could replicate a ST-6 non cauterising halfway decent ergonomics phaser.

Kerneth · Post by **Kerneth** » 2003-06-25 03:17pm

Nah, the Duke would be packing either a .44 six-shooter or a Colt .50 Desert Eagle. He's big enough for the Desert Eagle, and I bet one of those would punch nice holes in a Borg. Or pretty much anything else he'd be likely to use a handgun on. Just...don't use it near the outer hull.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-06-25 03:46pm

NecronLord wrote:
He could replicate a ST-6 non cauterising halfway decent ergonomics phaser.

It still lacked a trigger guard as I recall

The Silence and I · Post by **The Silence and I** » 2003-06-26 02:39pm

If he had too he would just force them to make a decent one for him

Imagine that, Starfleet shown how to make functional phasers

The Duke is da man!

Death from the Sea · Post by **Death from the Sea** » 2003-06-26 03:38pm

Sea Skimmer wrote:There no way he'd carry a phaser.

you are probably right. He was a bit confused by and untrusting of an automatic pistol in Big Jake and seemed to be stuck on the idea that all pistols only had six shots max.

Kerneth · Post by **Kerneth** » 2003-06-27 12:12am

I wouldn't put John Wayne on the Enterprise-E, though. Maybe a Defiant, or another strictly-warship; the theoretical version of the Prometheus discussed in another thread with a phaser lance would be just about perfect. Name it after the Colt Peacemaker revolver. The E-E's a great battleship, don't get me wrong, but its primary mission is still exploration. I'm not sure John Wayne would be my first choice of men to seek out new life and new civilizations, either, unless the UFP wanted to scare the hell out of them.

Alien culture: "Unknown starship, you must leave our territory at once or be destroyed!"
John Wayne: "Well now, pilgrim, I don't reckon that's very neighborly of you."
JW's tactical officer: "Captain, three unknown vessels are approaching and powering up their weapons!"
John Wayne: "We'll just see about that. Let's put a phaser lance through that first one just to be getting their attention."

Now the next question, would the Duke still wear a Stetson and maybe spurs with his Starfleet uniform? And how long do you think he could hang onto his starship before Starfleet Command took it away from him for playing too rough?

Typhonis 1 · Post by **Typhonis 1** » 2003-06-27 01:59am

Course Ermmy would be a great negotiator

"Listen up you twinkle toed spoon head.You will sign this treaty or I will rip your head off and shit down your throat"

Death from the Sea · Post by **Death from the Sea** » 2003-06-27 02:03am

Kerneth wrote:I wouldn't put John Wayne on the Enterprise-E, though. Maybe a Defiant, or another strictly-warship; the theoretical version of the Prometheus discussed in another thread with a phaser lance would be just about perfect. Name it after the Colt Peacemaker revolver. The E-E's a great battleship, don't get me wrong, but its primary mission is still exploration. I'm not sure John Wayne would be my first choice of men to seek out new life and new civilizations, either, unless the UFP wanted to scare the hell out of them.

Alien culture: "Unknown starship, you must leave our territory at once or be destroyed!"
John Wayne: "Well now, pilgrim, I don't reckon that's very neighborly of you."
JW's tactical officer: "Captain, three unknown vessels are approaching and powering up their weapons!"
John Wayne: "We'll just see about that. Let's put a phaser lance through that first one just to be getting their attention."

hell yeah!

Now the next question, would the Duke still wear a Stetson and maybe spurs with his Starfleet uniform?

Yes, but probably a black one.

And how long do you think he could hang onto his starship before Starfleet Command took it away from him for playing too rough?

I think Starfleet Command would send a Captain to relieve him of command and The Duke would be publicly embarrass the new captain in front of the crew and then the crew and the Duke would laugh him off the ship. Then the Duke would go to Starfleet Command and crack a few skulls and show them that he 'ain't goin' nowhere'.

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