Man & Woman Joke
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Man & Woman Joke
Got this in the mail. I thought it was great
A man was tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, "Lord, everyday I go to work and put in eight long hours while my wife just stays home. So she may know what I have to go through, would you allow us to switch bodies for a day? Amen." God granted the man's wish and the next morning he awoke as a woman. He dressed, woke the kids, laid out their school clothes, helped them dress, fixed breakfast, packed their lunches, kissed his "wife" goodbye, drove the kids to school, then, on the way home, dropped off the dry cleaning, made a deposit at the bank, shopped for groceries, put away the groceries, paid the bills, and balanced the checkbook. Then he cleaned the cat's litter box, bathed the dog, made the beds, did the laundry, vacuumed, dusted, swept and mopped the floors. By then it was time to drive to school, pick up the kids at school, take them to soccer practice, and fill the car with gas. He then picked up the kids, took them home, fixed them milk and cookies, got them started on their homework, then ironed clothes until five o'clock when he peeled potatoes, washed vegetables, breaded pork chops and snapped beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded the laundry, bathed the kids and put them to bed. By the time he finished the ironing, he sat down to watch TV and immediately fell asleep. His "wife" woke him and, even though he was exhausted, took him to bed, where he was expected to make love without complaint. The next morning, he prayed again, "Oh, Lord, what was I thinking? I was wrong to envy my wife staying home all day. Please let us trade back! Amen." The Lord replied, "My son, I'm glad you've learned your lesson. I'll be happy to change things back, but you're going to have to wait nine months. Last night you got pregnant!"
A man was tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, "Lord, everyday I go to work and put in eight long hours while my wife just stays home. So she may know what I have to go through, would you allow us to switch bodies for a day? Amen." God granted the man's wish and the next morning he awoke as a woman. He dressed, woke the kids, laid out their school clothes, helped them dress, fixed breakfast, packed their lunches, kissed his "wife" goodbye, drove the kids to school, then, on the way home, dropped off the dry cleaning, made a deposit at the bank, shopped for groceries, put away the groceries, paid the bills, and balanced the checkbook. Then he cleaned the cat's litter box, bathed the dog, made the beds, did the laundry, vacuumed, dusted, swept and mopped the floors. By then it was time to drive to school, pick up the kids at school, take them to soccer practice, and fill the car with gas. He then picked up the kids, took them home, fixed them milk and cookies, got them started on their homework, then ironed clothes until five o'clock when he peeled potatoes, washed vegetables, breaded pork chops and snapped beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded the laundry, bathed the kids and put them to bed. By the time he finished the ironing, he sat down to watch TV and immediately fell asleep. His "wife" woke him and, even though he was exhausted, took him to bed, where he was expected to make love without complaint. The next morning, he prayed again, "Oh, Lord, what was I thinking? I was wrong to envy my wife staying home all day. Please let us trade back! Amen." The Lord replied, "My son, I'm glad you've learned your lesson. I'll be happy to change things back, but you're going to have to wait nine months. Last night you got pregnant!"
[img=right]http://hem.bredband.net/b217293/warsaban.gif[/img]
"Either God wants to abolish evil, and cannot; or he can, but does not want to. ... If he wants to, but cannot, he is impotent. If he can, but does not want to, he is wicked. ... If, as they say, God can abolish evil, and God really wants to do it, why is there evil in the world?" -Epicurus
Fear is the mother of all gods.
Nature does all things spontaneously, by herself, without the meddling of the gods. -Lucretius
"Either God wants to abolish evil, and cannot; or he can, but does not want to. ... If he wants to, but cannot, he is impotent. If he can, but does not want to, he is wicked. ... If, as they say, God can abolish evil, and God really wants to do it, why is there evil in the world?" -Epicurus
Fear is the mother of all gods.
Nature does all things spontaneously, by herself, without the meddling of the gods. -Lucretius
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I might have posted this here somewhere before, but it's a good one so I'll trot it out.
Adam and Eve have sex for the very first time. When they're through, Eve wanders off and Adam reclines on some leaves, smoking a cigarette. Just then, God wanders by.
"So!" God says, "Had sex for the first time! Whadidja think!" (God shouts a lot.)
"It was good." Adam replies. "Nice work."
"Glad'ja liked it!" God shouts. Then God squints and looks around. "Where'n the hell's Eve!"
"Meh." Adam shrugs. "Went down to the river to wash up, I think."
Suddenly, God is really angry. Thunderclouds gather overhead, lightning strikes some nearby trees, and Dunkin Donuts stops offering a discount. God is pissed.
"The hell is the matter with you all of a sudden?" Adam says.
God screws up his face and bleats, "Dammit! Do you know how long it's gonna take to get that smell outta the fish?!"
Adam and Eve have sex for the very first time. When they're through, Eve wanders off and Adam reclines on some leaves, smoking a cigarette. Just then, God wanders by.
"So!" God says, "Had sex for the first time! Whadidja think!" (God shouts a lot.)
"It was good." Adam replies. "Nice work."
"Glad'ja liked it!" God shouts. Then God squints and looks around. "Where'n the hell's Eve!"
"Meh." Adam shrugs. "Went down to the river to wash up, I think."
Suddenly, God is really angry. Thunderclouds gather overhead, lightning strikes some nearby trees, and Dunkin Donuts stops offering a discount. God is pissed.
"The hell is the matter with you all of a sudden?" Adam says.
God screws up his face and bleats, "Dammit! Do you know how long it's gonna take to get that smell outta the fish?!"
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check out theperfectjoke.com
it makes perfect sense.
it makes perfect sense.
This day is Fantastic!
Myers Briggs: ENTJ
Political Compass: -3/-6
DOOMer WoW
"I really hate it when the guy you were pegging as Mr. Worst Case starts saying, "Oh, I was wrong, it's going to be much worse." " - Adrian Laguna
How many men does it take to change a bog roll?
No one knows - it's never happened.
No one knows - it's never happened.
"I fight with love, and I laugh with rage, you gotta live light enough to see the humour and long enough to see some change" - Ani DiFranco, Pick Yer Nose
"Life 's not a song, life isn't bliss, life is just this: it's living." - Spike, Once More with Feeling
"Life 's not a song, life isn't bliss, life is just this: it's living." - Spike, Once More with Feeling
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Should you buy her a watch on her birthday?
No, there's a clock on the stove.
No, there's a clock on the stove.
"Oh no, oh yeah, tell me how can it be so fair
That we dying younger hiding from the police man over there
Just for breathing in the air they wanna leave me in the chair
Electric shocking body rocking beat streeting me to death"
- A.B. Original, Report to the Mist
"I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately."
- George Carlin
That we dying younger hiding from the police man over there
Just for breathing in the air they wanna leave me in the chair
Electric shocking body rocking beat streeting me to death"
- A.B. Original, Report to the Mist
"I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately."
- George Carlin
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What the hell's a bog roll?
The End of Suburbia
"If more cars are inevitable, must there not be roads for them to run on?"
-Robert Moses
"The Wire" is the best show in the history of television. Watch it today.
"If more cars are inevitable, must there not be roads for them to run on?"
-Robert Moses
"The Wire" is the best show in the history of television. Watch it today.
HemlockGrey wrote:What the hell's a bog roll?
It's a roll of paper us brits use to clean ourselves after going to the bog...
"I fight with love, and I laugh with rage, you gotta live light enough to see the humour and long enough to see some change" - Ani DiFranco, Pick Yer Nose
"Life 's not a song, life isn't bliss, life is just this: it's living." - Spike, Once More with Feeling
"Life 's not a song, life isn't bliss, life is just this: it's living." - Spike, Once More with Feeling
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And for those of you with no idea about British slang, a Bog is a toilet.
"...a fountain of mirth, issuing forth from the penis of a cupid..." ~ Dalton / Winner of the 'Frank Hipper Most Horrific Drag EVAR' award - 2004 / The artist formerly known as The_Lumberjack.
Evil Brit Conspiracy: Token Moose Obsessed Kebab Munching Semi Geordie
Evil Brit Conspiracy: Token Moose Obsessed Kebab Munching Semi Geordie
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Wow, yet another useless fact to add to my collections... Now on to the jokes!
Q: Why does a bride wear white for her wedding?
A: To match the kitchen appliances.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in the kitchen light?
A: None, let the bitch work in the dark.
Q: Why do women have smaller feet?
A: To stand closer to the sink.
I'm gonna get killed, I know I am...
Q: Why does a bride wear white for her wedding?
A: To match the kitchen appliances.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in the kitchen light?
A: None, let the bitch work in the dark.
Q: Why do women have smaller feet?
A: To stand closer to the sink.
I'm gonna get killed, I know I am...
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You'll be fine... now just post some anti-man jokes and you wont incure the wrath of the womenVorlon1701 wrote:Wow, yet another useless fact to add to my collections... Now on to the jokes!
Q: Why does a bride wear white for her wedding?
A: To match the kitchen appliances.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in the kitchen light?
A: None, let the bitch work in the dark.
Q: Why do women have smaller feet?
A: To stand closer to the sink.
I'm gonna get killed, I know I am...
How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?
one - men'll screw anything.
one - men'll screw anything.
"I fight with love, and I laugh with rage, you gotta live light enough to see the humour and long enough to see some change" - Ani DiFranco, Pick Yer Nose
"Life 's not a song, life isn't bliss, life is just this: it's living." - Spike, Once More with Feeling
"Life 's not a song, life isn't bliss, life is just this: it's living." - Spike, Once More with Feeling
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You Brits have some really strange slang. Of course, us Americans are not very good in the comprehensibility category ourselves...................innerbrat wrote:HemlockGrey wrote:What the hell's a bog roll?
It's a roll of paper us brits use to clean ourselves after going to the bog...
Hokey masers and giant robots are no match for a good kaiju at your side, kid
Post #666: 5-24-03, 8:26 am (Hey, why not?)
Do you not believe in Thor, the Viking Thunder God? If not, then do you consider your state of disbelief in Thor to be a religion? Are you an AThorist?-Darth Wong on Atheism as a religion
Post #666: 5-24-03, 8:26 am (Hey, why not?)
Do you not believe in Thor, the Viking Thunder God? If not, then do you consider your state of disbelief in Thor to be a religion? Are you an AThorist?-Darth Wong on Atheism as a religion
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A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a
long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because
both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules.
It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and
his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the
husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and
send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis.
However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error.
In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been 'called home to glory' following a heart attack.
The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
From: Your Departed Husband
Subject: I've Arrived!
I've just arrived and have checked in. I see that everything has been
prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
(P.S. Sure is hot down here!)
long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because
both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules.
It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and
his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the
husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and
send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis.
However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error.
In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been 'called home to glory' following a heart attack.
The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
From: Your Departed Husband
Subject: I've Arrived!
I've just arrived and have checked in. I see that everything has been
prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
(P.S. Sure is hot down here!)
Something about Libertarianism always bothered me. Then one day, I realized what it was:
Libertarian philosophy can be boiled down to the phrase, "Work Will Make You Free."
In Libertarianism, there is no Government, so the Bosses are free to exploit the Workers.
In Communism, there is no Government, so the Workers are free to exploit the Bosses.
So in Libertarianism, man exploits man, but in Communism, its the other way around!
If all you want to do is have some harmless, mindless fun, go H3RE INST3ADZ0RZ!!
Grrr! Fight my Brute, you pansy!
Libertarian philosophy can be boiled down to the phrase, "Work Will Make You Free."
In Libertarianism, there is no Government, so the Bosses are free to exploit the Workers.
In Communism, there is no Government, so the Workers are free to exploit the Bosses.
So in Libertarianism, man exploits man, but in Communism, its the other way around!
If all you want to do is have some harmless, mindless fun, go H3RE INST3ADZ0RZ!!
Grrr! Fight my Brute, you pansy!
Why was Moses wandering the desert for 40 years?
Because men'll never ask for directions.
What do a beer bottle and a man have in common?
They're empty form the neck up
What's a man's idea of foreplay?
half an hour of begging
How do you get a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his feet
What's the difference between a man and ET?
ET phoned home,
Because men'll never ask for directions.
What do a beer bottle and a man have in common?
They're empty form the neck up
What's a man's idea of foreplay?
half an hour of begging
How do you get a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his feet
What's the difference between a man and ET?
ET phoned home,
"I fight with love, and I laugh with rage, you gotta live light enough to see the humour and long enough to see some change" - Ani DiFranco, Pick Yer Nose
"Life 's not a song, life isn't bliss, life is just this: it's living." - Spike, Once More with Feeling
"Life 's not a song, life isn't bliss, life is just this: it's living." - Spike, Once More with Feeling