Biggest real-life loser you know

[Darth Wong]

Don't say it's you! No whining about personal problems allowed!

Anyway, who's the biggest real-life loser you know in real life (this stipulation added to eliminate obvious contenders such as Darkstar, Timothy Jones, or the TrekBBS babies whose response to a debate ass-kicking was to run away and try to get some would-be hackers to harass us)?

The biggest loser I know is a guy who shall remain nameless, but who has the following list of strikes against:

1. No postsecondary education.
2. 33 years old and has never had a serious relationship.
3. Works stocking shelves at a local building supply store.
4. Recently joined the Jehovah's Witnesses.
5. Has been working out for 10 years, 3 times a week, yet his methods (exclusive use of intensive isolation exercises of certain specific muscle groups, always with low reps and often with only partial range of movement in order to bump up his weights) have left him mishappen and with good strength on his favourite machines but pitiful overall strength (I started working out only a couple of months ago and I can beat him on the deadlift for reps).
6. For years, ate a diet of 30 eggs and 10 baked potatoes per day because he wanted to get bigger (his knowledge of nutrition is as pitiful as his knowledge of exercise technique), resulting in serious problems with his digestive tract (for a while, he suffered from a problem known as anal leakage, thus forcing him to wear adult diapers).
7. Perhaps as a side-effect of consuming more than 10 times the normal daily consumption of eggs grown from hormone-treated chickens for nearly a decade, he now suffers from a phenomenon known as gynaecomastia (male breasts). He also tends to gain weight in his thighs and butt, like a woman.
8. He was baptized last Saturday. He believes that his life will turn around now that he has declared his faith in God.

Can anybody top that? Who's the biggest loser you know?

[Ghost Rider]

Toughie...but here goes

My nameless loser.

1. He passed High School only because they didn't care(he literally didn't have grades...just a list of Doctor's notes from his parents).

2. He has 26 systems(one for every year), and when asked why he buys them he responds because he has to.

3. He has over 200 unopened video games. He does this in hopes they will raise in value. His total VIDEO GAME collection weighs in at around $100K+(seriously his collection fills his room, he sleeps on his couch downstairs since he's filled his room)...in his parent's house(even though if he quit buying games he easily has the money to move out)

Note: the above does not count his growing DVD, Video, comic book collections at all.

4. He's converted to christanity because of a gold digging bitch he dated for 4 monthes.(no sex...and this was the closest one he could've done it with)

5. He's an assistant manager at the local EB(game store)...for the past 6 years.(been offered manager at much better pay 5 times...said no because he doesn't want to waste any gas money).

6. The only way he's been laid is by hookers(no lie).

I think only Rob Wilson and maybe a couple others would know who I speak of. There's more, but this would go under ignorance...since it relates to discussions of sciences and finance.

[kojikun]

Me. And I'm serious.

[Darth Gojira]

Hard to top THAT, milord. I have encountered( and punched out) a bratty classmate who has no maturity, asks questions in movies that have already been answered, sings along to his CDs, and gets so gutsy to puch people, but when the victim simply looks at him, he backpedals so quickly he almost crashed into the wall while fleeing. He also pedals porn during school hours, and plays very noisy games. As you guys have probably deduced by now, he has no friends.

[thecreech]

Will call him Bob. Bob is exactly like george on sienfield

1. He is always trying to cheat people out of money. Whether it be stores or family. But when plans backfire and he ends up loosing money he gets pissed off saying shit like "Fuck! why does this always happen to me"

2.Aways tries to pick up on 14 yr old girls because he knows that he can impress them with his shiny porshe that he was able to pay for by sueing someone

3. Almost always jobless and always complaining about not having a job, and when you find a job for him getting paid good money he rejects it because " I don't want to get all dirty" or " That just isn't what i want to do"

4. Use to pretend to be a christian to try and get girls to believe that he wasn't after sex but in the end that what it always was about

5. He says that if he ever got a girl pregnant that he wouldn't want her to have an abortion because abortion is wrong but he got a girl pregnant and begged her to have an abortion

Well that is my loser but i think mike's looser is worse. What brought this up darth wong?

[Trytostaydead]

Well, nothing really wrong with #8 there.. a little faith doesn't hurt that 'ole self-esteem.

Hmmm.. the biggest loser I know? I know too many. I'm like a loser-magnet, every loser wants to introduce themselves to me. So let me start with perhaps the weirdest.

1) He came over from China in the 7th grade. He started off his auspicious career after swimming in PE one day when he couldn't get his swim suit off because he tied it too tightly and went around the locker room asking guys to help him undress.

He's stick skinny with a head that looks like its the alien from the Alien Autopsy video. He has a very rigid gait and hunched back.

It's one thing to enjoy such things as Star Wars and Star Trek but talks about them incessantly that ever since him I've had an aversion to Star Trek because he liked it so much.

He would call everyone an idiot.

No one liked him.

I got mistaken for him based on vague descriptions, "the skinny asian kid with glasses." REally pissed me off on that one.

He liked to hit people, but no one hit back for fear of breaking him.

His idea for asking a girl to prom was, "Jess would go to prom with me. Won't you Jess?" The girl remained silent and didn't even look at him.

2) #1's friend. He came from China around the same time. He has a speech problem where he's always slurring and sputtering and spitting, though it's not a real speech problem. It's a problem he has with English, that he even has now, 7 years later. His sister, who's the exact opposite of him speaks perfect English.

Came into class one day and told the teacher and us that he had a dream that a chicken gave him a blowjob.

Doesn't ever comb his hair and lets it grow out until he's an Asian with an afro.

Real stupid guy, failed algebra twice.

Actually managed to get into a university but then dropped out and works at Barnes and Nobles. He and #1 spend their money and allowances buying comic books and spending their hours at the local Electronic Boutique.

3) My ex-roommate. An avid biker and loves math. I woke up at 3 am one day to hear him discussing the advantages of using Nair to shave his legs. He would always wear his biking helmet indoors or in classes, used to always wear his biking pant cuffs 24/7. Ate with his mouth open with annoying smacking mouths. Had bad manners, never thanked anyone.

He used to go to other halls and start saying how he was reading Mein Kampf and would go to people's room yelling "Seig Heil!" He would talk about his obsession with a girl he met in the 4th grade. He invited weirdos into our hall who would enter girls rooms and watch them sleep.

[Darth Garden Gnome]

I don't know a lot of losers, but the one I do know is...well, let's just say we're close, even if we don't like each other. Okay, he's my dad.

1.) Dropped out of high school the first chance he got. Previously he maintained only a barely passing (D range) grades to advance. Never went to college.

2.) Got really mixed up in drugs for a large portion of his life.

3.) Lived with his parents during that time period; only way he was able to leave was when he married my mom. He had no money in the bank, and less than a thousand dollars on him AND in personal possesions.

4.) Remained a drunk for a grand portion of his life (roughly 35-38 years, I estimate).

5.) Worked as a janitor at a car company for 25 years. During that time he sweeped garbage and sludge, lifted barrels full of chemicals, had to wear a GAS MASK to do some of his jobs, and other less-than-enjoyable work.

6.) Has cheated on my mom and still lives in this house based SOLEY on the fact that he's a withered old man who has no where else to go (all dead or apathetic relatives).

7.) When he was sick, he REFUSED to see a doctor or go to the hospital and fully planned to die drinking liquor in his bed. We called an amulance and he still fought to leave.

All I can think of now, but rest assured, I have seen and experienced and LIVED with the biggest loser I know, and I plan to be NOTHING like him when I grow up. Screw drugs and liquor and shit like that. I plan to live a life worth living, not ending up being some old withered drunkard who barely gets by only thanks to my mother whom is of endless forgivenss.

Phew...that's a load off... [/url]

[Darth Wong]

What brought this up darth wong?

My brother and I were just talking about him today. He made the mistake of saying that he thinks he's in better shape than my brother and accusing my brother of working out strictly for looks rather than real strength (my brother has deadlifted over 500 lbs). This pissed off my bro to no end, and he's been ranting about what a loser this guy is.

PS. I'm not just going on my brother's word; I know this guy too, and can confirm the assessment.

[TrailerParkJawa]

I know 4 people that qualify so I will just pick one.

1) 33 year old male, lets his mom pay all his bills for him. She has control of all his bank accounts. He seems to think she is his secretary, when in reality she is a controlling mom.

2) He has made excellent money for the last 7 years, and does not have enough money to even buy a car. He gets so much per diem that he seldom has to pay for a meal, or housing. He wastes almost all of his money on strippers and games. No, he does not have a house.

3) He thinks by going to a strip club, every week, several times a week and always paying for a private session with the same women means they are "dating". Serious.

4) Has never gotten laid outside of a prostitue/stripper.

5) Talks so loud people in the next house can hear him.

6) Casually talks about buying a house in expensive neighborhoods when he doesnt even understand what he can really qualify for. ( He can qualify for 300-350K, but speaks of buying in the 700-800K market.)

[Darth Wong]

Well, nothing really wrong with #8 there.. a little faith doesn't hurt that 'ole self-esteem.

Getting baptized as a Jehovah's Witness means more than "a little faith". It means "a lot of stupidity", not to mention an enormous new peer pressure burden; all of that star-chamber shit that they do with tribunal hearings about your personal conduct only applies to the baptised.

[Wicked Pilot]

This girl in college who dated one of my friends easily qualifies. She supposidly wanted to be an Air Force officer so she joined the ROTC. Too bad she had the following things wrong:

1. She was the goddamn most stupid person in the whole state of Louisiana. Once when an ATM wouldn't give her the cash she requested, she was confused as to what the 'insuffecient funds' statement meant.
2. Her shear stupidity and major sense of slackassedness got her less that a 2.0 GPA on a 4.0 scale during the spring quarter.
3. She could never handle stress, always breaking down and spouting some nonsence like "but you don't understand" or "I'm only like this twice a year."
4. Never PT'ed, always used some lame ass excuse not to go to morning PT sessions, and always avoided taking the PFT.
5. She took up getting shit faced drunk as a habit.
6. After much convincing by myself and others, my friend dumped her like a bad habit.
7. She then gained weight like crazy. By the winter quarter, people refered to here as the oompa loompa.
8. Made a 0.0 GPA during the winter quarter because she never went to class.
9. At the beginning of the spring quarter, she left skid marks as they threw her ass out of ROTC.
10. She then took up smoking and gained even more weight.
11. Did not return to school in the fall. She still sends e-mails to my friend, but he wisely deletes them unopened.
12. Last heard, she was considering enlisting in the Army reserves. If that happens, I would pay good money to see what happens upon her arrival to basic.

Her last name was Butler. Now, when you go to the ROTC detachment at my alma mater, and here a cadet told he/she has the 'Butler syndrome', you will know what where the term comes from.

[LadyTevar]

My ex-husband.

He and his cureent wife were on JennyJones once... "Weird Couples" The Muslim woman living with the "Non-Tolkien Elf"

Anyone who saw that episode would understand why he wins as Biggest Loser.

[Trytostaydead]

Well, nothing really wrong with #8 there.. a little faith doesn't hurt that 'ole self-esteem.

Getting baptized as a Jehovah's Witness means more than "a little faith". It means "a lot of stupidity", not to mention an enormous new peer pressure burden; all of that star-chamber shit that they do with tribunal hearings about your personal conduct only applies to the baptised.

I meant IN GENERAL having faith is not bad.. sorry if I wasn't clearer.

[Trytostaydead]

Her last name was Butler. Now, when you go to the ROTC detachment at my alma mater, and here a cadet told he/she has the 'Butler syndrome', you will know what where the term comes from.

As in the famous incompetent Federal General Butler? Hahaha, I see the similarities now! LOL

[UltraViolence83]

I don't think necessarily that no after high school education or being bad at math constitutes someone as a "loser" (mainly because I fit both descriptions), But here's a live-in family member who shall have no name:

-Back in school his younger sister had to stand up for him when others would pick on him. OK, I'm sorry, there's being a submissive dork and then there's having your little sister stick up for you.

-He's almost 40 and still lives with his mother.

-No girlfriend that I've ever heard of or seen.

-Is a fundamentalist Christian. Though to be fair I must say that he has never tried to shove it down my throat. He's gotten a LOT worse since he bought this computer. You ever hear anyone make those "noises of disgust?" Try hearing those everytime you hear "Harry Potter" on TV. He's a Doomsayer as well. But of course the EU means that Europe will invade us! Led by The Vatican no doubt! Don't forget the return of Nazism! (I'mnot kidding)

-Is hypocritical in that he has S&M magazines under his bed I discovered one bloody day.

-Chews with his mouth open.

-No friends. Unless those people he trades movie sountracks with can be considered friends. He makes all his money from Ebay.

-Thinks that dinosaurs walked with humans.

-CHEWS WITH HIS GODDAMN MOUTH OPEN.

Try living with this.

[Darth Wong]

My ex-husband.

He and his cureent wife were on JennyJones once... "Weird Couples" The Muslim woman living with the "Non-Tolkien Elf"

Anyone who saw that episode would understand why he wins as Biggest Loser.

Wow, somebody who actually went on a Trash TV show ...

[UltraViolence83]

Oh yeah, another guy named "Jack." Is of no relation.

-Is almost 40 and lives with his parents.

-An alchie who has gotten DUIs on a bicycle and his lawnmower.

-Smokes crack. Skinny as your average Holocaust survivor.

-Hangs out with kids half his age. He buys beer for us sometimes.

-Unrelentant pervert. Hits on girls half his age.

-NASCAR fan.

-Looks like the Crypt Keeper.

[Darth Wong]

<snip>

Sounds like you live in a redneck community

[UltraViolence83]

Sounds like you live in a redneck community

Northeastern Ohio: Come for the BBQ, stay for the drunken screams of "Yee-HAW!"

[Howedar]

[*]For years, ate a diet of 30 eggs and 10 baked potatoes per day because he wanted to get bigger (his knowledge of nutrition is as pitiful as his knowledge of exercise technique), resulting in serious problems with his digestive tract (for a while, he suffered from a problem known as anal leakage, thus forcing him to wear adult diapers).

Definately the best part. What kind of fucking moron eats freakin 30 eggs a day? I'm surprised he hasn't had a heart attack.

[Alex Moon]

Let's call him "Bob"

I know Bob through the university anime club. Bob is 40 years old, or thereabout. He has never worked more than 6 months at the same job. He prides himself in knowing the ins and outs of the unemployment office. Bob complains about having to find work that he considers demeaning, such as working for Dish Network in customer support.

Bob has no social skills, stemming from the fact that most of his contact with other people comes from online chat rooms. He talks to people in real life like he would online. He also has this annoying habit of making sarcastic remarks about everything.

Bob freaks out the girls at the club. From what we have gathered, he has never had a real girlfriend, and he has made comments to some of the girls there. A friend of mine remarked that when she was seventeen, Bob would make passes at her, or make comments about how he was waiting for her to turn legal. She took to slipping in reminders in every conversation that she was still in highschool. In fact, Bob seemed to obsess over said friend for a long time. When we would walk to our cars after the show, this friend would make sure there were guys on either side of her so that Bob couldn't get close.

Often people sit outside the room where the showings take place and talk quietly when there is a show on that they aren't interested in seeing. When Bob comes out, the girls will always make sure that they are talking to someone else. If one of them sees Bob approaching another girl, they have a rule that they are supposed to grab that girl and pretend that they need to talk about something in private. At the aftershow dinner, the girls tend to sit in a group along the table, with guys on either side so that Bob can't sit next to them because the way he acts around them scares the girls in the club.

Then there is "Dave",

Dave is 27. He still lives at home and is unemployed. He runs another anime club in town, and likes to wear these worn out trashy bunny ears to club. He doesn't shower or wear deoderant enough. I think he graduated high school, but I'm not sure. The club is an allday thing, and so often we'll have small breaks. Last semester, some people started playing Go between the breaks. Whenever I played against someone, Dave would often watch the game and offer tips to that person and commentary about the game as it was going on, which was very annoying. It's part of the reason that I stopped going to the club.

Finally there is my cousin Mark

Mark is 19. He had trouble with drugs throughout highschool, as well as theft and running away. Once he stole his mother's car, drove it to Las Vegas and crashed it. He was sent to a boot-camp when he was 16, and managed to get his GED. At 17 he enlisted in the military. He passed basic fine, but in AIT he got into an arguement with a sergent and left the base. The Army agreed to give him a discharge without much fuss because of his age. He moved back home for a while, but then about a year ago he moved into a house owned by my granparents with his 17 year old girlfriend. She's now pregnant, and he's seriously let himself go healthwise. He has numerous tatoos, and the last time I saw him he had just returned home after getting a mohawk. He was holding down a job at Subway, but we'll see how long that lasts.

[aerius]

This one's a tough call, but I'd have to say it's this guy I know named Greg. Greg was a complete jackass in high school who badmouthed everyone behind their backs and wondered why we all hated him. We coulcn't hit him because he was such a wuss and always ran crying to the teachers. The dork dropped out in 12th grade and I didn't see him for a couple years, next time I did he was a stockboy at Walmart.

But now the guy had decided to give himself an image change, he was now a wannabe wigger gino boy, it's the saddest thing I've ever seen. He's never been laid and doubtfully ever will be unless he gets raped by an ugly 300lb fat chick. He spends his free time hanging out at a movie theatre with his gino clothing and wigger talk trying to pick up underage high school girls, this I found out from a friend who worked as an usher.

[LadyTevar]

My ex-husband.

He and his cureent wife were on JennyJones once... "Weird Couples" The Muslim woman living with the "Non-Tolkien Elf"

Anyone who saw that episode would understand why he wins as Biggest Loser.

Wow, somebody who actually went on a Trash TV show ...

He's 32yrs old, only recently argeed to be trained as a line manager for TacoBell after 10yrs of working for them, is married to a 55yr old woman who's 6ft round and 6ft tall, while he's only 5'5 and wears a size 32/32 jeans. On top of this, the only reason they're *not* living with his mother (Like he made me do for 5 years) is because the poor dear has Atzhimers and had to be placed in a home.

Oh, and he's a Gorean bondage freak.

[Demiurge]

Obnoxious cousin I have unfortunately encountered on several occasions.

-Zero social skills. Zero. Homeschooled. What a surprise.

-Never leaves the house.

-As strong as a five year-old child and weighs twice as much (he's nineteen, btw.)

-Has no respect for the sanctity of sleep. Asshole.

[XPViking]

Well, I don't exactly know this one particular moron, but he seems to think that "free speech" gives him the right to fill forums with spam, send nasty bullshit pms to various people, and that any form of guidelines (the kind he agreed to in the TOS) is a form of oppression. It's not anyone here but at another board.

Basically, I wish to crush his sorry ass.

XPViking