Biggest real-life loser you know

[XPViking]

As strong as a five year-old child and weighs twice as much (he's nineteen, btw.)

WTF? My 3-year old son (18kg) outweighs a small 5 year-old down the hall. Is this guy some kind of midget? Maybe he has some kind of growth disorder or something.

XPViking

[J]

A guy from my highschool...let's call him Don, because that's his real name. If you saw him in the cafeteria in highschool, your first impression would be that he's mister cool, sits with all the jocks & preppies, has cute girls talking to him and so forth. Every day you'll find him seated with the same people yaking it up in the cafeteria for the whole lunch hour. But appearances are deceiving. Look closer and you'll see that the clique just keeps him around to amuse them, and that the girls aren't even listening to him, just nodding and saying "uh-huh" at the right time.

And there's more. Don lives a fictitious life, a life where he's an Army reservist leading a cadet group, and he tells the most ridiculous stories of his adventures and exploits with the army. Nevermind the fact that he was 50lbs overweight at least with the fitness of a couch potato, and that he'd never pass the physicals for the Army, not to mention that if his stories are to be believed he'd been in the army since he was 10.

He was also a fucking stalker. After he got my phone number from doing a group project in History class, the asshole just wouldn't stop calling me, and I ended up getting my phone numbers switched so that he got the fax machine instead. And then there was the graduation formal, where the guy would not take no for an answer when asking me out and flipped his lid when he discovered I was going with my BF. turns out the 2 of them also had longstanding issues with each other, and me going with my BF was something that he just couldn't tolerate.

Did I mention that he was drunk and creeped out every single girl at the formal? He had serious B.O. issues, the worst breath ever, and he thought he was James Bond the way he was going about trying to pick up dance partners. Needless to say it didn't work.

But it doesn't end there. He claims to have gone to university to study Anthropology at UofT, but the fact is there was no record of him ever attending university. Turns out he was just walking in on and sitting in classes pretending he was getting a higher education. For 3 years he did this, and for what? It fits in with his pattern of living an imaginary life, but this was just absurd! What a loser!

[Demiurge]

No. I can see where that would be confusing. What I meant is that he's as skinny as a snowman in the summer.

[Darth Wong]

Well, I don't exactly know this one particular moron, but he seems to think that "free speech" gives him the right to fill forums with spam, send nasty bullshit pms to various people, and that any form of guidelines (the kind he agreed to in the TOS) is a form of oppression. It's not anyone here but at another board.

Sounds like every single member of TrollKingdom

But it's also OT for this thread, since you don't actually know this person in real life.

[XPViking]

Sorry Mr. Wong. Anyhow, I still want to crush him. Juvenile I know.

Anyhow, I did happen to room with one dude at university for a while who was an idiot. He would hum annoying little songs when I was studying and talk in a squeeay-whiny voice (like a dog yipping). I don't know what happened to him since we fortunately lost contact.

Basically, I tend to forget about the morons. Life is way too short to dwell upon them.

XPViking

[Macross]

We called him Toad.

He was my friends roommate first year of college.

Looked like the Michelin Man and the Staypuffed Marshmellow Mans bastard love child.

Always walked around in sandels and dingy sweats.

Never went to class.

Got a 0.2 GPA and placed on Accademic Probation after his first SEMESTER! At this school it takes two semesters of a GPA lower then a 1.5 to be placed on Accademic Probation.

Had Playboy magazines that were over 5 years old, and some of the pages were stuck together.

Never bathed.

Would walk randomly from girl to girl on campus asking each one out, and never understood why no one responded.

Would look at porn in the campus computer lab.

Spent all day and all night in the TV lounge watching TV, that is when we wasnt looking at porn in the computer lab. After a while this weird stench and thick air appeared in the TV lounge, and no one but the "Lounge Lizards" as we called them would even enter. He never got up either, not to even eat or go to the bathroom... he once left a pair of...um...soiled underwear in his room for everyone to see.

[Frank Hipper]

He's never revealed his real name, but he's known as "Tank".

He's pushing 40, never had a real job.

He has made money by returning stolen items to Wallmart for cash, they didn't ask for reciepts back when this was going on.

Classic bully, he's literally all talk and no action, if you even hint at standing up to him, he backs right the fuck down. Spineless pussy who uses his size and "intimidating" appearance to project an aura of toughguy-ness.

Has himself checked into hospitals under pseudonyms repeatedly, he claims to be a diabetic, but I believe he just wants to be cared for, a guy of many psychoses is Tank.

Claims to be the illegitimate son of Carl Thomas, the founder of Wendy's. He'll argue this to the point of tears. Nobody believes him.

A pathological liar to the Nth degree. As if the above wasn't a hint in that direction.

A drunk, and a coke-head. The only reason he's ever been able to get laid is due to access to coke.

And worst of all:

I, along with MANY other people, are convinced he's the one who stole my best friend's money, DVDs, and other valuables from his house while he was DEAD ON THE FUCKING FLOOR! The thought of that piece of shit rifling through my dead friend's pockets makes me insane with anger.

He's really worse than a mere loser, but if the shoe fits.

[Master of Ossus]

Hmmm... Several candidates, but I think that the worst offender was someone I knew in HS.

1. He wore his hair down well past his shoulders, but never even decided to get a bang trim. This eccentuated the fact that he was unspeakably ugly, and one VERY nice girl I knew once told me that his smile made her want to punch him out, and another exceptionally kind person called him "dirty."

2. He was suspended for making death threats against another student.

3. The track team nicknamed him "Shaggy" because of his long hair, yet he STILL refused to get it cut.

4. He once asked a girl out to Junior Prom or Senior Ball (I can't remember which), but the total elapsed time spent on the phone before he was rejected was less than ONE MINUTE.

5. While a senior in HS, he spent his time on a field trip playing "tag."

6. The kid spent all of his money obsessing over the latest Japanese/Chinese animation products and art design, and even occasionally pretended to be Japanese because he thought it was cooler than Chinese. Note that his last name was "Chen."

7. He was rejected from every major university that he applied to (his parents wanted him to go to Berkeley), and ended up going into Riverside.

8. Sometimes cleaned his nails in the middle of class periods using scissors.

9. He once attempted to claim that he was better at talking to girls than I was. Unfortunately for him, there were numerous girls in the room at the time who proceeded to tell him off. Sometimes with hilarious statements.

10. Although I occasionally felt sorry for him due to the high expectations heaped on him by his parents, most of the time I was repulsed by the fact that he rarely bathed and occasionally wore the same clothes to school for three to five days at a time. This sentiment was also echoed by many of my friends, of both genders, and was not lessened by the fact that he ran on the track team.

11. Once sat in history class, tasting his hair, and eventually came to the conclusion that his "hair tastes like pasta."

[Seele]

Well there is this one guy I know. Ever since I met him I knew he was an asshat. He had this girlfriend who is now one of my best friends. He was insanely jealous and very posessive. To the point of abuse towards the end of their relationship. He even started to accuse her of messing around behind his back with me. Those who know me would know I have way too much character to do anything like that period. Once the girl finally relized how he was abusing her, she left him. And this made him worse.

Starting messing around with real bottom of the barrel girls who would squat in a petry dish and start a brand new civilazation. Started hygene issues that became so bad his PA got infected and rejected him. Then over the next couple months he just going downhill. The only job he can keep is his family's mat cleaning company. So he abuses company resources and loosing checks.

He's loosing just about every friend he had who are abandoning him with him thinking he's in the right. He has on accout the Stiles Project Forum where he went on a rant about a muteal friend we both have.

"I have a friend whose g/f just broke up with him friday, being rennies we all had a show together over the weekend...saturday she found a guy she wanted to fuck and was all over him...my friend got pissy...we were all invited to stay at the house of the guy the girl wanted to fuck, another friend had to set up at a nightclub about 1hr north, so to avoid bad situations, and get myself into the orgy for the night, I offered gas money so he didn't have to be around for it...he refused...he then got pissed when the sex began and he wasn't involved so he went back to where I asked him to go for me and didn't show up for the show sunday...was it wrong what she did or was he just being a bitch

Rant



Please keep in mind my friend that is being talked about is rather old fashoned and is not the type of person who would be involved in anything freaky. And also the asshat fucked his former GF one hour after she broke up with my friend citing that it was ok since she was single now. Overall this asshat is very deserving a good beating.

[Drewcifer]

hmmm. There was the guy who faked an Australian accent to impress the ladies, but forgot his accent when he drank heavily. There was the guy that got rid of his phone so he would have more beer money. There was another guy that was engaged to a friend of mine, but broke it off over the phone!!.

But the winner, we'll call him BillyJoe, was a guy I worked with for a short time when I was a trim and frame carpenter.

- He was in his late 20's, never been anything but a laborer (never tried to work up to foreman or tradesman or anything).
- He didn't see any problem with taking muscle relaxants and drinking beer whilst working with power tools (!!!) Because of this, he often fucked things up royally, liked putting saw blades on backwards, or forgetting to punch out the knock-out on the blade, so it wobbled around like crazy. He also once cut a $200 manufactured laminent (sp?) beam exactly one foot too short -- making it useless -- because he was dumbass sober, much less under the influence.
- And many other things, but this makes him the King of the Losers: One night he went to a local bar and got pretty drunk and got kicked out of the bar. While he was walking home, he didn't bother to pay any attention at a railroad crossing, and was hit by a slow moving train! He was taken to the hospital, and decided that the doctors "were fucking quacks" and he walked out of the hospital, against medical advice. He went back to the same bar, drank more, and got in a fight. He got his ass kicked so bad he ended up back at the hospital again, this time unconcious. haha I know that sounds unbelievable, but I knew the guy, and he really was capable of being such a dumbass.

Luckily, we didn't work with his crew or the contractor that employed him for very long; the contractor was loser too, and we eventually took him to court for unpaid wages. Never knew what happened to "BillyJoe", but he's probably dead by now, having won a Darwin award.

[Bug-Eyed Earl]

You guys suck.

Seriously, I'm 23 (24 in two months) and finishing up my degree at a community college, and I'm going to try to get into a university after that. I still live at home due to school and doing plays(which is expected if you're a theatre major) cutting into my work time. I messed up taking a few years off after high school(I was so eager to enjoy my freedom I was blind to the consequences of not imediately pursuing my education), and am behind on my education, which I compounded by taking my time with the degree. I think I'm past that now, and will do better in the coming months.

I've never had a meaningful relationship, but I am rather introverted, and just not good at talking to women, but I doubt I'll be single forever. If I ever get past the "Well, yeah, .mumble mumble mode of conversing, I think my problems will be a long way towards being solved.

After admitting all that, I don;t feel as bad, since I HOPE you guys don;t lump me with these other people. I was preparing to defend at least one of the people named here, but I agreed on their level of patheticness.

I like to think what sets me apart from these people is their seeming blissful unawareness of their plight. I am actively trying to change my station, and I think my path will take me out of it.

PS: Mike, I never really worked out in high school, and finally started working out a few years ago but really haven't perfected my workout. Any tips regarding basic mistakes I should avoid making?

[Bug-Eyed Earl]

To put it another way: this thread makes me feel a lot better about myself.

[Darth Wong]

You guys suck.

Seriously, I'm 23 (24 in two months) and finishing up my degree at a community college, and I'm going to try to get into a university after that. I still live at home due to school and doing plays(which is expected if you're a theatre major) cutting into my work time. I messed up taking a few years off after high school(I was so eager to enjoy my freedom I was blind to the consequences of not imediately pursuing my education), and am behind on my education, which I compounded by taking my time with the degree. I think I'm past that now, and will do better in the coming months.

I don't see why that should put you in the same category as the losers in this thread. The common thread is that they are making no effort whatsoever to improve their lot (the guy I mentioned thinks that joining the Jehovah's Witnesses is a legitimate effort to improve his situation, but that is only another strike against him).

I've never had a meaningful relationship, but I am rather introverted, and just not good at talking to women, but I doubt I'll be single forever. If I ever get past the "Well, yeah, .mumble mumble mode of conversing, I think my problems will be a long way towards being solved.

Shock therapy: walk right up to a girl and start talking to her. If you make an ass out of yourself, try again, or with another girl. Be honest; you might even want to admit that you can't talk to girls and ask her to help you. A lot of young guys have no idea how far simple frankness can take someone. With practice, you'll get better.

PS: Mike, I never really worked out in high school, and finally started working out a few years ago but really haven't perfected my workout. Any tips regarding basic mistakes I should avoid making?

I'm no expert either, but my brother is quite proficient and has been studying this subject for about a decade (and he's a qualified fitness instructor), so I've been basically using his method. He's big on the use of what he calls "power movements": big movements that involve your whole body or move your whole body, like dips, chin-ups, deadlifts, squats, etc. He says the biggest problem with the wannabes is that they do too much muscle-isolation work, so they become very good at certain movements but they're not balanced. As he puts it, the world is full of prettyboys who do tons of benchpresses and bicep curls, and that's pretty much the only thing they can do. No back, no legs, no balance. His mantra is that the isolation stuff is strictly for fine-tuning, not for building muscle in any quantity, and he can rattle off lists of big names in fitness and body-building who will say pretty much the exact same thing.

[Howedar]

he ran on the track team and sweated profusely throughout practices, despite never once finishing in the top 5 on any given event.

I smack you now, Ossus. The amount one works in track does not necessarily have anything to do with placing.

[David]

-CHEWS WITH HIS GODDAMN MOUTH OPEN.

That is the most annoying bad habit in the known universe. It's even worse when it's a family member.

[EmperorMing]

To put it another way: this thread makes me feel a lot better about myself.

From your post it seems like you at the very least putting forth effort to improve yourself.

[lux]

-CHEWS WITH HIS GODDAMN MOUTH OPEN.

That is the most annoying bad habit in the known universe. It's even worse when it's a family member.

Both of my brothers do it, every night. I tell them atleast 20 times to chew with their damn mouths closed and they NEVER listen.. I swear they are both beyond stupid.

[Phil Skayhan]

Seriously, I'm 23 (24 in two months) and finishing up my degree at a community college, and I'm going to try to get into a university after that. I still live at home due to school and doing plays(which is expected if you're a theatre major) cutting into my work time. I messed up taking a few years off after high school(I was so eager to enjoy my freedom I was blind to the consequences of not imediately pursuing my education), and am behind on my education, which I compounded by taking my time with the degree. I think I'm past that now, and will do better in the coming months.

Bah! I'm 33 and only started back at college last year (county college also). Besides, not having a college degree is not the sole requisite for being a "loser". That said, I am pissed at myself for wasting so much time basically accomplishing nothing.

Which reminds me, I should call UDel tomorrow about my readmission status as well as nailing down an apartment. Heh, returning to the scene of the crime 15 years later....should be interesting.

[Bug-Eyed Earl]

My ex-husband.

He and his cureent wife were on JennyJones once... "Weird Couples" The Muslim woman living with the "Non-Tolkien Elf"

Anyone who saw that episode would understand why he wins as Biggest Loser.

Wow, somebody who actually went on a Trash TV show ...

I know two people who went on JErry Springer. They were playing parts, if that makes a difference. MY straight friend Doug played a gay stripper named Steve. And he's fat.

[Macross]

I once met a girl who was 20 years old and still in High School.

She was in her sixth year at the school and was failing every subject, meaning she would was probably going to stay back yet again!

[Jim Raynor]

The biggest losers I've ever had the displeasure of knowing are my uncle and grandfather:

1. My uncle is 46 years old, yet he still lives with his father (that same grandfather).

2. My uncle had such crappy grades in high school that he would've flunked out, except that he got his cancer-stricken mother to go and beg the school to let him graduate, using the bogus excuse that he was too busy caring for her instead of studying. He obviously never went to college.

3. Neither one of them has EVER worked a single day in their lives. They both rely on my parents to completely support them both.

4. They both live in the most POS apartment I've ever seen in my life. The truly sad thing about it is that it's entirely their fault. Their tiny, two room apartment is so cluttered with old junk that there's only a two-foot wide path on which they can walk. My grandfather also keeps mounds of old newspapers because he believes people would think he's smart for reading so much (Riiiight). There's also piles of months-old Chinese take out food boxes throughout the apartment. All this crap provides a habitat for the swarms of cockroaches that you can visibly see crawling around.

5. Despite the fact that they only have to pay a piddly $40 rent per month (some kind of law is preventing the landlord from raising the rent for senior citizens from what it was decades ago), and that my grandfather gets foodstamps AND his dead wife's social security, they STILL need my parents to give them weekly allowances of $200 just to make ends meet. This is because gramps blows all his cash going to restaurants, buying more newspapers, or sending it to a brain-damaged crackhead son of his in Hong Kong. My crackhead uncle hasn't been heard from in DECADES, and wasn't found when my father went there to check up on him. It's suspected that he's dead, and that the distant cousin who's supposedly caring for him and receiving all the money is really pocketing it.

6. My uncle has the absolute worst hygiene I've ever seen. He hardly ever washes his face or takes a shower, smells like shit, and is covered with zits.

7. My uncle's either retarded or completely delusional. Despite his age, unkempt appearance, and lack of skills, he still thinks that he's young and "has a lot of time" to get his act together and find a job.

8. Although he's a poor, uneducated, never-employed bum, my grandfather likes to go parade around town, pretending he's all sophisticated. At Chinese restaurants, he likes to write out his own orders, to show off his "superior" handwriting (It looks like shit). He also pretends to be richer than he is, and blows what money he has left over gambling with his "friends," a bunch of suspicious Chinatown gangster types.

9. Try not to laugh too hard on this one. Despite all the crap I mentioned above, the two of them refuse to apply for welfare out of PRIDE, feeling that it is actually "beneath them."

[UltraViolence83]

I must say this is the best thread I've ever seen here!

More losers (I'm surrounded by losers):

-This one kid. The summers between grades 9-12 I worked at a government-funded project called Private Industry Council or PIC. It's for slower and/or impoverished kids to get work. I'm not slow, but I spent my high school years in a "learning disability/difference" class, which I may add was the best classroom and teacher I have ever known. Anyway, my family is quite poor (under 15K a year) and so I got into the program easily. What we did was we worked at our local schools, helping the janitors and cleaning ladies. My last summer there we had this new kid come in. For all of 5 minutes I thought he was normal...

After those 5 minutes, he just started acting weirdly. He would pretend to be strange things, and the such. And he WAS OBSESSED WITH POKEMON. We'd be cleaning the hallways and he'd come up and scream "Pikachu, rag attack!" and throw his cleaning rag at us and then hide for half an hour.

Worse when he actually started school. We all called him the PokeMaster. PokeMaster once made strange noises in study hall. No one paid any attention as he always makes strange noises. After awhile he comes up to the study hall supervising teacher and says he needs to use the restroom. The teacher asks what the strange white substance is on his hands. "Uh...it's glue!" The man smells it, it ain't glue! The sick fuck had cut holes in his pockets so that he could whack off in fucking study hall!

-Kid with the last name of Hopper. Special recognition becuase his birthday is the same day and year as mine. He's a total hick: he rides a bicycle with a FUCKING WAGON ATTACHED TO IT! On the back of the wagon is a rebel flag. Also uses chew. Gets beaten up by everyone because he flips them off if they wave to him. "Hi, Hopper!" "Your mother sucks my balls!"

-This retarded kid who used to shit himself.

-Tall kid whom Hopper disliked and called "Big Bird on crack" because this kid was lanky and blonde. Said kid once fucked a hole in a tree and his mom had to pull him out.

And my old friend Rick. Rick was a compulsive liar. He told me that the unit that was killed in Afghanistan was his Ranger unit! He just got kicked out of boot camp, though. "I don't have any patches or anything because I put them in the coffin with my grandmother. My uncle also put his purple heart in, too." Told another friend that he used to be a cameraman for ESPN. Also fucks girls like 10 years younger than him. He was about 23 at the time his GF was 14-15. Yes, he got into trouble for it.

-Idiot Wiccan girl who also compulsively lied. Tried to kill herself in the school restroom. Numerous scars from failed suicide attempts. She's a walking abortion. Sometimes didn't shave her legs.

[Vympel]

My brother and I were just talking about him today. He made the mistake of saying that he thinks he's in better shape than my brother and accusing my brother of working out strictly for looks rather than real strength (my brother has deadlifted over 500 lbs).

If I have to choose looks over strength, I'll choose looks. Having physical charisma is bound to be more valuable than deadlifting an obscene amount of weight, and if you work out properly, naturally the two go hand in hand.

[Peregrin Toker]

Among my classmates are two twins who I hang out with and can tolerate. I will not name them. One of them is rather sane, the other - on the other hand....

... Occassionally acts so cloying you'd not believe it.
... Sometimes gets so drunk that Barney from "The Simpsons" wouldn't believe it. (This might explain some of the weirder aspects of his personality)
... Almost always wears a jacket indoors during autumn and winter.
... Often gets into fights for no apparent reason.
... Has developed most of his notions about Asia from bad Japanese porn movies.
... Is so misogynistic that if he had a S&M fetish, I'd believe him to be a Gorean fanboy....
... and despite this, he still managed to land a girlfriend! Gah! Later, they broke up. I suppose she heard him speak on the subject of gender politics.

Despite all these of his shortcomings, I do my best to show respect for him. When you look over these aspects of him, he's not that annoying. Just a weirdo, but I wouldn't ostracize him. As I'm a weirdo too, I occassionally pity him.

[Colonel Olrik]

My brother and I were just talking about him today. He made the mistake of saying that he thinks he's in better shape than my brother and accusing my brother of working out strictly for looks rather than real strength (my brother has deadlifted over 500 lbs).

If I have to choose looks over strength, I'll choose looks. Having physical charisma is bound to be more valuable than deadlifting an obscene amount of weight, and if you work out properly, naturally the two go hand in hand.

Yeah, I agree. I'll add that the best way (or only) of ensuring you have a good workout training is to go to a very good gymn and have real good health instructors do the planning for you, and keep you under surveillance. You'll have to pay some extra money, but it is worth it. It's better to do nothing than to "exercise" improperly.

Also, and that's my personal opinion based on my experience, don't consider workout as your sport. Consider it as a strong backup and move your ass at the weekends and start biking, sailing, trekking, escalating, whatever. There's nothing as good to your body and mind than to be out there in the middle of the nature, suffering when needed, and passing an amazing quality time with some of your closest friends.

Ditch your girlfriend for a day, if you need to. Tell her to go shopping with her friends, or something. Unless you're the luckiest sod on Earth (aerius) and are actually successful in making her enjoy and be good at your sport of choice. The plot thickens if you have wife and kids, but you must be able to take at least half a day at weekends.