[Fiction] The Truth Comes Knocking....

Lord Poe · Post by **Lord Poe** » 2002-09-18 01:40am

203 N. 39th St.
Hattiesburg, Mississippi, 10:55pm.

The black van slowed to a stop in front of the apartment house. Its leaf springs groaned with relief as its occupants exited the vehicle, and stood in front of it. Three black clad men stared up at the target apartment, each of them holding an instrument of destruction. As if by unseen signal, the trio suddenly started toward the building, purposeful strides a testament to their awful intent.

The pounding on his apartment door was wholly unexpected, making him spill most of the Fruit Loops all over the computer keyboard in front of him, where the sugary milk intermingled with other, less palatable stains. DarkStar stared at the closed door to his apartment, wondering who it could possibly be. He hadn't had money for takeout for months.

Shakily, DarkStar saved the document he was typing on his computer, then stood from his milkcrate he was sitting on, and approached the door.

"Who is it?" he asked.

His answer came in the form of splintering wood, as his door disintegrated in front of him. DarkStar flung his arms in front of his face, as he was thrown to the potato sack covered floor. When he looked up to where the door was, he saw three men filling the doorway. The looks on their faces left no doubt in his mind that they were delivering nothing but torment.

One of the men stepped forward. He was heavyset, and carried a black aluminum baseball bat.

"Are you...DarkStar?"

"Who...who wants to know...?"

The bat whistled in the air, striking DarkStar directly on his bald pate. He spun, was thrown into a pile of clothes, where he screamed as he held his head in his hands.

"WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK?"

The heavyset man walked over to DarkStar, and crouched in front of him.

"I'm only gonna ask you this once more," the man said, a heavy New York accent peppering his words. "Are you DarkStar?"

"Y-YES!" DarkStar screamed.

The man stood, smiled, and offered a hand to help DarkStar to his feet. Reflexively, DarkStar took it, and was hoisted to his feet. He began to ask a question, when once again the bat swung again, slamming into his left kneecap. DarkStar screamed, slammed to the floor, holding his shattered knee as he writhed in incredible pain. Quickly, he looked to see what the man was about to do next. What he saw was the man's back as he stood near DarkStar's computer, studying the screen. The two other men walked into the room at that point, walked toward him, staring at him.

Shakily, DarkStar clapped his hands, and the room was illuminated with a sickly yellowish glow from the single lightbulb hanging from the low ceiling. The men stopped advancing. And simply stared at their victim. With a thrill of fear, DarkStar recognized his late night (or was it morning?) visitors.

"I know you, ALL of you!" he whined. He pointed to the man with the bat. "You, you're...Dalton!"

Dalton simply stared at the pathetic excuse for a man. The other men surrounded the human pile of shit, as he named them.

"Wong! What are you doing here? And....oh no....Poe? Is that..."

The huge man named Poe backhanded DarkStar full in the mouth, sending him crashing through piled trash in a corner. The man named Wong picked up one of many thick document lying near the computer. After a cursory examination, he flipped through the pages, his eyebrows arching in realization.

"He really CAN'T afford a TV. These are screencaps of the StarWars movies he's printed from the internet and made into a flip-book."

"So that's why he's so completely wrong about the facts of the films," Dalton observed.

DarkStar began to protest, but Poe suddenly grabbed him by what little hair he had and pulled him to a standing position. Poe stood directly in front of him, staring him down. He spoke in a quiet, menacing whisper.

"The canon policy, as is properly understood and implemented by everyone with a functioning brain, is that the movies, scripts novelizations, and radio plays are canon. The EU materials are officially accepted Star Wars fact, where the do not contradict the canon."

"I beg to differ," DarkStar said. "The proper..."

He never finished his sentence, as Poe interrupted his spiel by grabbing the back of his head and slamming his face into the computer desk. Poe then grabbed DarkStar again, and slammed his face even harder into the drywall of DarkStar's apartment.

"NO! GOD IN HEAVEN STOP!!" DarkStar pleaded through broken teeth and busted lips, as Poe stood in front of him once again.

Poe stared at DarkStar, willing the whiny little bastard to be quiet. When he was satisfied, he spoke once again.

"The canon policy, as is properly understood and implemented by everyone with a functioning brain, is that the movies, scripts novelizations, and radio plays are canon. The EU materials are officially accepted Star Wars fact, where the do not contradict the canon."

DarkStar stared into the eyes of Poe, seeing the deadly evil menace behind them.

"Yes, yes..I agree." He cried.

Satisfied, Poe turned as if to go. DarkStar breathed a sigh of relief. Suddenly Poe spun around, a ham sized palm slamming into DarkStar's face. DarkStar screamed, then turned to Poe again. Poe stared at DarkStar once more, daring him to retaliate. When none came, Poe backhanded the pathetic bastard again, watching DarkStar scream like David Spade on helium. He faced DarkStar once more, and waited. Goading him to take a swing. When none came, Poe spat in DarkStar's face, then stood his ground, stared again. Nothing. Disgusted, Poe turned and walked away.

As he did, the man called Wong walked over, and stood over the shaking excuse for a man.

"The Death Star," Wong began, "Has the ability to destroy a planet......"

"Through a special chain reaction, which we see when it fires on the unshielded surface of Alder.."

Wong walked over to DarkStar's computer, and ripped the keyboard from the tower. He advanced on DarkStar, who back away, limping toward the back wall of his apartment. Wong swung the keyboard, connecting with DarkStar's already ruined face, then proceeded to beat the cowering, screaming man with it until only a few pieces of the keyboard were left.

Dalton walked over and pounded to bat into DarkStar's ribs. Poe came over to deliver a few well placed devastating kicks.

"PLEASE! PLEASE STOOOP!" DarkStar screamed again.

Poe and Dalton withdrew slowly, and walked toward the front door. Wong crouched near the fallen asshole. DarkStar stated into the eyes of his superior.

"The Death Star," Wong began.....

Post by **Dalton** » 2002-09-18 02:16am

*giggle* Hilarious...fixed the formatting for you too.

Post by **NecronLord** » 2002-09-19 05:21am

ROTFLMAO

Falkenhorst · Post by **Falkenhorst** » 2002-09-21 10:41am

Kool, HHEHEH, give Darkass what he deserves!

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2002-09-21 03:24pm

Funny

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2002-09-21 05:53pm

If only this were actually true....

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2002-09-21 07:09pm

I'll bet he would still say you guys were wrong.

And most of those weapons wouldn't get through his skull.

Sothis · Post by **Sothis** » 2002-09-22 02:56pm

Reminds me of when Picard was being tortured...

'How many lights?'
'Four'
'No, there are five'

Translated into:

'How many gigatons'?
'None?'
'No, 200' (thwap)'

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2002-09-22 03:09pm

Post by **NecronLord** » 2002-09-25 06:50am

Every time I read this I practically fall of my chair laughing

Falkenhorst · Post by **Falkenhorst** » 2002-09-26 02:18am

we should find Darkstar, chloroform him, and mail him to IRAQ with a sign pasted to the crate saying how the guy inside is a pilot responsible for bombing loads of Iraqi civilians. I bet Saddam WHO-SAIN would know what to do with him.

Post by **Kuja** » 2002-10-05 01:55pm

OMFG, that's funny!