Dumped...

Post by **haas mark** » 2003-07-28 10:54am

[suddenly realizes he's been single for nearly a year]

~ver

Post by **Edi** » 2003-07-28 10:55am

I'm sorry. IP.

Edi

Illuminatus Primus · Post by **Illuminatus Primus** » 2003-07-28 10:55am

verilon wrote:[suddenly realizes he's been single for nearly a year]

~ver

*shrug*

I don't hop from one to another.

This relationship was seperated from its predecessor by 15 months. I thought this was really something, but I guess you never really know.

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-07-28 11:03am

While we're sharing sob stories - this was my first real relationship.

I'd lost my virginity 2 years earlier at a party, I'd had two long lasting but not serious boyfriends in High School (obviously they were at a nearby Grammar School).

Post by **haas mark** » 2003-07-28 11:06am

Illuminatus Primus wrote:
verilon wrote:[suddenly realizes he's been single for nearly a year]

~ver
*shrug*

I don't hop from one to another.

This relationship was seperated from its predecessor by 15 months. I thought this was really something, but I guess you never really know.

Well, thing is, I get really codependent.. And that's something that's really hard for me, because I get easily emotionally attatched (though I think I have fixed that), and then when I do get attatched, it stays with me. I remember everything about the relationship. And what's more is that the last one was only a semmi-relationship, and the one before that ended April of last year.

There's not much to me in relationships, but I really feel the need for them and the want for one, but it's just not something that's easy for me to pursue.

~ver

Illuminatus Primus · Post by **Illuminatus Primus** » 2003-07-28 08:45pm

Update: She just called me. Not even 20 hours after she dumps me, to check on me. But that was just filler. She asks if "we're still cool" and if I'd be "more than friends" since she "doesn't want to be just one guy's boyfriend."

I can't believe she'd be asking me to be her screw-buddy (I cannot possibly think of what else she could mean, and believe me, I tried) already?

I feel violated. Why would she be so selfish?

I can't believe this shit...

kojikun · Post by **kojikun** » 2003-07-28 08:57pm

since she "doesn't want to be just one guy's boyfriend."

Really now? ..

I feel your pain. I've not even had real boyfriends but have had some net
ones and breaking up with them always sucks :\

Post by **haas mark** » 2003-07-28 08:58pm

I'd stay away from the fuck-buddy option, if I were you. I've seen too many of my friends offline get hurt by that situation.

~ver

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2003-07-28 08:59pm

StarshipTitanic wrote: What's the last sentence mean?

[slaps Titanic]

It means that he's sorry that their relationship ended, as it clearly meant a lot to him, and he's thanking her for the memories and for all the nice things that they've had a chance to do together.

otter · Post by **otter** » 2003-07-28 09:16pm

Illuminatus Primus wrote:Update: She just called me. Not even 20 hours after she dumps me, to check on me. But that was just filler. She asks if "we're still cool" and if I'd be "more than friends" since she "doesn't want to be just one guy's boyfriend."

I can't believe she'd be asking me to be her screw-buddy (I cannot possibly think of what else she could mean, and believe me, I tried) already?

I feel violated. Why would she be so selfish?

I can't believe this shit...

I feel for ya but hey, nothing wrong with being somebody's booty call

Wait till your in your thirties with these types of problems....then you'll have reason for concern.

Post by **haas mark** » 2003-07-28 09:16pm

[bites the n00b] Welcome to SD.Net, enjoy your stay!

~ver

Mark S · Post by **Mark S** » 2003-07-28 09:19pm

Man that's tough. And the 'are we cool' thing too. I don't think you should go down that road. Sounds like you really care for her though. Hopefully she'll be back. Almost the same thing happened to me that Darth Wong described when my wife and I were dating.

Demiurge · Post by **Demiurge** » 2003-07-28 09:26pm

That is unfortunate. It would be preferable that this event had not occured. Wouldn't mind the fuck buddy option myself, though.

Illuminatus Primus · Post by **Illuminatus Primus** » 2003-07-28 09:28pm

Demiurge wrote:That is unfortunate. It would be preferable that this event had not occured. Wouldn't mind the fuck buddy option myself, though.

Dignity? I was her boyfriend. God she meant a lot, and now, less than a day after, she wants me to be around to keep her happy while she traffics about from guy to guy? Are my feelings worth two shits?

otter · Post by **otter** » 2003-07-28 09:29pm

verilon wrote:[bites the n00b] Welcome to SD.Net, enjoy your stay!

~ver

2 days for somebody to notice. Lot of slackers here

Guess biting isn't as bad as "poking"

Anyways...back to the subject at hand.............

YT300000 · Post by **YT300000** » 2003-07-28 09:29pm

Illuminatus Primus wrote:Update: She just called me. Not even 20 hours after she dumps me, to check on me. But that was just filler. She asks if "we're still cool" and if I'd be "more than friends" since she "doesn't want to be just one guy's boyfriend."

I can't believe she'd be asking me to be her screw-buddy (I cannot possibly think of what else she could mean, and believe me, I tried) already?

I feel violated. Why would she be so selfish?

I can't believe this shit...

That's sad. While I have no experience with this sort of thing, I recommend this:

unless something major changes, keep her at arms length.

You can feel better by doing a lot of something you like, and getting your mind off of her. Like a Halo binge.

Demiurge · Post by **Demiurge** » 2003-07-28 09:35pm

Illuminatus Primus wrote:
Demiurge wrote:That is unfortunate. It would be preferable that this event had not occured. Wouldn't mind the fuck buddy option myself, though.
Dignity? I was her boyfriend. God she meant a lot, and now, less than a day after, she wants me to be around to keep her happy while she traffics about from guy to guy? Are my feelings worth two shits?

Oh man, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to sound like that. I was talking about my own life. I'm sorry.

Post by **haas mark** » 2003-07-29 12:03am

otter wrote:
verilon wrote:[bites the n00b] Welcome to SD.Net, enjoy your stay!

~ver

2 days for somebody to notice. Lot of slackers here

Guess biting isn't as bad as "poking"

Anyways...back to the subject at hand.............

Err... worse, actually.

Anywho, I agree. Where is there any sense of dignity in being a fuck buddy? But then, where is the dignity of HAVING one? Like I said, I would avoid that route; I've seen too many friends get fucked over by going that way.

~ver

Macross · Post by **Macross** » 2003-07-29 03:18am

Illuminatus Primus wrote:Update: She just called me. Not even 20 hours after she dumps me, to check on me. But that was just filler. She asks if "we're still cool" and if I'd be "more than friends" since she "doesn't want to be just one guy's boyfriend."

I can't believe she'd be asking me to be her screw-buddy (I cannot possibly think of what else she could mean, and believe me, I tried) already?

I feel violated. Why would she be so selfish?

I can't believe this shit...

Now its time for you to "dump" her.

She cant toy with you and your emotions like that. Make a stand! Give her an ultimatum. Either its all of you, or none of you. If you can work things out, great! Otherswise dump her and DONT look back.

BTW how old is she?

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-07-29 03:51am

"screw buddies" is your term for "friends who shag" right? Nothing less?

Not a good idea for you, IP, as you obviously feel the wrong way about her for it to work.

Having said that, it can work under certain situations, and can develop.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2003-07-29 03:54am

fuckbuddies is word for it out here.

can be fun if youve just met.

Ive found it a *very* bad idea with an ex.

Howedar · Post by **Howedar** » 2003-07-29 04:14am

Well I'd tell her to go to hell, but I'm not exactly one who should be listened to on relationship advice.

You have my condolences.

Publius · Post by **Publius** » 2003-07-30 01:06am

It would probably be best to avoid the type of relationship which she proposes to have with you, as it would likely only succeed in prolonging your own emotional attachment to her, without reciprocation on her part. Personally speaking, it appears as though the young lady in question suffers from a lack of prudence and of sensitivity; she does not seem to grasp fully how deeply you care for her.

The end of a relationship is a painful thing, for man is by nature a social animal. Some relationships are by nature more precious than others, and to lose them hurts in ways that words cannot describe. But to dwell on the pain and longing is often self-perpetuating; one can easily remain in another's thrall for years after the fact. It is better, perhaps, simply to remember the happiness that you had together with her.

But advice is inevitably coloured by the perspective of the adviser. Truly, only you can judge best what course of action you ought to pursue. There is little more to say than that we, your friends, understand your pain, and that you need not suffer alone.

Publius

SpacedTeddyBear · Post by **SpacedTeddyBear** » 2003-07-30 01:32am

Sorry about your loss IP, but if she really cared about you as much as you did her, she should have known that asking you to be her 'screw-buddy' on the side is totally out of line.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-07-30 01:44am

No good can come out of this relationship as it currently stands. She appears to be interested in keeping you around as an emergency backup boyfriend; convenient for her, but shitty for you.

If this is an indicator of her potential future behaviour as a long-term partner, then as callous as this may sound, you're probably better off cutting ties and getting over her.

In fact, while this may be hasty given that we've only seen snippets of what's really going on, I might even suggest a total communications blackout, ie- do not talk to her at all. She has made the choice to kill the relationship, she must understand that you can't have your cake and eat it too. Personally, I would be leery of even remaining friends with someone who behaves in such a fashion, although this move could be complicated if you have mutual friends.